Decision time The first day I started hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in 1999, someone told me that the trail had ruined them. At the time, I thought it was a cute thing to say. It didn't occur to me as a warning, I didn't realize that I was walking the same path. I've often told people that the hardest part of hiking any long trail was taking that first step. I later found out, that the second hardest part was the last step. It was hard to finish the PCT. I remember walking down the forest road in Manning Park, none of it felt real. The border of Mexico, the struggles and joy along the way, the road I was walking on... The trail had become my reality, my routine, and by that it had ceased to be something I could point to from a distance with awe and wonder, the spectacular had become normal. I took it for granted, and it didn't seem so special. But, I was smart enough to realize what was going on, that the trail was indeed special. The thought of "no more trail" made me feel sad at best, frightened at worst. I knew that nothing lasted forever, but it all seemed way too brief. I spent the next year in somewhat of a PCT-induced daze. The hike came up a lot in my everyday conversations. I started to worry that it would consume the rest of my identity. I imagined people referring to me... "oh, you mean that guy who hiked... blah blah blah" I tried to make a conscious effort to avoid discussing it, but my efforts were often thwarted. In so many everyday experiences, I could draw parallels from the trail. "It's like on the PCT...", I'd try to stop myself, but it was difficult. I realized that we all drew on, and were defined by our life experiences. I just had the position, either fortunate or unfortunate, of having the bulk of mine bundled up in a 51/2 month whirlwind of craziness. Everything else I'd done in my life was dwarfed. School, work, family, friends... I felt lopsided. I loved hiking, there was no doubt about it. I found that no matter how directionless or melancholy I felt, a good hike provided a temporary cure. My day hikes became little injections of morphine, I couldn't get enough. I met a number of people who had also hiked the PCT, or were in the process of hiking it, and saw familiar stories behind their eyes. With them, it felt OK to openly express love for that thing that was so removed from the everyday experience. The trail was a secret refuge. Still, I felt stuck. I wondered if I would forever be a slave to "the good old days". I came up with a solution to all that was only one solution - "surrender to the flow". Perhaps I could give the PCT some competition for control of my life - water it down a bit. Luckily, there was another long trail in the US - longer, wilder, lonelier... On the PCT, hikers talked about it in tones of dreaminess. "I hear it isn't really done yet". "I hear that a lot of people bomb-off (don't finish)" "I hear it's easy to get lost"... All those red flags looked green to me. But perhaps my biggest motivation was the fear of not doing it - the fear that I'd forever have to clench my teeth in the pain and regret of the path not taken. I HAD to hike the Continental Divide Trail. Border of Canada to East Glacier I made a final decision to hike the CDT about 4 months before I started. Two friends I’d met on the PCT were already planning the same trip, so it was a simple matter of adding my name to the list. Life intervened though, and with about 4 weeks to go, both my friends had to change their plans. I did care, but then again I didn't. I was going anyway. I was going if I was the only person I'd see for the length of the trail, I was going no matter what the trail conditions were. I knew I needed a good deal of determination to complete the CDT and I had plenty of it. Luckily, the snowpack in the northern rockies was only about 60%-70% of normal. That, coupled with a warm sunny spring, meant 2001 would be an ideal year to hike the trail North to South. I did want to start with some hiking companions. It would be a lot easier to trek off into the unknown with some company... at least at the start. Plus, I was sure that I'd overlooked some things in my planning, and would benefit from some second opinions. Then... there were grizzly bears. I figured in a group of three, my chances of being mauled or eaten were reduced by 66%. The actual evidence of bear attacks didn't support that hypothesis, but it made me feel better... It couldn't hurt anyway. I arrived in the town of East Glacier on June 10 with a new backpack, an open mind and a shaved head. I was hoping to find someone... anyone who had made the same plans as me. Almost anyone starting a CDT thru-hike would have to pass through East Glacier, and they'd stick out like an American in Japan. East Glacier was a small tourist town, just emerging from hibernation. The winters in East Glacier were long and harsh, the summers brief and glorious. I had arrived in limbo season. It was cold and drizzling. "The bad weather lasts for three days at a time, this time of year", one of the locals told me, "this is day one". I was still determined to go hiking... even if it wasn't along the CDT. I headed up the eastern slopes of the mountains in Glacier National Park, which start abruptly just west of East Glacier. It was so windy I could barely stand. I called out and sang, trying to give the bears some warning of my approach, but it was silly. The noise of the wind overpowered my tiny voice. I spent the night back at the local hostel, windblown, tired and alone. I didn't see anyone with a backpack, much less the perma-grin of a thruhiker ready to hit the trail. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was in no hurry to start the CDT. I knew that at least a couple people (who I'd met through the internet), were starting their hike in a few more days. If nobody else showed up, I could wait for them. Also, the weather was supposed to get worse before it got better - no point in starting the hike in misery. I went for another day-hike into the outskirts of Glacier National Park. A woman who was staying at my hostel joined me. It was nice to talk to someone, and because of the threat of surprising grizzlies, I had an excuse to talk incessantly and loudly all day. It was a nice day, and I was getting a feel for these mountains. They were the mountains of the prairie, the first bumps to interrupt a thousand miles of flatness to the east. Up the mountain sides, the life zones were compressed into little horizontal bands. The grassland gave way to forest at 4500 feet, and the forest gave way to the weather at 6000. Above 6000 feet, the hillsides were covered with progressively smaller flora, ending in rocky frozen tundra and steep naked peaks 8000-9000ft high. Glaciers still clung to the higher elevations and north facing slopes, vestiges of the giant sheets of ice that had carved out all the U-shaped valleys below. The landscape was foreboding and inviting all at once. It was a book, daring to be read. That evening, I was having dinner at the Mexican restaurant (easily the best eatery in town), when I heard an unmistakable comment coming from a couple tables over. "blah, blah, blah, Gila...". That one word told me there were a couple of CDT hikers who'd just been in New Mexico, and were now trying their luck at the north end of the trail. The hikers were a couple of 20-something guys, nearly beaten. They'd been hiking in Glacier for the last few days. Every day they'd been on the trail, in New Mexico and now in Glacier, something had gone wrong. Every day in Glacier they'd had snow, sleet or rain. They told me a story about losing the trail in a waist-deep wetland. They had 60 pound packs. They had crampons. They thought knew it all. They hadn't met any other CDT hikers, and had never hiked a long trail. I wanted to give them advice and encouragement, but they looked at me like I was from mars... how could I possibly help THEM? I hadn't hiked any of the CDT yet, what did I know? So, I nodded my head and listened to their tale of woe. They hadn't learned the most important lesson - if you're having a miserable time, change what you're doing or at least change how you're doing it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- By noon the next day, heavy rain had turned to a thick wet snow. The season was going backwards, what had happened to summer? I felt nervous, thinking I was doomed to some kind of curse that would last the entire season. The winter had been mild, the law of averages seemed to be working its magic against me now. The two hikers I'd met the previous evening were back on the trail somewhere in Glacier, no doubt having a miserable time. I spent the day mulling about town. I talked to a couple european tourists who assumed Glacier was always so dreary. I also read a book "Bear Attacks: Their Causes and Avoidance", which both gave me confidence and freaked me out. The previous night, a grizzly had destroyed some garbage bins behind the hostel where I was staying. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next day, the weather improved somewhat. I decided to take one more day-hike... that time, along the CDT (which is routed right through the town of East Glacier) south of town. The trail headed off into the woods behind a golf course. One of the workers at the fancy lodge showed me the way. "This is it", he said, pointing to a non-descript forest. The only thing that indicated a trail was a piece of metal nailed to one tree about 8ft. off the ground. I chuckled to myself... it was the CDT I'd heard of - obscure at best. As I started off through the woods, the path became a little more distinct. A startled herd of cows scampered off into the underbrush as they heard me approach. I slogged through mud, and walked along an old forest road. The forest canopy seemed endless. Nobody hiked the trail. It didn't really go anywhere interesting... except to Mexico. I hadn't even started my "real" hike, and I'd already tired of singing songs to ward off bears. After 4 or 5 miles, I turned around and headed back. I had decided to bring one piece of "dead weight" with me on the hike. I had a strumstick - a slender 3-stringed instrument that was played like a mountain dulcimer, sounded like a banjo, and looked like neither. I couldn't play anything too complicated with the strumstick, but it was a nice distraction, and had an infectious sound. While I did some laundry in town, a little girl came over and made up words to my improvised melodies. A little while later, the strumstick broke the ice with some RV'ers who'd parked nearby (they were headed from Kansas to Alaska). The strumstick was well worth the pound it weighed. My mystery internet hiking buddies were due to arrive that evening on the train. I decided to kill some time at the local bar. The bar was about what I'd expected - small and populated by a bunch of afternoon drunks. A sign on the wall listed those banned from the bar. I counted 79 names. East Glacier had a population 250. "I guess that's why nobody's here", the bartender commented. George Thorogood's cover of "one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer" played incessantly on the juke box. I could only stand one beer. I headed over to the other, cheaper hostel, behind the Mexican restaurant. The two hikers who I'd met a couple nights ago were there. They'd spent the last couple days on the trail, and were now about ready to quit altogether. With them were three new arrivals. These three had also hiked the CDT through New Mexico, then flipped up to the north end due to a combination of heavy snowpack in southern Colorado, and concern about the dryness up north (predictions were for a bad fire season in Montana in late summer - exactly when northbound hikers would be passing through). One of them, Drew, had hiked the PCT the prior year, and the AT (Appalachian Trail), the year before that. The CDT would be his third long trail in as many years. The other two hadn't hiked any of the long US trails, but were seasoned if by nothing other than their experiences in New Mexico. John was from Idaho, and Mario was from Holland. The area around the hostel was soon swimming in stories from the CDT and beyond. A lone non-hiking Aussie, who was also staying at the hostel, of course thought we were all completely nuts. A little while later, my mystery hikers arrived. Sharon had hiked the AT among other things, Kevin had hiked the AT 3 times, and the PCT once. It was a hiker convention... or hiker zoo, take your pick. I introduced myself to Kevin and Sharon and we decided to head together out the next morning. The weather looked good, and Kevin had arranged a ride to the trailhead. I didn't sleep much that night. I couldn't shut off my mind. There was too much to think about, too much to talk about, too much to imagine. I felt I was in the hold of a ship bound for a new world, a blank space on a map where the dragons be. I wanted to see a dragon more than anything. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I didn't really need sleep anyway, I had enough energy to stay awake for a week (or so I felt). It was a good 60 miles up to the trailhead from East Glacier. Along the way, we stopped to register with the National Park Service. Glacier NP required all backpackers to stay at designated campsites scattered throughout the park (as did most National Parks). Reservations were required. Among other things, it reduced human impact on the land, and helped avoid habituation of the local grizzly population. When we laid out our itinerary for the well-meaning lady at the desk, she looked concerned. "Nobody's been back there yet", she warned, "Are you sure you can cover 15 miles in a day? that's a really long way". Between the three of us, we'd hiked over 13,000 miles, but there was no point in being snobby. "We'll be OK", we responded. We got permits with the words "itinerary not recommended" stamped on top. A short while later, we were at the border. The official CDT route through Glacier NP starts at the head of the Belly River, where the road crosses the US/Canada border. Just about any hike through Glacier NP would be memorable, but all three of us wanted to take the most scenic route possible... which wasn't necessarily the "official" CDT. Kevin had come up with a plan - we'd start at Belly River, then hike over Stoney Indian Pass and pick up the Highline trail south from there. After a couple photos at the border, we hit the trail. Before I had time to contemplate it, I'd started what would turn out to be 5 months of continuous walking. The weather was a bit clearer that day, but the tops of the mountains were still covered in clouds. A couple miles into the hike, we were treated to our first spectacular scene. A giant meadow of dandelions stretched out toward a couple mammoth mountains. It was a dramatic and appropriate, "hello, welcome to the CDT". As we traveled further down the Belly River, the clouds got thicker. We took a break and it started to drizzle. Kevin set up his huge tarp and we huddled under it. I had a thousand little concerns racing through my head - How deep was the snow? Would we be able to get over the passes? What if the weather stayed bad? Would I lose my determination to continue hiking? What if my equipment broke down? etc... I had no choice but to put these aside and live in the moment. All that mattered were the things I had direct control over. Fate would decide everything else. The rain became intermittent as we continued deeper into the mountains of Glacier. I had a chance to try out my rain poncho. I had made the poncho a couple months before the hike, but hadn't had a lot of opportunities to try it out. I just hoped that it'd work. I had figured out a way to lash it around my body so it didn't blow in the wind so much. It was a little difficult to take on and off, but it seemed to be keeping me dry - one less thing to worry about. Soon we were passing through old forests along ancient lakes. The low clouds made the scene intimate. I spotted my first sign of bear - a black bear print & some wet green bear poop with fur in it - some poor critter had met its end in the belly of a bear. We passed by a couple young women carrying heavy hand tools - pulaskis and shovels (a pulaski is one part axe and one part digging hoe, named for a fire fighter who came up with the design). They were working for the park, and were clearing trees that had blown down over the trail. By the looks on their faces, I could tell they were living a dream in a place where doing so was easy. I wanted to tell them everything I was thinking, everything I was planning to do. But I had my own "don't ask, don't tell" policy. If people didn't ask me where I was headed or what I was doing, I didn't talk about it. It was my own way of tempering my annoying urge to blabber about the trip. The women hadn't been up Stoney Indian Pass, and didn't know how much snow was up there. They continued their walk, in the opposite direction. In the early evening, we arrived at our campsite along the shore of Glenn's Lake. All the designated campsites in Glacier had the same setup: First, there was a food preparation area with a fire pit. Then, about 20 yards away, there was a place to hang food - a steel cable strung about 15 feet above the ground. 20 yards in another direction was a pit toilet, and scattered here and there were 3-4 tent sites. It was a remarkably organized system... almost too organized. But, it was one of the most popular national parks in the country, I couldn't think of any better way one could manage the throngs that would be arriving in a month or so. For the time being though, we had the park to ourselves. We didn't see another person for two more days. As the light of the day grew dim, I sat on the edge of the lake and thought about where I was. The clouds occasionally lifted to show a vertical wall on the other side - the base of a giant pointed peak that kept watch from a thousand feet above - Pyramid Peak. Somewhere in the middle of the misty lake, a loon called out, a perfect accompaniment to the stillness of the water. Back in the forest, the call of Swainson's thrushes echoed like ethereal water whistles. As darkness took over, the only sounds left were a gentle breeze and the light patter of raindrops on my tarp. I smiled as I sunk into my down sleeping bag. I didn't need angels, I was already in heaven. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, I was eager to get over Stoney Indian Pass. The pass was almost 7000ft, and would be a good indicator of the snowpack ahead. I shot out in front, singing to the mountains and bears. I came to a clump of fallen trees that had yet to be cleared from the trail. A chaos of wet branches and trunks blocked the way. On some other day, it would have been a headache, but I was almost happy to work my way through the mess. It was like a natural gate that made the trail more mine. The trail then cut up a hillside, switching back and forth parallel to a roaring waterfall. The landscape was a lush soggy green. I looked up just in time to see a large sandy-colored bear staring back at me. The bear was standing on the trail, on its way down from the pass. It had just rounded a blind corner about 75 yards ahead. I wanted to do... something, but I knew that the best thing was to just stand there and evaluate the situation - same as the bear was doing. I'd read that one shouldn't stare at a bear, as that might provoke it. That was impossible. I was alone with the bear. My hiking companions were at least 15 minutes behind. I clutched my little can of pepper spray, a puny item of last resort. I wasn't sure how long we stared each other down, 10 seconds? 30? But, before I had time to consider making a move, the bear did an about face and ran back around the corner. Relieved, I sat down and waited for my companions to catch up. I couldn't help but think of my lucky timing - if I'd left camp a minute earlier... if any number of things had happened, I would have found myself face to face with the bear at the corner. While I was waiting, a movement on the other side of the stream caught my eye. A Black bear was running away, up the mountain. A little cub trailed behind, likely terrified of whatever hidden danger had startled its mom. They had already seen me, and didn't consider the huge waterfall enough of a barrier. I'd never seen any animal, any thing, climb up a hill so fast. By the time Sharon caught up to me, the black bears were a couple of specks high on the mountain, still climbing into the mist. After Kevin arrived, the three of us proceeded cautiously around the corner where I'd seen the first bear. The only evidence of the bear was an occasional paw print. It appeared to be a grizzly, but it was hard to tell. Black bears were often colored similar to grizzlies and the two could be difficult to tell apart. One of the best ways was by looking at the space between the top of the paw print, and the mark left by the claws. More than a couple inches, and it was probably a grizzly. The space on these prints was about 2-3 inches. The only problem was determining which bear had left which print. There were bears galore. We didn't see the bear again though, and it was one mystery I was happy not to solve. As we climbed higher, the snow on the trail became more frequent. But, it wasn't getting thick. By the time we reached 6000 feet, there was enough snow to hide the trail, but not too much to make hiking difficult. We followed a set of fresh prints, left by a bear headed in the opposite direction (possibly the same one I'd seen) - down from the pass. We reached the top of the pass without much difficulty. 1 to 2 feet of solid snow covered the ground. Kevin and I looked at each other, grinning. We'd both hiked the PCT in 1999 and knew from that experience how a heavy snowpack could change things. It could make an easy trail frustrating and slow and it could make a difficult trail dangerous or impossible. The light snowpack was a blessing, it made the trail easy to love. After a long break at a lake on the other side of the pass, we headed down toward the Waterton River, in the heart of Glacier. Everything was a lush deep green in the indirect light from the grey skies. Occasionally, the clouds moved aside and let the sun peek through, igniting the hillsides. It looked the way one imagines the best of the earth looks, a realization of a child's dream of the mountains. I looked around, alone... "Why isn't everyone out here?", a quote from a friend who... wasn't there. Why isn't everyone everywhere all the time? If it was ever possible I would be, I would be a god, watching everything with amazement - the slow progression of the natural order. The trail followed the course of the river a bit, then cut up a hillside covered in a thick ordered mess of green and rusty brown bushes. The bushes were over our head, impenetrable. Without the trail, progress would have been impossible. Bam! The sun blasted a hillside across the valley, a hillside just like ours... sans trail. The sun faded quickly and quietly, the rain came, the rain went... I had trouble deciding just when to go through the effort of donning my poncho. Somewhere along the way, I got distracted and lost my hat. I looked ahead, and there he was again - ursus rounding the corner ahead of me. He was headed the same direction I was headed, about 30 yards ahead. I saw its big brown rump of raw wildness ramble around a corner, out of sight. Kevin quickly caught up. He saw the bear peeking back at us. We cautiously and loudly rounded the corner - no bear. It had melted into the bush, we couldn't see 2 feet into the tangle, much less think of moving through it. The bear lived on a different scale - it probably weighed 600 pounds or more - the bushes were nothing. Our trail rose higher, and the bushes faded out. We came to a high snow covered plateau - an unbroken sheet of whiteness. To our left, the snow rose into the clouds, to our right it dropped into a sea of evergreen. The trail was nowhere in sight, but we knew where had to go - we could see landmarks for miles, and had good topographic maps. Somewhere in the whiteness, we were supposed to find our designated campsite. We came near the place where the camp was supposed to be... we thought. Nothing. We could camp nearby, but we figured if we were going to 'wing it', why not put in a few more miles? It was still early in the afternoon, we had a whole day to kill. The warnings of the park ranger, "I don't know, it's really tough..." were laughable. The rain had given way to snow - showers came and passed. Clouds whizzed by our heads, sometimes the sun broke through for an instant, no more. We ambled over snowy boulders and shrubs, eventually hitting the trail where it was lower and uncovered. There was no place flat to spend the night. As it got later and darker, we got tired and hungry. We finally descended to a deep green valley below, far off the trail. It was lush, open and level. As we looked for spots to pitch our tarps, a cold steady rain drenched and chilled us. I put up my soggy tarp and sat under it, wet and tired - staring at the mosquito mesh for an hour as darkness came. The rain broke just long enough for a quick meal outside, then it was time to rest & hope tomorrow would be kind. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Everything wet (which was... everything) froze in the night. But, the morning brought clear skies. The sun was taking over, and slowly, it marched down our shaded mountain valley. I shivered as the heat got closer - 100 yards, 50 yards... I couldn't wait, and ran into the light. I stood on a rock and basked like a lizard. We spent the next few hours drying our possessions in the ever-warming sun. Glacier was alive in the sun. The trail continued its mountainside traverse above the trees, snowy peaks rose from our feet to the horizon, and all places in-between. Giant waterfalls, hundreds of feet high, poured off moutainsides miles away - vertical white lines interrupting the green and grey carpet. We quickly arrived at the Ahern Drift. "The Drift", we had been warned, was one thing that could put a crimp on our blissful little romp through Glacier. The Drift was formed by snow that slid off a high north-facing slope. At the bottom, it formed an enormous pile of ice that rarely, if ever, melted. The trail was routed straight across it. There wasn't a good way to go around the drift either - it would mean miles of steep boulders and thick virgin forest. During the height of the summer, the park service actually shoveled out a path through the drift, but we were there before anyone that year, the drift was solid and untouched. We started across, at first able to sink our feet into the soft snow, then able to kick steps with a little more effort. As the slope got steep and icy, we had to chop steps with our ice-axes - chop out a level footprint, move your foot, chop out another, and so on... all the time keeping a good sense of balance and awareness. A slip would mean a steep slide down to some boulders hundreds of feet below. An ice axe might be able to brake a fall, but it was better not to fall in the first place. The last 15 yards of the drift were the stiffest and steepest - about a 60 degree slope. Then, we made it to solid ground. Looking back, we thought, that's it? Sure the drift was a little challenging, and we did need our ice axes, but, it didn't live up to the hype. As with so many things, the challenge was relative - compared to a walk to the K-mart, impossible - in the scope of a 2800 mile hike, it was a side-note. The trail and views continued. We arrived at our next designated camp site by 2pm. We weren't about to just sit around all day. It was only 7.8 miles further to the Swiftcurrent campground near Many Glacier Lodge, and most of that was downhill. We voted to head for the lodge - clouds had been steadily building, and we didn't want to spend a second straight night on an exposed mountainside. Pizza at the restaurant below sounded more appealing. As I rounded the top of Swiftcurrent pass, a couple of wary bighorn sheep scurried up a hillside to the north. The trek down from Swiftcurrent Pass was one of the most memorable on the trip. The trail was blasted out of a cliff face most of the way. Two thousand vertical feet of rock, banded in horizontal earth-tones, led down to a series of glacial lakes far below. The sun hit the lakes, causing them to glow like a necklace of emeralds. A family of mountain goats heard us and scrambled away across a sheer mountainside - their kids no more than white dots following close behind. We finally encountered another person just before we arrived at the Swiftcurrent campground. Just before I devoured a pizza, I met a couple who was planning to hike the CDT next year. They were scoping-out Glacier. They were anxious - they'd been ruined by the PCT the previous year. We met up with Mario, Drew and John in the campground. They'd taken a different route to that point, but we'd be following the same route south of there. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After a hot breakfast at the restaurant, and a stop at the ranger station to update our permits (we were one day ahead of schedule now), we continued our trek south. We got some ice cream at Many Glacier Lodge, summer tourist season was just starting. A family from New Jersey was preparing to get packed-in to the backcountry. I overheard a guide talking to them, "Now, our sherpas will meet us on day 3..." I wanted to puke. I realized that some people needed guides to get into the backcountry, and I was happy to see the family was making the effort, but did the guides have to be such complete dorks? On the way up to Piegan Pass, we took a long break on a meadowy mountainside high above the tree-line. The sun radiated down on us, slowly warming the cool spring air. Mountains were everywhere, each one had its own character, its own history and future, yet, they were all the same mountain in some ways, all connected, and bound to each other through more than the earth. I tried to home-in on what it was about mountains that stirred in me a primal sense of euphoria. What was it that made them special? I suppose it didn't really matter, I just enjoyed the moment for what it was - bliss. I rested my head on my backpack, my body cushioned by miniature grasses, decorated by alpine flowers, heated by the sun and cooled by the wind. The three of us didn't speak a word for an hour. Then, all at once, we packed up and continued on, it was time to get moving again, there would be other mountainsides on which to slumber. The hiking was actually more fulfilling than resting. Every step brought forth a new scene, and each scene was spectacular in its own right. My heart raced to keep up with my legs, and my lungs filled with crisp thin air. I felt every sense, I could see, hear, touch, smell, feel ... even taste the world around me at every moment. All of my body and mind were in motion, in synch. I was fully aware and alive. This was what life was supposed to be, I thought. This was why I had legs... why I had eyes, arms, ears, and all the rest of it. We topped that pass and headed back down. South of Piegan Pass, the trail was buried under 3 feet of stiff snow that was shaded from the sun by a high thin forest. I attacked the snow, plunging ahead heel-first, skiing with my shoes, and keeping balance with my poles. I raced ahead of my companions, on a mission to just... go. I popped out onto a road, the "going-to-the-sun road". The road was as close as most park visitors would get to the backcountry of Glacier. Sure, there was plenty to see from the road, and from the lodges below, but all could think was, "push yourself dammit!", "go farther", "climb a mountain, then keep going". I wasn't angry, I was happy, and I wanted as many people as possible to know my joy. Instead, they crept out of their idling cars, pointed at the mountains, "look mom", and drove off - cramming as much power-vacation as possible into their hectic lives. . I walked up to a nearby lookout/parking area, where some people were gazing at distant peaks. One of them had a thousand dollar camera focused on a mountain 5 miles away. The light was terrible for photos, and it was only a mediocre view. I wanted to tell him everything, but as I approached, he scampered back into his car and sped off. Smelly and rejected, I headed back down to my own path, the one that cars didn't notice. After a few steps I was back in my world. We met up with Drew, Mario and John at the designated camp site. We made a fire and sat around in simple conversation. Mario got up to follow a friendly mule deer with his camera. He came back a few minutes later with a look of horror, "I saw da grizzly!". He had a close encounter with an ursus crossing his path. "I know what you mean, man", I thought to myself. The bears kept us honest and humble. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I woke up to an inch of fresh snow the next morning. Kevin had already started hiking, and Sharon was getting ready to leave. I decided to hook up with the other guys. Their routine was closer to mine - more type B than A - more "get up late & enjoy" and more "be there when you get there". There were no obligations or responsibilities either way. I could have hiked alone, I could have quit, I could have done anything I wanted and been greeted with an, "OK, whatever". We only had 10.5 miles to hike for the day. It was basically a half-day. The way the designated sites were laid out in Glacier, we didn't have much choice. It was either a lazy 10.5, or a grueling 24 miles. To us, the choice was clear. The 10.5 miles was flat. The trail passed by a couple waterfalls, and along the shore of Saint Mary Lake (one of the larger lakes in the park). Far below, we spied on a boatload of tourists motoring up the lake - a speck of white in a big deep blue. We reached our campsite by 2pm, taking a couple long breaks on the way. I had a whole afternoon to enjoy. I rinsed out my smelly clothes and hung them on small trees. I strummed my strumstick. I thought about food. I found a tick, munching its way into my bloodstream. Yuk! Oh ya, that was right, ticks, mice, mosquitoes, flies, dirt, blisters... there was a long list of things to get a person down on the CDT, but none of them came close to matching the good, ying for yang. Warm and dry, I curled into my puffy sleeping bag. I read a book as evening rains pelted my tarp. A clap of thunder echoed through the mountains for a full minute - from all directions. I didn't understand how that could be allowed by the laws of physics, but there it was. It got dark, I slept. It was all just too good. Did they know? How could they let me get away with it? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next day was another short one. Another pass. More mountains - amazing as always. The weather was getting progressively better. The mornings were clear, each one warmer than the last. The pass was Triple Divide Pass, a point where watersheds draining into Hudson Bay, the Gulf of Mexico, and the Pacific Ocean all intersected. John and I wandered off the trail on the way up. We headed up a mountainside covered in suitcase-sized rocks, just north of the pass. We had all the time we wanted, time to wander along the mountaintop. We took our obligatory long break on the pass. Marmots and pikas, oblivious to our alien bodies, came up to us - not looking for handouts, just looking the grass under our butts. I wanted to hike further, but we were stuck again by the layout of the campsites. It didn't matter, there would be plenty of full hiking days ahead. It was a time to relax, and enjoy the gifts of Glacier. A couple miles down from the pass, a sign was strung across a side trail, "DANGER: All area behind this sign is closed because of bear danger". A mile later we arrived at our campsite. Back in East Glacier, I'd heard that particular valley was notorious for grizzly problems and was often entirely closed to backpackers. We were there early in the season though. The bears hadn't yet sent Joe and Jill backpacker running from the woods. That would all come later, we'd be hundreds of miles away, right in the middle of somewhere else. We poked at our fire and learned about each other, about ourselves, about the trail and about life. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Another day, another pass. It was called Pitamakan. The trail was covered in snow, but the route was obvious - up to the sag in the ridge, any way you can. We sat down at the top and surveyed the landscape. The trail dropped down to a valley on the other side. The trees were all dead, victims of globalization. Europe's beetles were multiplying down there, and there was nothing to be done about it. Our bugs and weeds were over there, doing much the same. The pests mimicked the people... or was it the other way 'round? There were a lot of options on the CDT. It had been said that no two people had ever hiked the same route, yet dozens had hiked what was called the CDT. The terrain all along the trail was so open, so inviting, that it was hard to stick to any "official" route. "Hey, let's go over there instead", became a popular refrain all the way to Mexico. I wanted to take an alternate from Pitamakan and so did Mario. We headed up and around the pyramid-shaped mountain on which we were resting. The narrow trail was cut high across a steep ridge, all covered in snow. But it was soft snow, it was easy. We crawled out on a side ridge that ended in on a big flat rock, it was almost too perfect. Mario spontaneously let out an "AAAAOOOO!", Dutch for "wow" I presumed. The trail led us down to the Two Medicine campground. It was a car-campground, complete with a camp store. John and Drew were already on their second ice creams. We sat on the porch of the store for a while, canceling out perfumed tourists with our natural-body scents. Everyone who came by was in a good mood - friendly and full of smiles. For some, Glacier was an annual pilgrimage, for others, it was all new. We all shared something – we had all decided to go there, and nobody needed to question why. We headed over to our little assigned plot in the parking lot, set up our tents, then over to a little talk one of the rangers was giving. The ranger was talking about "leaving no trace" in the woods - a noble attempt - it wasn't an easy subject to make interesting. While swatting at the mosquitoes - which were worse at lower elevations - I touched my nose and blood poured out. For a week, I'd been blowing my boogers in the bushes and breathing dry mountain air - turning the inside of my nose into a cracked-up time bomb. I'd had nosebleeds all my life, but it was one of the worst. The blood wasn't dripping, it was pouring. Alarmed, I headed for comfort at the campground host's RV. A middle-aged couple had volunteered to spend the summer in Glacier, keeping an eye on the campground in exchange for "free rent". They had ice and they had bug spray. It took a little time, but the bleeding stopped and I managed to remain conscious. I vowed never again to blow my nose on the CDT. It was going to be tough... I loved blowing my nose. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was June 21, the summer solstice. There's a tradition on the Appalachian trail called naked hiking day - celebrate the summer, free yourself, run amok through the woods... naked. We figured the idea needed to spread. We did make one exception though - covering the jewels of the crown a la the red hot chili peppers. I figured if they could get away with it on the cover of an album (that's been in stores for the past 10 years), certainly it wouldn't be a problem in Glacier, where people were naturally happy and free. Thusly under-dressed, we headed out through the car-campground. Few people were awake. The few that were greeted us with confusion and encouragement. We had to walk past the ranger station. We hoped they'd see the fun in it. They didn't. One of them (every ranger I met in Glacier was a woman) called us back, like a teacher reprimanding a troublesome student. There I stood, dressed in a glove and a backpack, trying to explain why it was OK. "we're just going over to the trailhead and we'll put our clothes back on." There really wasn't any point being naked in the backcountry - nobody was out there. The whole point was to ignite peoples' imaginations. The ranger reluctantly let us go, what was her other choice? Cuffing us and sending us to the Blackfeet jailhouse? What could be more harmless than 4 mostly naked hikers? We passed a couple more cars on the way to the trailhead and waved hello, "welcome to Glacier!". We put our clothes back on, and headed up the trail. We were hiking on the edge of the park, high above a giant expanse of flatness to the east. All of Montana was laid out before us. The CDT was huge, no, the earth was huge, we were small, no... I didn't know. We just kept going over the windswept foothills, 8 more miles back to East Glacier. To think any further ahead was pointless. The trail went to hell... or at least to mud... the moment we stepped out of the park and onto Blackfeet land. The reservation charged anyone walking the few miles from the park to East Glacier $10, $10 that got washed into the reservation's "general fund". What was the general fund used for? Nobody could be certain, except that hiking trails were about the last thing on the list. There was a strange sort of battle going on though, the reservation's cows roamed into the park, where the park's bears ate them. Seemed fair to me. I couldn't believe it. An actual park ranger cop (a woman of course) was waiting for us at the trailhead just outside of town. It seemed that we'd frightened some people with our little freedom march earlier in the day. The people had complained to the park staff, "If this is the sort of thing that goes on here, we're leaving!!!". We figured we'd done the park a service, who needed people like those in the national parks? Through a questionable reading of the parks "laws", we were charged with disturbing the peace or some such thing. The fine? $50 - the going rate for any park infraction. We spent the rest of the day in East Glacier, eating, buying food, doing laundry, eating, beering. News traveled fast in a town of 250. Before long, we were minor celebrities - we'd stood up to da man! It was $50 well spent. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, we had to get out of East Glacier. Among other things, a 6ft blackfoot brave with a perm and a smile had taken a liking to Drew. We got ice cream to go, shuffled past golfers, "Look out for those bears..." (like we hadn't heard that one before), and headed down the same bit of trail I'd tested out a week earlier. East Glacier to Lincoln We still had to hike through more of Glacier National Park, but it was the southeast corner, nobody hiked there. There was a trail, the park service made sure of that, but it wasn't a particularly good one. The route traversed below unseen peaks, in a tunnel of trees. It was flat, but it was the toughest bit of CDT hiking I'd done so far. Since it was 7 or 8 days to Lincoln, my backpack was 1 snickers away from exploding, it was dreadfully heavy. We were all in the same sorry state. Every few miles, it was time for a break. It took little excuse to stop and a great deal of effort to get moving again. All our songs had been sung to death. Our warnings to the bears consisted of an occasional, "hey bear" or "coming up"... or Mario, clapping in Dutch. After a dozen miles, we popped out on the highway, that other world. Marias Pass. Cars whizzed by, seeing us as we saw them - imperceptible blurs. We stopped for dinner at a campground on the other side of the highway, then searched for the trail south. The others had driven through Marias Pass on their way to Glacier, and swore there was a big "CDT" sign somewhere on the south side of the road. My map told me to head straight into the woods, but I decided to trust the others' first-hand observation. A mile down the highway, we found it - a bit of tire-burned earth that doubled as a trailhead parking area. We turned south, into the forest, straight for the Bob. The Bob was big, the Bob was bad... bigger and badder than Glacier anyway. Fewer people went there. There was no going-to-the-moon road, there was no "Bob Lodge". Just us, some bears, and a maze of interlocking trails. The Bob Marshall Wilderness was rarely called by its full name. We'd heard from the locals that all troublesome bears got relocated to the Bob. Like so many things locals were sure they knew, it wasn't true. Troublesome bears were released close to where they were trapped - bombed with pepper spray, shot with bean bags, and attacked by dogs - it took a lot to freak-out a bear. Hopefully, it was enough to drive them away for good. But drive them to where? What did they do when the woods were full? We weren't officially in the Bob yet. We camped a few miles from the road, just far enough so that we couldn't hear it. Instead, the wind made the trees sing, and evening rains provided an encore. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A mile into the next day, the trail disappeared. That was the CDT, barely even a line on a map. We stood in a meadow of knee-high grass and flowers, looking, looking. We found wildlife trails heading out of the meadow... they disappeared in a few hundred yards, couldn't be the trail. We spotted an old tree blaze - an upside-down exclamation point cut out of the bark - it was probably 15 years old. Was that it? yup. The trail quickly got us frustrated with pointless ups and downs. Why hike over a hundred-foot hill, when you could just as easily go around it? Ahead, the trail followed a jeep road along the South Fork Two Medicine River below. We decided to cut down to the river early. The jeep road wasn't used by many jeeps it seemed. Almost every print in the frequent mud was that of a large bear. They were headed in every direction. Each time our feet were on the verge of being dry, the route crossed the river - a knee-deep ford in most places. It wasn't tough, and if it wasn't for the fact that my shoes didn't dry easily, I would have liked crossing the river. 10 miles or so later, we reached an empty ranger station. We sat on the porch eating cheese and crackers, debating who, if anyone, used the place. The door was locked. Then, a young woman showed up - a wildlife biology student. 21 years old, all smiles... the kind of biologist you see in the movies and say, "ya right, they're all like that.". We didn't feel so tough anymore. She was spending the summer studying, trapping (well, assisting), tagging and tracking bears. She said they'd already tagged more bears that year than they had the entire previous year. The bears were spreading, growing. She was the one responsible for the bizarrely raked 10-foot sections of road we'd seen - she was counting bear prints. She'd seen a couple bears earlier in the day. She had a healthy fear of them, but there she was, alone, doing it, armed with a little experience and a big can of pepper spray. I wanted to stay, I felt old. The map ahead showed a web of trails, all led to the same place. The official CDT route took a 3 mile detour to the southwest - over a hill and back down, why? We picked another path, the shortest route from 'here to there'. The trails got nicer as we neared the border of the Bob. We paralleled Montana streams - shallow, wide rippled sheets of water over smooth egg-shaped rocks. We were in old woods. A moose watched us go by - freaks, brightly colored aliens in a sea of sameness. We came upon a sand bar and called it a day. My nose was bothering me - filled with gunk that had no accurate name. I chipped away at it... just a little relief... Then I was back at the beginning, dripping and bleeding, for 10 minutes watching a frothy red puddle in the sand steadily grow. There was nothing my friends could do, "just worry for me, so I don't have to.", I thought. It was just a bloody nose, but I couldn't afford it. I needed all my blood. A simple affliction of light-headedness could be disastrous. I had 6 or 7 more days to go. The flow slowed and slowed, had it stopped? From then on, I treated my nose like a Chinese vase, no more itching, no more jerky movements, no more breathing through it, just let it alone I thought. I propped up my head up closed my eyes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next day started where the last one had left off. We climbed up Crucifixion Creek, past Blue Lake and reached the divide. The continental divide was flat and swampy. The snow had just about all melted, but the mosquitoes hadn't yet hatched. Clumps of evergreen forest divided up empty soon-to-be green meadows. The area was a chain of parks in immense proportions. We took what we thought would be a cross-country shortcut, my map showed it as a trail. There had been a trail at one time, probably 20 years ago, but it was gone. We crashed through the brittle bottoms of trees, pushed ourselves up eroded gullies and made slow difficult progress. Suddenly, we were standing on brand-new tread. Somebody had moved the trail. They'd spent a lot of time on it - wooden structures lined the path, and drainage channels were cut to help the trail last. It was all a dozen miles from the nearest dead-end dirt road. It was a joy to walk on. In a couple miles we crossed into the Bob. A few minutes into the Bob, we passed a group of trail workers headed the other way - young employees of the forest service, and mules loaded with tools and food. They had been clearing the trail of downed trees, roaming the Bob for a week at a time. We didn't talk long, we wished each other well, and headed our separate ways. The trail became long and monotonous, I could feel the bigness of it. I was just seeing a small bit of the Bob, a small bit of the earth, and it felt gigantic. Every step brought more of it, a world in which to disappear. Varied thrushes rang like cell phones, no, not like cell phones, here and there, hidden by the green. Mule deer darted off the path ahead. We drifted apart, Drew, then me, then Mario, then John... the little differences in our walking speed amplified over the miles. We passed each other, leapfrogging as one then another stopped for lonely breaks. Our calls to the bears had devolved to a simple "'NUP!", the loudest sound we could make with the least amount of effort. The tunnel led us to Gooseberry, to Forest Service central. A dozen mules and 3 or 4 people were at Gooseberry, mulling around a back-country cabin. The older one was clearly the leader, dispatching teams to scour the trails for downed logs and patches of mud. We told him of our encounter earlier in the day, "Hmmm, just where I thought they'd be...", he rubbed his beard. He loved it all. I'd picked up a heavy metal file along the way, it had been laying on the side of the trail. "Must've fallen off a mule, thanks". He gave us juice. We had to ford the Flathead River. It split in two there - one of the crew gave us advice on where to cross - it wasn't very accurate information, but well-intentioned. We took off our socks to keep them dry, put our shoes back on, and crashed into the frigid stream. It was about waist deep, but not too swift and not too wide. We ate dinner on the other side of the crossing, then found a bit of earth surrounded by wetland on which to spend the night. My nose was still crusted in dried blood, not bleeding, so it was fine. It rained most of the night, the damp forest became damper. The morning was nothing but a dull misty greyness. During the night, a team of mice had attacked my food. One had chewed through the line that held it in the trees, another had penetrated deep inside - sampling some hot chocolate, some mac & cheese, and settling on gorp, good gorp, gorp drew had given me, gorp I was saving and savoring - pistachios, macadamias, exotic seeds... damn. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I spotted an unfamiliar creature, spotting me from the trees. A pine marten, a giant killer squirrel, or... squirrel killer. The big weasel thought of the implications of Drew and me - aliens! and bounded off in panic. The gloom quickly gave way to rain, the trail turned to mud. We were climbing, getting colder, the rain become sleet, then snow. Stupidly, I had tucked my nylon pants inside my ankle gaiters, water ran down my legs and into my shoes. I'd done it before sometime, but too long ago to learn from the mistake. My feet were numb with cold, sloshed, wrinkled and white. I put on my last pair of dry socks - 2 minutes of aaaahhh, then they were gone - soaked. I was out of energy, out of blood?, behind all my companions and slipping. Then it all changed. The snow faded, the clouds crumbled and blue took over the sky. The sun beamed, brightened and warmed. The terrain opened up - lakes, boulders, flowers... In the span of an hour, I went from misery to joy. I ate a snickers, a 'big one'. I was back. The trail disappeared again, under snow. We climbed to 8000 ft, the highest we'd been on the trip so far, and took a long break on rocks on top of Kevan Mountain, in the sun, finally... a view. A snake-like cliff extended southward, it was the northern section of the chinese wall. Not an original name, but a great wall. The top of the wall was the divide, sheer cliffs dropped down a thousand feet or more to an alpine slope below - that's where the trail was. The trail headed down, then up, then down then up, over ridges streaming out from the wall. We had to cut cross country to the CDT. It didn't go over Kevan Mountain, it went through the woods below somewhere... we'd had enough of that. We could see for 50 miles, it was obvious where to go. We cut down slopes of boulders and scree, down snowbanks like kids sledding at Christmas. We hit the trail. It was glorious, especially in contrast to the last couple days, those 50 miles of wooded tunnels. We followed the base of the cliff as it meandered south. The sun illuminated bands of colored rock in the cliff face - red, grey, mauve, black, yellow, brown - soft tones of solid earth. Tiny yellow flowers danced in the breeze and sunlight. I didn't know their name, but what did it matter? Why name such a beautiful thing? Why make it human? Why destroy the mystery and magic? We followed the wall the rest of the day, finally settling to camp in some trees just below it. A mule deer with fuzzy velvet antlers came by to say hello... and lick our pee (I've never tried it, but it must be good stuff). The Swainson's thrushes whistled, the shadows grew and another day of CDT passed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Drew left early. The rest of us were in no hurry. It was a clear sunny morning, the sun blasted the wall above us. We had to make a long detour southeast into the tunnel, then southwest to the other end of the wall. In-between the two sections, the wall went crazy and wasn't navigable, it was to remain a secret from us. We looked for the trail but could find nothing. The only thing we did find were Drew's footprints, headed up some decent, maintained tread that wasn't on the map. Perhaps "they" had re-routed the trail? We followed Drew. The tread led over the next ridge, then disappeared into a fan of faint paths. According to the map, there was supposed to be a trail up on the ridge someplace. We followed one of the faint paths along the ridge, but it ended in a cliff. Frustrated and confused, we headed down the other side of the ridge... perhaps we didn't know where we were? We figured that if we followed the stream below, it should lead us to our trail... somewhere. We set off, through the untrammeled forest. The woods got thick, huge, the ground approximate. It was rotten mossy logs, broken bits of branches and random patches of mud... it all made for difficult walking. Then it got worse. Giant fires had swept through the Bob in 1988. The lush green gave way to a land of bleached and broken trees. Some trees still stood, but many had fallen. They'd crashed on top of each other into a tangled skeletal mess. Green grasses and bright flowers grew below the menagerie of greyish white. In some places, the pile was 20 feet high - solid dead wood, in other places the earth was bare. We clamored over the brittle bones. The only way through was to snap whatever got in our way, whatever grabbed onto our clothes, our packs, our skin. Anything thinner than a pencil snapped from a touch, anything thinner than a baseball bat required a stiff kick. Eroded, steep-banked streambeds cut perpendicular to our path, we balanced high above the ground, trying to walk the length of whatever trees had fallen a favorable direction. We caught up to Drew and took a break. John spotted a bear crouching behind a log a hundred yards away - just a head, checking us out. We decided to keep moving, progress was slow. Everything grabbing, sticking, scratching, breaking... Then we hit the trail and instant relief. It had taken 3 hours to go 3 miles. It felt longer, it felt farther. We were behind schedule... not that we really had a schedule, but we'd hoped to be farther by then. We kept hiking, the burned area gave way to green after 5-6 more miles, we drifted into our solo places again. A group of horse-packers passed by, 3 people with 9 horses carrying their junk. I hopped off the trail into the woods, but it wasn't far enough for the horses - they panicked, they jumped around, the people yelled at me. Screw these people... I thought... It's not my fault your horses are stupid. We were determined to get back as close to the south end of the wall as possible. We had a good climb ahead... a couple thousand feet or so. John got in front and we all marched in silence behind. All of us were tired and we were about out of water. We didn't stop. John reached the top and threw his poles at a trail sign, "HAAA!", A desperate release of steam. We had to hike a few more miles to find water, eat, then one more to camp. I set up my tarp in a steady grey drizzle. The clouds had been building all day, now they were letting go. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We awoke in a thin forest of larches, covered in dew and blessed with another clear morning. Another day of "the wall" was ahead. The south section of the chinese wall was more regular than the north half, more straight. We stopped everywhere, soaking in the sun and soaking in the mystical power of the wall. Sometimes it took something so large to remind me how small I was - how weak, how insignificant, how helpless. The trail was routed just above the tree line, among the short flowers, but below the rocks that had crumbled from the cliff above. Through most of the summer, horses provided the bulk of the traffic on the trail, and everywhere they went - mud, ripped up earth, diverted streams... The damage was mostly cosmetic, that bit of trail hardly made or broke the local ecosystem, but it was disturbing and annoying. It was like graffiti on a statue. It was like litter. The trail was my home, and I had the feeling that people just didn't care about it. But, I knew they did care... in their own way. They just had different priorities, they rode high above the mess, protected from it by a thousand pound poop machine. I walked in the poop. The trail turned away from the wall, downhill into the forest. I decided to stop at Benchmark Wilderness Ranch with my companions. After the mouse incident and our generally slow progress, I didn't really have enough food to get all the way to Lincoln. I didn't have any food waiting for me at Benchmark, but John did, and he wouldn't need it - he was taking a break from hiking to go play rugby for a few days... whatever. The route through Benchmark was a little longer, but not much... maybe 5 miles or so. A family of backpackers passed us - Dad, Mom, brother, sister... heading up to the wall. They told us that a couple women had their camp wrecked by a bear the previous night at Indian Point. The women had hiked out. The summer was getting underway. We stopped at Indian Point to get some water, and the strangest thing happened. I actually saw a tree fall over. It had been resting on another tree and a slight breeze upset the balance. Crash! I'd seen probably hundreds of thousands of old trees lying on the ground in my lifetime, but I'd never actually seen one fall. One has to spend a lot of time in the woods to see that happen. Another 15 minutes down the trail and the sky exploded. The clouds had been building a lot faster all day than they usually did. A blanket of heavy rain poured down in waves, we ducked under trees, covered in nylon and plastic. Thunder echoed through the mountains, rumbling almost continuously. Then, it was over. Blue skies, a few tattered clouds... The air was cleaner than it had ever been (if that was even possible), the trees glistened, the grass and flowers glew. There was too much energy in the atmosphere though, the clouds built again, more rain. The cycle repeated a couple more times. We crossed a pack-bridge over the West Fork Sun River, and stopped to eat on the other side. Across the river, a man in blue jeans was a lugging huge container of water up the river bank - one of a group of horse-packers who'd made camp not far away. A little while later, he returned with 4 nervous horses and another man. I had to stop myself from shouting, "Hey, you can lead a horse to water...". We hiked a few more miles down the trail, which became a well-worn horse-highway, about 10 feet across. The landscape was fairly flat, clumps of forest and clumps of soft meadow. It looked manicured, almost fake, like a big city park, or a fairy tale. Any minute, I expected to see a merchant on wagon full of treasure roll past and get jumped by a band of merry men, and a green-clad chap swinging from the treetops. Every place was a perfect place to camp. Drew picked out a spot, and we all shrugged our shoulders, "looks great". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was only a few more miles to the trailhead - the end of the road, or the beginning. Benchmark Wilderness Ranch was a few more miles down that road. The trailhead parking area was filled with cars and trucks. A group was getting ready for an extended stay in the woods. One man in the group had a giant external frame backpack, counterbalanced by a bulging gut. The pack probably weighed 90 pounds, pots and pans were lashed here and there, a shotgun, ammo, I supposed he was going to war since hunting season was months away. He knew what he was doing of course, he was experienced. What was he intending to get out of his time in the mountains? I wondered. A backache? Blisters? Was that his understanding of backpacking? It didn't look fun. I didn't care about the guy, I was just sorry that he was spreading his, "ain't a man if ya' can't take it..." philosophy, ruining the experience of backpacking for whoever happened to listen to him. I was down to 2 granola bars and a few crackers. We walked a few hundred yards past the entrance of the trailhead, then accepted a ride in the back of a pickup the rest of the way to Benchmark. There wasn't much at Benchmark - one woman, a couple cabins. Benchmark was primarily a horse-packing business, their biggest draw, hunting season, was months away - $2000 for a week's worth of shooting big animals and camping with generators... Drew's package hadn't shown up. The woman who ran the place was heading down past Augusta later, and offered him a ride. Augusta was the nearest town, about 30 miles of gravel road. His package was likely at the post office. We decided to rent a cabin and take some showers... The only problem was that we had no extra food. The hours clicked away... 12PM, 1PM, 2PM... two old guys drove an old blue pickup truck back and forth... 3PM, 4PM... Drew's ride never materialized. Apparently "later" meant "tomorrow". I was starving, but couldn't afford to eat my provisions - I needed those for the hike out. Timidly, I headed to the house, "Do you have any food... like, any meat we could, like, buy off you?", I asked. The woman returned with 4 venison steaks. "Here you go, she said with a smile." Wow, real meat. Protein. I returned to the cabin triumphant. We sat around, deciding how to make the most of our unexpected bounty. Then Willie showed up. Willie "worked" at the ranch - a high-school-aged country boy, 100%. He brought us a cooler full of chips, potatoes and pop... we prepared a feast. "I put sugar in my stepdad's gas tank... He was pissed.", Willie volunteered. He kept going, telling us stories that if repeated to the wrong person, would've won him free meals at the Univerity of Montana State Correctional Facility. He was beyond correction though. The only advice we could give him was that he ought not to talk so much. I ate so much that I couldn't stand after dinner. I lay in bed, immobilized by my bloated stomach. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Drew finally got his ride early the next morning. The rest of us sat around, lazy. Sitting was a treat. I finished reading "Mountain Man", by Vardis Fisher, getting the pages from John as he finished them... handing them off to Mario when I was done. Drew got back around 3PM. It had taken him 3 hitches and 4 miles of walking to get back to Benchmark. John's rugby friends hadn't shown up yet, but we were eager to get going. "See you up ahead, man", I knew I'd cross paths with John again... the hike was still young. The Bob was behind us. We were hiking into the Scapegoat Wilderness. It was all attached, it was all the same land, but the scapegoat did have a subtly different character. The mountains were tighter, there were crickets, cicadas, different birds, fewer bear prints. The fires which had burned the Bob in 1988 devastated the Scapegoat. A map at the trailhead showed how the Scapegoat's forests were primarily dead white snags. We walked along the length of a river, the clouds made sand-dune ripples in the sky. It felt good to be hiking again, it was what I was for. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We entered the burn soon after breaking camp the next morning. The trees were twisted into white spirals by the intense heat over a decade ago - locked into place like some pompeiin family in eternal denial. The graveyard stretched as far as we could see, up mountainsides, along rivers, everything had been consumed, recycled. Flowers, grass, bugs... they were taking over. In these mountains, 13 years was a blink. Near the occasional lucky patch of trees that bore witness to the fires and lived, a thick cover of saplings took root... smaller and smaller as they got further away from their progenic source. That was the way a forest came back, slowly, eventually, but quickly all the same. The trail crossed Dearborn Creek, then headed back up toward the divide. We got there and examined our options. The official CDT route went down the other side, then back up another drainage… crossing the divide again after 8 miles and thousands of vertical feet... up and down. It seemed it would be easier to walk along the open country that constituted the divide and get to the same place in 3 miles, with dramatic views all the way. A path was beaten into the ground heading up the divide - we weren't the first ones to balk at the stupidly circuitous CDT. Tiny blue-white-pink flowers, smaller than thumbtacks, carpeted the landscape. The few trees, most of them white relics, grew in formations decided by the whimsy of the ever-present winds. Swaths of standing dead forests reached up the mountainsides, clouds covered the ridge, making the wind visible. Far below, Bighorn Lake rested as a puddle of blue in an immense rocky white bowl. We hooked up with the CDT and descended to a pond below Caribou Peak. Our venture to the mountaintops was too brief. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- For breakfast, I re-hydrated some hash browns that I'd picked out of a hiker box in Benchmark. They were probably 4 years old, completely bland and disgusting. I was no longer hungry, I felt sick instead. I had no energy, but managed to drag myself back up to the divide. The mountaintops were slowly changing. The bare rolling hills were splattered with cliff faces, fewer and fewer as time and the miles went on. South. We dipped down to Lewis and Clark Pass. Merriwether Lewis had passed through there on his way back from the Pacific nearly 200 years ago. I could see his face - tired, torn, confused and worn. The landscape looked more tame than I'd imagined. I was sure it had changed in 200 years, but not much. The mountains were still the same. The trees and grasses had shifted here and there, but 200 years is a short time for a mountain. I had heard that one could still see ruts in the earth from Indian traders - the pass had always been a popular route across the divide. I didn't see any ruts, only a modern dirt road leading down to a spring, a source of water used for more than a mere 200 years I imagined. We headed back up the divide, up Green Mountain... a green mountain, a windy mountain. The wind kept anything from getting too tall. Trees there grew sideways, as if pressed by a dry-cleaner. The wind was blowing fiercely, as if trying to rid the mountain of its human infestation. All sound disappeared into the white noise of wind whipping by our ears. It was only there though, just that one mountainside... strange. We got to the other side and headed through more forest. The CDT was getting more and more vague. Every couple miles, we'd have the luxury of a sign "CDT-->" to remind us we were still on course, but that was all. There was little actual trail, just open land. We came upon one of these signs... it was aimed (like most of them) at hikers who were headed north, an arrow pointed the way toward where we'd come. It appeared the sign was intended for travelers who came up the ridge to our right. Drew headed down the ridge and into the woods to investigate. Yup, there was an old road there... he disappeared behind the trees. Mario and I followed. The road continued along the ridge, then disappeared into a latticework of blown-down trees. I kept going, Mario was behind me, but my legs didn't want to wait for him, couldn't. After a couple more miles of forest, meadow, forest, meadow, I was frustrated, no road, no trail, no signs, nothing. I pulled out my compass and map - too late. I'd been headed the wrong direction since that damn sign. We should have gone left, not right. I'd paid a price for not paying attention to where I was. I was off my map. Mario caught up and we had a little conference. We figured we were on a ridge NW of Bartlett creek. If we headed down to the creek, we'd hit a forest road. We could follow that to the highway. We called out for Drew, but he was gone. He could take care of himself. We headed down the steep wooded hillside, intersecting a road halfway down the mountain. We looked around and saw a patchwork of clear-cuts all along the mountainsides surrounding us - logging roads headed this way and that, none of them were on the map. We tried to pick roads that headed our general direction, but came to one dead-end after another with lots of bushwhacking in-between. Finally, we got to the bottom of the valley, on the main "trunk" road. We were out of water though, and for whatever reason didn't keep going down to the creek to get some. Instead we followed the road. I kept thinking... We should have been in Lincoln by now... if we'd only managed to follow the CDT to Rogers Pass. We'd taken our wrong turn only a couple miles before the pass, and had been hiking parallel to the highway ever since. A couple miles down the road, a pickup came down the road from the mountains. I just about grabbed the truck as it drove by. We tried to play on right side of the fine line between pathetic and scary (the pathetic side). The couple driving by was rock-hounding - looking for rocks to use in some home-improvement project. The bed of their pickup was filled with brittle flat rocks. They offered us some water. We told them our story, and they apprehensively let us sit with the rocks as they drove toward the highway. They had one more stop to make, at a public gravel pit. We helped them shovel gravel into plastic 5-gallon buckets, and got promoted to "back seat" status. Inside the vehicle we could actually talk to them. He'd grown up in Lincoln, lived in California for a while, then come home to Montana. He had a gun, and was concerned because we didn't. "There's mountain lions out there...", he warned, "Ya never know what might happen...". Oh ya... bears AND lions. By the time we reached the highway, we had a ride to Lincoln. "Just pass the favor on to someone else", he told us. I had tried to do as many favors as possible since the PCT, I figured I was still slightly in Karmic debt... now definitely... I had a lot of work ahead of me. Our ride dropped us off in the middle of Lincoln, the biggest town I'd seen since leaving Seattle. It was a metropolis of over 2000! I wanted a milkshake, Mario wanted meat. We found both at the eatery in the middle of town. We stood out like... well, like a couple of smelly hiking bums. Families avoided our eyes, the waitress was cordial and curt. Lincoln was the one-time home of Ted "Unabomber" Kaczynski, and the people had little tolerance for the dirty, smelly and bearded. We split a room at a hotel next to the restaurant and set out to discover... Lincoln. We didn't have to look far, John was walking down the street. Drew was at another hotel. The man in the blue suit had arrived. He had a regular name like you or I, but to us, he was simply the man in the blue suit. A veteran of the AT and PCT, he'd started hiking the CDT about 10 days after us. He had a tiny pack. He'd passed us while we were in Benchmark. He'd sprained his ankle in a horse print along the chinese wall. He wore a one piece blue jumpsuit. "This thing is great", he told us, "let's just see a tick try and get in there.". I nodded my head in approval. He kept up his sales pitch, "It breathes... it's warm AND it's cool". He was one with the blue suit, naked without it (literally). He couldn't have been fabricated by any imaginative whimsy, he was too real, too fake, one of a kind. He left that afternoon, "Aw, my ankle just needs a little exercise." It was twice the size of its twin. "Damn horses...", he complained. John had a friend joining him on the trail. J.J. was from New Jersey... er, rather, Big Sky Montana. He'd dropped John & Drew & Mario off in Glacier, I'd met him there briefly. He hadn't hiked any long trail, but he really wanted to do it - that was his most important piece of equipment, one of the mind, one that couldn't be bought at REI. He was a teacher with a couple months off, looking to learn and discover something. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mario and I had agreed to try and stick together, if for nothing else than to split hotel rooms. We stayed until lunch the next day - grease, protein, cream, fat. Then, after one last polish sausage, we raised our thumbs. Lincoln to Butte Our first ride, in the back of a pickup, took us 5 miles down the road. The next one, on the flat bed of a flatbed, took us 4. We started walking, still 9 more miles to go... another car stopped. The driver was late for an appointment and headed the wrong direction, but wanted to help. He drove us half a mile, until he had to turn off a side road. One more ride in the cab of yet another pickup, and we were at the pass, back on the trail. It had taken about 5 hours to travel the 18 miles from Lincoln to Rogers pass. It was already getting dark when we started walking. We made about 100 yards, and called it a day. For the first time on the trip, I didn't bother using my tarp. The sky was clear, and the forecast for many days of hot sun. I laid on some lumpy slanted ground, and covered myself with my sleeping bag. Darkness rose. The forest was another world at night. If day was the realm of the plants and insects, night was that of the mammals. Mice, bats, skunks, possums, etc., even deer and bear were mostly nocturnal. Throughout the trip, I often awoke to sounds of creatures crunching through the dead leaves in the middle of the night. It wasn't troublesome, it just "was". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We climbed up to the divide early the next morning. It was a nice trail, maintained by some local horse-packers. We were no longer in a designated wilderness, just a forest, but still wilderness all the same. The designated wilderness areas had special attractions, they had visitors. The national forest was a lonely place, not as visually striking, but challenging and beautiful. The trail, carved out of green-covered soil and rock, traversed near the crest of the divide. We had views of gently rolling mountains - waves of green that stretched to the hazy horizon and beyond. Summer was finally taking over, it was hot, even hotter with a full backpack, 8000ft closer to the sun. We found occasional shade. Then, the trail entered the forest and we found only occasional sun. After a dozen miles or so, we zigzagged down to Flesher Pass, another highway that came peeking through the mountains. A couple cars stopped at the pass, their occupants walked around, looked, pointed, then sped off - always in a hurry to be somewhere else, never satisfied. I headed down the road, looking for a spring. I found it a half-mile away, a trickle of water flowing under the empty highway. I sat down in a clump of lush grasses, pumping water, swatting at flies. Water was getting more scarce, so we had to plan how much to bring. On average, it worked out to 1 liter per 7 miles for me... I could stretch it to 10 if desperate. Plus, I needed exactly 1.5 liters to cook a meal & wash it down. We planned our day around water. I didn't want to carry any more than necessary. Mario had already hiked through New Mexico, at one point he'd walked an entire day on 1 liter in the southern sun. The misery of that experience was still with him. He always carried "the maximum". South of Stemple Pass, the trail entered an almost unbroken forest of skinny lodgepole pines. It was easy walking, soft, shaded, not steep. In 10 miles, we got a brief view ahead, took a break, and then returned to the tunnel. The trail was well marked, except where it needed to be. We'd walk along an obvious path, passing CDT signs and blazes that didn't need to be there. Then, the trail would disappear, nothing... Oh, there it is... I think... We came to another pass, another road, a gravel road, Stemple Pass. I was out of water again. I headed down the road, arms full of empty bottles. Mario took a nap on a picnic bench... hmm... didn't seem fair. There was a blue line on my map, about a half mile down the road. There wasn't a stream on the ground to match though, just a dry ditch. All the water was intercepted by somebody's backwoods dream home up above. Bastards. I kept walking, water would appear further downhill... and it did. By the time I returned to the pass, I was pooped. After dinner, it was dark. We walked 100 yards into the woods and set up camp. A couple hours later, in the darkness, someone parked at the pass. They had a floodlight and were determined to use the damn thing for something, even if it was stupid and pointless. For 20 minutes, they flashed the trees with the light, "No, let me have it...", "ha, ha, ha...". Morons. They were people and their stuff, trying to be happy and failing. They drove off. The real woods were ours again. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The trail quickly hit a large grassy meadow. The path became a two-track jeep road. The roads only got used by vehicles in the autumn, when ranchers came to collect their fat free-range cattle. For the time being, there were only us, the grass, the flowers and the flies. The flies were peaking. They were part of the eco-quation, just another limb of life. I was sure the flies had names, categories, both scientific and common, but I had no idea what those were. So, I just gave them my own descriptions. First, there were the tiny grey ones, 1/4 inch long. They seemed to prefer smelly socks and I was fine with that. Next were yellow and black flies, disguised as bees, but harmless. They would hover in one spot for a while, then land and slowly crawl... a lot like their stinging counterparts actually. Then, there were the shiny flies, they came in a variety of sizes and iridescent colors. They were attracted to poop and rot, their shiny bodies kept them clean... clean for a fly anyway. The tiny 1/8 inch biters were easy to miss, until I wondered why my wrist was itching, and found it covered in little welts, the bastards. I caught one in the act, scooping out a hunk of me for dinner - it was his last act - squish! Finally, there were the giants. They were loners, striped like zebras or escaped prisoners, they circled like sharks. Sometimes, they waited for ten minutes or more, looking for an unprotected bit of flesh. Usually, they were easy to spot, as they were unafraid, taunting us. There was only one way to get rid of them. Stop walking, wait for them to land, get comfortable, and then whack! - they buzzed into the dirt. It usually took a stomp or two to finish the job. Occasionally, one got through - a sharp sting on my neck was always fatal for the fly. They hadn't evolved to feed on humans and couldn't deal with our swatting hands. I examined one of them, their mouth consisted of a boney white razor blade, 1/8 inch long. Their method was to slice open skin, and drink up blood. On people, the flies never got much past the painful slicing part. We got to a grassy saddle a few miles north of Nevada Mountain. Time for a break. A few flies buzzed in, attracted by our sweet stench, and then a few more, then dozens, then hundreds. My pack, a feast of salt, lay on the grass, covered in a swarm. Most of the flies didn't bite, but at critical mass they made breathing and eyesight difficult. We weren't able to stop for more than 5 minutes in the heat of the day, any longer and they took over. The trail faded in and out, usually out. We knew where to go, the terrain was open & visible and I had good topographic maps. Still, we sometimes had to wonder, were we really on the CDT? The flies kept us moving. We reached Dana Spring in the early evening - a fenced-off patch of soggy grass, and a pipe that led to a holding tank. It was all there to keep the cows from destroying their own source of water. The flies started to relax as the sun got lower. We cooked dinner. Just as we were getting ready to leave, Drew caught up. He'd spent an extra day in Lincoln, and had apparently been hiking non-stop since then. Mario and I had decided to take a short cut over the next few miles. The divide made a semi-circle to the north and the trail followed the divide - no water on the route. Instead, we could follow some roads along a creek and pick up the trail in about 10 miles. Drew agreed it was a sensible plan. We decided to meet up at Polly Spring, a few miles down the creek. Polly Spring was nothing more than a field of cow prints and dried poop - no water. Stupidly, I hadn't brought much water from Dana, not enough for a comfortable night even. I left a note on the trail for Drew, and we continued down the dry streambed... there had to be water somewhere soon. As we descended, we passed more and more cows. In their brief artificial lives, their only encounters with humans had all been miserable. They saw us and panicked, they ran direction-less, they bellowed and mooed, "help, oh no!". The cow was a pathetic creature, it had become more of a plant than an animal, just a carcass on four moving stalks. 3 more miles, still no water, what were all these cows drinking? Then, I heard it, a stream! Another valley, dotted with cows, fed into the main channel. It was dark by the time we set up our tents. In the distance, we heard more cows bellowing, running from Drew. He stopped before he reached us though. Mario lit a couple firecrackers he'd bought in Lincoln... Oh, that was right… It was the 4th of July, and the only one who seemed to notice or care was Dutch. A full moon lit up the landscape in shades of grey and blue. Crickets sang, an owl swooped by, silent and cool. It'd been over 300 miles since the border of Canada. I had already become removed from the ordinary, a thousand steps back from the routine, asking "why?" and laughing. I was immersed in a new reality, my reality. The CDT was fast becoming a home, a life-style, more comfortable every day. I felt lucky because I had over 2000 miles left to go. I thought about the two hikers I'd met in Glacier, the ones that had quit before I’d started. Where were they now? and where did they want to be? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We awoke to the sounds of terrified cows, Drew was getting closer, then passing us. We gathered our things and headed out. Walking on the soft dirt road was easy. We passed some parked RVs, celebrating the holiday? the people inside were still sleeping. Wherever the forest gave way to meadow, the flowers were spectacular - hillsides of color stretching to the sky. We slowly passed above a gigantic ranch - a square mile of tiny yellow flowers flowing downhill from our feet. The ranch house was a tiny mansion in the middle. We caught up to Drew and to the CDT. There was a new section of trail... mostly. It took us by an old forgotten railroad trestle - rotten wood, planks missing, probably haunted by some lost engineer-spirit. History never stopped, was the fate of the trestle the fate of everything? The trail disappeared into a meadow and the terrain got confusing. We walked in circles for a bit then consulted our maps. Before the trip, I'd downloaded all my maps from the internet, traced-out the trail and some alternate routes, and printed them. It took way too much time, but it was paying off... so far. The maps were as topographically detailed as one could get, they were the USGS 7.5 minute quads, shrunk a bit and altered. Every other topographic map was based on these, the only problem was that the man-made ingredients of the map kept changing. Roads closed, or more often, were added. Buildings were built, jurisdictions changed. To supplement the maps, I had a set of guidebooks, written and meticulously updated by Jim Wolf. He'd originally written most of the guidebooks around 1980. They contained useful information like, "...Crawl beneath another fence. Go over a minor ridge at 16.7 and then, at a junction at 16.8, make a sharp turn to the right..." He was a lawyer by trade. Mario had a set of the other guidebooks. They were newer, with color photos and laid-out with an amazon.com motif. They looked really nice, but we didn't use them often as they just didn't have the detail we needed. Usually, we also had forest service or BLM maps, covering whatever area we happened to be in. These usually had the most updated road number and trail info, and covered a wide area. We were in the Helena National Forest. None of the guidebooks or maps were much use in that one spot. We followed a couple dead-end wildlife trails, and then just followed a compass-heading south. The compass was one thing we could always rely on. We climbed past some radio towers, then descended to MacDonald Pass - named for a tollbooth operator, a true American hero. We took a break at a car-campground. Some kids were driving their ATVs in circles in the parking lot near the highway - communing with nature in their own way. I was discovering that few Montanans exercised without a motor. Discussions about the CDT usually led to questions like, "So, where's your car", or "What road are you taking?", or "Who's picking you up?". All I could do was chuckle kindly, anything else was fruitless. We headed over more grassy hilltops. Afternoon storm clouds were building over neighboring hills, but we had sun on ours. An occasional stirke of lightning flashed and echoed... 5 miles... 6 miles away? We finally camped on the trail, which in that case, was an old logging road covered in grass. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The route continued on forest roads much of the next day. 2 miles of flat and overgrown road, winding around the mountaintop, 2 miles of trail, 6 more miles of road - hot with bleached-white gravel, a mile of steep rocky jeep tread, more old road, tilted and grassy - we saw every type of road imaginable. We stopped to dry our belongings, it was a daily ritual. Every morning, we woke up wet from either dew or rain. Every afternoon, we laid it all out in the sun - the thirsty air sucked up the moisture rapidly. We came to a decision point of sorts. A section of trail was described in the guidebook as "flagged, but not built in 1998", it was all the information we had to go on. Surely, I thought, they must have built it by now... Drew decided not to risk it, and took a different route. Mario and I hiked on, and arrived where the junction was supposed to be. There was nothing but a piece of plastic orange marking tape tied to a young pine. It looked about 3 years old. The trail still hadn't been built, but it was only a couple miles, we could manage. It was two miles of hiking from orange flag to orange flag, through thick young trees across the steep slope of Thunderbolt Mountain. Solid footing was rare, so was space between the trees. The orange flags had mostly fallen to the ground. The few that remained were well hidden. True to the mountain's name, rain and lightning flashed from above. We got wet, but we managed to make it through somehow. At some other time, it would have pissed me off, but somehow it was funny on the CDT. Sometimes the trail was wherever we made it. We pushed ourselves the rest of the day, trying to make up for time lost to the orange flags. We climbed a couple thousand feet and reached Leadville. Leadville wasn't a "ville" at all, just a bunch of abandoned mining equipment and cabins, rusting and rotting. The people had been practical, the only reason to go to the mountains was to extract money. When it didn't pay out, they left their trash behind and moved on - litter in the guise of history. We finally made camp at 8000ft, on a grassy hilltop with views east to Butte, and views south to... somewhere... to tomorrow. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The route down passed across a long soggy meadow. A spring created a clear stream that cut down the middle of the meadow. ATVs had ripped across the meadow though, and diverted the stream. Instead of its natural course, it flowed through quickly-eroding muddy tire-ruts. ATVs let anyone get to the woods. They didn't require the drivers to have a brain, conscience or soul. That ancient meadow, Long Park, was altered, wrecked by the clueless in an instant. They were still clueless no doubt. It was human history in a nutshell. The trail wound down over fields of Lupine. We could see all the way to the Anaconda-Pintler - jagged peaks on the horizon. It had been a lot of miles since our last foray into terrain like that. We'd be on the horizon in time though, it wasn't that far, another week perhaps? The trail took us back into the forested tunnel along little used roads... What were they all there for? Oh ya, money. Trees were money, rocks were money, rivers were money. They were my money too, they were a bank from which I made continuous withdrawals. I needed to feed my habit: walking, breathing - I couldn't do those things well without the bank. There were almost no CDT markers on the roads. A half-dozen intersections and a couple lucky guesses brought us to another car-campground, same as the last one. We sat at a table, exhausted and running low on food. A family had taken over the space next to us. They were taking turns riding ATVs up and down the parking area - Dad, then Brother, then Mom, then Sister and her friend, even the family dog got a ride. Walking was not done. I took a nap. It was another 5 miles to the highway that led to Butte. We walked 3, out of the national forest and onto "no trespassing" land. We picked a spot and ducked under some barbed-wire. Out of sight of the nearby house, we spent the night. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We hit the highway quickly the next morning. It was Sunday morning. Cars flew by impossibly fast... one by one. I started to think we'd never get a ride - they couldn't see us going so fast. A pickup shot past us, slammed on its brakes, and backed-up. It was a miracle. We got dropped off in the suburban sprawl south of Butte. I felt embarrassed. Mario had never been to the US before, and I wanted it all to be impressive. I tried to explain that it was better than Butte - It wasn't all Walmarts and K-marts, McDonalds and TV, at least not yet anyway. But... it was real, it was the America of our own creation, we'd been found out. I explained the history of the "blue light special" to Mario - a story that wasn't in any book or national monument's guided tour. Butte was a big town, not designed for walking... not designed at all actually, just thrown together - the quickest way to make money. We walked anyway. I bought a bunch of new equipment - a new sleeping pad, a new food bag, titanium tent stakes, nylon rope... The biggest attraction in Butte was an old pit mine, a giant hole in the ground. We didn't see it though. Instead, we split a hotel room and ate pizza. The man in the blue suit rode by on a bicycle he'd bought for $10 at a thrift store, "This thing is great.", he said, "It’s the only way I can get around this place." It was a clever move. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On the way out, we stopped for lunch at one of the dozens of nameless casino-restaurants scattered throughout the town. I ate a BLT and watched cigarette smoke filter though the hair of a chubby wrinkled old lady. Her hand was attached to a slot machine. It was the sickest thing I'd seen in weeks, I had to get out of the place, why did people live there, I wondered? How? We passed a rehab center next the the highway, the addicts were having lunch, some of them were walking in circles around a track, metaphors for their lives. Butte to Salmon We were on the highway again, working our magic with thumbs and cars. About 20 minutes in, a van stopped up ahead. As we ran up, the man got out to rearrange some things in his trunk, he waved at us to take our time. He worked (or at least volunteered) for the Montana Wilderness Coalition, I was surprised that such a thing even existed. He was looking for ATV damage along the CDT. He'd had trouble figuring out just where the CDT was located though. "I'm gonna have to order some of those yellow guidebooks.", he said. "A damn enviramenalist..." as many of the locals called them. He lived in Wyoming. Most of the rides we got in Montana weren't from Montanans, they were from travellers just passing through. The rides from Montanans were usually in the back of a pickup that started moving before we could sit down, and took off the second our feet hit the dirt again. I often wondered, if they were in such a rush, why'd they even stop for us? Too quickly, we arrived back at the trail. I was ready to start walking, but wanted more conversation... Mario and I were already running low on new topics. The trail started out quite nice - new tread that switch-backed through a forest of old trees and giant round granite boulders. We passed a series of crystal clear streams pouring from deep inside the mountain, their soft trickle sang, "drink me". Magic. I was home again. As we rose, the mosquitoes multiplied. At first, they were enough to make stopping intolerable, then enough to make walking the same. With every 5 steps, I caught one sinking its plunger into the flesh of my left shoulder, whack! another took its place. I was spending all my energy to battle an undefeatable foe. For the first time on the trip, I resorted to chemicals - DEET - better than drugs. Relief was instant, the buggers couldn't see me anymore. The DEET usually lasted around 45 minutes, then got diluted by sweat and dirt. It was long enough though, we rounded the top of the hill, headed through a wetland, and hit a road. The bugs were tolerable again. The road took us above Delmoe Lake. ATVs had carved smooth, rolling double-tracks in every possible direction through the forest undergrowth. We tried following some of them, hoping they'd take us down to the lake. The tracks went in circles though. The ATVs didn't take anybody anywhere, just gave them a cheap thrill of, "look at me! Wheeee!". $2000 joy-ride machines... who'd like one? We cut cross-country, aiming for the lake. Delmoe Lake was a reservoir, the water was down a good 10 feet or so, leaving a stale ring of bleached earth around its perimeter. Rotting dead fish lapped at the shore - put out of their misery. I climbed up some rocks, headed for the dam, when a big white dog saw me and switched on - all teeth and voice, growling, hair standing on the back, tail straight out. "He's a nice dog", I heard from behind some rocks. I clutched my pepper spray, subconsciously hoping the dog did something stupid. I really wanted to try the stuff out. "He's a nice dog", the guy repeated, smiling, "Come on boy, it's OK". Dogs don't like people with backpacks, poles, sunglasses, beards and hats. I saw myself in a mirror once, and understood why - I looked not quite human. We headed around the lake to a car-campground, tired, slept. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, we walked Delmoe Lake road all the way to another highway. The road had been slightly re-routed from the location on my map - made a little longer & gentler so people could get 40-foot RVs back to the lake. I hated Delmoe Lake road, its smooth boring turns, its white gravel, its white trash living on the shoulder, the graffiti on the boulders, turning to sand. Still, people came to the lake, the swill-hole, the irresistible force of flat water, any water, drew them there like flies to a cow's rear-end. We passed some old men at a picnic area, unloading ATVs from a trailer. Another toxic puddle was nearby, just under I-90... People were fishing in it. I pumped water from a nearby well, and then joined Mario in a quick nap. The old men we'd seen zoomed past us. They wore the blank look of addicts, plugged-in to the drug machine, farting, vibrating, giving its fix to pale skinny legs and bloated bellies. We were slowly hiking around the back side of Butte... too slowly. The forest service map showed a trail following the divide through the forest south of Homestake Pass. None of our other information mentioned it. As we suspected, the trail wasn't there, just some map-makers practical joke, or mistake, or dream. We cut down below the highway, heading for the suburban hills south of Butte. Our guidebooks suggested following paved roads for the next 20+ miles, southwest, then northwest. We'd had enough of that. Private property be damned, we were going straight through the subdivisions. I thought of the caption on a Far Side comic: "Tonga and Zuthu wander through the suburbs, plagued by kids, dogs and protective mothers." We asked some kids on bikes where the roads went, as the roads weren't on our maps. Like most of the people in the area, they didn't talk to strangers, just mumbled and pointed. We followed the curving roads to a dead-end, then found a dirt-bike path heading into the hills, going our way. We followed it for a mile or so, past a clump of abandoned buildings built near nothing, then to an abandoned railroad bed - "No Trespassing". The railroad bed took us to another road, more "homes & land" land, these were bigger homes on bigger plots of land. We stopped for a break in the shade in somebody's backyard, out of sight, we hoped, out of water, almost. It was still hot. We estimated our location on the map, and kept heading west to the end of the road, barbed wire, no trespassing, no people, just quiet island homes in an expanse of brown and green grass. The land was still there though, every place was some place, and there was a beauty to it all. We spotted a tank of water ahead - luck!!! Clean cold water was seeping out of the ground into a tub for the cows and horses and trespassing hikers. A couple more barbed-wire fences and we were back on public land... we figured, probably. We climbed a road (is it that road?, studying the map) and camped in light forest among pine needles and smooth decorative rocks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was pretty sure of our location. The road, then more like a trail, took us a half mile west, then turned. We headed off the path and into the forest, following a red compass needle and directions of least resistance. Lucky for us, the forest there was easy to walk through, there was plenty of space between the trees, no hidden cliffs, and occasional views so we could make educated guesses about where we were. Was it Climax Gulch? or the next one over? the one not on my map? We knew if we headed west long enough, we'd hit another highway, then it'd be easy to pick-up the trail again. We followed a drainage down, west. Water flowed, the forest was peaceful, enchanting, nice. It was all smooth rounded boulders and a shaded pine-needle carpet. I imagined it was what Butte once looked like, before people had come to improve it. Why couldn't we all just live in hobbit-holes in the woods? Oh, ya, telephone wires, automobiles, toilets, upholstery... all the complicated things that made life easy, that's why. We crossed another barbed-wire fence, into somebody's land, and came out to a ranch house. We could see the highway a couple miles off, down a gravel road that cut through an open plain. A mile down the road, a pickup towing a horse trailer pulled up. A man leaned out and said hello. We had obviously trespassed through his land to get to that point, but he didn't seem to mind. He wore a dull cowboy hat, faded shirt, faded jeans, boots, and, believe it or not, spurs. That's right, honest-to-goodness cowboy spurs. We explained what we were doing, and he offered us a ride to the highway. We couldn't refuse it. Beside the fact that it was blazing hot and shadeless, we'd had little contact with that "other" Montana, the one they advertise, the one that's kind, helpful, gentle, smart and real. After our short ride, we got out and said our thanks. "If the good Lord had intended us to walk, he'da given us four legs.", the man said matter-of-factly. I showed him my hiking poles, but he was only slightly amused. He actually understood where we were going and, probably even why. "Make sure you go up Nichola Creek when you get there.", he advised, looking off to the horizon, "It's my favorite place in the world.". He smiled and shook his head, some memory sending him into a temporary contemplative bliss. Then he drove off, horses bouncing behind, headed toward Butte. We were standing right on the CDT. Amazing. Our plan had worked better than we'd figured it would, we'd cut off a lot of boring and traffic-laden roads. We still had to walk 3 more miles of hot, shadeless, bright gravel. I generally walked about 15% faster than Mario, we rarely attempted to walk together. It would have driven me nuts to be behind someone constantly, I hoped I wasn't driving him nuts... I probably was though, oh well. I took a lot of breaks, long breaks. I'd wait for him to catch up, then wait another 15, 30, 45 minutes... However long it took until we telepathically decided it was time to walk again. The road led us to a trailhead, where we took a long break. Just below us flowed a little creek, the last water for another 17 miles. We'd already gone about 8 in the morning. The creek drained two dozen square miles of range-land, and tasted like a cow's rectum... my filter didn't filter-out stink. I went back down the water to wash my bandana, and half of a dead fish floated by. I tried not to think about it too much. The trail rose into the hills, Butte was behind us. Most of the trail was ATV trail, doubling as hiking tread. It actually made for pleasant walking, very smooth. We didn't see any ATVs, that probably helped make it a pleasant experience. The CDT was well-marked. Wooden signs pointed the way at each intersection, it was nice to let the signs do the navigating for a change. The trail rose higher into a forest of douglas firs. The big trees seemed out of place here. They weren't nearly as big as their cousins on the pacific northwest coast, but they were probably as old... at least those that were left. We passed through great swaths of clear-cuts - straight lines that partitioned the land. Oh, that's right, trees were money, money was important, all important. I wished the big trees luck in avoiding the roads and chainsaws and people, "It'll be all-right", I told them. Then I turned my head so they wouldn't catch me lying. We caught some light rain and soft thunder - it matched the temper of the forest perfectly. I learned a new Dutch word, "Wulkin", which meant clouds, I think. I wanted to learn more, but it was too easy to make Mario speak English. I figured I'd have to visit Holland someday to really get the hang of it. I wasn't going to get very far telling everybody, "Wulkin", and pointing at the sky. How would I communicate on a clear day? I'd learned one other word, "Pausa" which meant "break". When Mario was really tired, English was too much effort, it was time for a "Pausa". We hiked the 17 miles to Larkspur spring in record time, and ate dinner protected from the steady light rain by big trees. The sky cleared as evening came, and we made it to an open grassy hilltop. It was places and moments like those that made the trip worth any price of time, money or discomfort. The sunlight slowly faded, giving way to a calm, clear, quiet night. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We made it down to another paved road by noon. The Anaconda-Pintler wilderness was just ahead, bare rocky peaks were calling for us. But, we'd made a decision to have a pit-stop in Anaconda first. The road, hwy 274 (I'll never forget that number), was empty. One car drove past as we were hiking up, it took a half-hour for another to pass, and it didn't stop for us. 45 minutes, and another car, no luck. We started walking toward Anaconda, it was 20 miles or so. After 3 miles, we got a ride in a pickup... halfway... the people in the pickup had "something" to do in the mountains. 2 more miles of walking, and the same pickup came by again, we got a ride to the "main" highway, only 2 more miles to Anaconda, and there were lots of cars. It took only a couple minutes to flag down a ride, it came from a food distributor with a wife who worked at a restaurant in Anaconda. We had lunch and decided to spend the night - the sky was turning black with clouds. We'd heard rumors there was another couple hiking the trail. The man in the blue suit had mentioned them, the people in the restaurant had seen them. It took only a few minutes to track them down. Like me, Sunshine and Seehawk, had hiked the PCT in 1999. I'd never met them though, they hadn't been in a hurry to finish that trail, and weren't in a hurry to finish the CDT. They'd started about a week before us - undeterred by the late-season storm in Glacier. It was great to talk about the CDT with someone new, someone who really understood, someone who had the same questions and concerns..., "are you going through Mack's Inn, or around the top???" etc, etc, etc... They were trying to avoid as many large towns as possible, they'd skipped Butte. They didn't have a problem bringing extra food, good food, if it meant less hitching. They were from Santa Cruz, they swam in every lake, ate organic nuts and always packed a coca-cola to go... they were the energizer bunny. By that time, I estimated that Kevin and Sharon were a few days ahead and the man in the blue suit was just behind them. Drew was somewhere in Montana... we hadn't seen him since the orange flags. John and J.J. were somewhere behind us. That was our community, a little traveling town of loners and couples scattered along a few hundred miles. Every fifth building in Anaconda was occupied, the rest were either boarded-up or forgotten. Anaconda had been a boom-mining town back in "the day". Now, there was just one small mine north of town, barely worth a mention. The prosperous times had left gifts for Anaconda - they had a 400ft-high pile of black tailings, and a monstrous smelter-stack just outside of town. Then there was the movie theater. Everyone in Anaconda asked, "Have you been to the movie theatre?". There was a sense of honest pride about it. Everything else in town had gone bust, but the theater was forever. It was decorated with tile mosaics and red carpet, lighted by chandeliers, built with detail and thought. Movies were only $3, "Pearl Harbor" was playing. The town may have been empty, but the theater was full. I sat in the doorway of the room that evening. The largest bolt of lightning I'd ever seen electrified the hill just above town, a sonic boom followed. I was happy to have a roof that night. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sunshine and Seehawk had arranged a ride to the trailhead in the morning. An honestly excited woman (she cleaned the rooms at a hotel) kept us talking all the way up the hill, she loved it in Anaconda. "You're going up to where there's no trees... up there?" she said, looking out the window, "I don't know if I'd like that so much". I tried to explain how it was amazing, beautiful and free, but could barely put it into words, "you're up there, with miniature plants, stark rocks, snow in July, looking over miles of land, and you're a monarch..." She was excited for us all the same. Sunshine and Seehawk were headed up the official CDT route, Mario and I had another plan. The official route went through about 20 miles of forest, gradually rising to meet the divide at Goat Flats. Mario and I headed straight up into the mountains... well not "straight up", but over crazier terrain anyway. We'd had enough of the tunnel. The morning had started out absolutely clear, but by 10AM, storm clouds were forming to our south. By 10:30, the mountains to the south were being pounded with a barrage of lightning. The rain didn't concern us but the high voltage did. We were headed up a giant mound of rock covered in little more than grass and sagebrush. We were as good as lightning rods on top of the hill. The storm clouds were heading north, straight for us. It looked like we'd have plenty of time, until we didn't. I looked back at Mario, and saw a bolt of lightning strike a mile behind him, right where we'd been 20 minutes prior. I raced down the hill, and aimed for a thin clump of trees - they'd have to do. Mario caught up, and we sat there, crouching, waiting, getting wet. The storms never lasted long though, and in 20 minutes it was blue skies again. We figured we'd have a couple hours till the next wave. We crested the hill and headed down a steep wooded mountainside. Well, it was more than wooded, covered in thick underbrush that blocked, tugged and pulled. I slipped on a loose rock and cut my leg, not bad, just skin. It was frustrating, but the only way. Somebody owned the entire mountain valley, we had no idea who. We owned it, at least it felt that way... what was the point of owning something just for the sake of calling it your's? They weren't there, they weren't seeing it. We were ghosts, what could they do about that? If a hiker hiked through private land, and nobody saw him, was he trespassing? The trick was in "not being seen" (should've paid attention in Monty Python class...). The owners of the land had built a giant gravel road up the length of the valley, thanks. The road was wide enough for a double semi to make a U-turn. I wondered just what the hell were they doing up there? We tried to keep our breaks to a minimum, we wanted to move as quickly and quietly as possible, plus, the mountains were getting "cool" again, we... well, I had energy. About halfway up, we saw a black bear with two cubs... They promptly ran when they saw us. We got to a lake at the end of the road and relaxed - fairly sure that we didn't have to worry about the 'trespassing thing' anymore. Bare cliffs and rounded rocky mountaintops rose above us, storm clouds were gathering. We had one more bit of open land to cover, and decided to do it before more lightning came. We continued cross-country, past progressively smaller trees, across slopes of budding grasses and flowers, and even over a lingering snowbank. We reached the top of the ridge and surveyed the other side. An old guidebook described the path ahead as "the steepest part of the entire route". It was a believable review. We had to lean over the edge to see exactly what we were dealing with. There was really only one way down... straight down. Carefully, we picked our way down the rocks, trying to remain close together so any rocks we set loose wouldn't have time to gain dangerous momentum. We had to throw our hiking poles down as we needed our hands to hold on to the rocks. Halfway down, I came upon a rock that didn't appear to be steady, it was about the size of a coffee table. I gave it a little test-step, and it slid off the cliff face, free-falling a good 50 feet before it exploded into shards. The sound was like thunder, a dusty smell I could only describe as "crushed rock" wafted upward. I admitted to myself... it was pretty cool... especially in contrast to the environment, where little changed quickly. At the base of the cliff, a millennium's worth of fallen rocks lay in a steep heap, we scrambled down those and continued into the forest below. The terrain below the cliff was gorgeous. Clear mountain rivulets snaked through lush flowered meadows. In places the soil had grown over the water, so that the streams disappeared and reappeared. They seemed to come from all directions. The forest was old and balanced, all manner of life grew on everything - fungus, lichens, moss... We headed off into the woods, following our compasses, and peeking at the mountaintops to keep an estimate of where we were. After a couple hours, we finally crossed a trail that was marked on the map. We stopped for dinner at a lake, then followed a rudimentary trail along the shore. The trail became less and less distinct, then we realized... it wasn't a trail at all, some bozo had managed to get an ATV up to the lake, and ripped a path through the lake-side plants. The tracks led to a wetland, where apparently, the motorhead decided to back up. I picked up a couple cigarette butts in the muck. Asshole. We got back on trail, through woods that an ATV couldn't get through, not without a chainsaw anyway. The trail rose, back to more lush meadows and clear water. The mosquitoes were getting progressively worse. By the time I set up my tarp, I'd squished so many that I had a mosquito paste on my hands. I had a love and respect for so many creatures, but it all stopped at mosquitoes... I didn't even like reading or saying the word. I absolutely hated them. They were so persistent and suicidal, so 100% instinct, that they weren't even alive to me. I was jealous of Drew, he had figured out a way to rip their little stingers off through mosquito mesh - great entertainment - I wanted to torture them too, death was too easy for a bloodsucking bug that just didn't care. I examined the hundred or so mosquitoes, clinging to the mesh hanging from my tarp. A few of them always managed to sneak in during the night. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The morning continued where the evening had left off - more mosquitoes and unexplored land. We came to a lake which was also the dead-end of a road, an unloading point for people headed into the Anaconda-Pintler. I saw something I hadn't seen since the Bob - people with backpacks. I wanted to talk to them... kindred spirits, I thought. They were wrapped-up in their own little adventure though, pulling all manner of nylon and aluminum out of their car, too distracted to notice us. We headed up to Storm Lake Pass. From the top of the pass, we had a view down the valley we'd bypassed - where the official trail was routed. A short traverse along a steep mountain slope, and we'd reached the CDT... and the divide itself... again. We wandered over a plateau called Goat Flats, a rolling expanse of short grass and flowers at 9200feet. Mountains poked-up from the horizon all around. We were back! The doldrums of Montana were behind us. "you could play soccer up here", Mario pointed at the plateau, using the American word. We descended to a valley below. The trail through the Anaconda-Pintler was laid out like most trail through rough terrain - a lot of up and down over passes. As soon as we'd descended, we had to climb 1200 feet, back above the trees, to a ridge that connected the divide to Rainbow Mountain. The day was a euphoric one for me, a warm sun beat down, giant white puffy clouds floated and reformed above us, we among tiny grasses and flowers and rocks covered in bright orange lichen. There was also a special sense of accomplishment and relief. It was one thing to be in that place, it was more to have come there by foot, from far below, from far away... heart still pounding and head dizzy from straining the thin air. It was a rocky mountain high. We saw more backpackers in the Anaconda-Pintler than we'd seen the entire trip thus far. It had more to do with the time of year than anything, summer was happening in the world below, it was still spring up in the mountains. A train of horse-packers rode by as we filtered some water, their hooves dug into the tread, packing it down and ripping it up all at once. We were always "in the way" of the horses, somehow it was never seen as the other way around... at least not by them. There was plenty of trail and plenty of land though, no need to get pushy, at least they were out there. I thought about how many people were watching Oprah right at that moment. A little while later, we passed a group of lads, about 14-17 years old, headed the opposite direction. The boy in front looked up at me like a fairy tale prince, run away from home. "Are there lakes and streams up ahead?", he asked, with an accent that came from England, circa 1885. I stood there baffled, I wanted to laugh, I wanted to take him by the hand, point to the sky and say something profound. "Well, I don't know... if you go far enough, I guess, but you'd have to go downhill through the woods...". He'd picked the one valley in miles that did not have a lake... or even a good fishing stream. They trotted past, fishing poles in hand. I had to think, hadn't the kid looked at a map? What were they thinking? I hoped they'd find something better than a stream, if they'd only go "up". We steadily rose to our next pass, Cutaway Pass. Gigantic larches, the biggest I'd ever seen, dotted the bouldered landscape. Larches seemed to do best in harsh environments, it was the only reason I could figure why they were growing there. The largest of them reached their maximum sizes and died, standing for decades, naked of bark. The wood was colored in vertical stripes of gold and yellow, rust and white. It seemed that larches reached the pinnacle of their majesty long after they'd died. I approached the top of the pass and saw a familiar face, "Dude!" John was standing there, grinning, laughing, and shaking his fuzzy head. I hadn't seen him since Lincoln. He was pumped. He'd convinced J.J. to walk the actual divide from Goat Flats to Cutaway Pass. The route had taken them over a series of steep rocky peaks. J.J. soon came around a corner. He had a look of exhausted relief, shell-shock. He hadn't done anything like that before, and didn't seem too sure that he'd actually made it. The four of us traded notes from the last couple weeks as headed down from the pass. We finally came to a flat area in thick forest. We were small among the giant mossy trees - pillars of wood covered by layers of soft ornamental decoration. Why did people even bother with art I wondered, I was walking through the living Anaconda-Pintler gallery. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We passed Seehawk and Sunshine early the next morning, the lake behind their tent was covered in morning mist - water beginning its daily march skyward and back down again. The trail took us past fields of beargrass - rounded tufts of coarse grass that supported a single 3-foot-high stalk which ended in a bulb of tiny white firework flowers. Beargrass was common in all the high country of Montana, of all the northern Rockies and Cascades... Still, most people had never even seen it. I thought, what isolated lives these plants led, never once travelling down to the world below. What wonderful lives. John's pack strap broke. We sewed it together, a temporary, no permanent, no, temporary field repair. Things just didn't last. They didn't heal. Entropy, bringing it all down. My shoelaces had broken a few days earlier - I had expected it. My shoes would last another few hundred miles I guessed, my shirt was getting thin, my shorts were ripped. But, my body grew stronger every day. That was the difference between the living and the dead I thought, where do the mountains lie? the earth? the sky? all the rest of it? The four of us decided to take another alternate route. It wasn't some crazy idea, just a way to avoid going down and up, a way to stay among the beargrass and rocks a little longer. Thunderstorms rolled past, south to north still. The clouds built up all morning, then all at once broke like a giant squeezed sponge, the dark water falling in slow motion in the distance, an occasional outburst of electricity thrown in for a little pizazz. Clouds were strange, magical things I thought, we were lucky to have them. I understood the rain-dance. As we continued south, another color took over - black. The previous summer, an entire forest had burned. In places, the flames had stopped at the divide, giving us a "before" picture to our left, and an "after" to the right. In the heart of the burn though, the only thing that survived were small sprouts of beargrass - their roots had been protected from the heat, and were already sending up new growth - taking advantage of the abundant sunlight filtering through the empty trees. We stopped for dinner at an oasis of sorts, a spring oozed from below, supporting a small patch of fresh green grass that grew like a freshly re-seeded suburban lawn. A mile later, we made camp on an edge of the burn. The mosquitoes were thick again, and I took pleasure in killing as many as possible. I clapped my hands together every second for 10 minutes, killing 1 sometimes 2 with every clap. Usually, I was able to keep the mosquito population in check by culling the numbers, but not there. The forest was super-saturated with them. I gave up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next day, Mario and I drifted ahead. The trail continued to follow the divide closely, following the burn. The heart of the Anaconda-Pintler was behind us, our foray into the rugged peaks was too brief. The rain started earlier than usual. The clouds sunk low, covering the tops of the mountains, covering us. We walked through the thick fog. The tread disappeared, and the "trail" became nothing more than a series of cairns - piles of rock, about 3 feet high. It was 75 yards from cairn to cairn, but we could only see about 50 yards. We continued straight, what we thought was straight, past cairn after cairn, the next one always taking shape in the mist. Then, nothing. Which way had we come from? Where had the trail turned? The world was a small circle of sameness - scattered trees, piles of rock... is that a cairn? nope, just some random rocks. We took our best guess and zig-zagged in the general direction our compass said was correct. Another cairn, it was a game of hide-and-go-seek. The cairns either ducked behind trees or small hills, or disguised themselves as part of the terrain. We hit some actual tread again - a nice solid line of dirt - and continued downhill, out of the fog. It was time for a pausa at Shultz Saddle. The trail ahead followed a road. There was only one road on my map, about a dozen on the ground (why the hell did they need so many damn roads? Of course, money.). Naturally, we took the wrong one, then hit an intersection and took another wrong one. Crap. Where the hell were we? All the hills looked the same, the roads weren't on the map. It took a bit of guessing and deduction, but after a mile sideways through the forest, we came to what we figured was the "right" road. It was headed in the right direction anyway. It was a long day, a lot of miles. I never did learn the Dutch word for "stop", but I was sure Mario had mumbled it under his breath. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We only had about 6 miles to go the next morning. Then, town. A day before a town, it dominated my thoughts, a day in a town and I couldn't wait to leave. The CDT took a big detour to the north, a loop through half-burned forest along the divide... or so we guessed. Instead, we took a short-cut, down another trail. We took a break at a road crossing, and watched an unlikely parade of vehicles. First, a minivan filled with Asians from California. Then a pickup drove by: two older, well-dressed men from Montana. Finally another, older pickup from Washington passed with two younger men, missing teeth. "Your friends went up ahead", I said, hoping I hadn't stumbled into some backwoods mafia dumping ground. The dirty guy leaned out his window, and nodded at me lustfully. We kept going. Later, I decided the parade was looking for mushrooms. Morels were in season, rare, very tasty, so I was told. Morels were money too. Mario said he saw one, "Looked like a brains", he described. I never noticed one. We cruised the last few miles of roads to Lost Trail Pass. A sign across the highway read "Welcome to Idaho" !!!!! A man sat in an information booth across the road. Information on what? I wondered. There was nothing there. He wasn't very talkative, didn't have much information. Maybe I scared him? It was 60+ miles to Salmon, ID. We needed a miracle. I scribbled the word "Salmon" in thick black letters on the back of one of my maps. We took turns holding the sign. I waved at cars, smiled, bowed, grabbed the rim of my hat. I only had 2 seconds to make a good impression. A bus rolled by, "community transit". Hey! It didn't stop, I couldn't believe it! 2 hours later, it was cold, windy, and getting ready to rain. A pickup stopped (Oregon plates of course). "You need a ride to Salmon?", "Ya", "That's where we're going". It was all the conversation I had with them. We sat in the back of the pickup, watching mountains, forests, rivers... all of it rolled by too fast. We were in Salmon. We'd covered the distance of a 2 day hike with a 1 hour ride. We quickly boiled the town down to it's elements: Grocery store, Laundromat, Hotel, Cafe, Post Office. We could make do with just a post office if required. Whatever couldn't be mailed was a bonus luxury. I took a shower and walked up to the laundromat. I sat there and read the newspaper, lulled by the din of heavy machinery. I watched a little girl get scolded by her trash-talking mother for doing nothing other than playing & dreaming. "You quit that right now", Whap! on her bottom, the little girl sulked and sobbed, she crawled into herself. The mother wore an expression of permanent gloom. I wanted to tell the little girl to run to the woods, to read, to live her dreams, to be curious and kind. She could be better than her mother. I knew that by the time she'd be old enough to understand any of that, none of it would matter, she was on a one-way dead-end road to a miserable life. People were so sad. So pointless. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I spent the next morning wandering about town. A bumper-sticker tacked to the wall of the cafe read, "Can't Log it, Can't mine it, Can't graze it, Let it BURN!", with "burn" in proud fiery letters. I actually agreed with the statement of facts, but the philosophy behind it was irksome. It basically said, "the mountains are mountains of money", a message of unabashed greed I saw drilled into everything and everyone, over and over and over. What people were going to do with all that money, die with it? I didn't understand. I stopped at the town's museum. I learned that Salmon existed because of the Salmon river, because it was the place to cross the river. People had gradually built Salmon into a place to trade, etc... I walked over to the river. That was why the town is there? The more I thought about it, not much had changed. We had gotten one of the last hotel rooms in town. People now came to raft down the river rather than to cross it. It sounded like fun. I remembered the community transit bus that had passed us. I tracked them down. It was only $7 for a ride back to the pass. The bus left at 11:30AM - perfect. The bus driver was an old forest service employee, Mario and I were the day's only passengers. It was socialist economics. Finally, something in America made sense to Mario. The bus driver dropped us off right at the trail and wished us luck. Salmon to Leadore I had a heavy pack and I loved it - 6 more days of romping through the mountains. The trail felt different, we were walking along the border of Montana and Idaho... and would be all the way to Wyoming. Phase II. We started out on some easy road through forest and forest and forest, right on the divide. 12 miles whipped by before we even stopped. Salmon had given us energy. I had no idea what the terrain ahead was like, so I looked hard for sneak previews. I'd looked through the maps, but couldn't remember anything... plus, the maps only tell half the story. I didn't even know anyone who knew anyone who'd talked to someone who'd been to that part of the country, much less hiked it. The nearest big city was... Boise maybe? it wasn't even a thought. We were nowhere, well somewhere, we were exactly where I wanted to be most. We walked past a tree that had exploded a couple days earlier, when the recent thunderstorms had pelted these hills. Little bits of wood were scattered over the road, the tree was twisted into ribbons, limping and dieing. We only had light rains to deal with, not so bad, 10 minutes under a big tree and it was sunny again. We made it to Big Hole Pass, a dirt road... we wouldn't hit pavement again until Lima - 2 towns away. I hiked down into a swamp to get water, a stream had cut a trench 5 feet deep. I leaned over the side and dangled my filter in the stream, pumping, then stopping occasionally to slap mosquitoes that were feasting on my back. Ah, the joys of the CDT. We camped near the pass, thunderstorms rumbled through the night, invisible. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two and a half miles into the next day, we realized we missed a turn a mile and a half back. I thought of bushwhacking down the slope to pick up the trail, but Mario smartly vetoed that plan, pointing, "I thing we go back and find the trail". What was the point in rushing anyway? There was a new section of tread, about 2 miles or so, leading to another rocky road. They were called roads, but they were more like fat trails. The way was so steep and rocky it was difficult to walk on. Nobody could drive these roads, on many of them, nobody was allowed to. I thought about all those snazzy computer-generated SUV ads on TV... A jeep Cherokee on a mountaintop, the marlboro man standing nearby with a tight smile, squinting at the mountains and nodding his head. Right. We took a break at a stream crossing to rest and dry our belongings, each of us lying in his own little fiefdom, just within earshot, each hoping the other would wait just another 5 minutes... The only bugs were butterflies and those little nameless gnats that glow like gentle shooting stars in the sunlight - decorations for the flowers and grass. The trail soon faded, it was forgotten and neglected. There was evidence of a trail, an old sawed log, a blaze or two, but basically, we just followed the river, and when it seemed time, climbed back up a mountainside. It was all part of a long detour, down then up, to avoid some cliffs along the divide. Some variety was nice I suppose. The trail maintenance was never consistent. Just when I figured it'd disappeared all together, we came to a new section of tread. Somebody had done a ton of work. I looked at the trail all day, every day. I got to know it's nuances better than I knew my own. I knew how the ground would feel and sound before I stepped on it. I knew how the rocks would move under my feet - which would stay put, which wouldn't. I'd see a log 20 yards ahead, and immediately know if I had to adjust my pace a little in order to step over it without breaking stride. My poles were 2 extra feet, 2 extra hands. I used them to push me, to absorb jumps downhill, to push aside obstructions, to point, to feel things - poke some moss... isn't it soft? Sometimes the trail was like a living creature that sniffed out the best way through the forest, 20 yards at a time. I rode on the back of the snake, gliding. But that was good trail. Bad trail was like a tangle, random, frustrating and forced. Most trails were good. That trail was good. It continued, bringing us forward like a smiling south Asian servant, bowing, eyes forward, arms outstretched to the land beyond, saying, "see?", "look." "this is a gift to you". I marched forward, pretending not to be impressed, dreaming and thinking... We exist in a tiny band of fuzz between a sphere of rock and the void of space. Yes, it was all clear. All clear in my dizzy head. We'd climbed out of the tunnel of trees, back into the high country. The beargrass and indian paintbrush and multicolored rock gardens returned. The clouds were closer - they moved fast overhead. Why was the most harsh land also the most beautiful? or was it because. We ate dinner near a pond under cool cloudy skies, season was irrelevant. Another mile or two and it was a full day, different than all the others, but still the same. I'd pulled 3 ticks off myself during the day, got them before they got me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We climbed around to Slag-a-melt lake. Who named that one? We passed countless "bear" mountains and "blue" lakes, "fish" creeks, and "east fork south fork north elk" rivers. But Slag-a-melt? Somebody had run out of ideas, "Say, Charley... got any more names for these lakes?... what did you say? put that beer down and say it again slowly..." Then it was Luna lake. All of the lakes were alone, quietly waiting for quiet visitors to come and go in peace. Their shores were broken boulders, their backs were mountains, their feet were flowers and trees. The lakes knew a secret or two, I was sure I could see them smiling. We came to a section of trail that had been marked in 1953... by some dude. Some dude named Pete I think. He'd painted orange spots on the rocks to keep... to keep from getting lost I guessed. People had followed the marks, and where people walked, a trail was created. Some rocks and trees were cleared from the path, but it was still a guerilla trail, put there by rebels and friends rather than some government edict. Just when I was starting to develop affection for it. It disappeared, or maybe I disappeared. We continued over green mountainsides covered with an array of tiny flowers. The flies quickly got thick. They were thicker than I had ever known possible. I couldn't easily breathe. We were a feast for them, a feast of salty sweat, a feast of concentrated biomass, an odd fascinating treat. The flies couldn't be swatted or deterred, it was a feeding frenzy and we were the food. They flew fast, we couldn't lose them with our pathetically slow walking speed. The only real escape was through the mind, hoping, knowing they wouldn't last. We crested a ridge and a slight breeze picked up. The flies thinned, but I wanted them gone. I also wanted to get the very best view possible. I walked out the ridge while Mario sat in the wind. It was all rock, few of the flies found me. I surveyed my position. I was in the mountains, real mountains. I snapped photo after photo, the only way I felt I could prove the place existed. I took a photo of a mountain, then, a minute later took another of the same mountain, one photo just couldn't be enough, could it? Far off, I could see the valley of southwestern Montana - the "big hole" where a few people and a whole lot of cows lived. All water flowed down to the big hole, all that water came from beneath my feet and above my head. It flowed down past the big hole, down to some mythical ocean somewhere... We continued down from our little ridge, one more steep valley to cross, then one more ridge to climb. We paused at the tree-line, waited for a storm to pass, then made our run over the top. We were paralleling the divide, up and over the ridges that separated the headwaters of every creek and river. The land was getting too rough though, the divide was more vertical than horizontal and there were no trails though. We had to go down toward the big hole, around, defeated, but looking forward to a break. We headed down an easy grade, 2 guys with 90 pound packs were headed up, they were gonna do some fishin I reckin'd. I half opened my mouth to start blabbering to them (we hadn't seen anyone since Salmon), but they were beat. They'd probably hiked 5 miles with those packs, 5 miles after hundreds of hours in a desk and chair. I didn't have anything to say that'd make them feel better except, "you're almost there". One of them looked at me like a refugee. We still had ridges to climb over, but the scale of elevation was smaller – 4,000ft up to 7,000ft instead of 6,000ft to 9,000ft. The trail crossed a river and turned straight up through the woods. I put down my head and powered up the tread. It was steep, really steep. Not dangerous steep, but angry steep. Anger kept things interesting, let me appreciate the trail. Anger gave me energy when I thought I had none. Anger at what? it didn't matter. The trail? the weather? society? Anger was also balance. I couldn't be cheerful all the time, it had to be balanced somehow, or it would cease to matter... like life on prozac. There was a side-effect of using anger though, it was building... seeping out in little snide comments and cynical expressions. The power of the dark side was easily abused. I got up that hill though and the anger turned to joy as we started a smooth walk down. It was one more thundershower, one more dinner, one more agreement on where exactly to camp, one more day on the trail, one less day of my life. Well spent. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We quickly hit a road the next morning. Each of these mountain valleys had its own road, its own trail at the end of the road, its own lake at the end of the trail, and its own fishermen at the lake. We passed a couple of them, slowly riding their ATVs. They were real people, happy people, we exchanged thoughts about the weather, the merits of fishing and the merits of walking across the country. They knew how to enjoy life. We walked more roads, south, past a couple more valleys. Just before turning back up to the divide, we passed another group of fishermen. A couple of them were laying out a feast on a picnic table behind their RV, another was unloading ATVs from a trailer. They avoided my "hello there" stare as we walked by. We took a break under some large bushes nearby, on the other side of a small stream. I ate nuts and crackers as they sliced up a big pepperoni, I filtered some water as they cracked open pepsis. I asked where they were going fishing and was answered with a nervous "uh.." and a lazy hand wave toward the mountains. "Think we'll get more of those afternoon showers?", I asked. No response. I retreated back to Mario and the bush. I overheard one of them utter a tone of disappointment, they'd forgotten something. One got in a truck and sped off. What in the world could they have needed? they already had everything... but apparently, it wasn't enough. Halfway back to the divide we passed a group of backpackers who were headed the same direction. I was almost ecstatic, kindred spirits unite! They were taking a break by a stream that ran across the old road. They'd only gone a couple miles and were tired. They apologized for being in such bad shape. I didn't care though, I just wanted to spread my "oh ya!" vibe, and thought they might resonate. They tried, they were patient with me as I blabbered away about the CDT. They were a nice group of people, people who lived in Montana and walked from place to place - uncommon people since the invention of the horse and the engine. The road went all the way to the lake, ATVs went all the way to the lake. ATVs had killed everything under the trees, only packed dirt remained. People on ATVs had drug up bits of plywood and metal - a lame attempt at a table that sat rotting and rusted - trash. Of course, it wasn't the ATVs that were responsible for any of it, rather it was the people who rode them, and only some of those people. Signs lined the road, reading, "Motor vehicles restricted to roadway". The forest service map showed which roads were restricted, which weren't, even explained why... "habitat protection", "soil conservation". But for those "some of the people", it was just an example of the government taking away their freedom - that evil federal government who didn't know squat about nutin'. The road ended, there was no trail. There had once been a trail beyond the road, but all that remained were just one or two crusted blazes on giant trees - the couple trees that had actually lived that long. In a few years, any history of the old trail would be gone. It was the fate of everything. We bushwhacked up to the divide. We couldn't see the clouds until we were on top. They were black clouds, but at least 4 miles away. We figured we had time for one more mountain, Goldstone mountain - a bare pile of rock. The trail went right over the top of it, 9000ft, the highest thing for a mile. The storm was getting closer, a peak to our south, a mile away, a twin of the one we were standing on, was getting electrocuted. The sound of thunder cracked and rumbled, loud in the otherwise tranquil air. We ran down the other side of mountain, and aimed for a scrawny clump of trees, barely taller than our heads - they had to do. We ducked under them as it started to snow. The wind picked up. We sat there and tried to stay warm, knowing it couldn't last long. It lasted until dark. I shivered as I put up my tarp, then ducked inside, safe and warm, instant comfort. There must have been some kind of primal love of shelter, left over from our caveman days, still embedded in our brains, I decided. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Our latest traipse through jagged peaks was ending. Somebody had said they were called the Beaverheads, it sounded good to me. It was a cold, wet, sunny morning - perfect. The trail would follow the divide (or very close to it) for the next couple days. By 10AM, we were back in the tunnel. It was a nice tunnel though, soft shady ground and a gentle grade. We passed a couple more backpackers, headed the other way. They were hiking about 100 miles of the CDT, heading back to Big Hole Pass. Mario and I had seen their car there - a minor mystery was now solved. We exchanged information about sources of water, conditions of the trail, confusing intersections, and alternate routes. Unfortunately, most of the people I met along the CDT were headed another direction, conversations never lasted too long. The rolling forest continued, a lot of side trails went this way and that... ATV tracks? I didn't know. We dropped off the divide to pick up some water. A stream flowed through a small patch of short grass. I picked a spot, half in the shade, half in the sun, and positioned myself so that it would stay that way as the sun moved. I took off my shoes and socks, unrolled my foam pad, leaned my head on my pack, and put my hat on my face. It was what a break was supposed to be. The only sound other that of the water was an occasional gunshot from somewhere above us. I hoped they were aiming at something solid, but I figured if I got hit I could die there happy. Either way, I was covered. The route descended out of the forest to Lemhi Pass, sagebrush. It was there that the Lewis and Clark expedition had first crossed the divide, a year after they left St. Louis and headed up the Missouri as far as they could get. It was Sunday. Occasional tourists passed by to see the famous view first described in writing 200 years ago - rolling grey mountains stretched into what was later called Idaho, as far as the horizon was visible. We were going the other direction, perpendicular, on the Jonathan and Mario expedition. I sat in the dirt under the sign, too tired to get up and say a proper hello to an older gentleman who came by. I gave the 20 second CDT summary and he responded, "Oh, then you're going by Bannack Pass", his interest piqued, "I have to show you something... no, don't get up". He reached in his car and pulled out a map. He got down in the dirt with me, and proceeded to tell me about the bison caves. "Oh, Bannack pass, or Bannock pass?" "Bannock pass, here." The bison caves, he explained, were vertical caves formed in some limestone. Over the course of ten thousand winters, bison fell through the snowpack and into the caves. The bison couldn't climb, so instead, they died. The floor of the cave was supposedly littered with old bones. It sounded cool, I had to believe an old man who got down in the dirt to whisper secrets. Just below Lemhi pass was the spring, the one described in so and so's famous journal entry, "I was finally able to straddle the mighty Missouri". The water still flowed out of the mountain there... although the forest service had to "improve" the source a little as it had almost been visited to death. I stood over the trickling stream, "Mario, take a picture of me." I asked. He shook his head, "I don't understand this Lewis and Clark business". "Hey man", I told him, "it's all the history we got." Silly Dutchman. While we hung out at the little picnic area nearby, a minivan pulled up. The occupants looked around from inside, then they drove off, probably believing they'd actually been there. I felt sorry for them. We climbed to 9000ft on a huge mound of thin browning grass, on the divide. The clouds were breaking up. They'd not reached critical mass during the day, and were being beaten by the clock. The sun set below them, lighting up the sky. It was an immense sunset. It was to the west, to the east, to the north and south, straight above. I felt I could touch the sky, certainly, I could feel it. Then it was gone. Nighthawks danced curves in the twilight, gracefully snatching unlucky bugs. The stars came out - all the stars, steadily filling the sky with a chaotic pattern of pure beauty. I spent the night up there, with them, in the heavens. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We awoke to wind, pouring over the top of the divide, balancing the pressure between somewhere and somewhere else. We carted our stuff over to some trees, loaded up, and headed out. The high rolling green/brown continued. A few cows made a showing - the money. We followed a two-track non-road... a couple lines in the dirt next to a barbed-wire fence. The fence was there to separate cows from cows, those from Idaho and those from Montana. A few Idaho cows stared at us through the fence. They looked drunk, they always looked drunk. "Mmmmmeeeeuuuu", they told us. "Whatever you say..." The CDT continued to follow the divide, our trail didn't. We decided it would be a lot easier to keep following the road for a little while, then cut through some sagebrush up ahead. A zebra fly came by, stop, smack, bye bye. I looked ahead and saw 4 people with backpacks crossing a barbed-wire gate... could it be? more CDT hikers? They were headed our way. I was excited. I raced to meet them, and jumped over the fence. "HI!!", I said, bursting. One of them had a splatter of cow shit on his shirt. They were volunteering, I thought, from the CDTA, I thought, they thought I was on drugs... I thought. They were mapping part of the CDT, although they weren't actually on it. "you're here", I said, pointing proudly at my map, "There is no trail where the CDT is supposed to be". "Oh", one of them responded. I told them our plan, "We're going to cut down this sagebrush, then walk up to Bannack Pass on the road". A couple of them thought that sounded like a good plan, efficient. The road they’d been following would take 3 extra miles to get to the same place. Mario and I jumped into the sage, skiing down the hill like the sage were so many moguls. "you know, I kind of like this road...", I heard from over my shoulder. I didn't look back. The road over Bannack Pass was dirt. We needed to hitch to Leadore, 15-20 miles down the dirt, into Idaho. It was gonna suck, I prepared myself. I had enough food to spend a night on the side of the road. It was 3pm already. I just finished my sign - black letters spelling out "LEADORE" - when a van slowed down. A window rolled down, it was incredible. They were Dave and Dave Jr. from Utah, starting a hike on the CDT the next day, starting at Bannack Pass, heading north, spending the night in Leadore. They were Mormons. I almost became a Mormon right then and there, Brigham Young had to be pulling some strings with the big man. 20 minutes later were in Leadore, in heaven. Drew was in town, dear long lost Drew. One broken shoe and a P.O. SNAFU had slowed down his pace, what else could he do? Kevin and Sharon had left that morning, longer lost Kevin and Sharon, ghosts, names in a book. Mario and I split one of the 4 rooms in town. CDT hikers comprised a substantial part of the town's population... there were two more camped-out across the street - drifting north - I never caught their names. Leadore was an outpost on the perimeter of planet Idaho. It was high desert, sagebrush, dust, even cactus. It was roasted in the summer, frozen in winter. I thought of the name "Lead" + "ore", it used to be a mining town. I shared my observation with a local who responded, "Oh, ya, I never thought of that." Was he just teasing me? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The post office opened early the next morning. There was a CDT register in the post office. Trail registers were common on the PCT, rare on the CDT. It was a treasure. Virtually everyone who'd hiked the CDT, ever, had signed the Leadore register. The entries went back to 1980. The old writing sounded ancient - long-winded prose about communing with nature - seeing one's soul in the still waters of a lake... and such. My entries were always short and tired: "I was here, I am going crazy and I love it." That was my community, the history of my world - scrawled in ball-point pen in the holy scroll of the temple of Leadore. I didn't feel worthy of it, not yet anyway. I stood outside the PO. There were John and J.J., marching down the middle of the street, suddenly... just... there. They were lost brothers of the clan, we were all lost, being lost was the plan of the clan. We had a real "hello", a genuine one. We never really knew when or if we'd see each other again, any of us. Plans never lasted more than a day or two... and those were expected to change and change again. We traded stories of stories and sights, of paths not taken and those that were. We drank from the cup of euphoria and proposed a toast to all of it. Mario and I headed out, just walked out of town... that was our plan of the moment... that, and our thumbs, and a sign that read, "Bannack Pass". A few miles later, we had our ride, a campground host from a campground in Montana. Why was he driving the road? Fate? Brigham Young? I looked back at Leadore from the bed of the pickup, in a 45mph backward wind. What had I missed there? What secrets? It was behind me, no time to reflect. There was only one direction in my world, south, ahead. "Right here?", our ride asked, perplexed. "Yup". We waved "thank you!", then Mario and I turned away from the road and started walking through the sage and grass. Leadore to Lima There were no trees, just thousand-foot waves of sage. Actually, there were a few trees, isolated in little clumps, little stationary villages, but they didn't come into play much, they were just distant decorations. My map showed there was once a railroad tunnel under the divide. We'd read about about the old railroad on the little historical marker back at the pass. We took a little side trip to investigate the tunnel. Somebody had closed the tunnel entrance 50 years ago... mostly. A large berm had been plowed up in front of it. It was an easy climb over the berm and into the tunnel. The tunnel was cold, dark and about 100 yards deep, beyond that it had collapsed. It was a hidden island oasis. Anything rare was valuable. We stepped back outside to a sky filled with angry swallows... which looked a lot like any other swallows, except for the squawking. The trail took us up, for the first time up over 10,000 feet. Elk Mountain.. From the top, we could see a line of jagged peaks in Idaho, paralleling the divide - the Lemhi range. The Lemhis looked amazing, what was going on over in those mountains? what was the view like from there? why couldn't we be walking over there instead? But, I thought, if had been there, surely I'd have been looking lustfully back at the divide. The place for dreamy thoughts was right under my feet. The trail continued over more rolling green-brown mountains. The land was huge, made of tiny plants and tiny rocks and a tiny two-track road with two tiny people. We picked a spot, as good as any, and enjoyed the dusk. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next day continued the same - a speck of two people moving slowly over a huge land. It was hard to take it all in, to really appreciate and comprehend the views that had become so routine, the life that had become routine. We descended to a spring - pure water trickling out the base of a mountain - time for another break, back on the grass, flowers, sky, wind. Time paused for us there. We came to another lake that was at the end of a road. A couple had parked at the lake, and they were staring through a telescope pointed at a high mountain slope. They'd spotted a few bighorn rams, relaxed bighorns. Most of the time we saw wildlife along the trail, it was running from us. It was reassuring to know that the animals got to take breaks too. The couple had come up there because, "We saw the road on a map and decided we'd discover where it went", we had that in common. The trail continued below the mountaintops, winding among foothills along little used roads. The high lands above us were gentle, open, and inviting - calling us to come up and explore. After a couple hours, we'd had enough, and decided to cut up to the mountaintops a few miles before the CDT did. I wandered up a creek, slowly rising, and something caught my eye. A boulder had crashed from a cliff high above. It was filled with small fossils, about the size of gum balls. The fossils looked to be some type of ancient sea creature, a barnacle-like thing. I thought, how little we knew of that other dimension, the one of time. The fossils made the mountains look young. It had taken millions of years for them to have become rock, millions more for them to have been uplifted by geologic forces and broken off the mountainside. Yet, that rock had probably been uncovered, sitting there, since before people even existed, let alone lived nearby or hiked the CDT. We didn't even exist in time, we only got a still photo, one that shifted almost imperceptibly during the course of our short lives. The land continued to open up, with each step, more and more of the surrounding country was revealed. Distant peaks and valleys and rivers and lakes, they slowly appeared to us. Slowly the picture changed, the scale changed, the word "far" took on new meaning. We surprised a group of about 5 bighorn rams. We'd uncovered their secret hideaway, and they reluctantly trotted off, out of sight, to another hideaway. We reached the divide, then dropped down a little to a stream to cook dinner. It was already getting late. Where had the day gone? Our little dinner spot overlooked dozens of square miles of land. We were treated to a symphony of sounds from places near and far - a screeching hawk, yelping coyotes, bugling elk... Why was it that even the harshest language of nature was music to our ears? We continued, following our maps and occasional CDT signposts along the divide. We climbed to another high grassy mound, it looked as if we'd be in for another evening light show - puffy clouds were just overhead, soon the sun would dip to an orange angle that lit up their bellies. Sunset soon happened, right on schedule, but the clouds didn't dissipate like I'd hoped. Instead, they gathered their forces. The clouds above our heads were being drawn to the east, where a huge thundercloud was forming - a mass of low pressure. The sucking wind ripped over our grassy hilltop - taking the clouds above with it. To the north, another thundercloud was already going to work. Elk Mountain, where we'd been a couple days earlier, was being bombarded with lightning. As the sky got darker, the Elk Mountain storm intensified - one silent flash every few seconds. I began to worry, was that going to be our fate too? We were in about the worst possible position for lightning - on the top of a 9000 ft. mountain, in a landscape where the tallest plant was 1 ft high. There wasn't enough light to see the clouds anymore. I tried to estimate their size and location by looking for stars - a big black void told me where the nearby storm was gathering. It started to rain. I just laid low and hoped for the best, I was too tired to think about moving downhill, plus, it was probably 3 miles to the nearest tree. As I drifted off to sleep, the rain let up, the wind slackened, and by morning we had blue skies. The sky hadn't quite enough ammunition to get us. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the morning, after a brief detour to get water from a rocky spring, we headed up Cottonwood peak. It wasn't on the CDT, but it was on the divide. We'd been looking at Cottonwood Peak for a day, getting closer and closer... of course when we reached it, we had to go up. The summit of Cottonwood was a rounded area about 30 yards in diameter, beyond that it dropped-off, out of sight. To the southwest, a giant brown valley sat beneath the jagged peaks of Idaho's Lemhi range, rising on its far side. To the southeast, the divide continued, becoming a series of un-navigable crags of steep loose rock. To the northeast, the mountains gave way to the big hole and the hazy green color of sagebrush. A few drips of shimmering blue were visible below us. Harkness Lakes. We'd be there in a couple hours. We scrambled down the steep northeast slope of the mountain, the loose rocks shifted beneath our feet. The absence of a trail didn't faze me anymore, every place was just another place to go. I realized that the whole planet was open, it was only a matter of taking enough careful steps. To where else could I lead my feet? A half dozen pronghorn bounded away as we approached the little group of little lakes. We continued over more foothills as the heat of the day grew. The flies steadily built, opportunistically grabbing tastes of sweat and skin, then sticking around for more. We stopped for a break under some small shady trees. I covered myself in nylon... it may have been hot, but it was better than bugs. I couldn't look at all of them, couldn't focus on one individual before it was gone and another had taken its place nearby. The flies had all shapes and sizes and agendas. A freaky 2-inch long nameless alien bug, covered in antennae and probosci, slammed into Mario then sped off, in a hurry to be somewhere. As the walk continued, I looked ahead and noticed an unmistakable pattern of black and white on the trail just ahead. It was a badger. It saw me and stomped off in the other direction, down the trail surrounded by tall grass. A mile later I saw another one... then I thought, it must have been the same one. After all, what were the odds of living an entire lifetime, never seeing a badger, then seeing two in 20 minutes? The trail headed along a creek, up a beautiful mountain valley. Grey peaks rose high above the rounded green bottom. A deep blue sky dotted with clouds provided a perfect backdrop. It was Nichola Creek. I remembered back a few weeks ago, to that rancher we'd met - the real live cowboy. It was where he came when he came to the mountains, his "favorite place in the world". I could see why. The trail turned away from the valley though. I wanted to go up Nichola Creek, and was sorry that I hadn't planned to do it. It would have taken an extra half a day, and I didn't have enough food. I felt like I'd let the cowboy down somehow, I wanted to see what he had seen, to understand a little more of that place. I promised myself that I'd return someday. Yes, that was it... a perfect reason to come back, to think about that day. Nichola Creek, I'd visit you yet. We came to another lake, Deadman Lake. It was a small lake, population 4 - Mario, myself, and a father & son fishing team. We cooked our dinner, and watched the fishing. 10 seconds after every cast, Dad pulled up a trout, took the hook out out of its mouth, and threw the fish back. His son, probably 10 years old, wasn't having much luck, and started to lose interest, as if there was something about fishing that he would never understand or appreciate as well as his Dad. "This lake isn't stocked", the Dad told us, "these are the same fish that the pioneers fished". I was glad that it mattered to him, glad that he was there with his son, showing his son what mattered to him and why. It was quiet at Deadman Lake. After dinner, we headed up another hill, another steep climb, and found a place to spend the night, back on the divide. We were just settling in when Drew came up. He'd started a half-day behind us. All that time I'd been looking around, knowing there was nobody out there, Drew had been behind, a speck in the green. How many other unknown specks were out there? Maybe weren't as alone as I'd believed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Drew left early the next morning, before Mario and I even started making noises. I never saw him on the CDT again. Early in the morning, we passed high above a herd of Elk doing their daily business. There were probably 40 - 50 elk of all sizes, a community of them. They were disappearing into a patch of forest, one by one. The crisp cool morning fit the elk well, I wondered what they'd be doing in the heat of the day - sitting the shade most likely - the elk were smart, they'd been there a long time. Mario and I headed toward points unknown, further exploring our home, slowly learning what the elk already knew. I pulled off the trail and signaled to Mario that I'd see him up ahead. I didn't need to say anything more, he understood. It was a daily ritual. I sat there, squatting above miles of empty land, making my little contribution to the earth. People had invented a thousand euphemisms for it, but it was one of the most basic things that people did, one of the things that reminded us of our fundamental natural heritage, of our legacy. What was wrong with that? In isolated shrines all over the world, people squatted, seemingly ashamed that they indeed had to poop. Everybody pooped, but discussion of it was usually met with either giggles or shudders. On the trail, it was an accepted topic of conversation. It was celebrated. A good poo meant a good hike. A scenic poo? what could be better? We came to bannack pass, the other one... Up ahead I could see a white cliff. Limestone. It was an oddity, it stuck out, half uncovered like an ancient skeleton . I remembered the words of the man who'd sat in the dirt with me at Lemhi Pass. We had to look for the bison caves. We got to the top of the cliffs, and spread out. The cliffs themselves were something to behold, a unique frame from which to view the giant green expanse. Mario called out from behind me, "Here, I think it is here.". A dark cave, the walls made of soft horizontal grey/white bands, snaked vertically into the ground. It was as if the wall of the nearby cliff had slightly separated from the ground behind, allowing water to slowly erode the rock. We climbed down. The walls glew with sunlight, dimly illuminating the floor. The bottom of the cave, 20 feet below the ground, smelled like an unused basement, a faint scent of stagnant moisture. The floor was covered with bones, I had no idea how old or how many. If they had been bison, somebody had already removed the horns and skulls. All that were left were vertebrae, ribs, and limbs. The bones went down to an unknown depth. I thought about a bison, getting trapped there in a winter long ago, breathing heavily, and slowly realizing its fate, calling out to its companions above, the calls becoming faint, the big animal sitting down, never to stand again, the last breath and the slow decay. We picked up the CDT, and came to a stock tank. According to the map, we were near something called Buffalo Spring. A hose came out of the ground, and emptied into a large red tub. We found a valve hidden nearby which turned the water on. We had no idea where the water was coming from, but were too tired to worry about it. We figured, who would poison the water? and if it came from a dirty source... well... it'd be hard to catch anything to which we hadn't already been exposed. The water tasted good, and it didn't kill us. The trail leading away from the spring started out nice, but within a mile, it was completely gone. My home-made maps were of no use, I had only written on them, "trail in here somewhere". The guidebook was somewhat helpful, but, basically, we just headed toward the divide. There were a few CDT trial-posts, but no trail. The lumpy ground underfoot was hidden by thigh-high grass, every step became an experiment in stability and a test in ankle strength. Above us, a great mountain face - the Red Conglomerates - kept watch. The Red Conglomerates were like a grassy hill, with a section removed. The inside of the hill was made of rust-red banded rock. What else was hidden under these mountains? I wondered. What did they look like a million years ago? What would they look like a million years hence? I wanted to stand right there and get a fast-forward preview of the future, shards of red rock crumbling down into a heap, being covered by grass, the whole mountain melting into the countryside... Why do we have to be cursed with a human life-span? We stopped for dinner on a windy ridge, then bushwhacked some more... luckily coming to a road-end where we camped. As darkness fell, we could hear a group of people a quarter mile away, partying, probably drinking beer around a bonfire... It was Friday night, they were out there, cramming all their living into a night they'd probably forget by morning. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, the trail disappeared into cow land. It seemed like every cow in southern Montana was crammed into that few miles. The cows had trampled paths crisscrossing all the hills. A few scattered CDT markers were placed here and there, one couldn't be seen from another, and some had arrows pointing the wrong directions. We just followed the guidebook, followed written directions, looking for treasure. Every stream we came across was destroyed by the cows, turned into muddy puddles that had been stomped to death. We finally found a trickle of fresh water coming out of the ground, about 12 inches below, the water ran into a moist lump of cow feces. We climbed back up to the divide, smaller and smaller plants grew in the rocky soil. The rolling hills around us were all completely barren and windswept, they looked like thinly-disguised sand dunes. The wind was blowing hard from the southwest. As the walk continued, the wind intensified. The wind flowed up the slopes on the Idaho side of the divide and rolled over the top, right through us. I yelled at the top of my voice and heard nothing but the white noise of wind circling through my ears. I turned my head, and the wind ripped my hat off, ripped out the little string under my chin - the string that was supposed to keep the hat on my head. By the time I turned my head to look at it, the hat was but a speck in the blue-white sky, headed forever upward. The trail rolled up and down and up and down on bumpy soil, tracking the divide. We had to lean into the wind to keep our balance and avoid being blown into the barbed-wire fence, which was strung along our side - the Montana / Idaho border fence. We took a break just under the ridge on the Montana side, the leeward side. Below a height of one foot, there was little wind. We laid there for temporary relief. I amused myself by throwing bits of plants into the wind-stream above, watching them take off horizontally, instantly gone. An occasional grasshopper or bird whipped by, flying futilely against the current, flying backwards. Finally, the divide turned so the wind was at our back, we descended to the flatness below and ate dinner behind a parked car - a poor windbreak. In the evening, we camped in a tiny patch of pristine green grass, it was a bit of streambed fenced off from the cow traffic. It was all that was left of the way everything once was. I tried to imagine what the land looked like B.C. (before cow). It was difficult, the face of the land had been altered too much. What wealth of beauty laid underneath the scars? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, we walked the remaining mile to the highway, the first pavement we'd crossed since Salmon. After a few minutes of thumb-waving, we had a ride. A few minutes more, and we were in Lima, Montana. Lima was once somewhere, a railroad stop. But, the railroad had been replaced by the highway. The few cars that actually stopped in Lima were the only reason the town was still there at all. We had lunch at the cafe, an older couple from Lake Havasu sat with us... even bought us lunch. A woman at the gas station offered to help with our laundry. John and J.J. showed up, they had another hiker with them. Todd was a teacher from out east, hiking a chunk of the CDT before the summer ended. He'd started at the Canadian border with his partner, Dave, but the two of them had gotten separated somewhere in the last section. That night, we wound up at the bar. The bar had never made the jump from railroad to highway, it still faced the tracks, surrounded by abandoned buildings. The old man who ran the bar was a relic of the old Lima. He was the living essence of the place, a personified metaphor for the town itself. "Welp", he told me, staring off in the distance, "I've lived the best life I could." He slammed his hands on the bar. He was satisfied. He knew that it was all nearly over, and in the end all that mattered was not having regrets. All things passed, nothing could be done about that. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dave showed up the next morning, severely sunburned but unconcerned about it. He had a pack smaller than a schoolboy's. He subsisted on twinkies and doritos. I told him about some of the side trips we'd taken in the last section. "Oh, you're actually looking at stuff?", he commented. He had a different agenda, for him the CDT was a test of endurance, a race against his own physical limitations. He was trying to average 30 miles per day, including time-off in towns. Todd was doing his best to keep up with him. For them, the trail was work, it was deadlines, "gotta get to ___ by ___". They'd started 2 weeks after us. I wished them luck. Mario and I hit the road. It was the busiest highway we'd seen since Butte. Surely, we thought, getting a ride wouldn't be a problem. But, I didn't have a hat, Mario had lost his during the ride into town, he'd left it in the back of the pickup. "It is fate", he'd said as the truck had driven off. Mario's shoes had been falling apart, and the driver had given Mario a replacement pair, size 8.5. I knew the lack of hats would be a problem, I didn't realize how much. Vehicle after vehicle zoomed past, 70, 80, 90 miles per hour. We started walking. It was 15 miles back to the trail. More cars whizzed by, we didn't even get a sympathetic glance, not even a shrug of the shoulders, which meant... I had no idea what it meant. I hated the shoulder shrug. 3 miles. I hated the highway. 6 miles. I hated the cars. 9 miles. I hated the people driving them. I shouted profanity at the speeding vehicles. I screamed, "You are what's wrong with society!!!" I jumped up and down. I kneeled on the pavement. I used my other finger. Nothing. We'd given up. Only then, of course, a truck stopped ahead of us. 5 hours and 20 minutes after we'd first hit the road. After 11 miles and about 600 cars, we'd finally gotten ride. "I'll signal you when we need to get off.", I shouted from the back of the pickup. We sped onto the highway. 4 miles later, I waved in the rear view mirror. The driver signaled, "I'll stop at the next exit". There, he stopped... 2 miles too far. Lima to Mack's Inn It was almost dark again, we'd spent the whole day just getting to the trail. In a way, walking was walking, but walking next to speeding cars had been maddening. Whatever. It didn't matter anymore. We were back on the CDT. I looked at the map, "US Sheep Experimentation Center". Hmmm. I looked around. Sheep. Loads of sheep. The sheep were fenced-away from the roadway on which we were walking, incessantly chattering, "baaaaa", with a sense of urgency. What were they trying to say? They sounded like a chorus of bad actors practicing their death throes but never quite getting it right. For a while it was novel and cute. But, what if they simply never stopped? 24 hours a day of "baaaa"? no wonder shepherds saw strange things in the desert at night. I'd drunk almost all my water while walking along the highway. There was a stream flowing nearby, but it drained from the sheep field. The field was nothing but dirt and shriveled-up sheep terds. I imagined the water tasted the same. An indian rode by on an ATV. He had a plump round face and a body to match. He was grinning and staring into the distance... the sheep had gotten to him. He rode up to a little cabin just off the road. I figured, if he lived out there, he must have a supply of water... what a good plan. We walked up to the little white cabin, a pack of mangy puppies scurried under some wood stacked nearby. Bits of junk and barbed wire lay scattered, dropped wherever they were last used. "Do you think we could get some water?", I asked. A few moments later, he processed the information and walked inside. We followed. The inside of the cabin consisted of bare floorboards, a chair, and empty walls. He pointed to a sink. We took the cue and filled our water bottles, all the while the indian sat in the chair, grinning. He spoke. "We los da 'ems... lit'en". What the hell was he saying? "I'm sorry?", I asked. "'ems", he repeated with more emphasis. I didn't know what to say except, "Thank you so much for the water, we really appreciate it". The indian just sat there, smiling, staring. We hurried out of the cabin, anxious to put as many miles as possible in before dark. The water was warm and stale. It tasted like the kind of water that'd give a person brain damage. Things started to make sense. "I think it tastes OK.", said Mario. We reached a flat piece of earth a few miles away. As we set up our tents, we saw the indian, riding his ATV up a distant hill, heading for another little cabin in the sheep zone. Oh, "RAMS...", I realized, some rams had been killed by lightning strikes... he was trying to warn us... maybe... or make small talk. I didn't drink any water that night. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We awoke to a cold misty morning. The trail continued along dirt roads and little-used two-track paths. We passed a herd of cows - all their eyes tried hard to focus on us. It was the same routine every time we passed cows - just as we passed and started heading the other way, they panicked! They ran in front of us, ran in our direction. They lost control of their bowels, and sprayed half-processed cow poop all over the road-bed. A hundred yards later, we'd reach the cows again and the process would repeat. Cows had to be the most pathetic animal on earth. The trail faded in and out much of the day. We took a break at a nice creek, Camas creek, and looked to the horizon. A giant peak stood out, obvious and dominant. Grand Teton, there was no question. I was overjoyed, energized. I'd made it... somewhere, and I was headed somewhere new. It was true afterall, there was such a thing as Wyoming. Montana really didn't last forever. I saw more signs of change as the trail went on. Pumice! that meant volcanoes, that meant Yellowstone! Only a few more days... We ended the day at a flat spot near Salamader pond, in a forgotten corner of Montana... or was it Idaho? or did it matter? How far had I come? My hiking poles were messed up, they didn't extend and retract anymore, I'd had to lock them in one position with duct tape. I'd jammed pipe-fittings onto the tips to make them last longer, and those were now wearing down. My shirt had a giant hole in the back where it rubbed on my pack. My ankle gaiters were shredded. My shoes were cracking and peeling. How long has it been? I couldn't esimate, it felt like forever, I'd always been on the trail. My body felt wonderful though - the one thing that always improved with the work, improved with the miles. I was eating 2 dinners every night. Still, I was always hungry. Yellowstone was coming, Wyoming was coming... it was something different, finally! Yellowstone also meant Grizzlies... again. But it wasn't anything to worry about, just another thing to be excited about. For the first time in a while, we hung our food. My mind was fractured, scattered, healing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, we had almost-new trail. We descended to a river, huckleberries were growing nearby, almost ripe. "Are you sure you can eat those?", Mario asked. "Sure... probably", I feigned uncertainty and handed Mario a berry, and smiled, "They sure look a lot like huckleberries...". We passed a small lake. An old man was slowly making his way around the path. "Whoa, where'd you come from?", he asked as we skated down the trail. "Canada, this is the continental divide trail". "you mean right here? Well, I'll be...", he was excited for us. Then, I understood something. I was hiking for him too. He couldn't do what we were doing - didn't have the body anymore, never had the time, maybe never had the dream. But, he had some dream, tucked away in the back of his imagination. He remembered his dream, whatever his dream was. Perhaps his dream had nothing to do with the trail, or hiking, or nature... but by seeing us, he saw a dream being lived, and knew it could indeed be done. The man was my fuel, I saw him and knew I had to keep going. We reached the trailhead, another road-end, a mile from the lake. A trail register was there in a wooden box. The long list of names and entries were all the same: 7/23, 4 people/1 dog, 1 day, the lake. A couple stood out, odd entries from a short parade of CDT hikers. I put in mine: ?-now-?, 1 nut, 2001, canada-mexico via CDT. Who would read it? What was it for? One of the people had written, "need to put more fish in the lake". I rolled my eyes. Fishing a stocked lake seemed to me like hunting cows. What was the point? But then, there were just too many people, the lakes had to be stocked. Fishing, real fishing, had been loved to death. It had become a business, a sport, a check-mark on a survey form. It was like golf. The trail turned into a mish-mosh of old logging roads, ATV tracks, open meadows and sheep trails. We passed 3 men on horseback, 3 generations of family. "You're our kind of people", the middle one said. "Not like those damn machine-heads, they just don't get it.". They'd lived in the area all their lives, but they were out exploring places they'd never been. While we sat talking to them, some ATVs zoomed up a hill ahead of us, up the CDT and out of sight. We walked ahead to the junction of the CDT and the road, a faded sign riddled with bullet holes read "Area restriced, No Motor Vehicles". Further on, another faded sign, a big one, in the middle of nowhere - no road, no trail - explained the wonders of the sheep experimental station. Apparently, it was a joint venture between some university in Idaho, and the US government. They were doing experiments to prove that sheep farming was a viable, environmentally benign enterprise... if done responsibly. It went on and on about pasture rotation and grass regeneration. We later heard that experiments were also done on the sheep in the area. There were reports of sheep with see-through rib cages, sheep with one eye removed, sheep with bizzare genetic mutations... Though, I found it hard to feel very sorry for the sheep. "Baaaaaa". We headed up a hill covered in wildflowers, and got to the top of a mountain ridge - the divide again. An old road wound along the ridge-top to an abandoned open-pit copper mine, it was just a big hole in the ground with a puddle of muddy water in the middle. It had taken thousands of dollars and man hours to make the hole, but nobody had bothered to clean it up. Cows ran in front of us - there was still money to be made from the mountain. We wound down the far side of the mountain. It had been a long day, it was getting late. We pushed ourselves only because we'd run out of water. We'd missed a spring a few miles back, and there was no point in going backwards. We finally came to another road. A small metal cylinder, no bigger than a 5-gallon bucket, poked out of the ground. Water was seeping out of it. We decided to camp right there. A huge flock of sheep was on a hill not far away, "baaaaa". We could hear distant whistles of a shepherd controling his dogs, controlling the flock. Part of the flock came our way, moving like, well, like a herd of sheep... or maybe like fish. A white dog flashed past them, keeping the herd tight. But the sheep defied any organization, they flowed in bunches like big drips of water. The sheep gradually surrounded us while we cooked our dinner, then slowly drifted back to rejoin the larger herd below. A dog stayed behind. It crept slowly toward us, keeping its entire body low to the ground, and all its muscles tense. It sipped the water that was flowing from the tank, but never took its eyes off us. I tossed the dog a piece of beef jerky. I didn't care if I messed up its training, the poor thing looked worked. Cautiously, it picked up the gift, then looked surprised... it almost let down its gaurd. A distant whistle sounded, and the dog remembered everything. It raced off, over the hill, like a child who'd been caught talking to strangers. I thought, who'd come up with the idea of "counting sheep" to fall asleep? Sheep had absolutely nothing to do with sleep. "Baaaaa". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the morning, we hiked down an old road to Blair Lake. The shore of the lake was all hard-packed dirt, and exposed roots - ATVs had made sure of that. A few miles later, we came to Lillian Lake, not accessible by ATVs. The plants around the lake were lush, the grasses soft and tall. We took a break in the grass, under the trees. I wondered, did the ATV riders who visited Blair Lake know what the shore once looked like? much like Lillian lake I assumed... Or, had it been so long that they had come to accept the crusty dead dirt as "natural". Or, did they just not care? We were not on the official CDT anymore. The CDT made a big loop to the north, following the divide around the Centenial Moutain group, west of Yellowstone. We were heading straight east, straight though Mack's Inn. The trail we were following quickly ended. The next few miles were cross-country over fields of bumpy flowers and on improvised pack trails, beat into the ground by some horse-packing outfit. We spotted a radar antenae, over the next ridge. "See that?", I said to Mario, "We have to head to that thing". I shot ahead of Mario. I took a little detour to look for the place where the water started flowing, the source of Hell Roaring Creek. There it was, a trickle of water flowing out of some rocks. It was the most remote source of water for the entire Missouri River drainage. The water that was flowing under my feet took longer to get to an ocean that any other flowing water in the world. I snapped a photo, and thought about the ride those drops of water were about to undertake. All downhill... I got to the top of the ridge, and waited for Mario. And waited. Where was he? I called out his name, nothing. I walked back for a better view. I didn't see anyone. Mario didn't have a map of the area, I was concerned that he'd gone up a different drainage or something. I walked along an abandoned road toward where I thought he might have gone, "Mario!!!?". I heard no response but the distant rush of water far below. Great. Mario has probably broken his ankle, and fallen under a boulder somewhere. There was probably a grizzly feeding on his arm while I was just standing there, waiting. I went back down the hill, then back up to the ridge... still no sign of him. I decided to leave a note for him under some prominent rocks on the ridge. Hopefully, he'd show up in Mack's Inn that evening with some crazy story. I took a moment to wave goodbye to Montana - it was the last time I'd cross out of the state. I walked along another abandoned road, then along a nice hiking trail, back in the woods, and out to a trailhead parking area. One car was parked there, it appeared that the trail led to the radio tower. I started down the road... What if he doesn't show up? What will I do? What am I going to tell his family? How do I get a hold of them? I'd read an article about how Harrison Ford (yes, the actor), had rescued some boy scouts near the Tetons recently in his helicopter. I figured l'd have to give Mr. Ford a call... The road was hot. The white gravel reflected the sun. Dust swirled around me with every footstep. I was nearly out of water, and it was another 8 miles to Mack's Inn - 8 miles on that road. A pickup came by, down the hill. I had to take a ride, had to figure out the Mario thing. Two more miles down the road, and there was Mario, walking down. He'd hiked straight to the radio tower, then down to the trailhead. He waited for me, then assumed I was ahead of him. It had been a classic case of the leapfrog. I then realized how an incident on the PCT had impacted my concern about missing people. I'd learned on that trail, they didn't always come back. Mack's Inn was... well... Mack's Inn. A once-rustic resort that constituted a town, it had become part of a corridor of resorts, hotels, restaurants, gas stations and other mountain getaways extending south from West Yellowstone to who knew where. Summer was in full swing in Mack's Inn. Cars raced everywhere, kids swam in the river, parents loaded up SUVs with inner tubes. It was chaos. I focused on one thing at a time. We walked up to a nearby restaurant, then over to a car-campground to spend the evening. The campground was full, so we ducked into some woods behind it, and passed away the night unnoticed by the throngs. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next day was a day off. A zero day. 0 miles of CDT progress - the first such day of my entire trip. We hitched a ride up to West Yellowstone. I needed a new hat and shirt, Mario need new shoes. West Yellowstone was Mack's Inn x 100 - Everybody vacationing on top of everybody else. They were attracted there by the natural beauty, but spent most of their time looking at people and cars. We got some Yellowstone backcountry permits... designated camp sites again... I broke in my new hat on the way back to Mack's Inn. It took 10 seconds to hitch a ride from an elderly couple in a Cadillac. It was an awesome hat. Back in Mack's Inn, John & J.J. had shown up, Seehawk and Sunshine were there too, I hadn't seen them since the Anaconda-Pintler. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, J.J. was done. School was starting in a few weeks and he had to get back in that routine. He donated some extra food to our cause. Then, around 11AM, Mario and I walked out of town. Mack's Inn to Old Faithful Village It was nice to simply walk out of a town for a change - no hassling with signs and unpredictable traffic. We'd planned a rather leisurely pace through Yellowstone. We had two days to walk 30 miles to our first designated camp site. Cars whizzed by us as we walked on the shoulder of a busy road. Why were they in such a hurry? The road went to a campground about 4 miles away. Did it really matter if they got there 20 seconds faster? I started making "slow down" signals to the speeding cars. It was my own version of street preaching, I thought maybe I'd get through to one or two of them, "Slow down and be saved!" Most of the cars just swerved to avoid me. One car of teens made my slow down gesture back to me, laughing with open mouths like it was cool new gang sign, straight from the hood. They had no idea what I was trying to convey. None of the people had any concept of what it was like to walk along a narrow road with two ton metal monsters screaming by, kicking up dust and rocks. Instant death was only a flinch away. More often, people didn't understand the point of walking at all, anywhere. "Why don't you just drive? you'd get there faster...", I was asked a couple times. What was I supposed to say, that I hadn't thought of it? Get where? I was already there. Getting somewhere else fast wasn't the point, I wanted to get there as slowly as possible, the trip was in the walking, not the destination. The previous day, our "day off", had been filled with thunderstorms, we'd picked a good day to rest. Today it was hot. There was little shade on the road. Our busy road gave way to quieter gravel roads, then to a series of closed roads. Much of the forest immediately west of Yellowstone had burned in 1988... along with a lot of forest in Yellowstone. The forest service had closed many of the logging roads in the area by digging giant trenches in them, then piling the removed earth on the roadbed next to the trench. Some of these berms were over our heads. All that work was done just to make sure some yahoos didn't come tearing through the fragile burn area on their ATVs. Most of the signs that had identified the roads had fallen or burned or just disappeared. Somewhere along the way, we missed Latham Spring. "There was a big arrow made of logs back there." said Mario. I hadn't seen it. We were a quarter mile past it. I looked on the map. No worry, there were plenty of streams up ahead. We continued on our way. It wasn't the official CDT, so there were no regular signs (not like there were signs anywhere else anyway). I made little signs in the dirt with twigs, they spelled out "CDT", with an arrow. I didn't know how long my makeshift markings would last, but I figured at least a few weeks... long enough to help somebody... Seehawk and Sunshine were coming the same way and didn't have detailed maps of the area... Maybe they'd see my signs. We got to the steam, at least to where there was supposed to be a stream. There was nothing but a dry trench in the dirt. Hmmm, I thought. The next stream was the same, not even any green grass nearby. I looked at the map again, all the streams looked the same, were they all dry? I had to assume so. I had no water left, Mario had about a mouthful. It was another 12 miles to Summit Lake, the next source of water. It was 6PM. "I'm going for the lake", I said. There was no way I was going to spend a miserable night, thirsty. Mario agreed. We were both already thirsty. But, if we just camped where we were standing, we'd still have to walk to Summit Lake in the morning, even more thirsty than we already were. We walked along more abandoned roads as the daylight dimmed. We found a barely visible trail junction, marking the entrance to Yellowstone. It was a nondescript signpost set back from the old road on which we were walking. Next to the sign was a tree with an orange metal tag about 10 feet off the ground. Nobody hiked in that part of Yellowstone. All the "Yellowstone stuff" was miles away, in other parts of the park. There was no way to get to that entrance of the park other than walking... at least 5 miles. Still, the park had at least marked the trail - orange tags on the trees every hundred yards or so... Plus, the tread was somewhat cleared, it just needed more foot traffic to stay that way. I was hungry. Hungry and thirsty. Thirst usually trumped hunger on the priority list, but I didn't have many options. I unscrewed my water filter, hoping to find a few drips of water inside. Nothing. All I could think of was water. Moisture... uuuuuuh... If I drank, I could eat. I looked at the map again, there were a couple ponds about 2 miles to the south... but there was no way to find them, we were walking on a high flat featureless plateau - patches of dried grass and patches of sometimes burned trees. The volcanic soil was rough and dry. Slowly, I bit little chunks off a snickers bar and forced them down my parched throat. It got dark. We still had 5 miles to go. We couldn't see the orange trail markings anymore, but we managed to stay on track, looking for signs of the trail on the ground - stomped grass, sawed logs, a faint dirt path... We kept our bearings - due east. Up ahead, we saw something glowing behind the trees. What was it? Was somebody camped there? Were were at summit lake yet? Was it a fire? We knew that a fire was burning in the eastern part of the park, had another sprung up nearby? Then we were amazed, amazed by our own stupidity. It was the full moon, rising, glowing red on the horizon behind a clump of trees. We continued walking along a grassy meadow. "Are we still on the trail?", I asked Mario. "I think... um, no", he responded. We stopped and looked around. Everything was dark, the moon had ducked behind some clouds. In the distant south, a thunderstorm was silently flashing over some hills. We looked at the ground, closer, harder. Nothing. We hiked back to where we thought we'd come from, still nothing. How long had we been off the trail? I didn't think it had been too long, but I didn't know. We started walking around, we were thirsty, thirstier every second, thirst never got better with time. Then it started to rain. Rain was water though! Quickly, we pulled out every item of plastic and water-repellent nylon we had. I threw the contents of my pack all over the ground. Why was it that everything I wanted was always not where I needed it to be? I spread out my plastic pack cover, futilely trying to keep it flat in the wind. It rained just enough to get us moist. The wind made it cold. I did my best to slurp up the tiny droplets from my sheet of plastic, using my mouth like a dry-vac. It was pointless and pathetic. We were still miles from the lake, in the dark, somewhere in... That was right, we were in Wyoming. Somewhere in the thirst and darkness, we'd crossed the Wyoming border. "I want my Mommy", Mario sulked in a thick Dutch accent, half kidding, half not. It was a dismal moment. "Come on man! we're gonna find this trail", I tried to excite us both. I was more determined than ever. Methodically, I covered the ground nearby, back and forth, back and forth. 50 yards away, I found it. A tree had fallen over, and underneath the shattered branches - an orange tag. We went to the tree, headed due east, and found our trail again. A half hour later, we passed by something gurgling and hissing in the dark. The air stunk of sulfur. There were some hot springs nearby, they were on my map. There was supposed to be some fresh water nearby too. I wandered into the darkness, onto a slope of bare crusty dirt. Hmmm. I didn't want to fall thin earth into some hidden cauldron. I turned around. We'd come that far, we could wait for the lake ahead. A mile more and we were there, a giant empty black space, shimmering quietly in the dark. Nirvana. 30 miles since 11AM... it was now 11PM. I filtered a bottle and tossed it to Mario. Everything was OK again. We camped right there. There was a designated campsite around the lake somewhere, but we weren't about to try and find it. I sat in my tarp, and thought about the day. When we'd gotten our permits in West Yellowstone, the park staff had made us watch a video about being "responsible" in the back-country. It was all stuff we'd heard a zillion times, or learned through experience. Actually, they skipped a few things. Also, the actors in the video were not dressed smartly (blue jeans?). As for us? camping without a permit, not hanging our food, not bringing enough water, hiking at night... Yup, we were smart all right. We knew what we were doing. Stupid video. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the morning, the lake was covered with a layer of mist. We had nowhere to go all day. We were already there. I watched the lake wake up. A small herd of elk stomped away through the trees, crunching branches under their hooves. A deer ambled away silently, nimbly in the other direction. A group of 3 ducks floated down to the still water, making ripples in the glass. In the distance, a woodpecker knocked on a tree. It was the other Yellowstone, the one the tourists didn't see. The rangers told us that 98% of the visitors to Yellowstone barely even get out of their cars, they just roll down their windows and point... maybe they walked around some steam vents near old faithful, 98%, was it their choice or fate? Most of the remaining 2% hiked a few miles to a waterfall or geyser, perhaps spent the night in a car-campground, a glorified parking lot. The number that actually got back-country permits was barely a measurable statistic. Still, while we were in Yellowstone, many of the back-country camp sites were reserved. That said a lot about how many people visited the park. None of them were at our lake though, Summit Lake was 8 miles west of Old Faithful, 10 miles east of the park boundary. In-between there was nothing but a lot of half-burned forest. We packed up our stuff and looked for the designated camp site. According to our map, it was on the other side of the lake. After a half-hour of stomping through the trees, we gave up. We made a makeshift camp a little back from the lake shore, near the tree line. The grass was soft and short, we had all day to just lounge, read, take a brief swim in the cool sandy-bottomed lake, watch the world go by... We decided to go explore some of the "thermal features" that we'd passed the night before. Most of them were about a half-mile from the trail, in the woods. The land was grey and brown, the antithesis of the surrounding forest. No wonder the Indians had been afraid of Yellowstone. The place looked evil, It was scorched, parched earth, it was bubbling mud, it was thin salty crusts, it was steam, it was sulphur gas, it was heat from the earth, it was rings of rusty yellow and brown algae under clear water, it was still emerald blue puddles emanating from some hidden source far below. It was as beautiful as either heaven or hell, take your pick. We spent a couple hours marveling at the variety of random pools and puddles formed here and there - each of them distinct, yet all a part of some grand theme. We returned to the lake and watched nothing happen. Somewhere out there, beyond the lake, behind all the roads and trails, was a land that boasted a direct lineage back to a time before man. Nobody had ever lived in that land. Yellowstone was unique, it was the border of the prairie, it was the border of the mountains, it still held raw elements of each. I watched the sun move across the sky. I rested in the grass, fully occupied. I wanted to think that Yellowstone was what the world was like before people knew about it. Before people had changed things, and accepted those changes as facts. Before people had mined the mountains, cut the forest, killed the bison, killed the wolves, killed the grizzlies, brought in sheep, cows, barbed-wire, farms, roads, pollution, more people, cars, and all the rest of it. Where was all that progress taking us? It took me to Yellowstone, it took me back. Nobody came. It was perfect. Eventually, the day passed, we ate dinner, we set up our tents. We did all the things we normally did, except for all the walking. It was my second zero day of the trip, the second one in 3 days. I was enjoying the ever-slowing pace. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the morning, we hiked down from Summit Lake, away from the "hidden" Yellowstone, right into the Yellowstone with which everyone was familiar. I saw steam rising from the valley below, Old Faithful Geyser Basin. My map showed a giant network of pools, geysers and vents, each had a name, they'd all been discovered. I saw a thin line through the mist, specks of red and silver slowly wove through the land - the cars, the people. I didn't see anybody until I was right down in the basin, at a trail junction. I waited for Mario as group after group of people walked by, fresh from the Walmart. Why were they all SO brightly colored? I wondered. Each one had bright, no BRIGHT red shirts, white shorts, clean white socks and multi-colored advertisements strung across their chests, "FUBU". Good, I needed to know that. "Property of University of Ohio athletic department", clever. They didn't need to communicate, everything they needed to say was on their clothing, either in words or colors. I sat on a log, eating granola, smiling, saying, "hello" to the passer-bys. I was dressed in dirt-tones and ripped up shorts, a beard, a tan, and a magical hat - my own fashion statement of sorts. Mario caught up and we walked to a nearby waterfall. A thick steady stream of cold water poured over a cliff. Where was all that water a couple days ago? I complained. More water, hot water, oozed from cracks in a cliff next to the falls, shiny sheets of green and rust-colored algae decorated the walls. Everywhere, there was steam. We headed down to the Geyser Basin. The trail turned into a series of boardwalks. Glowing pools of blue water, clear water, hot steaming water, they were everywhere. They were like the pools we'd seen a day earlier, but these were comparatively huge in scale. The pools were framed with fragile walls of salts and minerals, slowly laid-down by evaporating water. I understood why they'd all been named. The people were everywhere. But, they surprised me. I'd expected them to be wild, inconsiderate, noisy, pushing, irritating. They were none of that. They were kind, cordial, quiet, well-mannered... even nice to a smelly dirty creature like me. They stood on the boardwalks, pointing, whispering to their kids, thinking. Perhaps Yellowstone had worked some magic on them, consciously showed them there was more to the earth than what men had created. In Yellowstone that was blatant, it was obvious. I picked-up only one piece of trash in a pool - a tissue that had probably blown accidentally out of somebody's hand. The boardwalks and carefully placed trails continued. As we neared Old Faithful, more and more geysers appeared. Most were intricate sculptures of salts, some 10 feet high, deposited over thousands of years by the whims of the hot mineral water and the underground network of plumbing. In the distance, a couple geysers spewed steam, then stopped, some others started. A perplexing network of tunnels and vents crisscrossed underneath us, deep in the ground. Somewhere down there, the timing of the geysers was decided. As we neared Old Faithful itself, the famous geyser went off. Hundreds of people, sitting on benches 5 rows deep, 'ooohed' and 'aaahed' as the water shot skyward 50 feet or more. There were more people sitting there watching Old Faithful than I'd seen the entire summer, throughout the entire states of Montana and Idaho. Old Faithful was a full-fledged city, it had restaurants, hotels, grocery stores, housing, and lucky for us, a post office. We headed over to the ranger station. We wanted to update our permits, add another day in Yellowstone, take it slower. John was already there, on the phone. We agreed to meet at the Old Faithful Inn. The Inn was a giant wooden structure, beams and staircases went this way and that, everything made of naked logs. The center of the building was all open. It was 4 stories high, plus more for an "attic" area - off limits since an earthquake a number of years ago. We found a couple chairs on a deck near the bar. I dried my ever-wet-with-morning-dew nylon things on the railing nearby. John showed up, he needed to join us as he didn't have a permit. Ok. Old Faithful shot off in front of the Inn, "oooh", "aaaah". As we were leaving, Sunshine and Seehawk walked by... how we found each other amidst the throngs was a mystery. They didn't have a permit, and needed to join us tomorrow as well. Ok. The nearest place to camp near Old Faithful (well, the nearest that wasn't full) was about 3 miles to the northeast. 3 miles out of our way. We hiked the short distance without too much thought, 3 miles was nothing. There, only 3 miles from the craziness of Old Faithful, we were completely alone. It was another isolated lake, another peaceful evening. I watched three red dragonflies battle each other for a prime perch - a small branch that hung over the water. Dragonflies were my favorite insect, by far. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We got down to Old Faithful again by 9AM. A quick stop to pick up more food at the post office, and we were again on our way, south. Old Faithful Village to Dubois A few miles south of Old Faithful, we took a short side trip to go watch a geyser erupt. Lone Star Geyser was an 8 foot gurgling mound of smooth salt crystals when we arrived. The area all around the geyser was parched white, it was a freak oddity in the forest. There was a book atop a pedestal nearby. The book contained a record of every eruption that anyone had bothered to record. According to the entries in the book, the geyser erupted every 3 hours, almost exactly every 3 hours. It had last erupted 1 hour before we arrived. What a great excuse for a 2 hour break! We set down our things under some trees, and waited. There wasn't much to see. It was like watching an egg hatch - not much happened until the end. The geyser gurgled continuously like a giant boiling cauldron. Wisps of steam rose from the top of the mineral mound. Occasionally, hot water splashed over the sides of the mound, slowly, imperceptibly adding to its girth and height. It was as if the mound was alive. It was speaking and gesturing, but what was it trying to say? People began to arrive in ones and twos. "You've got an hour and 15 minutes.", we'd tell them. They looked at their watches, weighed the pros and cons... most of them stayed. Before long the geyser had a small audience, about 15 people. We sat there, watching, waiting... It didn't seem likely that anything was going to happen, what was going on down under the ground? What bizarre system of caverns and tunnels were filling and emptying down there? How did the thing really work? Then, it started to spew. A jet of water, about 10 feet high, splashed out of the top of the mound. It rose and fell, steam drifted off to the trees. This lasted about 5 minutes, then the geyser relaxed. It was still 15 minutes to the 3 hour mark. Was that it? According to the book, there was a minor eruption 20 minutes before the main eruption. The little show must have been the minor eruption. A few people had seen enough though, and drifted off. 15 minutes later, exactly 3 hours since the start of the previous eruption, the geyser went off. The hot water shot with the force of a fire hose, 30 or 40 feet into the air, the geyser hissed and splished like it was angry, or excited, or trying its hardest to impress us. The water fell in a great arc, 20 or 30 feet from the base, steam billowed through the trees. It kept going and going... 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes... then the geyser ran out of water. It kept shooting hot steam though the vent, hissing loudly, then softer and softer... another 5 minutes and it was back to gurgling... ploop, ploop, ploop... We packed up and headed out, how long had Lone Star been doing its show? How many times? I thought... in the middle of winter, under the full moon, with nobody watching... those times must have been when Lone Star was greatest, but we'd never know. The trail continued south. We passed a few gurgling hot springs, scattered here and there, just to remind us that we were still in Yellowstone. The terrain in Yellowstone was remarkably flat, which was a treat for us. Plus, the trails were well marked, another bonus. We'd heard so much about how fires had destroyed the park in 1988, but the few burns we passed didn't seem too bad. Not all the trees had burned, and new growth was rapidly reclaiming the forest. The fire damage back in the Bob and the Scapegoat had been 10 times worse than in Yellowstone, but nobody knew about that, the fires in the Bob hadn't made the ABC nightly news. We passed a large family of backpackers. One of them told us about a place ahead where boiling hot water poured into a frigid stream, he said it was a great spot to take a dip. I took a mental note, then kept down the trail. We came to another big area of thermal weirdness - Shoshone Geyser Basin. It was a smaller version of the Old Faithful geyser basin - blue pools, gurgling and bubbling mineral formations... One little geyser went off every 2 minutes - a chaos of water shooting in every direction, then, ploop, ploop, ploop... something about it was just plain funny. There were no boardwalks, no multicolored tourists, no whining little kids, just a natural curiosity shop, a fantastic freak water show, a wonderful jewel of a place. We passed the geyser basin and took a break. I set out to find the bathtub. I followed the small stream up, back into the geyser basin. I found some hot water pouring into the stream... was that it? No... wasn't deep enough. Then, I saw it, a steaming torrent of hot water plunging into the stream, 50 feet away. I waded into the water. It was a dream. I floated, belly-up, limbs extended. It was about 5 feet deep, and absolutely clear. A light steady current pushed downstream, constantly refreshing the already pristine water. Every inch of my body was massaged and cleansed. I felt pure. I inched closer to the hot water to heat up, floated away to cool down. It was unreal, I couldn't have designed a more perfect system - nobody could have. It was something that could not have been simulated in some backyard jacuzzi or health spa. Little fish swam between my legs, I said hello to them. I was sorry I couldn't stay forever. I pulled myself out and returned to my companions. We headed around the southwest end of Shoshone Lake. A giant wetland extended from the trail, out to the lake, a quarter mile away. It was an unbroken sea of thick green grass. After so many miles on the tops of mountains, it was a joy to see, another manifestation of natural beauty. That natural beauty wasn't just in the park, it was everywhere, everywhere that it had been left alone. We stopped near the shore of Shoshone Lake to cook some dinner. The lake was still, the sun got low. A man walked up the lake shore and talked to us, "Where are you headed?", he asked. We told him. "Well, you better get moving, it's getting late", he suggested. We only had 3 more miles to go, and 2 hours to get there. "We'll be ok", we told him. Sunshine and Seehawk showed up, they'd started the day sometime behind us, taking nearly as many breaks. The man left, then came back, "I don't think you're going to make it." He looked concerned and almost a bit agitated. He was camped nearby - one of those sites that was full - and seemed to think that we weren't following the rules. During the entire trip I met people in the early evening, sometimes while I was cooking dinner. "So, you're camping here then.", they'd observe. "No, I'm hiking another 4 or 5 miles today", I'd reply. They always seemed perplexed by that, as if one had to be "in camp" by 3pm. I had no reason to stop hiking until it was nearly dark. I always thought it was better spend an extra hour on a quiet lake shore, than that same hour later under my tarp. There was nothing to do at camp but sleep, It only took me 5 minutes to set up my tarp, organize all my things and get in my sleeping bag, what was the point of getting there early? We arrived at our designated site just as darkness was settling in. Nobody else was there, just us, 5 CDT hikers, almost half the population of the trail. We made a fire and stayed up late, telling stories, playing music, singing songs, farting, laughing, life was good. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next day, we quickly arrived at the other end of Shoshone Lake. The trail crossed about 50 yards of the lake itself - where the lake poured into an outlet stream. The water was over our knees, but there was no current. We waded across. Then, being wet, we had an excellent excuse for another extended break. While we sat there, slowly drying in the sun, a lone hiker came up the trail, headed north. She had a hiking staff with a couple bells on it, a beat-up pack, and an aura that was familiar - she'd been hiking for quite some time. "Where are you headed", asked John. "Well, I'm hiking the whole state of Wyoming, I'm nearly done", she replied proudly. "That's where we're headed", he responded. Her name was Azure, and she was in a perpetual state of blissful shell-shocked happiness. She'd started her trip on horseback, but the horse had run off somewhere near Rawlins - spooked in the middle of the night by a thunderstorm. "If you see my horse out there, punch it for me.", she told us. She didn't seem to upset about it. "How were the Winds?", we asked. She looked right through us and spoke in ecstatic tones, "Oh, the Winds were pure joy!", she exclaimed, raising her hands as she continued, inflecting every other word with a happy twist of her head, "You're up there above the trees! there are alpine lakes everywhere! almost no people, I loved it up there!...". She had a similar recommendation for every part of Wyoming. She was bursting - bursting with the life of the trail, bursting with energy, overflowing with a frenzy of amazement. The coming winter, she was headed up to Alaska - she had a spot on a fishing boat way out in the Aleutians somewhere. "Look out for those boys...", John warned her. He'd been on a boat like that, and knew what she was getting herself into. "Ain't got time for boys", she proudly smiled and squinted, "too much energy!". Then she was gone. We were awestruck. I was immediately in love, not so much with the girl herself, but with the thought that somebody could actually be that happy, that full of life. It was possible. Anything was possible. A few hours later, I queried John, "did that really happen?". He slowly nodded his head, "I think so." We took another alternate route - it was a mile or two longer, but skirted the shore of another big Yellowstone Lake - Lewis Lake. The water was absolutely still, reflecting the sky above, and the mountains on the other side. Grand Teton was visible - a pointed shadow on the horizon. We never got very close to Grand Teton, but it didn't matter, there were plenty of other amazing mountains in Wyoming. We crossed another Yellowstone road. A steady stream of traffic whizzed by, in a hurry, gotta get there!... but they were already there, somebody should have told them. There were a lot of roads in Yellowstone. I'd always heard about how remote and pristine Yellowstone was, but there were more roads in the area than almost any other section of the continental divide. Even the most remote parts of Yellowstone were rarely more than 10 miles from a road. The park was even building a new road, apparently, too many roads weren't enough. But then, I figured, maybe it was just a sacrifice that had to be made. Maybe we needed to have some place wild with a lot of roads. For many people, it was the only way they'd consider visiting the "wilderness". If they couldn't drive there, it didn't exist for them. And, things that didn't exist were easy to forget about, easy to dismiss, easily lost forever to the insatiable appetite of progress. Hopefully the power of Yellowstone was sinking into those people, hopefully they were connecting, learning, growing, understanding the value of open lands, the value of "nothing", a value that was beyond human objects and money. We took a break at a trailhead parking area. A stream of teenagers came down the trail, one by one, excited to be there. "We've been out there for a week!", one of them proudly told me. "Wow, that's really neat.", I was happy for them. They'd been doing trail work through some teen work program or something. They were getting paid to have the time of their lives. Sure, it was hard work, but big deal! What the hell was I doing at 16? Working at a Burger King? I was jealous, these damn kids didn't know how lucky they were. Maybe they did, but they didn't appreciate it. Oh well, better them than no one I thought, someday they'd be my age too. We passed the last of the Yellowstone "thermal features" we'd see, and camped in our designated spot along Heart Lake. It was an amazing place. The park didn't allow people to build fires there - the threat of them spreading was too great. I didn't care. The fire we'd had the night before was the first one I'd sat by since Glacier. Fire was dirty, fire was a chore, fire was dangerous, it was something to worry about. I didn't understand people's fascination with it. I met a number of people along the way who seemed perplexed by the fact that I didn't make fires, as if some essential element of camping was lost without a fire. I didn't get it. I had my little alcohol stove, it was all the fire I needed. As we were getting ready to retire for the night, a pack of wolves howled in the distance. The predators, which had once been common all over the divide, all over the country, had been given back one small token of their former territory... and even that was too much for some people. I wondered how could too little be too much? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After leaving Heart Lake, we passed through another part of Yellowstone that nobody visited, the southeast corner. We played leapfrog all morning, spreading out according to our hiking speeds. More of Yellowstone had burned in the area, at least the burn was more apparent than in other parts of the park we'd hiked though. We surprised two bull moose. They ran up the side of a hill and stared at us... a lot like cows stared. We stared back. We quickly lost the staring contest though, and were on our way. We climbed toward the headwaters of the Snake River, the same Snake River that wound through Idaho and into the Columbia, and into the Pacific. Along the way, we lost Mario. We figured that he'd taken a wrong turn back a few miles. He was still headed the correct general direction, it was just going to take him longer to get where we all were going. The valley rose higher and the clouds thickened as the day wore on. Soon, it was cool and grey. We passed high above giant meadows, probably used by the park's bison in another part of the year. The park kept track of where all the wildlife was. All of the bison were in the north end of the park when we hiked through, so we didn't see any. I had to use my imagination to see them instead. It wasn't hard, I was used to doing that. We crossed the border of the park in a nondescript patch of grass. Yellowstone was past-tense. Some fresh bear tracks appeared in the mud along the trail, headed our direction. These were huge tracks, easily as bigger than any we'd seen in the Bob. They seemed fairly fresh too - perhaps left earlier in the day. We pointed at the tracks and looked at each other. There wasn't much to say but, "hmmm". In another 50 yards, we passed the largest pile of bear poop I'd ever seen - a pyramid about 7 inches high. I didn't check, but it looked like it was still warm. Lucky for us, the tracks soon turned off the trail. We finally made camp just inside some trees on the edge of a giant meadow. It was almost a square mile of sloping brown grass. The Snake River, an ankle-deep stream, wound through it down below somewhere. It was almost dark when Mario showed up, shaking his head in frustration. Yup, he'd taken a wrong turn. We were serenaded by wolves again that night, a couple owls joined in. I figured, it was the way things ought to have been. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Early into the next day, we surprised 3 giant bull elk. They were only about 5 yards from me when I came over the top of knoll. The animals were huge. As they ran, they dug their hooves into the soil, making the ground thump. In another season, theirs might have been a fatal mistake. The area was some of the most prime elk-hunting land in the country, in the world. Yellowstone was filled with a lot of gigantic elk, and every year, hunters picked off the few elk that couldn't read and drifted beyond the park's boundaries. A little while later, we passed two men on horseback. One of them was a graduate student doing a "salt study". We later learned there was a lot of controversy regarding salt licks in the area. Ranchers put out salt licks - big blocks of red-dyed salt that disintegrated and killed everything in a 10-foot radius - because they said their cattle required it. Elk were attracted to the salt too, but baiting them was illegal. So, how much salt licks did the land require? Whatever the results of the study would be, I was sure they wouldn't end the debate. People never listened to facts. We made it down to Mink Creek, the creek we were supposed to cross, but something didn't seem right. It'd taken way too long to get there. The terrain looked right though, the map showed it was where we were supposed to be... Hmmm. We kept following the trail, upstream. It kept going, and going. Where the hell were we? I figured maybe somebody re-routed the trail? I was losing my mind. I had managed to avoid taking any major wrong turns the entire trip. But I'd finally done it. We'd somehow gotten on the wrong trail, and crossed Mink Creek too far south. It just so happened that the topography at that crossing looked a lot like the topography at the correct crossing - adding to the confusion. We finally intersected the correct trail again, we'd added 7 miles to the hike. Damn. The trail rose to a high plateau. On the climb up, we passed about a quarter mile from a forest fire. Smoke billowed through the treetops, we could smell it, almost see the flames. It was the middle of the fire season. All the trees that hadn't burned in the last few decades were dry, primed and ready to explode. All they needed was anything hot - a campfire, a spark, a bolt of lightning... We hoped for the best, and tried to keep up on the latest fire news when we hit towns. As far as we knew, there wasn't any fire burning along the CDT... yet. We got another view of Grand Teton from the top of the plateau, our last view of the distant famous mountain - we'd walked a giant semi-circle around it. Like so much land along the divide, Grand Teton had become just a memory. We looked ahead and saw how the land was changing. We were in the Absorokas. The mountains were gigantic flat plateaus, islands in the sky, isolated by vertical rocky cliffs. Down below, rivers flowed through familiar U-shaped glacial valleys. Somewhere, the trail found a way through the cliffs, over some passes, forever south. I forgot everything I'd seen before, none of it mattered, the land ahead was all new, my home had been re-arranged. We walked through an area where a tornado had swept through 10 years earlier. The patches of forest had been devastated. Dead trees, whitened by the sun and time, lay in discarded piles here and there. I was glad we had better weather today. I didn't know the correct protocol for being stuck outside with a tornado. What is one supposed to do? What could one do? We descended to one of the most unique features along the length of the CDT - the parting of the waters. A bustling creek flowed from above, and there, it split in two. The left fork headed to the Atlantic Ocean, the right fork to the Pacific. I'd been hiking on the divide for almost two months at that point, and was very familiar with the concept, but seeing it there made it real - proved that it really worked. I was on top of the country, walking the fine line between east and west. We got down to the valley floor and hit the horse-packer highway. I didn't know why, but the area attracted a disproportionate number of "see the wilderness" horse-packing businesses. The packers took groups of tourists out to the back-country - "roughing it" with folding chairs, iron skillets, army tents, air mattresses, eggs, bacon, steaks... In order to bring all that baggage, the outfitters needed to bring extra horses - sometimes two horses per person. I was glad that people were getting to see land they would otherwise only know as white space on a map - land they would otherwise not even be conscious of - but I was sorry it had to be done the way it was done, I felt they were being cheated. Was it enough to just see the land? To me, the back-country was more than just a pretty picture. It was a reminder of our human heritage. Not the history we'd created, with folding chairs and iron skillets, but the history of our birth as a race, a history that started in the wilderness, when everything was wilderness. The land was our Father, our Mother, ourselves. I was sorry that these people would miss that, because for me, that was far more important than the pretty views. Sure, people needed some amenities, I had a few amenities... but those people had so many that they constituted a distraction. The horse-packer highway was a trail of immense proportions. It was as wide as a road. Across every stream, the trail doubled in width to a sloppy muddy mess riddled with hoof prints. It looked like a cavalry had ridden though... routinely. Where the highway was routed over dry meadows, it became rows of parallel ruts, side by side. Horses didn't like to walk in ruts, so they endlessly created new ones... especially when people didn't know how to control them or didn't care. In some places, the trail was 13 rows wide. We finally made camp along the horse-packer highway. We were tired. We'd pushed ourselves all day to make-up for our 7-mile detour. The sun slowly set behind the mountains. As darkness fell, a man was still fishing in the river nearby. He hadn't caught a fish all day, but didn't seem to mind. The day was long, but never long enough. At midnight, I awoke to the sound of distant ringing bells. It sounded like a hundred belled cows, dancing. It was a completely bizarre and out-of-place sound. I'd never heard anything quite like it before. It got louder, closer, it was moving, headed our way. "What is that?" I called out to my companions. Before anyone could guess, a dozen horses stampeded through our camp, through the darkness. Horses were racing all around us at full gallop. They'd been spooked by something, and were far from calming down. The ground shook all around me, I could hear nothing but the dull thuds of hooves, and the cacophony of clanking of bells. I hoped that horses could see in the dark, I hoped they had at least enough sense not to step on my tarp, on me. Then, they passed. The bells grew quieter and quieter, slowly fading into the night, miles away. "What the hell was that all about?", John called out. I had to laugh inside, somebody was going to be mighty pissed come morning time, the horses seemed headed all the way to Cheyenne. Then, a half-hour later, it all happened again. More horses, headed the same way. Once again, we avoided being trampled. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We never saw anybody looking for the horses. But the next morning, we passed a couple who'd camped 5 miles south of us. The horses had passed them too. They said that a group of students from Ohio were out there somewhere, taking a course on "how to horse-pack". I figured they'd flunked. We crossed a wide stream, and took a break to dry off... (like we needed an excuse). John was thinking of taking another route - one that hit the highway at someplace called "cowboy village". He couldn't decide which way to go. So, he flipped a coin. Cowboy village it was. But, when we got up, he changed his mind and came with Mario and me. We had no desire to go to cowboy village. A minute later, an overwhelming sense of fate overtook him. "Nope, I gotta go." He did an about face. "see you in Dubois!", I called out to him. His destiny was on a different path. There was no use denying destiny. As we climbed, we passed two men leading teams of burdened mules the other way. They didn't look happy, they were at work. Their job was to go ahead and set up "camps" before their paying clients showed up, then take down the camps after the people left. They had to keep doing that, leapfrogging campsites, while the client's trip progressed... so the client wouldn't have to be bothered with all the set-up and take-down, I suppose. They were like roadies for a hard-rock band. Ka-ching! more ways to make money in the woods. It was business as usual, back-country style. The trail had drifted away from the divide. There weren't as many routing options in the rugged terrain. The cliffs were like walls of a giant maze. One consequence of hiking far from the divide was that the streams had a chance to gain strength. We descended to one such stream - the Buffalo River. In periods of high snow-melt, the river was nearly impossible to cross. But, we didn't have that problem, it was a knee-deep ford. We didn't even think about fording rivers anymore, it was just another part of the land, a part of the trail. The end of the day found us crossing one more pass. Upper Brooks Lake was on the other side of the pass. It was one of the loveliest lakes I'd seen the entire trip. The water was absolutely still, the shore of the lake wove in and out. It was populated with smooth rocks, soft grasses, and trees that stood out over the water - reflected in the dim sunlight. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We stopped for the night above a long grassy meadow, a small stream meandered down its center like a pencil-thin snake with no head or tail. As darkness fell, the stars lit up the sky. There was a meteor shower happening. I saw shooting stars almost every night, but there were more that night... every few seconds, a silent whoosh. Then, just when I started thinking it was a fluke, whoosh, another silent visitor, another reminder that we were riding the earth, a giant spaceship, set like a pea in the ocean, alone, wandering. We made it to Brooks Lake Lodge early the next morning. People staying at a nearby car-campground were just waking up. A bald eagle screamed and soared overhead as we rounded the lake. Tall cliffs stood above Lower Brooks Lake, a nice lake, but plain in comparison to it's brother up above. Some people were lowering a boat into the lake. The lake wasn't very big. I assumed they were fishing, justifying the ownership of the boat. I wanted to tell them... just walk 3 miles... it wasn’t even steep! see the other lake, it was so much nicer, I was sure there were fish there too... But their world ended where the road ended, the lake was their final boundary, they could go no further. It was a few miles along the road to the highway. Mario and I decided to try and hitch a ride with any cars that passed our way. We got a ride from the second car. We'd stepped into the middle of another man's drama. It was the turning point, the pivotal scene. The man driving the car had been laid-off from his job of 15 years, a job that had been his life, his identity, an office job at a big telecommunications company in LA. He'd lost his purpose, his meaning, his everything. But there was hope, he knew what was going on. "I'm sort of going through a mid-life crises here", were the first words out of his mouth, but hardly the last. He talked non-stop. Since "the incident", he'd been driving around the country, fishing with his 8-year-old son, looking for... something... he didn't know what. He'd obviously done a lot of thinking about things, and we got to hear all of it. The only words I could get in were, "u-huh" and "yup". He thought he'd found his new thing, "I'm gonna open up a fishing shop, right in Dubois... but you have to do it right you know, go to all the fishing shows in Las Vegas, it's all about marketing...". But it seemed he was just talking through a decision, we were nothing but a sounding board, he hadn't really figured anything out yet. If he had, he wouldn't have been so scattered and unfocused. He hadn't yet broken as far as I could tell. I wondered, how could one fix something that hadn't yet broken? He was still in denial, he needed more of a crisis, needed to wipe things clean and start over. His son sat there, listening to every word, seeing his father slide downhill, seeing the one man he'd always counted on for strength & security lose both. He was a friendly man though. I hoped that he'd find a life before it was all over. I saw him in town later that day, he avoided my glance and shrugged when I said, "hello". He still had a long walk ahead of him. The laundromat in Dubois was the center of town for us. Mario and I walked by, Seehawk and Sunshine were already there, getting their things temporarily clean. John walked by a few minutes later. He'd somehow wound up at the Mayor's house the night before. He told us some story about a big buffalo-burger feast, and Mormons, and not being able to drink beer... Fate was a wonderful creature. I spent the rest of the day doing real important stuff - checking out the many tourist shops in town (all with a full line of rawhide clothing), seeing the bighorn sheep museum (bighorn sheep from around the world on display), and hanging out at the bar (run by an ex-schoolmarm who could've easily kicked our collective ass!) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, we were pressed for time. We all had to buy food not just for the next section, but for the next 3 sections - 17 days of food. We stuffed shopping carts full of snickers and "lipton's noodles and sauce". We got some boxes and ran to the post office, mailed our food ahead, and got out of the hotel before the guy running it charged us for an additional day. We were excited. The Winds were ahead. Wyoming's wind river mountains were something we'd all heard about, but had never seen. Right in the middle of Wyoming was some of the most amazing and rugged land in the lower 48 states. The only way to see the Winds was to hike... or ride a horse... at least a day. No major road came within eyesight of the mountains, and they were huge. The divide cut right through the heart of them. We wanted to get the most out of our time in the Winds - go high, stay high. We laid-out our maps and planned our attack, "See here? I think we can get down this... it doesn't look too steep"... "oh, man, we have to go up here"... "I wonder if we can just walk along the divide to this point, then...". We had it all figured out: plan A, plan B, and, well, that was about it. "The Winds are gonna go off!", was John's refrain. We finally got around to hitching a ride - that time from an alligator skin salesman who drove us 4 miles. Dubois to Big Sandy Lodge It was another 4 miles down a road to the trailhead we were shooting for. The letters C.D.T., those were just letters, we were making our own way. It wasn't even close to the official CDT, but it didn't matter, we were walking into the Winds. A mile into our road-walk, another car stopped. Less time on the road meant more time in the mountains. An elderly woman looked back at us. "Where do you need to go?" She was amazing, dominating. She had a quicker wit than most people half her age, and she knew everything. She knew exactly where we were going, "Oh, I went back there 30 years ago", she said, "the glaciers are really receding now though, it's a sad thing to see." She loved the Winds. She lived just off the road, owned an entire lake it seemed. "Here's something you'll want to see", she stopped the car and pointed to a large rock. We got out to investigate. The side of the rock facing the lake was covered in a huge petroglyph. It wasn't some simple handprint smear, it was an intricate carving, one that had taken time and planning to create, a god? a demon? both? "Oh, there are a bunch of them around here", she told us. "There's another", she pointed up to a rock decorated with a crisp design even more detailed than the last. "This area was very sacred to the ancient people", she said, in a tone that told us it was sacred to her too. Our guided tour was too brief, "Well, this is as far as I go.", she told us, as she let us out just before the trailhead. She didn't need to be excited for us, she'd been in these mountains, she knew where we were headed, she didn't have to dream about any of it, it was her reality, her life. We arrived at the trailhead and started walking. We were each weighed down by 7 days of heavy food, and didn't make it very far. We called it a night on the side of a ridge, about 3 miles in. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A few miles into the next day, we left the trail. We'd picked the fastest route up to the divide, it was just a matter of following the topographic map. It was great, we could go anywhere it seemed, and anywhere we went, we were the only ones there. We weren't trodding some path that had been explored by dozens of hikers over the last 20 years, we were just winging it. We climbed through a light rocky forest, then down to a small tarn. Then we went down some steep rocks to a creek, which we followed up a pile of boulders to the plateau of Shale Mountain. Shale Mountain was a 12,000ft slanted shelf, 2 miles wide and 3 miles long. The surface of Shale Mountain was made from boulders, which were slowly being covered by grass and soil. How long, I wondered, had it been like that up there? It looked like the grass had just started growing, but I knew it was probably a hundred years old. The entire mountaintop had been covered with a sheet of ice during the little ice age, the one that had ended in the mid 1800's. We hopped from rock to rock for two miles straight - it was the only to get sure footing. Far to our left and right, the edge of Shale Mountain dropped into thousand foot cliffs, we were on the island in the sky, our own private country: population 3. Ahead of us, the mountain slowly rose, a 50-foot high anomalous stack of boulders marked the summit. On the way, we passed the last remnants of the little ice age - a permanent icy snowbank melting rapidly into a giant serene puddle which was framed by naked rocks. In one place, where the ice had cracked, I walked up into the belly of the dying monster. The sun beat through it, and a deep blue glow emanated from within. A rivulet of pure water drained from the top. It was real water, better than the kind of water they paid for in trendy cafes in Paris. I had all I could drink, more than I could ever hope to drink. I climbed up the summit stack of Shale Mountain. John and Mario were already there, examining a little jar containing a small note-pad - a summit register. Only one other person had signed it that year. The view south opened up, we could see miles of the divide - rolling grey peaks, covered in sheets of ice that got steeper and rougher as the miles wore on. Our plan A was to walk the divide, south from Shale, a good 15 miles or so to Tourist Creek, then drop down and pick up the CDT once more. The sky wasn't cooperating though, dark clouds had formed all around us, and it was just a matter of time before they broke open. We were standing quite literally on the highest point for miles - a little nipple of rock on a giant mound. John wrote in the register, "3 CDT hikers, black clouds, gotta go". Anybody who read it would understand the urgency. We raced off the summit just as it stared to snow. The nearest tree was miles away, we had to be content with whatever cover we could get - our odds of "not being hit by lightning" improved slightly with each step downhill. The dark rocks on the north side of Shale were the size of small cars and motorcycles, in every conceivable sharpened angular shape. No solid soil was visible beneath. I had the feeling that the entire mountain was just a mess of giant broken chunks, hundreds or thousands of feet deep, all stacked and balanced on top of one another. We hopped over dark gaps in the rocks, and balanced along their rough broken edges. I looked over at my companions as they glided effortlessly over the pile, not even thinking about any step, just moving, balancing, bouncing, drifting, picking their way along. We'd been doing it a lot. I'd never thought of rock-hopping as a skill, but apparently it was, and we were all champions at it. For one of the few times in my life, I felt somehow special. I was good at it. It wasn't anything I'd consciously worked at, but there it was... I was having a blast. One bad step would have meant a certain serious injury, but it never even occurred as a thought, just as one doesn't think about tripping down a staircase. The snow quickly turned to a light rain. Sharp sonic booms echoed through mountaintops, plan B had definitely been the right choice. We spied a giant boulder that leaned on one side, there was a space underneath - out of the rain. We waited there for the storm to pass. We were near the shore of a small lake where the terrain was still dominated by dark jagged rocks, the sky was various shades of grey, constantly moving and reforming. The surface of the lake was still, the sparkle of fine raindrops faded quickly into the glass. The lake was young for a lake, but to us, everything was ancient. As we descended from the lake, lower in elevation, the rock gave way to more alpine grass and flowers. We were re-entering a land where things could actually live, survive, and even thrive. The plants were always pushing that upper envelope, but they could only go so far. Lower, the grass and soil became dominant, a few sharpened tips of giant rocks poked out here and there, a reminder of what was underneath it all. Pikas perched themselves on the tips of rocks like little decorative fuzzballs, announcing their presence, "meeep"... "meeep". We continued, following our map, constantly re-examining it to make sure we were still on course. Just above us, clouds had covered the highest mountaintops. The clouds were whipping through and past the rock, swirling, breaking up and re-forming. An occasional crack of thunder gave a us a hint of what was going on behind the grey blanket. Again, we were glad we'd taken plan B. We passed by a series of tranquil lakes, framed with lush grass, grey rocks and alpine flowers, late in their bloom. It was summer, a brief time for the mountaintops. A month ago, the snow had finally melted, but in another month the next winter would start. We were still headed downhill. We finally got low enough to intersect a trail. We passed a couple big backpacking tents, set up behind rocks. The first few dwarf trees appeared, the same species grew to 50 or 60 feet down low, but at elevation, they were barely higher than we were. We ducked under a few of them to dodge another rain squall... a pretty dismal shelter, but better than nothing. A group of horse-packers were ahead of us on the trail. We assumed they had the same destination we did - Faler Lake. The horse-packers were having trouble with one stubborn greyish-white horse. The horse was loaded down with two gigantic boxes of... who knew what? all the stuff from which I was happy to be away, I supposed. They coaxed the horse, they tugged its reigns, they beat its backside... it moved a couple feet. They left it there on the side of the hill, alone, it was torture for a horse. It just stood there. "Was he scared of the lightning?", I asked one of the packers. "Naw, he's just tired, he don't want to go anymore." The horse wasn't stubborn, it was utterly exhausted, it had lost all desire to move any further. In its mind, any degree of beating was better than one more step forward. I felt sorry for the horse. When they finally managed to get it down the hill, they unstrapped the boxes. Deep stretch marks were visible where the boxes had been tightly lashed down. The hike down to Faler Lake was a postcard, a painting. It was unreal. The slope of short brown grasses led down to the lake, a blue fragment surrounded by sheer cliffs. As we hiked down, a bald eagle soared past, screeching, "I am free". It was almost too perfect a scene to actually be real. Perfect how? It was that one great clip from that movie, the one that they played over and over and over, and it never got old... it was perfect like that. We got down to the lake and found a place to camp, back in some trees. We sat in a small patch, eating our noodles and watching the horses graze. The packers were on the other side of the hill, near the lake, making a fire and setting up their army tents, I assumed. One of the horses was tugging desperately at a leg strap that kept it close to a tree, it didn't understand. Another had already managed to free itself from its bonds. "These people...", Mario shook his head, "They should at least brush the horses." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The trail ended at Faler Lake, but the next morning, we kept going, beyond the end. The way was steep, very steep. We followed a wooded slope, next to a creek that raged down some rocks, down through the forest. The sound and feel of splashing water dominated. We found some small cairns on the right side of the stream... it was somebody's secret route, their favorite place. The cairns didn't mark a trail, just a way to weave through the woods without walking over cliffs. The forest flattened briefly at another lake, more isolated than Faler, perhaps even more majestic. It hardly seemed possible. We kept heading down, past that lake too. The slope slightly flattened. The forest became a tangle of broken and fallen trees. It had burned a number of years ago, who knew when? The fire had created a maze, a barrier to all but the determined. That was us, we only had one way to go - forward. There were no complaints, I relished picking my way through the busted trees. We reached a natural bridge, where the river ducked under the earth, then back out the other side. Trail again. Then I remembered, walking didn't have to be tough. The trail was like driving on smooth pavement after a life on a gravel washboard. We were sailing once again, the Winds were blowing and there was more to come. I looked back toward where we'd come. The valley was perfect, a wide river wound through the tall green grass, jagged mountains were all around. I looked over the river and saw a small grassy knoll that rose slightly above the valley floor. It was where I needed to be. Obstacles had no meaning anymore, I waded through the thigh-high water and climbed up the knoll just to view the view. We'd just walked from "there", I thought, all the way downhill from Shale Mountain... a day ago, from Canada, 2 months to the day. I knew why, but couldn't explain it even to myself. We were following the Green River, headed upstream, back "up there", further south. The river flowed like a giant liquid emerald - glacial silt reflected the sun making the water glow a surreal aquamarine, as if enchanted by elves. Above us, peaks were everywhere. We slowly bent around Squaretop Mountain - every angle more revealing than the last. The trail was perfect. It was a snake, smooth and elegant, we rode its back, slithering through the woods on a magical mountain tour. We took a break under some trees near a small creek. A couple hikers passed by, then a couple the other way. They were just more mountain wildlife - homo modernus nyloni. A couple of forest service workers passed by, dressed in camouflage green. We made up some excuse to talk to them. They had secrets, I thought, they'd been out there long enough, they knew something I needed to know... They had just blown up a dead mule, an aspect of the job they found both disgusting and humorous. What else does one do with a mule carcass laying on the trail? I didn't ask where they'd put the dynamite. I was busy concocting a plan C, and asked them about it, "Hey, we were thinking of going up Knapsack Col & down the other side, do you think that'd work?" I had found that most government employees I met in the woods - national parks and national forests, etc, - either didn't know much about off trail travel, or didn't think that anyone was capable or deserving or responsible enough to try anything even slightly risky. These two were different though, they understood our motivations and our dirt. "I think it'd work, I've never done it, but it seems possible..." one of them figured. They were plum cool. They also suggested climbing Fremont Peak when John asked, "which peak would be killer." We passed the stench of the mule carcass... somewhere back there, it was nothing more than scraps of protein morsels the forest would soon consume. We climbed into the evening, into the sky. The clouds raced close above the treetops. We found a perfect campsite - a cleared area underneath a thick group of tall trees. I set up my tarp, my 3ft x 9ft home. The wind made soft music through the branches above as I took deep breaths and pulled my sleeping bag around my face. 2 months, was that all? At that rate, I figured, I'd live forever. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The sky was clear in the morning. I could feel that the weather had turned. Every morning was clear, but there was some intangible feeling about the start of days destined to stay that way. Maybe I'd tuned into the barometric pressure or something, I wasn't sure. We climbed back above the trees, occasionally glancing back, down the gigantic valley that held the Green River. The river was just a shimmering line in the bottom of a vast undulating land. A group of people were headed down from the pass above, Cube Rock Pass. The first one was sitting on a rock, staring ahead and breathing hard. "Tell the others I made it.", he said urgently. "Ok", we responded. We kept heading up. More homo modernus nyloni came down, "This is the worst trail I've ever been on!", one of them exclaimed to anyone within earshot. Another warned us in a worried tone, "You'll never make it through here, the trail is wiped out, it's really easy to get lost." 20 yards later, we came to an area where more gigantic boulders had slid down, obliterating any sign of a hiking trail. But it was barely worth a footnote in our books. We clamored over them, and reached smooth tread a couple minutes later. "Was that what had them all flustered?", we asked each other. We got to the top of the pass and basked in the sun. I took off my shoes and felt the 2-inch grass permeate my souls. We had to make a decision, would it be dragons or the chart? Somewhere up a slope of grass and rocks and glaciers was knapsack col - a notch of a pass, one that the maps didn't show in much detail. It appeared there was a small glacier on the other side. We weren't positive we could get through safely, but I was willing to gamble. I knew we'd figure something out. I wasn't foolish, just confident, I knew the difference. John wanted to save his knees for Fremont Peak the next day. My knees weren't a factor, I wanted to do both. Mario felt more like I did. "I go there", he said, pointing to the mountiantops. So, we split up. The world was big, but the trail was thin, we'd see John again on the other side somewhere. Mario and I stepped off the trail, and onto more giant megahedron boulders. Their size dwarfed all the previous "baby rocks" we'd walked on before. They were the size and shape of dead elephants, of buses and busted suburban homes. We were hiking in 3 dimensions, all directions, the maze continued around a small lake. We had to go backward to go forward, go up to get back down. It was the only way. We stepped off the boulders and quickly encountered... a trail - a footpath beaten into the ground by generations of professional wanderers. The path led the way, up, up, past a roar of thick water, into the trickle of the fairy streams which poured out of the soil like as much magic - gifts for us mortals. The path wound up to the Col, a little notch above. Sheets of dirty ice decorated the mountainsides all around - rapidly melting glaciers covered with rocks, dying in the sunlight. It was a glorious death though, one for which they were worthy. Two travellers came our way. They'd met the old man on the mountaintop, and he'd sent them back, filled with words they couldn't hear, and wisdom they could never understand. Mario immediately knew - they were Dutch. There, of all places, halfway 'round the globe from Holland. I wanted to be Dutch too. We reached the top of the col, the pass. The world was below. I felt timid and small, I opened myself to the mountains and they swallowed me up. I was nothing, just a transient fleck of fleshy earth dust. If I could have lived forever, I thought, I would have been a rock on top of a mountain, watching time pass in eons like seconds. There. I immersed myself in the moment, I knew that for me, pitiful little me, the moment couldn't last. I HAD to remember it all, every sense. The mountains were so lucky, I hoped they knew it. Ahead of us was a giant cirque of rock and ice. A 2000 foot vertical wall of cracks dominated the far side. Jagged peaks jutted above others and others - a parade of pinnacles that nearly encircled us. There was but one way down, all the everything drained down a hissing snakestream far below. The way down led over a sheet of ice. It wasn't too steep, but I had no way to gain traction. I tried every resource I could, but each step was a slip. Finally, I gave in to the slip and crouched down, I aimed for a adequate place to land. Tiny rivulets of glacial water streamed down the top of the ice - little clear ribbons, one next to the other, marching one way, forever downhill. They had it easy. But, I didn't have it too hard. The slope of the ice eased and I was able to step onto solid rock before too long. In order to continue, the fastest way down was straight down. That way wasn't steep, but it was all ice. The glacier wasn't crevassed, at least not severely, but sliding down the snow and ice didn't look inviting, I just knew, we had to traverse over the rocks, around the side of the ice. Plus, it looked like there'd be a great view that other way - I had my priorities! The rocks on the side of the glacier were also giants, but we could see beneath them. Ice. We were far from solid ground. The boulders were new, they had only recently tumbled down onto the glacier, at least more recently than the ice had formed. The ice was melting, which meant the ice was moving, which meant the boulders were moving, shifting, slowly. They were not like the stable boulders we'd been cheerfully hopping through earlier. From the outside, they looked the same, they felt the same, but they were not. Each step required more thought, more caution. Progress was trickier, but we focused. The ice dimmed, further and further under the rocks... were we off the glacier yet? We stepped onto a small patch of soil, a plant or two. Ground again. I couldn't see the dragons, they were flying behind my head, turning when I turned. One of them let loose a huge hunk of the mountain from above a glacier, across the cirque. The rock tumbled down the steep ice, tearing up a cloud of snow, smashing into fragments, spinning, out of control. The thundering cracks and rumbles were delayed by the distance and refracted by the mountains, it sounded artificial. Dramatically, the gigantic boulder rolled down, down, finally crashing into its brothers, finding its new home. Each rock had been born of the same circumstance, each of these millions of rocks, alive and moving. "That is why I want to go here.", Mario said, pointing underneath us. I had temporarily forgotten about the dangers of the fall-line, I had just wanted a view. The dragons were testing me, warning me, being nice this time. We picked our way down more steep rocks and short cliffs. Finally, the slope abated, and we didn't have to be as careful. We could just relax and enjoy the view of the towers all around. Near the base of the 2000 foot vertical wall, a small city of tents had sprung up, a few people wandered about. They were headed up to Gannet Peak the next day, or maybe it was going to take a couple days, I wasn't sure. Gannet was the highest point in Wyoming, and that fact was an irresistible advertisement to anyone who loved climbing mountains. The group was from, of all places, Wisconsin. They were in a little over their heads, but they knew it, they were learning things, being cautious. Gannet wasn't a super-technical climb, but it did require a knowledge of glacier travel techniques - rope, crampons, ice axes, knots, etc, etc, etc... They were excited for us, I was excited for them, for us too... I wanted to hug them. I didn't care who they were or what they were doing, male or female? Whatever. I was just happy. I understood Azure. As we continued down the the drainage, a giant pair of glacial lakes filled the valley below - Titcomb Lakes. The lakes glew blue and green in the sunlight that filtered through the clouds. We took a break in some soft short grass nearby. I didn't want to move, didn't want to walk any further. Whatever I'd been looking for on the hike, I'd found it... I just had to stay there a while and figure out what it was. Time had other ideas though, it was constantly pushing ahead, and as quickly as I'd decided to stay, I got up and continued down, on trail. I looked back every 5 steps though. The view was ever-changing, unbelievable. What was it about a view that awakened a fire within us? I wondered. I did not know the answer, I figured I'd never know, I just enjoyed the warmth of the flame, it was roaring. We intersected the trail again, the CDT... or was it another trail, no matter, it headed where we wanted to go. John was right there, right then, completely through unplanned timing and luck. We said our hellos and headed toward Fremont peak. The land was rolling, glaciated. True boulders, isolated rocks weathered into rounded shapes, dotted the landscape. Some other time, glaciers had covered the land, the boulders had fallen onto the glaciers and been carried by the slowly meandering ice. When the ice melted, the rocks settled to the ground. That ground still held the scars of the glaciers - it was solid rock, smoothly carved and shaped into lakes and hills. Plants had taken root, made thin soil, multiplied where they could. It would have been a bizarre landscape in any other setting. But there, it was everywhere, miles and miles of it, bounded by sharp peaks on one side, and a green sheet of forest on the other. The pikas were talking to each other. I swore... planning some grand party or revolution. They chattered away in their one-word tongue, "meeep", as the light silently faded. We spent the night in that place, 11,000 feet above the sea, 2700 feet below Fremont, waiting for the sun to spin around and give us another day. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Early the next morning, we headed up the mountain. The climb up was a gigantic decision matrix. There were a thousand correct paths, it was just a matter of choosing one. We drifted apart, each finding our own way, alone. The slope tilted up, my hands came into play. It was never really technically difficult or dangerous, just glorious. The world opened up beneath as I pulled myself through the field of rocks. I reached the top of Fremont Peak - population 5, elevation 13,745 feet. Two others had started out before us. The tip was small. The other side of the mountain was a vertical cliff, dropping straight down a hundred feet to a flat sheet of ice. We were on the divide, a ridge of similar peaks and cliffs extended northward. Gannet peak stood out among them, only 59 feet higher than we were standing, but... higher. There was a giant metal cannister under one of the rocks - a summit register in proportion to the peak. It was filled with names, dates, words, thoughts, memories, occasions, photos, praise, everything and anything people thought was important enough to leave. I left a few words, a few memories, and a few minutes of my life - time I was glad to donate, but then I thought, maybe like fishing, time spent on top of a mountain like Fremont didn't count. We headed down from Fremont. We had to put in some miles. There was still a CDT to be hiked, and there were many mountains ahead, we knew it, we could see quite a lot of them on the way down from the top of Fremont. Titcomb lakes laid below, two giant splotches of blue, they looked large, but not as large as they truly were. The land to the west gradually flattened to the horizon. The winds were big, but they were all in a line, hidden by huge tracts of rolling forest and desert to their sides. People didn't know about the Winds, how was that possible? In a way I was glad that it was. We circled around rock-bound lakes, up through more glacial hills and boulders. We passed occasional hikers, on their own trails, headed this way and that. By the early evening, the adrenaline had worn off, we were beat. We stopped for a break at a tranquil lake just inside the tree line - the first trees we'd seen in two days. In some other setting, the lake would have attracted throngs of fans, sported summer homes and cottages along the length of its shore, and been featured in magazines. In the Winds, it didn't even have a name, it was just Lake 10,175 - distinguished only by its elevation. A hummingbird moth - an unlikely creature, more bird than insect - whizzed past my face while my body did nothing. "If only they could see this place... see this moth...", I silently pondered and shook my head. The break lasted all night. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next day was a work day, we had miles to cover. We were going through a section of the winds that saw little traffic. Most other hikers came east to the mountains, then back west to their cars - a day each direction. We were headed south, across the grain of the sparse human traffic, with the grain of the divide. There was nobody out there, just occasional lonely signposts, secretive mountain fauna, and the faded prints of quickly forgotten travelers. The trail wound around the mountains, traversing the flanks of a giant ridge to our left, the divide. We drifted away from the highlands, into thicker and thicker woods. I stopped to filter some water from a forested lake. It was gigantic puddle replenished each year by rains and melting snow, then sucked dry by the sun and earth sponge underneath. The sparkle of water hid the true dryness of the place. The lakes were warm and stagnant. A dozen miles to the west, the land was sagebrush, desert. John put it bluntly, "This water tastes like ass." A small group of backpackers arrived at the lake - they were done for the day at 3pm. It had been a long walk from their cars to the lake, from their sedentary lives to that temporary other one they were just figuring out. As usual, I asked them where they were headed. "Oh, we're going all the way up to Europe Basin", the man said, He looked proud, strong, "It's a long way up there", he boasted, trying to convey his sense of pending accomplishment. "That should be great.", I replied. I looked it up on the map later, 11 miles. I was happy for him, he was pushing his own limits in his own way. They never asked us where we were going, or where we'd been. But it didn't matter. We finally found rest at 25 miles. 3 miles short of our original plan, but far enough - it was always time for a new plan. We set up camp on the grassy shore of a large lake in the unnamed zone between mountains and desert. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, we continued over rolling grassy hills. The craggy ridge of the divide was visible in the distance. The trail faded away, we were left with occasional cairns, small piles of rocks in a sea of grass. I rolled ahead, Mario and John disappeared. I came down to a green grassy valley, where a herd of a thousand sheep was grazing. In "the wilderness". In 1963, congress passed the Wilderness Act - designed to set away land from the impacts of man, to preserve bits of what was once everywhere. Most designated "wilderness areas" were rough and rugged land, rock and ice and thick forests, land that people hadn't yet pushed each other into. The Wind River mountains were covered with a network of intertwining wilderness areas, areas that stretched all the way north to the Tetons and Yellowstone. But before 1963, back a couple hundred years, people had been grazing sheep in the lush mountain valleys in the summers. The wilderness areas were a compromise, the livelihood and traditions of a few people depended on grazing rights, and that trumped any other priority. Their grazing rights were their identity, without sheep, without access to the land, they were nothing, they would cease to exist. But, they mostly hired cheap South American and Basque shepherds - those were the people actually out with the sheep. The people who held the grazing rights? They owned the sheep, collected the money, and occasionally drove jeeps or rode horses out to check on things. They'd convinced themselves that they were really doing all the work, that the land was their ancestral home. But, I felt their real connection to the land went straight through a bank. The trail became a stock-driveway, littered with sheep shit. A few cows wandered here and there, thrown in for decoration, why not. The lakes began to really taste like ass, they'd been reduced to giant watering holes for the sake of business as usual - shores of hard-packed dirt and churned-up mud. John and Mario showed up, they'd taken an unexpected detour somewhere back in the fields - the scenic route. We'd hiked 20 flat miles by 3pm. A few more miles and we popped out at Big Sandy Lodge. We were tired, the lodge was quiet. It consisted of a series of cabins and one main building. A few quiet people worked there. The clientele of the lodge was mostly hunters and fishermen. We were there in the off-season. We had sent a package to the lodge from Dubois. We'd mailed it on a Monday, via priority mail, to Rock Springs Wyoming - where the lodge's owners lived - the package hadn't arrived. The owners had just been in Rock Springs the previous day - no box... sorry. There wasn't anything they could do. We had no new supplies, and we were a good sixty miles from the nearest paved road. They offered us a box full of things that other hikers had left behind - a tube of tomato paste, some couscous, rice. It wasn't enough. We ate a quiet dinner at the lodge, and thought about our fate. There was only one choice - we had to get out, had to skip ahead. There was a trailhead parking area about a mile from the lodge. We walked there. The lot was filled with cars. The trail beyond the cars led to what was probably the most popular group of mountains in the Wind River Range - the Cirque of Towers - a group of mountains we now wouldn't get to see. Oh well. Certainly, we figured, somebody would be hiking out of there the next morning, we'd get a ride to some town... somewhere in Wyoming, we'd figure things out as we went. Big Sandy Lodge to South Pass City The next day started slowly. Nothing ever happened too fast when walking was the central activity. A few people drifted out, no luck... they either had full cars, or made up excuses. We finally took a ride with Tom and Andy, a couple of guys from the east coast. They'd walked the AT 20 years ago, and had been ruined ever since. They had managed to string together somewhat normal lives, but every year, it was a trip to the mountains... somewhere... remembering. The 5 of us just about bottomed out the car as we drove mile after mile of dirt roads through rolling sagebrush. We got to a fork in the road where there were only cryptic markings on faded signs. The signs pointed the way to things not on our map. Driving the road was almost more confusing than hiking the trail. After a couple hours, we spotted traffic in the distance - a highway. A few more minutes and we were in Farson, WY, a town which few people's lives ever intersected. Farson was a crossroads and not much more. They had a post office. We tried tracking down our package, which had apparently travelled slower across Wyoming than we had on foot... or maybe gotten lost or forgotten, who knew? Nobody knew. Farson's other attraction was an ice cream parlor - the biggest scoops in Wyoming - there was even a line. But, gracious helpings of ice cream couldn't keep us in Farson, we needed to get out of the place. We stood by the side of the road and took turns holding a sign, "Lander". An hour later, we climbed into the bed of a pickup truck. The truck raced across the desert highway as a thunderstorm brewed all around. Black clouds picked out random points in the sage, BLAMO! some poor bush met its end. We managed to stay one step ahead of the rain, glad we weren't out there walking in it. We were missing a 3-day section of the trail, the end of the Winds. The Wind River Range ended abruptly, and gave way to the great divide basin - the desert of southern Wyoming. The divide split around the desert. In the center, water drained inward, into what would have been a small inland sea... if it weren't so dry. The trail was routed just north of center, across the basin. We knew what that meant - it would be hot, no water, no shade. We'd prepared ourselves for it. Still, seeing all that emptiness so suddenly, seeing something so vastly different than the area we'd been hiking through just the day before, it was intimidating. Our ride dropped us off in Lander, Wyoming, where we split a room. A few beers, pizza, TV, hot tub... we indulged in some of the finest amenities humankind has ever invented. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lander was a nice sized town, big enough to have everything we needed, but small enough that we weren't lost in it. We spent the morning doing our usual errands - post office, groceries... John and I passed a sign on a sidewalk, "exploding cheese bread", and of course, we had to stop. We got a ride to the trail from the owner of the hotel, "you know", he stated calmly, "I might just stay out there all afternoon... sit under a tree". I could tell he was alive out in the desert, simply functional in town. The trail started in South Pass City - right through the center of town. South Pass city was built on trails; the Oregon trail, the Mormon trail, the California trail, 8 in all I was told... they'd all passed through there. The town had been re-constructed as an historical monument to those times. There was a jail, an old store, a schoolhouse, stables... We heard stories about how Butch Cassidy once threw nickels in the dirt for fast little kids, "right over there", they pointed. We heard other stories, about a local boarding house owner who'd poisoned her guests and stolen their gold. She'd then fed the bodies to her pigs. Her nice gig didn't last long though, the brother of one of her victims shot her while she sat in jail. South Pass City was still creating stories. They were stories of spiritual awakenings, and of vortices powered by the wind and sun. They were stories of love in the daytime and aliens at night... stories of lives yet to be lived, told in a secret language, written in stones and read by shamans. In the morning, we found ourselves walking through sagebrush and sand, heading south. It was tomorrow, wasn't it? A shaggy white dog brushed the desert ahead, leading us, trying to show us something. But it was something we had to discover ourselves, and if we never did, well, then that was our fate. The big dog got in his truck and stared back like a sullen old indian chief. He drove off without a word or gesture. The line of normality was permanently blurred. So what if I only remembered my dreams, what was the difference? South Pass City to Rawlins We quickly forgot the mountains. The desert was a land that required attention, demanded it. The Great Divide Basin was sneaky though, it wasn't filled with blatant signals like giant saguaros and naked sandstone cliffs. It was covered with soft sage, soft sand and soft rolling hills. For once, we had views of uninterrupted flatness in all directions. We were walking on old roads, and it was easy walking. For moments, it was easy to forget that we were walking on the edge. Nobody could live out there without working at it... all the time. The CDT shot straight out, into the horizon, the fastest way from A to B. We decided to give ourselves a break. Instead of following the CDT, we could ease into the desert experience. The Sweetwater river headed in generally the right direction. The Sweetwater was an actual river - with water - not just an over-tapped, over-dammed dotted blue line on the map. In fact, we didn't understand why the trail wasn't routed along the river... was there some grave unforseen danger that we'd discover only too late? According to the spirits of South Pass City, walking the river would be no problem, but then, they were spirits, we were just people, weren't we? We passed concrete markers designating famous historical trails - the pony express, the oregon trail, the mormon trail. For most of their lengths, they had been covered with mega-highways, traversed by hoards of people in days instead of months. But in the Basin, the land had changed little... it was a place where people came to get at least a taste of their roots, hopefully understand and appreciate the physical struggles they no longer had to endure. 60,000 Mormons came each year to visit Willie's handcart site. Out there, somewhere, 150 years ago, a group of their brethren had gotten stuck in a snowstorm. The story continued that Brigham Young had a vision... He dispatched a rescue team to find the lost party. Most of them had already died, cold and hungry, but it was still considered a miracle. The Mormons came there to re-enact the migration. They pushed handcarts full of supplies across the desert. On their way to the site, driving buses and SUVs, some of them still managed to get lost. We hit the Sweetwater River and followed it downstream. Cows grazed there, in the desert, by the water. Every patch of green was exploited. The river carved a canyon through the dark desert rock, just deep enough that we could forget where we were for a while. There was only the ankle-deep river, some trees, some grass... We followed the course of the meandering water. Finally, we stopped on a patch of grass - as good as anywhere. The shadow of the sun crept up the canyon wall. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We weren't sure how long to follow the river. We didn't have very good maps of it. We figured we'd just somehow know when it was time to climb out. The canyon continued. It wasn't a dramatic canyon, we weren't locked in by steep forboding walls. The river was kind, just passing through. The water came from distant mountains, and flowed to a distant ocean, it had to cross the desert somewhere. We followed grassy banks and occasional cow paths through the trees along the shore, crossing the river when the going got tough on one side or the other. The canyon walls slowly receeded, and we came to a dirt road... still following the river. We came to a barbed-wire fence, it was time to head into the desert. We didn't want to go. We lingered under a shady bush, waiting for the hottest part of the day to pass. Then, we took all the water we could carry and headed south again... grateful for the little respite the Sweetwater had given us from the full force of the desert. We didn't know where the next water was, where the trail was, or where we were. We only knew that if we kept heading south, we'd hit the trail somewhere... it was just a matter of actually recognizing the CDT when crossed it. The CDT followed old dirt roads that were cut through the endless sage. The terrain was open enough that we could walk anywhere. We could have wandered aimlessly forever if we'd wanted, but the CDT provided a good route. It would be easier to follow, plus, it passed some water sources along the way. That was our only real focus - water. If we had enough water, the desert would be easy. As we headed up the desert hills, the Sweetwater River was visible in the distance. It slowly wound east toward the haze on the horizon, off to the end of the earth it seemed. We passed some roads. Some were nothing more than faint tracks over long dead sage, others were freshly groomed. None of them headed our direction, none of them were the CDT, yet. We finally crested a hill, which, upon reflection, was probably the divide. A mile away, down a hill, we spotted a small green patch next to a couple man-made structures - water. A spring flowed there, water straight out of the sand. Somebody had enough sense to build a fence around the spring, so the wandering cows didn't wreck it. The spring was a good sign. If it was flowing others would be too. The springs were on our maps - little blue circles with squiggly lines. We knew that some of the mapped springs were good, others were unreliable and dry. We had little idea which was which. We had no way to tell which spring it was that we'd stumbled upon. I didn't have my regular maps for the section - those had been in the missing box, we only had a vague idea of what the terrain looked like - our maps showed only roads and springs and dry riverbeds, and showed none of those in much detail. I looked at the suspect springs, was it Ladysmith spring? upper? lower? possibly Immigrant Spring? Mormon Spring? We headed southeast and came to a crossroads. Each crossroads was unique, the angles of the intersecting roads were often as good as signs. It was Ladysmith spring... one of them. The CDT was just ahead. A mile later, we came to another crossroads. Sure enough, a fiberglass post was planted into the groud - CDT. The CDT was actually well marked in the Basin. We hadn't seen any CDT trail markers since Montana, but there in the basin, the CDT had a fan. Ray worked for the BLM and was intrigued by the trail. We'd heard about him in Lander, we'd even stopped by the BLM office there. He hadn't been in, but we did get a copy of some maps he'd created - maps that showed the route of the CDT, and pinpointed possible water sources. We figured he was also responsible for the signs. There were CDT signs at every crossroads in the basin, so many that one would have to work to get lost. The signs made it easy, just follow the line, watch the horizon, watch the sagebrush drift by. Pronghorn floated over the sage, the fastest land animal in the USA. They were graceful, beautiful, sleek. Their coats were a rich tan on top, a brilliant white underneath. The stately horns on their heads were crowns - the Pronghorn were the royalty of the desert. They stood on hills, either alone or in small groups, keeping watch from a safe distance. As we approached, they disappeared, they ran and circled around for another view. They were constantly wary, constantly alert. We were in their land, to them it was everywhere, all they knew, and they knew it well. The pronghorn thrived there, naturally. In contrast, there were cows. The cows looked lost and confused, cumbersome and awkward. What were they doing there? They were completely alien. The cows were there because of people, people who lacked any sense of creativity, any ability to think outside the cow, people who saw the natural order as one of supply and demand. Small bits of grass grew under the sagebrush, and that was all people needed to know - grass meant cows, cows meant money. They were doing humanity a service, contributing to the all-important cash-machine of commerce. There was no other priority. The trail dropped down to a gulch where water was trapped in small pools. It was stagnant water, warm and brown. The grass around the pools was cropped to the nibbins by cows. The piles of cow crap were thick - every few feet. We flung aside some of the drier cow patties and made our camp. Coyotes sang as the sun set. They were songs only a coyote could really understand, but songs anyone might enjoy for their pure outpouring of emotion, an emotion somewhere between terror and love... possibly both at once. The coyotes belonged there, belonged there with the pronghorn and the horned-toads and the desert hares and the ants. We were only visiting, it was obvious. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I had only a liter of water left, but decided to risk thirst rather than filter the mucky pools. The water we'd camped near stank. It was not only the cow's watering hole, it was their toliet. It was also the tomb for unlucky fish that had wandered up the creek when the water had flowed. They'd suffacated or boiled, and were slowly rotting in shreded pieces on the shore. Even the coyotes wouldn't touch them. The trail crossed a large stream a few miles away, it was marked as a possible water source on our maps. We got to the stream. It was a large stream, but one of dried and naked rocks. There were no signs of water, not even mud. I was jealous of Mario, he'd filtered a liter of the muck from the morning... just in case. Still, I hoped for luck ahead, there was a spring in 5 miles, and another spring soon after that... one of them must have water, I thought. The sun rose quickly, it beat down on the ground, not missing anything. The landscape made sense, every bit of life was simple, geared to the very basics - get water, stay cool, eat. I scooped up a horned-toad. It wasn't a toad at all, but a small lizard, covered in reflective white armor, armor that mimicked the sandy and rocky soil. I held the lizard close to my eye and marveled at its intricate detail - each scale was unique, they all fit together like a miniature 3-D puzzle that was painted in spots of black and tan and grey, painted by the desert. The lizard had tiny little fingers that ended in delicate claws. It blinked at me with a small wrinkled eye and turned its head, "well, what are you going to do with me?", it asked. Its camouflage had been blown and it was ready to die, expecting it. I set the terrified lizard on the ground and it sat there for an instant, perhaps stunned by its luck. Then it scampered under a bush, free once again, wiser perhaps. We got to the next source of water, or so we thought. The trail crossed a well-travelled road, and beneath it was a small patch of green. We kicked aside the ever-present cow patties and looked for something wet. The ground was moist mud, hardened by the sun. The mud had been stomped and stomped and scraped by cows. The cows had no concept of desert ettiquite, and no hope to learn it. I thought that all the other desert animals must have hated them, "You're screwing up the water you idiots!", a proud pronghorn would scream. The cow would reply with its only reply, "MMmmmeeeeuuuuuu" - it's one-word language that was too crude for translation. There were a couple tiny puddles of brown water in the hoof-prints in the mud. Some sort of oily sheen made irridescent patterns on surface. I turned to John. We didn't need to say anything anymore, everything had already been said. Mario had another plan though, he was headed to an RV parked on a nearby hill, parked in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Mario waved to us, "come up here". We hiked quickly up the hill, hopeful we could avoid drinking the putrid water we'd found. It was an old RV, small, used, probably loved. A mat of artificial grass laid on the ground near the doorway, a folding table covered with small rocks was at the rear. Mario was standing near the table, talking to a middle-aged man who didn't appear to get many visitors. He was happy to have us though, fellow wanderers. He'd driven there from LA a week earlier, of all the land in the world from which to chose, he'd chosen the Basin. He was there pursuing his passion - the rocks. To him, the desert was littered with treasure. "Oh, these are just petrified wood mostly...", he told us, dismissing the shiny rocks on the table. "There's jade out there.", he said, probably thinking about that time, years ago, when his Dad had first taken him there, when they'd found that one big rock... together, alone in the desert. It was a special secret pleasure that kept him coming back, a search that most people would never understand - hours upon hours, kicking over rocks, looking. As for the 'finding'? that was secondary, a bonus. "Here, look at this.", he said, turning over a drab rock to reveal a tiny bit of greenish blue underneath, "This one is small, it isn't worth anything really." I didn't imagine he intended to sell anything he found though, it was just a way for him to explain his passion to others in terms they might understand. That big jade was out there somewhere, and it was probably worth more to him than any amount of mundane green money, all money looked the same. Rocks were stories that couldn't be bought. He had a huge container of water. "Take all you want", he offered, "I'm only out here for a couple more days." We were more grateful than we could possibly express with words. We had been totally empty, thirsty even, which, in a way was like 'negative empty'. We quenched our thirst and filled our bottles. It almost felt like cheating, but it was magic. It was a well-known fact to anyone who'd hiked a long trail. There was magic out there, waiting to be found in the most unlikely places, in fact, only in the most unlikely places. Magic wasn't cheating, it was part of the equation. The hottest part of the day was nearing. It wasn't a time for walking, it was a time for resting, for siesta. Those who had never been stuck in the heat with no hope of escape, often made fun of the siesta, like it was some kind of Mexican excuse for laziness. It wasn't. There was no shade in the Basin, no escape from the sun. In desperation, I set up my rain poncho like a lean-to with my poles and some rope... it actually worked quite nicely. Mario and John baked in the sun, sitting on the dirt, leaning on their packs - it was better than baking on the trail, where the added pressure of walking made the heat hardly bearable. We stayed there an hour, not moving, barely talking, occassionally sipping water. Then at once, we stirred, rose, packed up and headed down the CDT, forever walking. The flatness of the desert and monotony of the road were wearing on me, but I had found something to keep myself distracted - rocks. I hadn't really thought about it until I'd met the rock & water guy earlier that day. The floor of the desert was covered with small smooth rocks of all shapes and colors. I had no idea what any of them were technically called, they were just black ones and white ones, red ones and yellow ones, all tinted with a soft quiet shade of earth. Before long my pocket was jingling with the sound of pebbles, every step went chukink, chukink... My eyes scanned the ground, scanned the roadbed, hmmm, I don't have a green one yet... the miles drifted by, my mind occupied with more important things than thoughts of the CDT. The trail slowly rose higher, an imperceptible climb with each step. Gradually, we inched up to the highest point in miles. The Basin stretched on to the horizon, it looked much the same as it did from below, only there, probably a thousand feet above the bottom, its true scope was apparent. I had no idea how many miles, or days of walking it was to whatever lay beyond, I only knew it was far, I loved it. To the side of the hill, a small group of horses watched us approach. As we got close, they ran. If pronghorn were the royalty of the desert, then horses were the rogues. The horse had evolved in America, grown up in Asia, then followed men back across the Atlantic, full circle. Soon after the horses arrived, they got loose. I didn't know how long horses had been in the Basin, 100 years? 200? 400? Whatever their tenure, they'd found a home. They were doing it on their own terms, they'd settled into the land, and the land had settled into them - rebalancing itself to accommodate the horse. The horses ran everywhere they went. Their heads gently rocked forward and back as their manes and tails caught the wind. I had the impression they loved to run, that they only trotted with men on their backs as a sort of quiet protest. Before that, I had only seen the horse as a product of man, much like the cow, the sheep or the chicken... But those animals had lost any ability to live without the aid of people, much less thrive in a harsh place like the Basin. The horses earned my respect. Their brothers weren't domesticated by man, they were enslaved. There, roaming free, developing their own systems for survival, evolving their own set of social rules, their beautiful wildness shined through. The day grew late and our water supplies dwindled. In the late afternoon, we found ourselves at another water source. Haypress Creek. Somebody had plowed up the earth to make a couple cheap dams. The dams caught any water that ran down the now-dry creekbed. The small pools of water were surrounded on all sides by hard-packed dirt, mud and cow feces. A few ducks floated in one of the pools, and upon our approach they quacked furiously and flew off. As disgusting as it looked, we decided to filter some of the water. It was better than risking a night of thirst, we didn't completely trust the llama packer's comments about the next water source, 3 miles ahead. The llama packer was the author of the other guidebook, the glossy one we didn't often use. She had hiked the Wyoming CDT, south to north (which was one problem) with a llama (which was another problem) during the spring (yet another problem). The water sources changed quite a bit with the seasons - "flowing nicely" in May often meant "dry" by August... but not always... that was just the problem, we didn't know. The llama packer had ridden a bike through the Basin, not altogether a bad idea. We didn't often consult her, but it was usually entertaining, "What's the llama packer got to say?", was a fun question to ask. The llama packer was dead-on. The next water source, Benton Spring, was an oasis in every sense of the word. The spring was some kind of land-management experimental area, a natural water source completely fenced-off from the cows. Inside the fence it was another world - lush, moist, filled with a myriad of plants and insects we hadn't seen anywhere else in the desert. The absolutely clear water flowed smoothly through abundant and thick knee high grasses. Antelope had no problem jumping the fence, as for horses? I didn't know. Outside the fence, the cows had obliterated everything within 20 yards. The dirt was hard-packed, bare and dry. The ground was covered in their waste. Slightly farther out, the grass grew to 1-inch, further still, it grew only in fist-sized patches under the never-ending sage. I had to wonder, what did the desert look like before the cows ate all the grass? would all the sage even be there? What kinds of animals and insects once fed-on and hid-in the grass? What others survived on those? Were all the springs once like Benton Spring? Was that little patch all that was left? The clear little steam ran under the fence, out of its natural heritage and into a pile of muddy rocks. We respected the wishes of the land managers (expressed on a sign) and camped outside the fence, among the cowshit. The sun set behind the hills, lighting up the sky in shades of orange and red, deeper and deeper tones that turned to purple and grey as the night took over. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, we hurried a few miles down the trail and intersected Crooks Gap Road. We walked a mile or two on the road, then got a ride in the first vehicle to pass by - the bed of a pickup truck. The ride into town was quick, "Sorry if I was goin too fast", the driver explained, "but I was listening to ZZ top, man!". It was a good excuse for pretty much anything. He dropped us off in the center of town, and leaned out the window, "Welcome to the booming metropolis of Jeffrey City". He spun his wheels in the dust and was gone. Jeffrey City consisted of a bar/cafe and a post office, surrounded by dozens of boarded-up buildings in an early state of decay. There had once been a uranium mine nearby, but it had closed 18 years ago. The population, once around 10,000, had evaporated to somewhere near 500, and even that seemed like too many. I was surprised the people there hadn't completely given up. I thought, maybe in a hundred years, the place will be just like South Pass City, "Come see how the uranium miners lived and worked!", Somehow though, I doubted it. We just don't make history like we used to. We picked up our packages at the post office and sat in the grass outside. Re-supplying had become a regular routine, and we were getting quick at it. Within 20 minutes we had emptied our packs, figured out what food and supplies we'd need for the next section, repacked everything, and mailed ahead what we didn't yet need. We attracted the attention of first one, then another, then a dozen people who'd all parked near the post office. They were a rock-hounding group, getting ready for an excursion to the desert. I showed one of them, a geologist, the rocks in my pocket. I forgot the scientific names of the rocks as soon as he told them to me. Assuming he actually knew what he was talking about, it was quite impressive. We went over to the cafe and watched a slow stream of secondary-highway travelers pass through. When we told them we were walking through the desert... not on the road, but "out there"... most of them thought we were definitely stupid, probably irresponsible and possibly insane. They offered advice like, "Bring a lot of water", and "Don't wait till you're thirsty to drink". I smiled, and inside thought, "duh". They meant well though. By 11am we were back on the road, walking out of town, hoping for another ride. Sure enough it came in the form of another pickup. We were back on the trail, a record resupply stop. I wished that I'd timed it. Near the trail, hundreds of cows were being held in a giant enclosure. The BLM had recently ordered all cows to be removed from BLM land for the year - quite a bit earlier than usual - due to a perceived fire danger. The cows had just been rounded-up and were being sorted by brand, one at a time. It was a chaotic scene, cowboys rode their horses in circles around the frantic cows. Calves bellowed, separated from their mothers for the first time. Other cowboys hooted and hollered, trying to get the stupid cows to go where they wanted. All the activity happened inside a swirling cloud of desert dust. Another group of cowboys waited on the sidelines, leaning on cattle trucks and drinking beer. I realized that many of the cowboys actually doing the work were young, really young... like 12 or 13 years old. The kids seemed to love it, they had something to prove. For the older cowboys, the novelty had worn off. "How long will it take to get all these cattle sorted?", I asked one of the sideliners. "Well", he paused, "that depends on how long it takes to sort 'em all out." I wasn't really impressed with his cynical double-talk, but played the part of an ignorant city-slicker who'd been one-up'd by a local, it seemed to be what he wanted. The cowboys were dirty, probably underpaid, overworked (well, the kids anyway), and it appeared they hated cows more than I did. I thought about that Willie Nelson song, "Momma, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys..." Where were these people headed? We walked another half mile down the road. The sun was at its apex, it was hot. We ducked-down to a stream that crossed under the road, it was part of the same stream that had flowed out of Benton Springs. We spent the next couple hours under the shade of a bush, keeping ourselves cool and wet with water from the stream. By 2pm it was time to get going. We were really in the desert, it was dead flat. Our normally slow progress felt unbearably slow. Nothing changed for miles. Even the rocks weren't interesting. I spent my time watching the shadows grow on the ant-hills. I imagined the ants were a highly evolved race of intelligent beings with a culture, history and politics... Perhaps an intricate network of subways connected all their cities. Somewhere down there a family was going on vacation to visit long lost relatives. I poked one of the hills and a few of them rushed out to inspect the damage. I could see the evening news, "This just in, a giant creature, possibly human, has laid siege to city #19473. For more on the story, we go live to our reporter at the scene... ". The road passed through patches of sand, our feet sank into the soft sand making progress even slower. We had to alternate between walking on the road, and weaving through the sagebrush next to it. We stopped briefly at a small building that housed controls for a pipeline... only noteable because it was "something". Darkness came and we were still walking, trying to reach A&M reservoir. It was out there somewhere. The llama packer described it as a recreational reservoir with a parking area and fishing opportunities. It sounded like something to shoot for, we figured it had to be huge. We passed near a hill, somebody with a light was standing on top... A&M reservoir we deduced. We walked up the hill and said hello. 3 guys were already camped there. They were biking from Denver to Portland, taking the scenic route. They were in their early twenties. Two of them had biked from Ohio to Colorado the year before. One of those told us how the idea for that ride had been hatched, "I wanted to go Colorado to work at a ski resort", he explained, "but I didn't have a car. So, my old man was like, 'What? are you going to ride your bikes?', he was kidding, but I thought, 'shit, why not'?". Apparently, long distance bike rides ruined people just like hiking did... they were doing it again. One of them had a mandolin, and for the first time on the trip, I got to play my strumstick with somebody. We jammed-out one long improvised melody for 20 minutes under the desert stars. I thought about the day - how it started, how it developed and how it ended. It was a pretty good day. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The sun broke the horizon too early the next morning. Within 30 minutes, it went from cold to cool to warm to hot. We got a look at the A&M reservoir. It was the most patheticly hilarious thing I'd ever seen - a small pool of brown water, about 10 yards across, sat in the bottom of a barren earth-dam. It was fenced-off from the cows, but it hardly mattered, there was nothing appealing about the reservoir. In a way it was sort of depressing. I wondered who's idea it was in the first place? Were they proud of it? The bikers volunteered to go back and filter water from a stream they'd passed a couple miles back. We headed out when they returned. More flat expanse awaited us. We drifted apart again. After a couple hours I couldn't even see Mario or John... somewhere behind me. The sun got higher and hotter with every step. I started to focus-in on every little nuance of sound that my body and pack made - the brushing of nylon, the kicking of sand, my poles digging into the ground. I sung bad 80's songs in my head, then got frustrated when I couldn't shut them off, "more than a feeling, more than a feeling..." The road was absolutely straight. I looked at the map, it was one solid straight line for the next 15 miles. At the end was something called Bull Spring - another questionable water source. Another hour passed. I noticed something odd about a half-mile to the side of the trail. It was some kind of man-made apparatus. According to the map I'd gotten from the BLM guy, a possible water source was nearby. I decided to investigate. If nothing else it was something to keep my mind occupied, and maybe there was water there. It was absolutely amazing. The apparatus turned out to be a giant solar panel. The solar panel was connected to a well, and out from the well poured clear cold water - straight from deep underground. The water poured into a long metal cattle trough, then drained into a pool 100 yards away. I let out a scream of joy. It was beautiful, if I'd had one wish at the time, it would have taken a shape similar to what was right in front of me. I waved franticly at Mario and John as they walked up the road. They didn't see me at first, but they see the well, and like me, they had to check it out. We spent 3 hours at the well. The solar panel provided some shade, I set up my poncho for a little extra. I made frequent visits to the water to wet down my head and my clothing. It was the hottest part of the hottest day of the entire trip. I walked out into the desert sage to feel the heat, to enjoy it. I knew that it was only a few steps to shade and water, so the burning sun was an exhilarating sensation. I thought about all horses and cows and pronghorn out there, defenseless against the sun. I could feel the solar radiation cooking the land around me. I embraced the quiet. Usually, during the day I was walking, and that always made a little noise. There, I listened to the suns rays beat into the ground, into the sage and into me. It was a frightening sound, and it was everywhere. I didn't want the solar well experience to end, but like everything, it had to end. I soaked all my clothing, wrapped a wet bandana around my head, and headed back to the trail. I looked back and saw a group of horses approach the well. They stood about 50 feet from the water, nervously checking that everything was OK. One of them, the leader I assumed, slowly approached the trough, head bobbing almost as if he was paying homage to some god. After the leader reached the water, the others slowly followed. Then they all drank. I saw the whole process as a ritual, maybe if they'd done it right, the gods would be appeased and the well would not go dry. But then, we were the gods, and we'd chosen the cows, not the horses... it wasn't fair. The well would probably be turned-off soon. The horses would keep coming back for a while, wondering what had happened, what had they done wrong... But, they had been living out there a long time before there were any solar wells, they'd manage. The rest of the day, I found another distraction. The road was nearly paved with petrified wood. I scooped up small pieces as I went along. The wood was naturally polished, beautiful. Each piece was different, some the size of old tires, others the size of paper clips. Some were made of black and grey splotches, others had retained their original deep brown, the grain and texture of wood was plainly visible. I thought of the old swampy forest that was once there, it was another planet then. Sometimes it was easy to see the world as permanent and unchanging, so dominated by the effects and affects of man. There, the rocks told another story, a truer story. They were blatant reminders of the real nature of our world. I thought, when would our trees be rocks? who would pick them up in the desert? By the end of the day, we'd made it to Bull spring. The spring was another mud-hole, manured by cows. The cows had stepped all over the spring, ruining most of it. While we were there, a few of them stood a hundred yards away, up to their bellies in mud. "Mmmmeeeeuuuu", they stared at us continuously. We found a tiny trickle of fresh water, draining into a cow-print. Slowly, we filtered the water. It had to do. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I lost myself in serious daydreams and fantasies, taking my mind as far away as possible, the miles rolled by. We were inching closer to Rawlins. It was always hot, the sun blasted us, uninterrupted all day. The road we'd been walking merged with a paved road, and that merged with a highway. The surrounding land was a patchwork of private and public land - the checkerboard. Once long ago, the government sold only every other square mile to private ranchers. I supposed it was intended to isolate property owners or something, maybe prevent ranch monopolies from developing? Whatever the reason, it made hiking through the land impossible. It only took one rancher to say "no" to an easement for the CDT, and few ever said "yes". They had nothing to gain from the trail - there was no money in it. We hiked over some private land anyway, but soon switched to the road. Roads were not built to be walked on. The hard pavement made each step resonate through my frame. Each step was the same, used the same muscles, the same way, over and over. My poles rode on top of the asphalt, out of place as much as skis. The rhythm quickly became maddening, click, clack, click, clack... I waited for Mario and John to catch up as I stretched out my aching calves. We had to get off the road. Salvation came in the form of a van. Bob lived in the desert somewhere, and it showed. His beard was of a style not seen since the 1840's. His van was filled with random objects that anyone might need, but never do need - old tires, various bottles of fluid, dirty towels, broken tools... His first act was to give us all beers. He was headed to Rawlins to look for a replacement part for a generator that had broken, he was frustrated about it. It took little convincing for us to come along. Walking 12 more miles on pavement next to speeding cars didn't sound appealing. Bob had done electrical work on the new prison just outside Rawlins. "I was surprised they let me work on it... with my background.", he said. He went on to tell us that he'd done time in Leavenworth. We all wanted to know more, but didn't know how to ask, he told us anyway, "Well", he said with reserved pride, "He shot first, but he missed." I was sure that Bob had a lot of stories, stories that people like me didn't often get to hear first hand. But, the ride into Rawlins was brief. Bob dropped us off near one of a dozen cheap hotels that comprised the outskirts of town. We spent the rest of the day walking around town, visiting the post office, and eating at a place called... "the eating place". The prison dominated the culture in Rawlins, There was a new prison just outside of town. We never saw it, but it was reportedly huge. The old prison was right in the center of town. We took a tour, I got to sit in the gas chamber. It seemed somewhat warped to me - to think of a prison as a good thing, a bringer of jobs, a repository of history. I had always thought the world would be better off without any prisons at all, that is, assuming we had no need for them. Would the world have been better off without Rawlins? A lot of people who lived there seemed to think so. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next day was my birthday. Mario and John decided to buy me a portable radio. They each carried one, and I had been sort-of jealous during the more monotonous sections of the desert. I wasn't sure if I really wanted one myself, but figured I'd at least give it a chance. I went back to the store to get some headphones. The store clerk had talked to Mario and John, and already knew all about me. He gave me the headphones for free, "happy birthday, and have a good hike!", he said. I didn't know what say except "thanks" and... "thanks again". What had I done to deserve that?, I wondered. It made my day, and it made me think there was indeed hope for the place. Somewhere, underneath all the business of the prison, was a little town called Rawlins, striving to make itself known. In the early afternoon, we headed out of town. We walked past a series of run-down old homes with high wooden fences and dilapidated cars, past crazed barking dogs tied up with ropes inside yards of dirt and dried weeds. We stepped through piles of plastic and styrofoam trash under the buzz of I-80. We walked toward the mountains, forever south, forever along the divide. Rawlins to Steamboat Springs The CDT south of Rawlins followed another waterless paved road for about 12 miles. We didn't really want to hike the road but were afraid to hitch-hike... the prison was nearby. Beside the fact that it was often illegal to hitch near a prison (as you might be mistaken for an escaped convict), there was the added risk of getting a ride from some guy named Bubba who was flat broke and just returning from a visit to his partner in the pen. So, we walked. Cars rolled by, fewer and fewer as we distanced ourselves from Rawlins. We'd hiked about 6 miles on the road, never did see the prison. Apparently, it was hidden behind some hill somewhere, out of sight and out of mind. We halfheartedly decided to hitch the next 6 miles, so we wouldn't have to camp near the road. Additionally, Mario had hurt his back in town while carrying heavy boxes to the post office. The stiff surface of the road was making it worse. I made a sign, "6 miles", and stuck my thumb out at some passing cars. We'd just about given up when one of the cars turned around and pulled up along side. A young woman poked her head out the window, "Hey, you want a ride?". The car was small and old, but we managed to stuff our packs in the trunk and stuff our bodies in the back seat. 3 girls sat in the front. They were high-school stoner chicks, probably 18, 17 and 16 years old. The oldest one bounced a small child on her lap as we sped off. The girls had left Thelma and Louise in the dust and were headed straight for Jerry Springer. Freaky rap/hip-hop music blasted from the speakers behind our heads. Too late, we realized the ride was probably a bad idea. The girls were destined to get in trouble somewhere, we just hoped it wouldn't be in the next 6 miles. We sat in the back seat, making as little conversation as possible, hoping the girls would just consider us dull. They let us off where the CDT turned from the paved road. In a flash, they were gone, we were alone, in the desert again. The sun slowly set as we hiked down a hill, out of sight of the road. We made camp in a random spot of flat gravel among the sage, always near the coyotes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I didn't figure that water would much of an issue south of Rawlins. A series of small ponds lined the side of the trail ahead. Early the next morning we reached the first one, the largest. Something didn't feel right... didn't smell right as we approached. After one taste of the water, I placed the odd smell - the ocean - the water was completely saline, undrinkable. A quick study of the map hinted that all the ponds for the next 15 miles were the same, if not worse. The water was good enough for cows though, a giant bull, so muscle-bound it was barely able to walk, stared at us from across the water, grunting. We got back on the trail, holding out hope for some kind of miracle. In the worst case, we figured we wouldn't actually die in the next 15 miles, just be very thirsty. That road, that desert, for some reason held little appeal. The mountains were starting to return, the divide was nearby, the Basin was behind us. There were no trees for miles, everything just looked dead, tired and dirty. I fiddled with my new radio. At the top of each hill, I was able to get a myriad of stations, at the bottom of each dip, nothing. Time after time, I got to hear bits of great rock 'n' roll hiking songs, only to lose them to static halfway though. I kept forgetting that I had headphones in my ears. Every time I took off my pack for a break, the headphones caught on my shoulder strap and ripped from my head. Dammit! I found I could extend the range of the radio by holding it near my hiking pole, and holding the pole above my head. The moments of clear reception were hardly worth all the time spent fidgeting though. The radio represented all the things I was walking away from, all the distractions of modern life, distractions from real life. I didn't want those things following me, I didn't want to carry them. In the next town, I mailed the radio ahead. Perhaps I would find a use for it some other time, but there I couldn't use it, I couldn't bear its burden. Halfway through the day, we were all out of water. It was hot. Mario was in pain, but tried hard not to show it. A jeep pulled up. A man leaned out the window, he was excited, and asked, "Are you hiking the CDT?". It was Ray Hanson, the BLM manager we'd missed in Lander, the one who'd mapped all the water sources and marked the trail through the Basin. He was driving 3 or 4 people along the road, along the CDT. The other people were doing some sort of mapping project for the CDTA. Ray was excited to meet us. In all the years he'd been working on the trail, he'd only met a couple actual hikers. It was great to be able to thank him in person, on the trail. The people had some fresh carrots and extra water, it was just enough to get us to the next water source, Muddy Creek, which Ray endorsed as reliable. It was a wonderful unexpected little meeting. There were actually people out there who cared about the trail and cared about what we were doing, people who understood. My spirits were lifted, just at a time when they'd needed a boost. We got to Muddy Creek and followed it upstream. The water got less and less muddy, less salty as the miles wore on. We stopped for the night at the third crossing, where the water tasted fairly good. Thunderstorms electrified the surrounding hills as we cooked our dinner. Like every night, I sat there cross-legged, staring at my bubbling noodles, mesmerized by them. I savored each spoonful, and when my pot was emptied and my stomach full, I let out an, "Oh yeah!... Whew! That was damn good.". Mario and John did the same. We all ate well. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The road continued up to the headwaters of Muddy Creek, back to the divide. The divide was almost like a friend, slowly meandering near our course. "Hi, how've you been?", I'd ask the divide. It just smiled back. On the way up, the water got better. I had broken my filter earlier in the day - it had become so clogged that I over-pressurized it and the plastic housing cracked. We passed near a spring that was absolutely raging - clear water poured out the side of a hill with the force of an uncorked fire hydrant. I crawled under some bushes near the spring and filled my water bottles. I figured if I had been susceptible to giardia, I'd have already been sick. The biggest advantage of the filter had been that it strained the little "floatie bits" out of the water. Oh well, those wouldn't kill me. The terrain was notable only for the fact that it was plain. We were slowly climbing mountains, higher and higher, but the land changed little. Rolling hills covered in sage and occasional drab trees spread out below us. The hills were gentle enough that people had built roads along the divide, so that's where we walked, on roads that nobody drove. Occasionally, we dipped down to cross some other empty roads that connected valleys on opposite sides of the divide. At the end of the day, we dropped down to a nicely flowing stream of clear water. John had a filter, and since we had time, we decided to all use it. His filter was so clogged that it took 10 minutes to fill one liter. Sunshine and Seehawk showed up late in the day. They had almost been struck by lightning the day before - they had been hiking just behind us, on top of the barren hills we'd seen being blasted. As we cooked our dinner that evening, another storm opened up. It didn't go away though. The rain came down hard, and the wind rattled my thin nylon tarp. It poured for 4 hours, through the end of the day. It was still drizzling as I drifted off to sleep, more comfortable and safe in my little portable home than I would have been in any mansion built from brick and mortar. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We were still on a road. It didn't feel like we were making much progress even though we'd hiked two solid days out of Rawlins... what was that? 55 miles or so? In a way, that distance almost seemed further in a car, where the land whizzed by in a blur. Travel was obvious in a car. On foot, it crept up... each step was such a small one, that it was difficult to put them all together. What did they all add up to? I spent my time thinking about the next 2 or 3 miles, not the next 100. 100 was too much to consider, too much for which to plan at a walking pace. By noon the next day, we crossed into a national forest. The change in the land was quick. Within a couple miles, we were back in forest, back above 10,000 feet, back on a real trail, all for the first time since the Winds. I had forgotten how much I loved hiking through the woods. In the woods, the view rarely extended more than a couple dozen yards. So, those couple dozen yards got all my attention, they filled my eyes and ears. I stopped at a small stream and found myself singing again, in love with the trail again. I put down my pack and ran into the woods, losing myself in them, making love. I laid down on the soft forest floor, thinking. I had almost forgotten where I was, what I was doing, or why. The woods had reminded me, the dirt footpath had reminded me. I thought about all those miles behind... I had just as many ahead. I was standing in the heart of the CDT, but it wasn't the CDT that people dreamed about, it didn't make the cover of glossy magazines, it was just another patch of forest - from the outside not much different than any other. But, from the inside, it was glorious, it was mine. I had gotten ahead of Mario and John. Earlier, I had raced across an open hillside to beat a thunderstorm, I figured they'd both waited. The trail climbed higher and higher, climbing out the other side of the forest, the top side. I looked south and saw pointed mountains all the way to the horizon. Colorado. I hadn't even thought much about Colorado before, I hadn't even been to the state since I'd been 12 years old. There it was, that land so many considered synonymous with mountains. The views gave me energy, and I powered up the hills. I stopped earlier than usual, and set up my tarp. John and Mario showed up just as I was getting ready to cook. John smiled at me, "I was wondering if you were going to stop.". We didn't have to talk about why. "Why" was laid out below us. We sat on some nearby rocks, staring at Colorado, eating our thick noodles as the clouds cleared and the sun set to the side. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We quickly reached the top of Bridger Peak the next morning. It was cold and windy on top, 11,000ft. We took shelter behind a small metal shed - some kind of army communications relay. Bridger Peak was the highest point for dozens of miles in every direction. I pulled out my radio, the dial was jam-packed with stations - all on top of each other, the reception was too good - it was difficult to isolate anything. But, we all managed to tune-in to a well-timed broadcast of "Teenage Wasteland". I played air-guitar on Bridger Peak, the CDT was rockin'. On the way down we passed a pickup that was headed the other way, up the bumpy road. It was Sunday, and it appeared the older couple inside was out for a drive in the mountains. We all waved "hello", but the woman just pulled her arms up tight, the man stared blankly forward at the road. There was something about them that said they didn't even talk to each other anymore. But they were so old, it had ceased to matter, it was too late to change anything. I imagined them reaching the end of the navigable road where they'd briefly step out of the still-running car. He would say, "yup". She would say, "It's cold". Then they would get back inside, drive down the hill, down to their little house, and spend hours watching re-runs of re-runs on TV. We got to Battle Pass, a relatively well-traveled road. There was a car-campground nearby. Pre-teen kids were taking turns riding ATVs in circles through the dusty gravel. They were creating forgettable childhood memories, memories they would unconsciously consult as they wandered in circles through the rest of their lives. We walked a quarter-mile down the road and took turns holding a sign, "Encampment". I hadn't originally intended to stop in Encampment, but I was starting to enjoy the chase, enjoy the slices of life we got in the towns below. 45 minutes later, we were in the back of another pickup, crammed-in with some fishing gear. We decided to take the rest of the day off. Mario's back wasn't getting any better, and he needed the rest. He would never admit it, but he was in serious pain - it showed on his face and it showed in his pace... he had been walking at half his normal speed. Encampment was another of those boom/bust mining towns. It was a little different though. They seemed to have known the boom wouldn't last, so they prepared for the bust. Rather than trying to build a giant town that would one day be empty, the old population had lived in a tent city on the outskirts of Encampment. Today, the change in times was apparent. Encampment, built on mining, was fading away. Riverside, a mile away and built on tourism, was slowly growing. We headed down to Riverside and split a cheap hotel room. I then went back up to Encampment to buy some groceries. Encampment was small enough that people knew about the CDT. I met a woman in the store who offered me a ride back to Riverside. The store clerk chimed in, "You know, what he'd really like is a ride back to the trail tomorrow. There was a guy here last week who stood over on the corner there for hours, couldn't get a ride from anybody..." I asked him what the guy had looked like. I started to laugh as he continued, "Strange feller, wore a blue suit, seemed a bit odd." The man in the blue suit hadn't considered one major drawback of the suit - it made him look like an escaped convict or mental patient... I wasn't surprised nobody had been eager to pick him up. That evening there was free music and free food in the park. It wasn't advertised much, it was something intended for the local population, not the tourists. Still, we were welcomed as guests. The three of us sat there, mesmerized by the sounds of Siucra, a trio of Irish musicians from Boulder. I hadn't heard any live music since well before the start of the hike. I had almost forgotten that humans could be so beautiful, could create something so apart from nature yet make it sound so natural. Music was one thing that always reminded me there was more to being human than just being, that there was more to life than the tangible. I ate 6 burgers. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the morning, the woman I'd met in the market picked us up. She and her husband ran a bed and breakfast in town. It was so hard to say a proper "thank you" on the trail, I had few ways to repay favors. I figured the least we could do would be to visit their bed and breakfast, to just see it. I figured it would be something they were proud of, something they'd want to share. I had no idea. Lynn and R.G. had lived in Riverside for years. Their house had slowly evolved into a elaborate expression of their selves. It was open, natural, friendly and elegant. R.G. was a professional artist. The house was filled with his art, and that of other's with whom he'd made trades. They hadn't originally planned to run a B&B, they joked, "We had so many people visiting, we figured we might as well start charging...". Among other things, they had researched and then built perfect replicas of native and pioneer clothing. These were hung in the closets of the rooms, an unexpected bonus for guests in a playful mood. In back of the B&B was a large deck, overlooking a gentle river. Most people spend their lives looking for something, but Lynn and R.G. had already found it. They sent us off in grand style - a ride to the trailhead and slices of some delicious "breakfast pie"... why not have pie for breakfast? What a great idea. We were back on the trail. The rest seemed to have helped Mario, his sore back had turned a corner. He later told us that he'd nearly decided to quit and fly back to Holland, it had hurt that bad. The trail quickly entered a small designated wilderness area, where the land immediately took on another character. I often had that feeling when crossing the boundaries of wilderness areas. I didn't know if it was because of the legal protection of the land, or if it was just that lands of a certain type were more likely to be protected. Perhaps it was a subconscious mental switch. In any case, the land inside the wilderness felt right, it felt settled, ordered, like everything was how it was supposed to be. The trail passed through a series of lofty meadows, the soft brown grasses moved in waves with the wind, the gentle swoosh of a million knee-high blades rose to a soft crescendo. I sat down at the edge of one of these meadows while a group of horse-packers prepared to leave. One of them looked at my pack and commented, "Looks like a lot of work." She then proceeded to pick up some heavy leather and steel riding apparatus. I wanted to tell her my secret, tell her that it wasn't any work at all, that in fact I'd never felt better in my entire life and that I owed it all to hiking. Instead, I smiled and nodded my head. We took a break on top of some large smooth rocks on top of a mountain. I jumped around from rock to rock, exploring every nook and notch. The warm sun beat down, causing the rocks to glow a deep red that contrasted perfectly with the deep blue sky. A few moments later, black clouds moved over our heads and it began to hail. We stood there, on the edge of the hailstorm, waiting for it to pass. The sun still beat brightly on the trees below us. The hail wasn't going anywhere though, and soon enough we gave up and moved on. We camped that night near a small stream. John nervously set up his tent under a large overhanging cliff-face that looked ready to collapse. "If that thing goes", I tried to reassure him, "then it's just your time." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I passed a short-tailed weasel the next morning. It was slightly smaller than the size of my forearm. It stood in the grass upright, balancing on its two rear legs. Its light underbelly contrasted sharply with its sleek dark brown back. It sniffed the air for few moments, then bounded away like a living slinky. I'd seen so many animals in so many moments like that one, but the encounters never grew mundane. They just reminded me there was more happening in the land than I could ever observe. Somewhere in the middle of a nondescript patch of forest, I crossed into Colorado. I had heard that the Colorado section of the CDT was the best-marked, most-travelled, and least "roaded" part of the entire route. That didn't apply to the first few miles just south of the Wyoming border. The trail continued up a road, and there were no signs. I did pass a mountain-biker on the road though, he was the first person I'd seen actively mountain biking during the entire trip. Soon afterward, a train of 12 ATVs passed by. All of the riders had that same "ATV grin" that I'd started to recognize... maybe it was caused by the vibrations of the machines? I didn't know. They slowly, loudly wound around the forest road, audible for a mile. I just didn't understand. To me, the point of going to the mountains was that they were quiet. The point was that they were an area not conquered by man. The point was that it took an effort to get out there. I didn't really care if these people rode their ATVs down the road, I just wished they knew the mountains like I knew them. I hadn't seen Mario or John since the morning. I'd slowly drifted ahead and I figured I was out of their "break range", that is, they were taking breaks back there somewhere, reducing their chances of catching up. I stopped near a meadow under some trees and laid with my back flat on the ground, my feet on my pack. I'd found it was a good way to get the most out of a break. I was just getting ready to leave when a lean backpacker with a big black beard came up. "Hi, I'm Brian Robinson", he said. I had heard about Brian before I started the trip. Brian put my little walk on the CDT in a new perspective. He was trying to be the first person to hike the "triple crown" in a single calendar year. That is, the 2100 mile Appalachian trail (AT), the 2650 mile Pacific Crest Trail (PCT), and the 2500-3000 mile CDT... back to back to back. He'd started on the AT January 1, gotten to somewhere in Vermont by April, then jumped over to hike the New Mexico portion of the CDT. After that, he'd hiked the entire PCT - Mexico to Canada. Then, he came back over to the CDT. He'd been hiking south from the Canadian border for the past couple months, quickly catching up to us slow-pokes. Once he finished Colorado, he planned to go back to the AT, and finish the little bit that he'd missed. His schedule made me dizzy. Brian hadn't hiked with anyone since one day in the Winds, and he had hiked with people on only 4 separate occasions the entire year. I was happy to give him a little company. "Well, aren't you hiking with Mario and John?", he asked. I rolled my eyes, "All we talk about anymore is our bowel movements... it's the only reliable news.". Brian had done a lot of hiking and understood. We arrived at a small spring in about a mile. I borrowed Brian's plastic scoop to get some water out of a shallow depression. He didn't have a filter, just a scoop... and some chemicals. I was about to sit down for a few moments, but Brian looked impatient. I found out then that he simply did not stop, that was his secret to hiking 7000+ miles in a year. We walked that night until it was already dark, then ducked under some big trees along the side a road. I'd decided to stick with Brian until Steamboat Springs. I thought it'd be fun to get the "Brian Robinson Experience" even if it was only for a couple days. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- According to me, the morning hadn't even started when Brian sat up, "Ok, I'm getting ready to go...". For him, all that meant was packing his things, putting some snicker bars in his pocket, and heading out... maybe 5 minutes total. It was still dark. We continued along the road to another trailhead/car-campground. We had already put in 5 miles by the time I usually woke up. Near the trailhead there were signs posted about a giant windstorm that had swept through the area a few years back. It had knocked-over a lot of the trees. Some trails still weren't cleared. The route we planned to hike looked OK though. At the parking area, there was an information kiosk covered with full-color illustrations of pastel-clad happy families, hiking through the woods, smiling and pointing. It looked like something from a 1950's cold-war propaganda film. The theme of the information was about the benefits of logging. According to the kiosk, responsible logging freed-up the land and allowed new trees to grow, thereby diversifying the forest and keeping it healthy. I had always thought the forest had done just fine all by itself for millions of years. Apparently, I was wrong... Big trees, the ones worth lots of money, were bad for the forest. They needed to be culled. As for the forest life that counted on old and dying trees? The kiosk didn't address that, but I'm sure they'd considered it. I thought about how the science of forestry had originally been developed by logging companies - they'd written all the first books. For decades, all that was taught to forestry students were the profit/loss potential of trees. That was just starting to come into a little more balance. I understood that we did need wood, we did need to cut trees, and they did grow back, I just hoped that others understood it wasn't only money that grew on trees. Trees had other values. Another sign told how a huge area of the national forest would be closed starting the next day due to helicopter logging - it was dangerous. I didn't know how they planned to get all the animals out. But it didn't affect me, I was hiking with Brian, and we were flyin'. I had a faster walking pace than Brian. All day, I would slowly drift ahead and take 5-minute power breaks. Brian would then show up, and instead of taking off his pack and sitting down next to me, he just said, "hello" and keep walking. I started walking even faster, hoping to get more breaks. That had the unfortunate side-effect of speeding up Brian's pace. Before long we were almost in a race. We crested the top of a 12,000 foot peak just as lightning struck another peak a couple miles ahead. There was nothing between the two peaks but an 11,000-foot-high open plateau of rock and grass. We didn't really have any options, we just hoped for the best and started across... quickly. Halfway through, lightning struck behind us. The trail gradually angled downhill, and we reached the cover of trees. Somehow, we'd managed to avoid the storm clouds. By 3:30pm, I finally managed to get Brian to sit down for a second. He looked through his maps, "Wow, we've already done 32 miles...". Brian thought a lot about miles, he had to. In the past I had met other hikers who'd considered 'putting in big miles' the ultimate goal of hiking - the only goal. These people constantly critiqued other's hiking styles, saying profound things like, "you should be carrying less weight." People like me made fun of them behind their backs, labeling them 'Jardinites'. Before I met Brian, I had half-expected him to be one of those people. He wasn't though, he understood there were a thousand ways to have an enjoyable hike. He was doing his own thing, and respected everyone else as they did theirs. We took it easy the rest of the day and hiked closer together. I got to hear all about Brian's hike, and he heard all about mine. We even stopped to talk to a couple of tourists who were out for a drive in the mountains - they were from near my home-town. We finally stopped at dusk in some light forest, 37 miles. Brian looked up, "Oooh, only three short of a 40-day.", he probably wanted to keep hiking. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Early the next morning, we passed Seehawk and Sunshine. They hadn't stopped in Encampment. It felt like Brian and I had put in an extra day's worth of hiking somewhere, like we'd been hiking at warp speed. My brain was already starting to fragment - just trying to process 37-miles without really stopping was enough to drive me crazy. I didn't know how Brian managed mentally. What happened to a person, when all they saw every waking moment of every day was the world moving by at 3 miles per hour? I figured whatever kept Brian going was beyond my perception, perhaps he'd evolved some new endocrine glands or something, the hikerthalymus? We hit the road by noon. It didn't take long to get a ride to Steamboat Springs. Brian quickly got his resupply box from the post office and headed right back out to the trail. He had calculated that if he spent just a few extra hours in each of his ~70 resupply stops, it would add a week to his hike. When I had first heard of Brian's plan, I hadn't given him much of a chance, but there he was... he had less miles left to hike than I did. Just before he left, I told him, "There aren't many things left in the world that you can be the first to do... looks like you found one." I found out later that Brian did indeed finish his hike, he would forever be the first. While we were sitting outside the post office, a woman stopped and asked, "Are you hiking the CDT?". Before I even had a chance to exchange names, she had invited me back to her house for dinner that evening. But, she had an appointment and couldn't stick around. I met her at her office later in the day. She was a massage therapist. As we drove to her house, just outside of town, I finally got to introduce myself. Christine and Pete lived in a cozy home at the end of a road in a small patch of aspens. They'd been there for a number of years. They were two people living simple and wonderful lives. They seemed to understand what it took to be happy, and that it didn't take much. For them all it took was a greenhouse, a two bedroom home, a wall full of books, and a spirit of generosity. And if something didn't work out, they were smart enough to make changes... to go on vacation... to move... to grow... I was extremely tired from two days of hiking with Brian, but I tried my best to make intelligible conversation. Possibly the best feature of Christine and Pete's house was a soft warm futon. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Early the next morning, Pete dropped me off on his way to work. Mario and John had arrived in Steamboat, but wanted to spend another night there. I was ready to move on. I loved hiking with them, but I knew there was another trail out there, one that I hadn't yet found. It was one that I had to hike alone. John and I shook hands and made vague plans to meet in the next town. But, we both knew it wasn't likely to happen. It was goodbye. Steamboat Springs to Grand Lake I took the free bus from Steamboat as far as it went, then switched to my thumb. Within 15 minutes I had a ride, for a change, it was in the front of a pickup. The guy who'd stopped was a lean half-indian with long hair and big teeth. He worked at an oil rig somewhere in Colorado, but lived on a reservation in North Dakota - 1 week on and 1 week off with a 12 hour commute in-between. "You know", he told me with a curt indian accent, "I used to work in Alaska. I went snowboarding once from the top of this 23,000ft mountain. Got a ride up there from a helicopter. On the way down, there was this avalanche following me, I outran it though." I knew this was impossible for a number of reasons, but what could I say except, "Wow.". He continued, telling me more fantastic stories about his life and adventures. He told me about the time he persuaded a dozen loggers to throw their chain-saws in a lake. He told me about how he was once in the special forces, and could outrun anyone despite the fact that he smoked a pack a day. He also told me about the time he had to pull a gun on an suspicious hitchhiker. "I can't get lost", he boasted, "it's in my blood... I can be anywhere and I know right where to go". I was sure some truth was buried deep in each of his stories, I was just sorry I couldn't figure out where it was. He was a nice enough guy though, he dropped me off back where I'd left the trail. Rabbit Ears Pass. The divide was interrupted by a large swath of private land for the next 10 miles, so the CDT was routed along a paved road that went around it. I was alone, the cars whizzing by didn't even exist... I knew they were there, but they were like blades of grass - insignificant. There was only a huge flat grassy expanse encircled with mountains. I'd only been hiking alone for a few miles, but everything already felt different. It was absolute freedom. I had no commitments to anyone but myself, no one to persuade, no one to listen to, no one to talk to. I was a bubble, sealed off from the outside, floating along the crust in my own dimension. A thunderstorm engaged the land. It was spectacular. I could see for miles, I could see the peaks being struck, I could hear the crack and rumble across the wide valley, I could feel it. It felt large, immense, it was everywhere and everything. As the blanket of rain approached me, I donned my poncho. The rain became heavy. I felt exposed on the road, like I was about to be sacrificed to the clouds, so I ducked down to the side and knelt on the ground. My poncho made a little spot of dryness, a little shelter. I ducked my head inside like a child that hid under his blanket so the monsters couldn't get him. I was safe in there. I munched on a snickers bar as the rain bounced off the outside of my poncho. I peeked outside a couple times, but it was cold and scary out there, I waited for the rain to stop. The rain gradually eased. The clouds continued ripping apart and reforming, arguing with each other, forming brief alliance and breaking them just as quickly. Occasionally, the sun cut through - a bright beam moved across the landscape then switched off like it didn't find whatever it was looking for. I liked that road, it was different somehow. Cars came by about every 10 minutes. I'd see them as dots miles away, then, slowly the sound of tires like velcro on the pavement got louder and louder. I'd catch the occupants in a freeze-frame, in the middle of talking or turning their head, but more often staring at the road, mouths slightly afrowned. One car slowed down and stopped. The woman inside leaned out. She had thought I was somebody else. Another pulled up, the driver was perplexed that I didn't want a ride. What kind of a nutcase would want to walk that road? I suddenly believed it was impossible to criticize anything. I understood a famous quote. I walked the road "because it was there". I left the main road, and travelled on gravel that led back up to the divide. A hunter pulled up. "I can give you a ride, you know.", he offered. "No thanks.", I smiled at him blissfully. But he insisted, "Really, I think it'd be a lot safer to be in a car." He was concerned about me, perhaps even a bit angry. "There's a storm coming in", he continued, "Every year, we gotta rescue people off this mountain." I told him confidently, "I've walked this far, I think I'll be OK." He shook his head. "Well, we've been having a lot of bear problems up ahead, you be careful." He drove off, convinced that I was a clueless idiot, convinced that I was unprepared and inexperienced. But my reality was so far removed from his, that he just couldn't relate to it. I passed his camp in a few miles. There were a bunch of dirty pickups and SUVs parked in the mud. A few hunters with bulging bellies and thick camouflage coats, stood around a soggy fire, drinking beer. A bag of garbage was slumped against a nearby tree. They'd probably been there a few days, tossing scraps of food in the fire. I wasn't surprised they'd had bear problems. I waved at them as I passed, certain they were still convinced I didn't know what I was doing. I made sure I put in a few more miles before I stopped - I didn't want their bears in my camp. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The night was extremely cold. I was glad I'd picked-up some fleece pants and extra gloves in Steamboat Springs. I woke up to a thin layer of frost on my tarp. As I started up the road, a group of cows ran out in front of me. They were panicked, but they didn't know what to do except run in front of me and poop some runny sludge. The road slowly wound higher and steeper. It was rutted and barely passable to vehicles... so I thought. As I took a break on a log, two pickups with horse-trailers rolled down the hill, moving slower than my walking pace. The occupants pointed at me and laughed among themselves... perhaps because they thought I was wearing tights under my shorts, like some big-city faggot lost in the mountains. I didn't understand why they were driving the road, when they could've just as easily ridden their horses... or walked. Inside my head I was pointing and laughing at them - all that motorized crap they brought with them... what a bunch of ignorant hicks. My tight black capilene pants were about the warmest thing one could wear. The dark fir trees along the road wore a thin highlight of frost and snow. The bed of the road was frozen, crystals of ice crunched under my feet as I walked along. I passed by a man who was putting up an army tent on top of the divide. An elk-hunting season was opening the next morning. The man setting up the tent had gotten an elk in 10 of the last 15 years, all in the same area. "My son was calling to one this morning, over on that hill there", he boasted. He pointed to a forested hillside two miles away. I asked for a demonstration. The young boy put his hands over his mouth, and let out a series of piercing barks. I'd heard a lot of elk before, the kid was pretty good. I asked them, "How do you know you weren't just calling to another hunter over there?" The man laughed, "Well, one thing is that hunters can't really imitate the short barks at the end of the call, you gotta listen for that.". That was all fine, except that real elk didn't always bark at the end of their call. They were from Wisconsin. It was his son's first year joining his father for an elk hunt, his first time in Colorado. It showed. The look in his eyes was one of total trust in his father, one of concentration and of love. It was an event he'd remember the rest of his life, one on which he'd reflect in the years ahead, when he would bring his son to the ridge, when his son would call the elk. I wished them luck and continued down the road. I looked ahead and saw gigantic rounded mountains covered with golden grass. The higher elevations were draped in a thin sheet of white snow. I knew they were the divide. The divide almost always went over the highest peaks around. It appeared the storm was breaking up though. The sun was out. Small cottonball clouds raced across the sky, close overhead. By the time I reached the open highlands, most of the snow had melted. The trail cut across the side of one peak. I went up partway to get a view, then a little more, then, I was on top. My breath sliced into the cold wind that whipped across my face. I trotted over the mountain, my heels dug firmly into the crust, my poles were like alien feelers probing the ground, lifting me as glided down the hill. I knew I was doing the right thing. For a rare moment, my life made sense, I was immortal there. The trail slowly wound into some trees, along old logging roads that probably had not been used in 50 years. I followed a series of small cairns across forgotten intersections, unsure if I was still on the correct path. The improvised route finally intersected a newer road, and I was able to deduce where I was. I was tired and thirsty, a stream was nearby. I found a somewhat level space between two trees and set up my tarp. As I cooked my dinner, the sky darkened and it began to snow. I ducked inside my tent, figuring the snow wouldn't last too long. The snow continued as I slipped into my sleeping bag. There wasn't anything I could do about the snow, in a way, it was peaceful, cleansing. In the middle of the night, I woke up. My tarp was sagging on top of me, everything was quiet. Finally, I figured, it had stopped snowing. I hit the walls of my tarp, and a few inches of fresh snow slid down. I then heard a disheartening sound - little crystals of ice hammering the outside of my flimsy nylon shelter. It hadn't stopped snowing, in fact it was snowing harder, faster, heavier. I peeked outside, about 5 inches had already built up. I was concerned. It was only September 7th, and I still had a whole state to hike through, a state where the trail frequently crested over 13,000 ft in elevation. I was only at 10,000. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the early morning, it was still snowing. The snow was 8-10 inches deep. My tarp was sagging heavily, there was no more space on the side to where I could push the heavy snow. I didn't want to move, I just wanted to sit there and wait for the snow to stop. But I knew it was already too late for that. What if it didn't stop, what if it was just the beginning? I grunted begrudgingly and formulated a plan. I had to think it through. I hadn't slept much, but it didn't matter. I was in total concentration. I did not have time to be inefficient or slow. I packed as many things as possible while still under my tarp, then held my breath as I ran outside and took down the tarp. The snow was impossible. I had hoped to find some large trees that harbored dry spaces underneath. But, there weren't any. I stopped as little as possible. As long as I kept moving, my feet stayed warm despite the fact that they were continuously plowing through snow. But, my hands were painfully numb. They gripped my poles, out in front, away from the heat of my body. The thin gloves I wore were of little help. Ahead, the CDT rose over the top of a 12,000 mountain, Parkview Mountain, described as "steep" on the other side. I looked up, I couldn't see the tops of the trees, much less the mountain. I decided to follow the road around the mountain instead. The snow finally stopped around 10am. Everything was soft and clean, absolutely quiet. It was as if the forest was on pause, and attempting to digest what had just happened. Every flat surface was highlighted, no, overloaded with phlumf - snow that had been temporarily intercepted on its flight from sky to earth. I had been transported to yet another world. The road continuously twisted and bent, traversing around every ridge and dip that emanated from the mountain. There were no signs on the road... at least no signs that indicated which road it was. I just trusted my instincts and tried to look for nuances of terrain that matched something on the map. Finally, I turned right at an intersection... left at another... I was back on the CDT. I bounded joyously down the trail, plunging through the snow. The mist began to clear, and the sun lit up the surrounding valleys. It looked like the snow had reached down to 8000ft. I wondered how the hunters were faring. Some of them probably packed it in, others were probably in heaven - the snow made for perfect hunting conditions - it was easier to move quietly through the forest, and easier to track the elk. I reached a paved road where I set my things out to dry in the intermittent sunlight. Cars whizzed by now and then, I played a game with them. As each one passed, I waved hello and smiled like I was long lost friend. About half of the people in the cars waved and pointed at me, none stopped. Soon after I hit the trail again, the snow came back. All I could think was... not again! I was happy that the trail stayed mostly in the trees. The trees protected me from the wind and some of the snow. I walked through a large forest clearing where the angle of the sun got under the clouds, it lit up the falling snow like a million silent shooting stars, streaming endlessly from some imperceptible source. I decided to take another alternate route in order to avoid an exposed rocky ridge-line that paralleled Rocky Mountain National Park. It was a tough choice because I knew if the weather did clear up, the CDT route would be spectacular. I couldn't risk it though, if it was still snowing the next day, I'd be screwed. So, I dipped down to another road, finally making camp at a well-used spot between the road and a roaring stream. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That night was the coldest of the trip to that point. The sky cleared, and with no cloud cover, what little heat had built up during the day escaped into the frigid vacuum of the stars. Additionally, the coldest of the air settled the bottom of the valley - just where I was. I wore every bit of clothing I owned, but still shivered to keep warm. My shoes, soaked from melted snow, had turned into blocks of ice by morning. I didn't want to get out of my bag. The rising sun was blocked by a nearby mountain, it wasn't going to get any warmer any time soon. I finally pounded my feet into my shoes and started walking. Walking made heat. I passed a man who had stopped by the side of the road. He and his two boys were checking out the chilly stream nearby. They were looking for a place to fish. "I used to hunt when I was young", he told me, "but I don't need to shoot things to prove my manhood anymore." He said that he loved to hunt, he just didn't like the 'killing' part. Hunting had just been his excuse to roam the mountains. "The CDT is my excuse", I told him. The CDT was a great excuse for a lot of things. I got to another trailhead. An older couple was there, lightly picking their way through the melting snow. The trail ahead led back to the divide, to the CDT. "We're from southeast Kansas!", the man said with pride I hadn't expected. They were in Colorado to "see the mountains". I tried to encourage them to hike up the trail a little bit. I did my best to sell it, "Oh it's so much more beautiful even a short way down the trail, you can get away from the road and just imagine you're all alone". They didn't buy it though. They silently read through the signs posted at the trailhead, and stayed safely near their pickup, on the edge of their world. The trail wound through the trees, up toward the divide. The sun was bright, and it loosened the phlumf from the trees. All around me was a muffled chorus of "phlumf... phlumf...", luckily, I didn't get hit very severely. I regained the CDT, and decided to take a side hike - to go see some of the trail that I'd bypassed. I climbed out of the trees, and a world of white opened up below. The air was absolutely clear, the sky above was a rich deep blue, but to the horizon it faded into a light powdery shade. The jagged peaks inside Rocky Mountain National Park were just to the east. But, my attention was directed south. Snow-capped peaks were visible as far as I could bring my focus. That's where I'm going, I thought. THAT was Colorado. It was a daunting view at first, overwhelming. I felt I could see the curve of the earth, feel it spinning, feel my tiny place on it. The trail was changing me though, somewhere in the back of my mind, a different feeling took over - it didn't all look that far, didn't look like too much. I felt I was seeing everything, shouldn't "everything" be bigger? I thought... I knew I'd be on that horizon in a few days, what then? I wanted to stay on the ridge forever, watch the snow melt, watch the skies flow, watch the grass catch one last breath before it was smothered by winter. But the trail always pulled me like a magnet, like a conveyor belt, ever forward. I headed back into the woods. The snow faded as the day wore on and I lost altitude. I had almost forgotten that it was still summer. The trail became a road, at first rough, then smooth, then paved... private land took over - summer homes, private lakes? Somewhere, I crossed the headwaters of the Colorado River, just another stream in an elaborate maze of flowing water, all of it in a hurry to get home. The elements of mankind peaked, and I found myself in Grand Lake. Grand Lake was a tourist town. It was a small town, but one that couldn't care less about a guy like me - smelly, bearded and cheap. I wandered the town, more lost there in a swirl of people and overpriced everything than I had ever been in the mountains. I finally settled on a bar - a nondescript door, no glitz. I ate some greasy something-or-other and just sat there. The post office didn't open until the next morning, I wanted to leave as soon as possible. I looked at a couple hotels, but couldn't justify giving them any money. The owners looked at me like they wanted me to leave their premises quickly, so I did. I wasted the day in non-sense fiddling. In the evening, I went back to the bar to write some postcards and have a beer. The man next to me turned and demanded, "Tell me a story!". He was a "little person", and he was drunk. I couldn't dismiss him. "Tell me a story!!", he demanded again, he was adamant... he bought me a drink. I wanted to tell him a story about a drunken midget I had once met, but I didn't know the ending. He decided to get off his stool, but his feet didn't reach the ground and he fell flat on his face. A few of his friends carried him out the door. It looked like they were used to the routine. I went across the street then down to the park near the lake. I had scoped it out earlier... I figured I could find a quiet place in the park where I could pass the night... I only needed a few hours. I had a whole new attitude about the homeless, what was a home anyway? A place where one spent most of their time? By that definition, I was home wherever I went. A spotlight illuminated the entire park, I hadn't counted on that. I crouched behind some bushes, in the shadows. I looked up at a million dollar bay window that overlooked the lake near the park. I was having way more fun than those people. I focused on the stars above the black lake and drifted off. At 3AM, a loud crashing noise woke me up. I looked over to the center of the park. A large black bear had just knocked over a garbage can. Its head was swinging back and forth, deciding what to do next. The bear ambled down the center of Main Street, toward the middle of town. Seconds later, some kind of official vehicle zoomed past the park. I ducked back behind a bush as a searchlight swept the area... They were looking for the bear I assumed, I just hoped they didn't find me instead. Everything was crazy. On the trail, I could sleep anywhere freely, and be assured a comfortable night. In town, everything was expensive and there were bears. I was never surer that I'd been traveling the right way. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I woke up covered in frost. In time, the town woke up too. I dried my things in the laundromat, got some breakfast, bought some food, did my post office thing and walked out of Grand Lake. Grand Lake to Silverthorne The trail headed right out the middle of town, south. No hassles with hitching or combustion engines. There was something about that lack of needing a vehicle, something that made the trail more pure. I was only walking, that was all. I walked straight out of the place that people had shaped, and straight into that they had not. I touched every step in-between. The trail wound around the shore of two huge lakes south of Grand Lake. The lakes were dammed, man-made. Dammed lakes never looked quite right, they looked forced, faked. Natural lakes usually sat like puddles at the bottom of big valleys - the slope of the terrain gradually leveling to the water. The man-made lakes took the place of the valley entirely - the steep regular mountainsides were interrupted by the water, covering what was supposed to be below. On the second lake, the water level was about 20 feet low - a band of smooth white deadness led down to the trapped water. The trail was nice though - 8 miles of walking along the water went quickly. The trail rose to a ridge, where I had a higher view of yet another lake below. But, my attention was focused on the mountains beyond. The trail down from the ridge was bad trail. It was in fine shape... even rather new, but the routing was bureaucratic. It didn't go where I felt it should have gone, it had no feeling, no soul - it was just a cleared path. The trail dipped and rose, up and down the hillside needlessly, like it was designed by a committee whose agenda had nothing to do with hiking. By the time I reached the car-campground below, I was exhausted and hungry. The campground was rather empty. A few pickups and trailers were parked here and there, most of them appeared to be hunters. I noticed one large white touring bus - a mansion on wheels. A mat of green plastic grass led to the door, a pile of fresh-cut wood was stacked nearby, potted plants decorated the area. Of course, it was the campground host. The campground hosts kept order at the little transient villages, kept watch as people came and left. Not all car-campgrounds had hosts, those campgrounds that did were usually large and busy. The hosts were usually a retired couple, finally free from the struggle of their younger lives, they were out to see the country, relax, meet people and enjoy whatever remained of their years. I planned to cook at the campground, then hike a few more miles. I thought it'd be nice to sit near the hosts, they were usually interesting people, they usually wanted to know what a fellow like me was up to. Usually. I plopped my pack down on an unused concrete picnic table and pulled out my cook-pot. As I'd expected, the host came over, a slender man probably in his mid 60's, probably from someplace like South Dakota. "If you're gonna be here, that's twelve dollars", he said with a smile. "Oh, I'm just stopping to cook, then I'm going to hike on a few more miles". He persisted, "Well, that's twelve dollars." I explained myself again. Explained that I did not intend to camp there, simply sit for a few moments. "If you're going to be here, you have to pay." He didn't seem to understand. "Well, I could just as easily sit on a rock over there," I pointed to a rock a hundred feet away, just outside the campground, "but I thought it'd be nice to meet you, that's all." "Well, you have to pay twelve dollars, that's the rules.". I couldn't believe the guy. Twelve dollars for what? There was nothing about the campground worth 1 penny to me. I understood that it cost money to build and maintain the place, but it was built and maintained for cars, not for me. I didn't need a parking lot, didn't really even want one, I would have been satisfied if the trail had never crossed through the place. The rules of commerce were intruding into my domain. Those rules didn't belong and I didn't like it. I broke. All those little bits of frustration and anger that had been helping me climb the hills, all those dark cynical thoughts about the ignorance and stupidity of society, all that stuff came pouring out of my mouth. I let loose a flurry of insults and four-letter words I'd never before had the courage or clarity to utter. The man represented everything that was wrong about everything, and I let him know it. "The world would be better off, if people like you weren't in it", I raged, "What, do you have? maybe 5 or 10 years left? You probably haven't done anything with your life except follow rules. That's pretty damn pathetic, pretty forgettable." I jammed my things back in my pack and continued my tirade. I made sure it was heard by anyone who cared to hear it. The man just stood there, quiet, probably going it over in his head... 'it's $12, that's the rule, if I make an exception, that would be stealing, this guy is a bad person, I am good, I follow the rules'. By the time I left, I was shaking. What had just happened? I felt like I'd just exorcised some demon from my soul and was just starting to feel what it was like to be me, to be free. I felt great. I had no anger left in me. I'd left it all behind. I felt I could smile through anything, I had nothing more to prove to people, nothing more to say, it was all gone. I sat down on a rock a quarter mile from the campground and cooked my noodles. $12 for a concrete bench? I thought about the absurdity of it and laughed. I hiked another 4 miles in the evening, some of it up a steep hill. As I climbed, I realized I didn't need angry thoughts to power me, my legs were enough. My head was absolutely clear. I camped a few yards off the trail, where somebody had made a fire-ring. They'd left it there, probably in the belief that they were doing somebody a favor... like every bit of work a man did was somehow good. It was just a bunch of blackened rocks, garbage as I saw it. I scattered the rocks and buried the ashes, it was clean again, natural and proper. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The morning was cool and clear. The trail rose up to a high forested plateau. As I got higher, the snow on the trail got deeper. There were footprints in it though. Brian was up there somewhere, probably a few days ahead already. It looked like he'd come through just after the snow had fallen. The trail finally rose above the trees, a little more climbing and I was back with the pikas and falcons, back on the divide. The divide was comprised of steep rolling mountaintops. Cliffs dropped off to the sides occasionally. The ground underfoot was mostly small lichen-covered rocks and 2-inch tall hardy plants. The wind blew continuously - completely unobstructed. The trail faded in and out of existence, faded in and out of crusted snow drifts and piles of larger bare rock. There were occasional trail markers, but it mattered little, the way was obvious - just follow the divide. The views were forever, mountains everywhere in the distance, giant valleys below. The scale of the land was awesome. By early evening, I was spent. A combination of the altitude, wind, hunger, the strain of climbing, and information overload from all the views had drained my energy. I wasn't upset or concerned about it though, I just decided to stop a little earlier than usual. I scooped some snow from a nearby drift and got to work building a wind-break. Like so many things I did, I couldn't stop once I'd started... just one more block of snow... no, another. After 20 minutes, I had a wall about 3 feet high and 10 feet long. I was proud of my ingenuity. Of course, once the sun set, the wind stopped. As the sky got dark, the wind came from the other direction. I shook my head and laughed. Far below, to the distant east, Denver glew like a shimmering stain in the blackness. What's going on down there, I wondered? I didn't really want an answer though, I was content to be clueless about it all. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I quietly packed my things and continued along the divide in the morning. I powered my way to the top of James Peak. The other side of James Peak led down to a steep pile of rocks. Any hint of a trail was gone. The only way through was to hop from snowy rock to snowy rock. It was a maze with few clues. Any wrong turns led to quick dead-ends - free-falls of hundreds of feet. The view of a tiny road, 5000 feet below made the place seem even more intimidating that it was. There were plenty of more difficult routes in the mountains, it was nothing, not even worth a special note. I realized I had a hard time understanding just what was difficult anymore. Was it dangerous? Had I hiked a long way? Nothing comparative held any meaning. My foot again landed back on solid terrain, in the middle of a footprint in the snow - the ghost of Brian again. There was little level walking on the divide. The route rose over Parry Peak. There was plenty of trail over 13,000 feet on the CDT, but the top of Parry Peak was the highest part of the official route - 13,391 feet. The next few miles continued in a similar pattern... down to 12,000 feet, back up to 13,000, never level. I melted water from snow drifts. I took breaks, I ripped into my food, it was a time of peace, shared with nothing but the wind. The trail wound down to Berthoud Pass. I raced down a grassy ski slope and into a parking lot - 11,315 ft. It was the top of the road, but the lowest elevation I'd reached all day. A few people milled about, squinting in the sun, pointing, talking quietly, walking slowly. I went inside the ski-lodge, open as a highway rest-stop in the summer. They were selling ski poles, good ones, cheap. My hiking poles were in sorry shape. The mechanisms which had allowed me to adjust their lengths had long since broken. I had duct-taped the sections to lock them in position. The original tips had worn-off. I had replaced those with pipe-fittings, smashed onto the end (the best thing I could improvise). Those were essentially worn-off too. On the tip of one pole, I had fashioned a hex-nut to give a little extra life. I'd broken the other pole in half after stepping on it. I later spliced the pieces together with a shunt of steel pipe. I was emotionally attached to the poles, I saw them as more than simple tools, they were extensions of my self. They were an extra pair of legs, they were long fingers, I'd held them tight all day, every day, every mile since Canada. I couldn't pass up the opportunity though. The new poles were half the weight of the old ones. They even had ergonomic grips! I leaned my old poles up against the wall of the ski-lodge and reassured them they'd be OK. I couldn't bring myself to just throw them away. Maybe they'd get lucky, and some compassionate person would rescue them, put them on display in a museum somewhere... I hoped they understood. The divide continued across the road - then straight up of course. After a mile on the ridge, it went back down - very steep. There was no trail on the descent, just a few cairns. I slowly realized that to stray off the path shown by the cairns meant sliding down a cliff. The cliffs there were sneaky, the slope of the mountain got steeper and steeper, eventually giving way to vertical bits of loose rock. I thought, a hiker could have easily walked right down one of those slopes, realizing only too late that they were headed for a free-fall. The end of the day continued much the same, steep. I made slow progress. Both up and down, my efforts against gravity wore me out. I finally called it a day at the base of yet another climb, 5 miles short of where I'd hoped to be by the end of the day. I looked at the map. I had gone up and down 7400ft of vertical elevation, all of it steep, most of it between 12,000 ft and 13,000 ft. It was the most physically challenging day of the entire trip. I was still far above the trees, the wind rattled my tarp all night, sleep was difficult. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, I rose over a rippled mountianside, the hues of yellow and brown and green sparkled in the morning light. I stopped every couple minutes, just to look and feel. I knew there was something more I needed to do, something that would make the experience deeper, something that would make me a part of the mountain forever... I couldn't figure out what it was though, so I just took a photo. The divide flattened for a short while. I noticed a person sitting on top of the next peak, at least it looked like a person anyway. I hurried, for some reason, anxious. I didn't know to where the person might have run off, but I didn't want to take a chance that he would, being up there even with a stranger made it more real - I could look into another person's eyes, and see my own. The man was crouched near some type of scientific apparatus. "What are you doing?", I asked. "Oh, just taking some measurements", the response was vague. I pressed on, "What are you measuring?". I couldn't tell if he wanted me to leave, or just thought I wouldn't understand the technical aspects of what he was doing. After a bit more questioning (and assuring him that I did have a technical education), he told me he was measuring small geological movements with a local positioning system. The mountaintop was a "known location", and there were other people on other mountaintops, other known locations. They were looking for small movements... millimeters... The mountains in the area were riddled with tunnels and canals, all part of an elaborate water distribution scheme. Small changes in the geology of the area could greatly affect the way water moved from place to place. It seemed odd to me that anyone had even gone through the effort of digging those canals... some were miles long. I wondered why the original design of the earth wasn't considered good enough. A few minutes later, I passed by a young couple out for a day-hike. I talked to them for a little while about my hike, about other trails and mountains in the area. "So, did you hear the news?", the young man asked. "Sure, I get the news every few days, when I get to town...", "No, the news...". He proceeded to tell me that someone had crashed planes into the pentagon and world trade center a couple days prior. He also told me that the world trade center had fallen over, and a lot of people had died. The powers that be weren't sure yet who'd done it or exactly why. The news was difficult to believe or, if true, digest. The world was going on out there, but I was detached from it. People were dying somewhere, innocent people. But, innocent people died every day, everywhere, all of them died. My trail was still in front of me. The wind still blew the same, same as it had since long before I was at all, and same as it would until some day. Some day, it would stop. Then, there would be another wind, another time, another place. Me? the trail? the mountains? No, just a ghosts in the chaos - organized matter, long scattered and forgotten. The route took me off the divide again, down to another broad valley, another detour around some cliffs. It was nice to get a different perspective of the divide sometimes. One problem with climbing a mountain was that one didn't get to see the mountain under one's feet... at least not from a distance, and it was from a distance that most mountains showed their most awesome sides. That valley, that hike back up to the divide was no exception. A giant 2500 foot cliff face dominated, flecks of white snow still remained on some of the ledges, exposing them from the background of black rock. By the time I reached the divide again, the sky had become thick with clouds. I knew it was just a matter of time before it began to rain... possibly snow. In either case, I had lightning to worry about again. I raced over the divide and down another steep slope to pick up the trail again. The path was barely a trail. It seemed more like a wildlife trail - it was only about 6 inches wide, cut across the side of a steep mountain. According to my map, it was indeed the correct path. It looked like it would completely melt into the mountain in a matter of a few more years. I saw a huge cairn on top of a nearby hill, the trail I assumed. It wasn't the trail though, just a gigantic monument to human persistence. Apparently, some group of people out there somewhere had a mission to pile a cairn on every mountain in Colorado - even insignificant unnamed hills had cairns. Usually, I didn't like to see such displays of human tinkering with the landscape, but the cairns in Colorado were important to somebody somewhere, and they had no practical importance. I liked that. The trail dipped down to another river, then headed back up to the divide. It wasn't raining yet, I thought perhaps it wouldn't rain. Then, I walked over the divide and got an entirely new view. The trail dipped down to a gigantic valley, to a gigantic reservoir. Behind the reservoir was a huge triangular pyramid, Peak 1. It was shrouded in a grey cover of rain. Black clouds filled the sky above the peak and behind it. A sprawl of buildings and roads was down in the bottom of the valley, my goal. I had only a couple miles to walk in the exposed alpine zone, after that, the trail dipped into the trees. I hurried along the trail as the clouds moved closer and the sky above me darkened. I ran down the trail - vaulting with my hiking poles. With one mile to go, a bolt of lightning smashed into a hill just to my left, a hill exactly like the one I was on. I had to go down, off the trail, into the woods below. I continued running as the slope of the mountain steepened. I couldn't stop, I could barely avoid speeding up. The ground was far from level - it was bumpy and covered in knee-high grass. I kept running uncontrollably. I just knew that I was going to break my ankle or leg, just knew it. Instead, I broke the chest harness on my pack. I finally reached the trees just as the rain clamped down. It was a thick and heavy rain, not one of those storms I could wait-out. But I didn't care, I was going to town, I could afford to get wet. I set off, through the woods, around the mountain, looking for the trail. I came upon a strange scene. A mess of camping gear lay scattered about in a clearing in the woods. Plastic coolers, metal pots and pans, a nice camp-stove, clothing of various types... it looked like a bomb had gone off - nothing was standing in an upright position, the coolers were smashed, the pots and pans laid in the grass, collecting raindrops. All of the things looked new. I wondered what had caused the catastrophe, it was somebody's stuff, why had they just left it there? I figured the people must have left camp for some kind of emergency, and then bears had destroyed whatever remained. There was a story there somewhere, but one that required more detective work than I cared to invest. I found a trail. Not "the" trail, but one that was on my soggy map, it appeared to intersect the CDT ahead. As long as I headed downhill, I figured, I had to come out somewhere near town... The rain seemed to intensify as I walked down the mountain. I came to a small horse pen. Five or six wet horses stared at me as I entered their enclosure. As I opened the gate to leave the other side, they approached, perhaps curious to know "how I did that". They wanted to go free, I could see it. Perhaps they wanted to roam the desert of the Great Divide Basin, perhaps it was better that they didn't know about it. I locked the gate behind me, and walked past the nice homes, the homes that were at the end of the road - the ones that had a view. I crossed under the freeway and found myself in a sprawl of cookie-cutter town-homes. I was desperate to get out of the rain, to get inside somewhere. I couldn't see any places of business though, just building after drab rectangular building, all numbered in sequence. I ducked under the covered porch of one of the buildings. I was out of the rain, but dripping and getting cold. I fumbled and dropped my camera on the concrete. I figured I'd probably broken it, but I didn't have time to worry about that. I had planned to meet my girlfriend somewhere in town, but I didn't know where. I needed to make a phone call, I needed a phone, any phone. I took off my drenched pack and knocked on the door next to me. They'd understand, I thought... And if they didn't, I'd be no worse off. The man who answered the door spoke Spanish, which would not have been a problem if I spoke Spanish too. He did speak a little English, but not enough to understand my complicated story, "I just walked down the mountain...", I said, pointing up. I managed to get across the facts that I was very wet and cold, I needed to make a phone call, and I had a phone card. He let me use his phone, but I couldn't get a hold of anybody. Oh well. I put my poncho on and headed back down the road, toward the center of the sprawl. A couple miles later, I found myself at a laundromat - drying off. I spent the next couple hours at a pizza place, devouring a large greasy pie and watching "the news" on a TV. I finally walked over to a hostel, a cheap night's rest. I felt disorganized and lost, my thoughts were scattered. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Silverthorne, Dillion, East Dillon and Frisco comprised one giant suburb that had no city. The layout of the buildings was designed to be convenient for people who drove cars - big parking lots, wide roads and big spaces between everything. I hated walking across towns - a mile to the post office, a mile the other way to the laundromat... I was walking through a parking lot when I heard a voice from over my shoulder, "Hey! are you hiking the CDT?". I young man I'd never met or seen came walking over. His name was Tay. He and his girlfriend Paulie were hiking the CDT too. They had both hiked the PCT in 1999 but I hadn't met them then. "We're actually in Steamboat", he explained. They'd gotten a ride to Silverthorne from Paulie's father... for reasons I never heard. I was excited to meet some other hikers - it was a rare treat on the CDT, but our meeting was short-lived. They were in a rush to get back to Steamboat, "gotta get through Colorado before the snow hits!". It was a concern of mine too. Later that day, I met up with Deirdre. We spent the night at a car-campground near the reservoir. We watched a couple beavers slap their tails on the water as another day ended. I had never seen a beaver before. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deirdre and I left the next morning, she was going to join me just for a day, then loop back to her car on another trail. Silverthorne to Twin Lakes I was happy to have some company on the trail for a change. Deirdre noticed things that I had started taking for granted.... simple things, like the wind and sky, the rocks, the animals, the mountains themselves... the newness of it all had worn off for me, it was nice to see it through her fresh eyes. I had always enjoyed hiking the trail, but my reasons had become different. I enjoyed hiking because the trail was home, because the trail was away from everything else - not an escape, just a better place to be. I no longer viewed the trail with an adolescent awe, I viewed it with a more stolid maturity. I viewed the trail as my only reality. Though, somewhere, I hid more prescient thoughts... I knew it wouldn't last. I knew that winter would come, I knew that Mexico would come, time would pass, the trail would pass, but I didn't think about that much, there was only the now. I wasn't sure where the official CDT was supposed to go in the area, I only knew that I had a route mapped-out along trails somewhere near the divide. Much of Colorado was connected with networks of trails, and those areas that weren't "trailed" were usually traversable cross-country without too much difficulty (assuming conditions were good!). "Just keep heading south", I told myself. We hiked down a crummy connector trail along with a dozen day-hikers. The trail was in awful shape for a couple miles, but compared to what I'd walked on to get there, it didn't seem like a big deal. Most of the people on the trail walked slowly, they thought about each step and were careful to keep their footing. I bounced past them, not trying to show-off, just being myself... I felt it would have been inappropriate to do otherwise. After a few miles, we intersected a better trail and headed back up above the trees. As we rose higher, Deirdre pointed out some goats, a family of them were hiking their own trail. I wondered if they really knew where they were going all the time, or, did they just wander? Did they enjoy the views? There were too many mountains in Colorado for me to ever see. I wished to be a goat for a season or two, what a perfect excuse to roam. We took a long break on a windy ridge, the puffy clouds streamed by our heads. We were only a few miles from the bustle of Silver-frisco-dillion-thorne, and it was a Sunday. But, there were few people out there. Why did all those people down below live near the mountains, I wondered, if not because of the mountains? How long could a person look at a mountain and not think of climbing it? How long could a person think of climbing a mountain before actually doing it? To me, the process seemed inevitable... so where was everybody? I didn't expect or hope to see hoards of people, but a few more would have reassured me - reassured me that people gave a damn about their humanity, that people actually did things - things that required more than sitting on foam and absorbing whatever blather was beamed their direction. As we descended, a golden eagle soared overhead. Screw being a goat, I wanted to be an eagle. They must have known real freedom - to live in 3 dimensions. But why stop there? 4 dimensions? 5? I had it all figured out, I would be a time-traveling, space-warping multidimensional omnipresent being... that's what I would be. I lost myself in dreams many times on the trail, pure dreams, unobstructed by the bounds of everyday reality. We made camp in a few more miles. It was only 3pm, so we wandered an alpine mountainside for a couple hours - looking at pikas, plants and elk dung, reflecting on the earth and sky. It was a great thing to do on a Sunday afternoon. To me, it was a far truer endeavor than reciting stale scriptures. The earth needed some new religions I figured, the ones we had were far too old and worn. Could God really send me to hell for thinking too much? The day slowly rested. Breezes swayed through the trees, making a lovely music. It's only the wind, I thought... and there was so much more. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We parted ways early the next morning. I was alone again, calmer, too calm, too settled. My goal for the day was only to walk. I sung songs, I sung to everything I saw, making up the words and tunes as they were suggested to me, forgetting them just as quickly. Two camouflaged and face-painted bow-hunters came tip-toeing up the trail. Their heads and shoulders were slightly lowered, and their eyes peered between the trees, looking for that elusive elk. I opened my mouth for just a second, and then realized they wanted to keep things quiet. I supposed I should have told them that I'd been singing all morning, and had probably scared every elk off the mountain. Oh well, what fun would hunting be if it were easy? Then it would just be killing, then there would be get-away vacations to go work at slaughterhouses in Kansas. The trail rolled over ridges that connected to other ridges and peaks. I had no idea where the divide was. It didn't matter, mountains were everywhere, I headed south. I descended to the copper mountain ski area, passing a few day-hikers along the way. I always seemed to pass day-hikers in the most mundane sections of trail - close to the roads, where trees obscured any distant views. Of course, there were always the views of the trees themselves... My map identified the copper mountain ski area as "Wheeler Flats", which was what it was once called, I figured. Copper Mountain was just to the south though and sounded a lot more attractive - who would pay to go to Wheeler Flats? Lots of people paid to go to Copper Mountain. I walked over the highway and into wonderland. The area around the base of Copper Mountain was an upscale outdoor suburban mall designed to look like a quaint mountain village, or at least somebody's perception of what one should be. It was fair though, I wasn't above it or anything. I didn't think many people would want to visit my design of a ski resort - a secluded mountainside with maybe a few yurts, a few outdoor hot-tubs, a good supply of good beer and no motorized lifts. I had a philly cheese-steak at a gigantic empty sports bar filled with mirrors and glasses and televisions. I imagined what it must have looked like in the winter - jammed with weekend ski-warriors wearing brightly colored un-zipped jackets and red faces, clomping around in their ski-boots like 2-legged robotic horses. I starred in my own freak show. It was one that featured a smelly bearded man with dirty ripped shorts and a salt-stained black backpack. We were all freaks to other freaks. After stopping for some over-priced fancy euro-chocolate, I asked directions from a 20-something guy who appeared to be living off the money that bled from the resort. I was back on the trail. But, it was no longer my trail. The CDT got intercepted, no... overtaken, by the Colorado Trail. The Colorado Trail (CT) went from Denver to Durango. Everybody in Colorado seemed to know about the Colorado Trail... few had ever heard of the CDT. I didn't get it, the CDT seemed like such a neater thing - routed way up in the mountaintops. The Colorado Trail stayed mostly in a forested tunnel, only crossing alpine zones to get up, over and then back down. Everywhere I went, I had to correct people, "No, I'm hiking the CDT, it follows the continental divide...". After a while though, I just agreed with whatever people wanted to think. "When do you think you'll make it to Durango?", they'd ask. "Oh, I don't know, whenever...", I'd smile and shrug my shoulders. Near Copper Mountain, the Colorado Trail was an asphalt bike path. It soon got nice though. Thousands of people had hiked the Colorado Trail. It was loved and cared for - buffed-out like a state treasure. I imagined there was probably even a Colorado Trail festival, a Colorado Trail day... I didn't know for certain. The CT was well-marked. Little wooden posts engraved with a double-peaked mountain were planted at every intersection or possibly confusing turn. A mile up the now-dirt path, I passed a couple mountain-bikers who were headed down. It looked like they'd never been on a trail before, much less a mountain bike... but they were having fun, and that's what was important after all. A minute later, it started to rain... I wondered if they were still having fun. I put on my poncho and kept going. The trail slowly wound higher, parallel to a small stream that flowed below. The long valley was colored yellow by autumn willow bushes. The creek that ran through the willows was now a continuous terrace of beaver dams. Beavers were once common all over the Rockies, all over the world in fact. 150 years ago they were nearly trapped to extinction, only saved by the whims of European fashion designers who decided that beaver hats had become passé. Today, many people looked back at the mountain-men trappers of the early 19th century with awe and admiration, like they had been free spirits pursuing their dreams in a time when the world was young. They had only been pursuing money though - a few dozen indian-killing rednecks who nearly managed to wipe out a species in the span of a couple decades. The rain cleared. A couple more mountain-bikers passed by. They were experienced, they flew down the mountain, barely touching the trail it seemed. As they blurred past, they yelled something at me. I couldn't tell if it was "get out of the way!" or "hey!" or "look at my tight pants!". I wondered if they were having more fun than the amateur couple I'd seen earlier. Did one need to be good at what they did in order to have fun doing it? Maybe after a while the fun of the challenge wore off, so one kept making things more difficult - continuing the challenge. Walking wasn't challenging for me anymore, but I loved it all the same. I'd replaced the thrill of the novelty with something else, some distant relative of pride. I passed above a cabin, a nice cabin, like a movie-star mountain getaway - two stories of brown wood and windows and decks. But the cabin had no road leading to it. It was that other ski-resort, the one that I would have designed... somebody had beaten me to it. I later learned there were back-country ski-huts all over Colorado. Some day, I figured, I'd have to go back there and meet the people who favored that place over Copper Mountain. I got to the top of another ridge and marveled at the colors around me. The rusty banded rock, the distant grey peaks, the brown, yellow and green of the fading alpine plants... Then there was the sky, a deep shade of blue that we still hadn't properly named and perhaps never would. The trail wound across a high mountainside of willows. I spotted the divide again, it was the horizon to the east - a series of jagged rocky peaks. Below the divide, a giant complex of human design filled the valley. I later learned it was a closed molybdenum mine, one of the largest in the world. Molybdenum was used as an additive to harden steel. The mine had consumed part of the divide, devoured the rock like a flesh-eating jungle virus. Like the beaver, the mountains there existed only by the whims of the human economy. I wondered about other mountains - probably in Russia somewhere - the ones that hadn't been so lucky. I finally made camp just above the tree-line. I savored the colors of the evening sky as I ate my warm meal, quiet and alone. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At 5:30 am, I awoke to the sound of snow, pelting the outside of my tarp. By the time the sun lit things up, all was white. I didn't want to go anywhere, even though I doubted the snow would stop for me. But going nowhere wasn't the point of the CDT. I packed my things and ignored the snow, silently protesting it to nobody. A couple miles down the hill, the snow turned to rain... which was worse than snow. Snow could at least be brushed off... rain seeped into everything. Rain was always cold rain, and there was no escape from it. But, I couldn't just skip the day, I couldn't just go inside, sit by a fire and sip hot chocolate. In retrospect, the crummy weather was a blessing. Sometimes I needed to remember why people had homes and air conditioning and electricity... It was too easy to become a full-time cynic without a little mountain misery. At least the trail was nice. I was still on the Colorado Trail, still walking on soft wet mountain soil. The soil was sandy and rocky, rarely muddy. The small pebbles crunched underfoot as I walked under cool dripping trees. The mountains were partially shrouded with low clouds, stuck in the treetops. The contrast of colors was muffled - everything was dulled into shades of grey. I rose back up through the woods, eventually crossing a road. The sun came out briefly, but as soon as I spread my soggy nylon things, the rain returned. I couldn't predict the weather five minutes into the future... but I didn't stop trying. I was a sucker for every little patch of sunlight, "I think it's clearing up", I'd quietly say to myself. I had no idea if it was the beginning or middle or end of a small or large storm. Knowing wouldn't have helped much though, if anything it would have made the weather boring. What good is it to know the weather when there is nothing to be done about it? At least speculation was something to keep my mind occupied. An hour later, I was blessed with a slightly longer patch of sunlight. It was just long enough for a proper drying, it was the only opportunity I had all day - I was lucky I had decided to stop. I sat in a patch of short grass, eating nuts and waiting for the little molecules of water to get excited and dance back into the air - off my tarp, off my poncho, off my wrinkled feet. I had another problem though, my camera was screwed up. My camera hadn't been working properly since I'd dropped it in Silverthorne. It seemed to be taking pictures, but after 5-10 frames, the film re-wound. I couldn't keep using it at that pace. It was depressing. I knew that I'd already taken hundreds of photos, a few more wouldn't be missed... but, I was hiking the trail for more than my own memories, I was hiking it to share it. I was looking at things that were often difficult to describe with words. How would people understand if I didn't have photos? They needed to understand. I needed a camera. How in the world could people keep their sanity without one I wondered? How could a person appreciate the beauty of a scene when they knew it will never be seen again, never by their own eyes, never by another's? Life was fleeting enough, I needed to hold on to whatever I could grab. I crossed the divide... still in the CT forested tunnel. I considered hiking cross-country along the divide until it intersected the trail again, 10 miles ahead. The terrain would have been easy, but with the weather there was no point. Why walk into the clouds? Why risk being frozen and electrocuted in the windy fog above? A few miles later, I crossed into another wilderness area - the Holy Cross wilderness. As always, the character of the land quickly changed. The trees were older, they were individuals with names and faces. Fields of alpine rocks and grass took over as the trail rose higher - all of it wet and grayed by the indirect sunlight. Just as the trail topped an exposed alpine crest, a bolt of lightning smashed the divide, up above, somewhere in the fog. I was glad I wasn't up there. A minute later, the clouds released a seemingly endless supply of snowflakes. The wind tossed them sideways. The storm got more fierce with every minute. I lowered my head, gripped my poles, and plodded forward, determined. "This sucks", was all the mental commentary I could come up with. I had figured out a way to hold the front of my poncho in the grips of my hiking poles - like a southern lady lifting her skirt over a muddy puddle. It kept the front of my poncho from blowing in the wind. It also kept the poncho from getting wrapped-up in my legs. It had one unfortunate side effect though - my hands were so cold they hurt. My circulatory system apparently considered my hands expendable and had completely shut them off. With every step, I wished they would warm up, I wished the snow would stop, I wished the wind would stop, I wished for a big tree under which I could sit out the snow. None of my wishes came true. Instead, the trail got more and more obscure. It wove between 5-foot rounded boulders, then vanished into a maze of snow and rock and grass. What the hell? I was cold, lost, and getting hungry. I walked back and forth and retraced my steps, looking for some hidden turn... what had happened to the nice Colorado Trail? I held my map with numb fingers that didn't even seem my own. The terrain was flat, I couldn't see the mountains, I only knew I was near a lake, was it Blair Lake? Must be. Then it became clear. I was following a fisherman's path, one that went to that damn lake. I went back up the way I'd come, there was the trail, making a sneaky sharp right turn back into the forest. The snow stopped, my fingers warmed up, I ate some food. All was good again. I finally ended the day at a flat spot in the forest near a trailhead. It was at the end of another road, the middle of mine. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was a cold night. In the morning, the fog hung as ice crystals in the air. The only sound was that of a stream, filtering quietly though the trees below. The trail was perfect, it wound through the forest like a roller coaster - a nice wide and smooth path with just enough ripple and rise to keep it interesting. I passed by a trail register, the scribbles of other hikers were my only companions. Brian was 3 or 4 days ahead. The sky was still clouded, light snow flurries floated down. I didn't know what would be next, I'd given up guessing, I didn't prepare for anything, I just took it as it came. I was in the Mt. Massive wilderness, passing by some of the highest peaks in Colorado - all covered in clouds and blocked by trees. I passed another register at the Mt. Massive trailhead. It looked like 3 or 4 people headed up Mt. Massive, one of the more popular 14'ers, each day. I added my name just to mix things up - "CDT Canada-->Mexico!!!". Mt. Elbert had a similar register. Elbert was the highest point in Colorado - 14,433 feet I think... only 60 feet lower than Mt. Whitney in California. I was happy about that - it was something that kept Coloradoans from being even more cocky about their mountains than they already were - the Sierra had them beat. I had originally planned to climb Mt. Elbert, but the combination of clouds and no camera had extinguished the desire inside me. I just wanted to get to town. The trail passed through a forest of golden aspens along the slope of Mt. Elbert. The sky began to clear, and the sun lit up the trees, the bright yellow contrasted against the blue and white sky like nothing I'd ever seen. The trail was covered in fallen leaves - all of them perfect replicas of each other - little yellow spades. The sun filtered through the branches above, lighting up the trail with a mix of light and dark any artist would have been proud to approach. I missed my camera more than ever. My poles picked up the leaves like they were so much forest litter. After a while, I poked at them as I went along, testing my accuracy, trying to see how many I could spear - another quickly improvised trail game to occupy my mind. Some of the leaves wore highlights of red and green, seemingly random variations thrown in the sake of whimsy. The trail became a forest road. I passed a couple more bow-hunters walking toward me, arrows ready. I liked the bow-hunters, I liked the thought of it. It took effort, it took skill and patience. It gave the elk a chance. A successful bow-hunt was something to be proud of - beating the elk with human brain and muscle. I wasn't surprised to learn that bow-hunting was the fastest-growing type of hunting - an antidote to an increasingly antiseptic human techno-culture. The road grew wide - passable to SUVs and high-clearance trucks. Regular cars had to park a mile further down the road. That's what the SUVs gave people - one less mile to walk. One less mile of aspen leaves blowing in the wind like a million tiny chimes. I could see Twin Lakes below, not the town (there barely was one), but the lakes themselves. What would I find there? beyond there?... I passed near a couple women who were out for the day, looking at the aspens. They had just come back from the same place I'd walked through. I asked them if they knew a shortcut through the woods, down to Twin Lakes. They were just heading down the road - to Leadville, "would you like a ride?", they asked. It was an opportunity I couldn't pass up - a ride to Leadville... the possibility of buying a new camera. We drove down the bumpy road barely faster than I'd been walking. We stopped every few minutes "Oh, there are some more good ones!", one of the women was collecting leaves for some project - she'd figure what to do with them later... right then, she just had to have the leaves, had to touch them, feel them, study them and own them. They were too beautiful to allow to rot - too bountiful to save - quite a dilemma. I felt crusty and dirty in the spotless car, I tried not to touch anything, lest I spread my disease of filth. The women let me off in the middle of Leadville - once the largest city west of St. Louis, it was mostly forgotten to time. Mounds of old mining waste were piled along the roadsides. What had mining done for the town? It had created a depressed bunch of jobless people, polluted streams, and some refined metal somewhere far from there, probably oxidizing in dumps in New Jersey, or peeling off the walls of old homes in Milwaukee. The only ones happy about it were the now-dead rule-makers. Their pockets were lined with green, but they were dead all the same. I wondered if it was human nature to be so impatient and greedy that thought could not precede action. Leadville had no cameras for sale, at least none that I wanted to buy. I checked the Walgreens, I checked the pawn shops... Frustrated, I settled on a couple disposables... better than nothing I thought. I hitched a ride out of town, back to twin lakes. A guy named Larry picked me up, "MOM", he turned to the old woman sitting next to him, "I'M GIVING THIS MAN A RIDE!", she convulsed as a response, which could have meant "OK", or "what?" or "Are you crazy?"... I got in the back seat. "I live in Granite", he boasted, "bet you never heard of it... only 10 people in Granite". It didn't sound like a town, more like a mid-sized Catholic household. He gave me a beer. I told him what I was doing. His response was familiar - an attempt to imagine what it must be like... not a wish that he was out there too, just a wish to know about it. He dropped me off at a small motel 8 miles from Twin Lakes. I decided to get a room, I could always get a ride to Twin Lakes in the morning. The motel had a laundry machine. It was in the back of the barn, in a small room painted 1950's green. I sat in there alone... feeling the rumble of the washer and dryer and reading every page of a People magazine - all about the terrorist attacks. The world was being choked by insanity from all fronts. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the morning, I walked 3 miles on the road toward Twin Lakes, then got a ride from a salesman. He sold the hydraulic machines that lifted cars in repair shops... somebody had to do it. He was happy, too happy, his smile seemed artificial, like a mask for a crying child. The sky was clear and the sun lit up Mt. Elbert directly ahead. Its flanks were awash in yellowing aspens, its naked rocky top was crowned in white. As we neared Twin Lakes, the man turned to me and asked, "Do you read the scriptures?". I knew I had no answer that would matter to him. He leaned closer and whispered like he was sharing a secret, "That mountain didn't just get there, ya know... there is such good news..." He smiled and slowly shook his head, keeping his eyes forward on the road. When I got out of the car, he gave me a firm handshake and stared. It was a stare that said "I'm crazy, but I don't care." I wanted to tell him how I saw the mountains, how I felt about them. I wanted to tell him that I loved the mountains not for their mystery, but for their truth, and they told so much truth - truth about our history and our future. They told the truth about the real nature of things. The mountains told more truths than were written in any ancient texts. The mountains were my scriptures - I read them every moment. After a brief stop at the general store... which doubled as a post office, I was again on my way. Always eager to learn whatever the trail cared to teach me. Twin Lakes to Salida I followed an old road through the lowlands that surrounded Twin Lakes Reservoir. As I was staring at the grass in front of me, I noticed something peculiar. It was as if the grass was slightly shifting... almost imperceptibly, just below my focal point. I stopped to try and figure it out. At first, I thought something was in my eye, disrupting my vision. Nope. I stared at a small pebble, then adjusted my gaze slightly upward, the pebble disappeared! Egad! I had a blind-spot in my right eye - just a bit below my focal point. How did it get there? I was falling apart from the inside, it was horrible. As I continued up the trail, I could think of little else - everywhere I looked, there it was. The day before, I figured, it hadn’t been there, but now, it was... so, was it growing? would I go blind? what if it spread to the other eye? The rest of the day, I stared at things, I played with it - like a sore elbow that one can't help but keep testing... I tried to determine if the spot was getting bigger or smaller... changing in any way. It didn't appear so. I wondered, was that how it started? getting old? Was that what I had to look forward to? all of us? The day was magnificent. The sky was a clear blue, aspens shimmered in the breeze. My tarp was still wet from a couple days back, I draped it over some high grass in a forest clearing. The wind caressed it dry. How long will it last, I wondered? The weather seemed to be in 5 day cycle - 3 days of nice & 2 days of yuk. I laid back and looked into the sky to clear my head, there was no blind spot in the sky, just blue. I climbed above the trees again. Marmots sounded quick whistles of alarm. Their plump bodies rippled as they ran over the grass and into holes they'd dug under the rocks. They were primed for winter, just waiting. I reached Hope Pass, alone. I had rarely felt so "in the mountains" - they were everywhere, huge mountains... impossible to grasp in human terms. As I descended the other side, a strong breeze blew up the slope. The breeze carried with it thousands of aspen leaves... They filled the sky in front of me like as many spinning confetti butterflies, easily a thousand feet above the ground and as deep as I could perceive. All the sky was a flicker of yellow. It was a sight I'd never before seen, one that no photograph nor film could never capture, and one that I'd just stumbled upon in the course of my daily routine. The trail descended to another forest road and past an old abandoned mining town, Winfield. Now, it was called Winfield historical area. A few restored buildings stood here and there, signs in front of them explained their lost purposes. What was I supposed to learn from it? Anything? Perhaps just that the place was one there, and that... well, there it was. I supposed there didn't need to be any practical purpose served, it was just a curiosity, a destination, a catalyst for reflection. I left the Colorado Trail, it seemed. I wasn't exactly sure where the CT went, but according to my map, I wasn't on it anymore. I continued past Winfield, back up toward another pass. I passed more huge meadows, populated with beaver dams. A retired couple had driven their RV to the end of the forest road. The man sat in a lawn chair, looking, passing the time, probably listening to the mountains, learning their grand language which imparted wisdom he couldn't share. I waved to him as I passed. I passed another trail register, it was for a side-trail that led up to Huron Peak - another 14'er. While I sat there, flipping through the pages and sneaking in a short break, a couple came down the trail, down from the mountain. "How was it?", I asked. "Well", he paused, slightly lackluster, "we didn't actually quite make it all the way up... we ran out of time." "Hey", I told them, trying to encourage some joy, "you don't need to reach the top in order to climb a mountain." The conversation quickly shifted to more interesting topics. I seemed to have had more than my share of unique philosophical discussions with people I met along the CDT, and those usually happened after only a sentence or two. Maybe the mountains just made people think, maybe they imparted some kind of mystical energy, scrambled and re-organized our grey matter. The conversation started with him asking, "What occupies your mind all day?" What occupies anyone's mind all day? Somehow we got on the topic of money and happiness. I continued, "...you know, if I had millions of dollars...", I paused in realization, "I'd be doing this." I hiked a few more miles that evening, then camped near a small waterfall amongst tall trees - still seeing spots. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The trail quickly climbed back above the trees. The pikas were everywhere. "Meep" they said, "meep". I had a vision of a new plush toy - a grey fuzzy pika with a small motor and speaker inside. They would live on televisions and counter-tops throughout suburbia, occasionally convulsing and saying, "meep". People could collect whole families - they'd communicate with each other, 'meeping' in sequence around the house. They'd be bigger than Beanie Babies or Furbies - "Pika Pals". That was it, that's what I'd do when I got done hiking... I had it all figured out. I reached another pass. I put down my pack and climbed a nearby knoll... because the view could never be "too good". The views were often best in the morning, when the air was clear and the light came at a low angle, bringing extra depth to the contours of the land. I sat there, on a rock, on top, dumbly smiling at miles of smooth ridges and rolling plateaus, at Lake Ann, glowing just below, at the jagged walls of the Three Apostles and Ice Mountain, at the tremendous frosted bulk of Huron Peak. There was too much to do in a lifetime to live it properly, I could only try. I headed back down to the pass, down a series of switchbacks, down to the forest again. The route followed something called the "Timberline Trail" for the next clump of miles - paralleling the divide, but remaining in the trees just below it. The trail was open to motorcycles. Where the trail was flat, the motorcycles tended to smooth the tread - making it into a sandy trough. In places where there was any rise or fall, the tread turned into an eroded pile of loose rocks, where no step could be trusted to remain in place. A couple motorbikers passed me as I walked down the trail - a man and a woman. They were covered from head to toe with bright red, yellow and white leather. Their helmets made them look completely alien. Their bodies were in constant tension, adjusting to every bump on the path. It looked like a lot of work. The bikes were exceptionally noisy. I wondered if the sputtering noise was part of the appeal for these people, "look at me! I'm a bad-ass!", it said. Would they even have wanted to ride a quiet bike if one had been available? A short while later, a group of four 18-20 year-old young men came my way. They were dirty. They had big packs, hiking poles, gaiters... it was obvious they'd been out hiking for a while. I asked them about it. "Well, we're taking a course with the College of the Rockies... we've been out for 3 weeks, we're hiking a big loop, doing some other stuff along the way... we're just... you know... gaining awareness", he said. The others nodded in unison, like it was a good summation. I didn't realize why people needed to come up with euphemisms for "learning", but if it worked for them, I couldn't complain. They only had one more day left in their trip. I was happy to tell them about my trip when they asked. I could see them imagining what it would be like, drawing on their experiences of the past 3 weeks. It was always the case, just when you thought you were doing something crazy, along came someone else... doing something crazier. I felt like a sage, a spirit of the mountain passing on blessings and goodwill. A half-hour later, I passed the rest of the College group. They were having a slightly harder time of things - they were more dirty, more tired. Two instructors passed by me, not even bothering to return my cheerful, "hello!". Oh well. The rest of the group was behind them. I talked to a couple young women, all they could think of was one... more... day... They weren't eager for the experience to end, just eager to accomplish something. None of them asked me where I was headed. I stuck to my "don't ask don't tell policy", even though it was hard - I was sure that they would have been interested to know about it. In general, I found that younger people were less inclined to ask me what I was doing, and less inclined to think it odd or special. Maybe it was because they still viewed life as filled with infinite possibilities - they hadn't yet been forced to make choices that whittled-away at those possibilities. They hadn't yet realized that every day was fleeting, that time moved in only one direction and it was a ride with no pause and only one exit. The trail continued through the forest. In places, the damage from the motorbikes was disheartening. I passed through an area that had been a wetland. The bikes had turned it into a mudland - at least for a 10-yard corridor to each side of "the trail". But, it wasn't the damage that bothered me. The damage wasn't enough to destroy the surrounding habitat, it would grow back in time... As before, it was just a reminder of that other world out there, it was an intrusion. Why did people need to bring that stuff out there? Why did they need to conquer and dominate the land? I was happy to just sneak over it, to simply evade its more dangerous elements. I passed a group of bow-hunters - 5 or 6 of them. They were resting on some logs just off the trail. I took a break and talked to them. They'd been out for a week, no luck. One of the younger boys had almost been run-over by an elk, but that was about as close as they'd come. They were getting ready for another push, up the side of the mountain on which we were standing. I had the feeling they hadn't really mastered bow-hunting, that perhaps they were new to it... I didn't think their strategy would work very well. They didn't seem to have much faith in it either, but didn't have any better ideas. A mile later I saw an elk at the edge of a small meadow. As evening approached, I found myself once again climbing through the woods. The sky was perfectly primed for a lightshow - bulky clouds above, and none on the western horizon. I looked at the map. Ahead, the trail traversed an open ridgeline with a western exposure - perfect for a sunset. I raced up the hill, only two more miles, one more mile. I saw the sky through the trees, lit up in a crimson mosaic, darker, darker... I reached the open ridge just as it faded to a dull grayish purple. Oh well, I knew there would be other sunsets, that one wasn't meant for me. I made camp beside some dwarfen trees and watched the stars and planets slowly come to light. There were so many. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, I quickly reached Tin Cup Pass, the divide again. While I was taking a break by a big rock, two men on motorbikes rode up. They parked about 30 feet away, chatting and pointing to gizmos on their motorcycles, "Ya see this thing here?".... I stared at them for 5 solid minutes, yet despite the lonely circumstance, they never looked my way. I was invisible to them, prejudicially rejected. A couple more bikers came up and made instant friends with them. As I was leaving, one of them said, "you see", pointing up the divide, "we used to ride right up there before they closed it off." I felt like I was the reason why 'they'd' closed it off, people like me anyway, people who liked the fact that the alpine zones of Colorado weren't covered with erosion scars and the farting madness of motorized traffic. I wanted to tell them, they could still go up there... if they could just walk... people had been walking for millions of years... since before they were considered people... our anatomy hadn't changed that much in the last 200 years... The trail headed back down a valley then up the other side. I could see the route, but it made no sense to me. I preferred to walk the divide, to go up then down. I walked into the bushes. Somebody had marked a route there with orange marking tape - a route that traversed around the base of the peak I was climbing. Was it to be the CDT someday? I wondered. I reached the top - Fitzpatrick Peak, 13,112 feet. There was a small jar under some rocks, it held loose scraps of paper - another summit register. I flipped through the list, it held tidbits of wisdom, descriptions of the weather, "black clouds - have to go", I laughed. Somebody had proposed marriage on the peak just a few days prior. I looked around. It was a good place to make a choice about life. Invisible paths led down the mountain in every direction, which one to take...? A man slowly approached, breathing heavily, but not excessively. Everyone breathed a little heavy after climbing a 13,000 foot mountain. He walked up a peak every weekend... had probably walked up most of the peaks in Colorado - those that could be walked in a day anyway. The 13,000 foot peaks of Colorado didn't get much respect, they weren't "14'ers", and that thousand feet mattered to people. I was glad that someone was giving the 13'ers some attention and respect. I told him what I was doing and he was quick to grasp it. I felt different again, not like I was doing any unusual thing, just doing a thing that I felt needed doing. I continued, down the steep flanks of Fitzpatrick. I talked to the air as if I was leading some dream-filled youth group, showing them my map, explaining to them the lay of the land and why I made the choices I made. Every day was filled with choices. Every step was. My reasoning was sometimes simple, sometimes not. I only knew I'd made the right choices because I was still walking, still going, never regretting. But, there were a thousand ways to get where I was. Maybe there were no correct choices, there were only choices that were mine. The trail passed by an old railroad tunnel, last used in 1910. A small sign identified the tunnel. Another, larger sign was reported to be at the entrance on the other side. The tunnel was collapsed, so there really wasn't much to see. But, there was history there, and people came to see it, to better understand it. There was history everywhere, every inch of the land had a history all its own, every rock told a long and complex story of transfiguration that was beyond simple comprehension. But people came to the tunnel, drawn to a history more easily recognized, a history of people and their machines. I passed another trailhead, then headed up a forest road. Four men rambled past in an SUV, down the mountain slower than I walked up it. The metal monster jostled wildly with every turn of the tires, the men sat inside, solemnly swaying in synchronicity. They looked bored. A few minutes later it was snowing. I wasn't bothered, it didn't look bad, it was just a version of afternoon thundershowers, cooled down by 12,000 feet elevation. The trail rose above a couple naked lakes then over another pass - Chalk Creek Pass. The weather cleared a bit on the other side. I scrambled over a field of crushed boulders - an old mountainside that had crumbled into a lake. After a couple miles, a thousand feet down or so, the trail gave way to a road. I was in a good mood, an insane mood, my mind had wandered out of bounds. As I picked my way down the rocky road, I sung louder than ever, moving my poles and feet to the rhythm of an impromptu tune, "when you've thought every thought, and dreamt every dream, you can walk, and talk, and dance and sing!..." I was starring in my own one-man musical, live on the CDT! Tonight only! Free admission! - the verse kept repeating over and over, the tune morphing to ever more unrecognizable and distant forms. My song and dance routine was interrupted by the sight of a small run-down cabin. Two scrawny 20-something slackers were mulling around the outside. I sung hello. "Are you guys living here?", I asked. "Well, ya, I guess." they laughed through their words, sipping bottomless beers. "We just kind of, um, moved in a couple days ago... hu huhuhu". The cabin had been abandoned and they were squatting in it, waiting for the snow to come and bring the ski season to life. They had only one appointment to remember, "October 22nd, that's the job fair for the ski resort, hu hu huhu." They had a month of waiting ahead of them. They were already pretty far gone, I wondered what levels of insanity they'd reach by October 22nd. One of them made me an offer, "Hey, I'm cookin' up a big pot of beans, if you want some...". I was thereby invited to dinner. When I told them I was headed for Salida, they offered advice on the fastest way to get there, the cheapest places to stay... then suggested I go to the 'rainbow festival' that was being held... somewhere, sometime... I tried to explain to them, "Well, I'm hiking this trail, you see, it goes, uhhh...". But it was pointless. They had no conception of goals, only of momentary happiness. They saw life only in their terms, terms defined by rules which they invented and then changed as they went along. I couldn't have stayed for beans, it would have been too scary. The road merged with another, then intersected another, none of the roads were marked. I came upon a large CDT sign which directed me up a road. I hiked on, into the dusk, hoping to make it to Boss Lake Reservoir, not too far. The road led to a clear-cut hillside, I looked around, I was not where the trail was supposed to be, what the hell, I'd followed the sign there. Damn sign. Who put that thing there! Idiots! I envisioned some forest service lackey erecting the big CDT sign without even bothering to get it right. I knew where I was though, and I knew where I had to go. I started cross country, traversing a steep wooded hillside where my feet slipped in the loose forest duff. No matter how hard I dug in, gravity took over. The slope was too steep, I had no choice but to turn around and head back to the sign, a mile back down the hill. On the way down I mumbled nasty thoughts under my breath. I was going to destroy that sign, write nasty graffiti on the signpost about how the forest service was incompetent. "CDT this way!!!!-->". It was dark by the time I reached the sign again. I looked around. There it was, the trail. It ducked into the woods behind the sign, I just hadn't looked. It was actually a good sign. I'd been defeated. I camped behind the sign, next to a foot-bridge that crossed a raging stream. The static fuzz of the water soothed my ears and mind all night. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I could feel the energy in the air the next morning. The sky was clear, but I knew it wouldn't last, I'd seen that sky before. I climbed the trail past Boss Lake Reservoir, it was completely drained - a dead mud-flat surrounded by a wall of broken boulders. It had been a man-made reservoir, made for a mining operation. When the mine inevitably closed, the reservoir was left behind like useless trash. Somebody was trying to clean it up, but it was going to take a long time. I stopped for water at a clear stream that poured out of a mountainside far above the reservoir. The water cut a silken path through the short grass and rocks. I noticed one of the rocks slowly moving. It wasn't a rock at all, but a ptarmigan, a small grouse-like bird that was a master of camouflage. The ptarmigan was just starting a seasonal change in plumage - from a speckled pattern of grey and brown, to a solid winter white. Then I noticed another, and another. I sat in the grass, bewildered. The birds walked slowly by, 10 feet away, oblivious to me, confident they were unseen. I counted 8 in all, how had I not seen them earlier? Then I heard them call to each other, an ever-so-soft twittering coo. How had I not heard them? I wondered how many other ptarmigan I'd passed along the way but never seen. And, what other unknown treasures had I missed? I watched the birds go about their business - pecking at the ground and at each other, hopping from rock to rock. I could have sat there all day, but I had a storm to beat. By 10am, the sky was mostly filled with gigantic white cotton clouds that billowed forever upwards and out of control. There was still some space between the individual clouds... but once that space was gone, the clouds would have nowhere to go but down. I raced up the mountain. The trail was cut across a rocky slope, just below the divide, high above the trees. I picked-up my pace. The trail met the divide as it slowly lowered in elevation, becoming a high plateau of grass. The space between the clouds was nearly gone, they were turning dark, turning black. As I neared the cover of trees, the sky let loose on a mountain a mile away. The clouds exploded with electric energy and emptied their load of cold water. A few minutes later, the sky was a tattered grey mess, bearing no resemblance its early morning character. I passed by a young couple. They were from Kansas, on a weekend vacation to the mountains. They were planning to do some 4-wheelin' later in the day, but for now, they were just walking around, enjoying the fresh air, the wildness of it all. The woman readily admitted she spent too much of her time in a stale office job, "This place is like a giant cubicle...", she joked, describing the mountains in terms to which she could relate. When I told her I had simply quit my job, she turned to her husband, "See? I knew it could be done!" They had a long trip ahead of them, one that wouldn't end with the drive back to Kansas. I dropped down to the highway that ran through Monarch Pass. I ran over to a rest area / tourist store just as it began to snow. I waited inside for a while and examined an elaborate forest-service display about the continental divide... nothing about the trail. I was in a hurry to get to Salida, I figured if I could make an efficient stop, I could get back to the trail by dusk. A series of behemoth RVs were parked outside. I said hello to the drivers of the RVs in the most gracious and friendly tone I could muster, they nodded their heads but avoided my glance. I walked to the end of the parking lot, where it merged with the highway - plenty of room to stop. I held my sign, "Salida", and smiled my most pathetic grin, squinting through the blowing snow. Surely they'd stop... They drove past one by one, completely ignoring me, each of them. Their life wasn't about taking risks on guys like me. They felt they had too much to loose, nothing to gain. I saw it as the opposite, they had everything to gain, nothing left to loose. They lived their lives in portable cages that shielded them from the craziness of the world, the true world. I wanted to yell, no to implore! "Interact!". I never got a ride from a retired couple in an RV, never. A few minutes later I did get a ride, from a young guy in a van. A few years back, he'd driven another van all the way to the southern end of South America. He was still driving a van, I had a feeling he'd own a van the rest of his life, that he wouldn't be complete without one. I was sure his story was one that had a hundred tiny interconnecting subplots, one that couldn't be reduced into a simple phrase like "it was great". So, he didn't even try to tell it, he knew that I knew there was too much to know. We passed a Walmart just outside of Salida. "This will do...", I said somewhat reluctantly. Walmart. The mega-store I loved to hate and hated to love... one that represented both the best and worst of our society. It had everything I needed, and it was cheap, so I put my reservations aside and plunged in. I bought a new camera and a new supply of food, then hit the road again. I had no desire to spend any extra time Salida... I didn't even know exactly where the city was. I was in a good mood. I had a new camera. It was like a little man, my new buddy. Every time I slid open the housing, the lens popped out and the flash-bulb extended, as if to say, "Hey, what's going on?" On top of that, whatever had been wrong with my eye somehow had gotten better... I wasn't even sure when. I walked a couple miles on the road, smiling at cars and waving my sign "Monarch Pass". A car with two college girls drove past, giggling and pointing. They stopped up ahead, and I walked toward them, waving "thank you!". The car took off though. I could imagine the debate that had occurred inside, "Are you crazy? He could be a lunatic!" Maybe I was a lunatic, but I was a completely harmless one... those poor girls. An hour later, a hundred cars later, a pickup stopped. I ran forward, hoping to reach the truck before the people inside changed their mind too. Salida to Lake City Two hunters were inside the pickup, and I was invited to ride along with "front seat status". They were headed back to the mountains for one more day of bow season. The man driving the truck had gotten an elk on opening day, but was out helping some friends with their hunts. As he talked about his hunting strategy, I could tell he knew what he was doing, he almost made bow-hunting sound easy. He was excited for me. Like most hunters, he loved the hunt - the chase through the mountains, the fresh air, the connection with his human roots - we were all once hunters. He understood why I was walking the divide, what it was like, and what it meant to me. He dropped me off at the pass, a few miles out of his way, and wished me luck. The day was nearly over by the time I hit the trail. I was happy that my little stop in town had gone so smoothly. There was another trail register near the pass. Drew was 4 days ahead of me, Kevin and Sharon, 7. I figured I wouldn't see any of them again on the trail. Odds were, I'd be hiking alone the rest of the way. The trail was cut across an open mountainside, high above everything. The setting sun lit up everything in a Martian hue. The clouds from earlier in the day had mostly scattered, spent their ammunition and drifted out of existence. A few remnants were left though, and the sun bid them adieu with a final flicker of red. I camped on top of the divide, another day, always another place. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The night on the divide was cold and windy. Morning brought clear cold skies, a horizon of powdery blue. The trail continued its traverse. The CDT south of Monarch Pass was a popular mountain-biking route. The bikes smoothed the tread into a dirt trough with rounded edges, it was similar to what the motorbikes had done, but gentler. I stopped for water at a spring where the Colorado Trail re-joined from below. A dozen mountainbikers zoomed past, dressed loudly in spandex and plastic. They had a different agenda - push yourself, conquer the mountain, ride far and fast and hard. I had no desire to join them, only a desire to smile as they passed, to smile a grin that said, "I have a secret, have a nice day". A man came through the trees toward me on the trail. He had thick calves, a dirty tan, beat-up backpack and worn shoes... He'd obviously been hiking some distance. We started our conversation before the first words were spoken. He had been hiking the CDT north since Pagosa Springs. He had been out for a month or so. He was nearly done with his hike, going home after Monarch Pass. He was Dutch... what was it about the Dutch? He'd already heard about Mario... he knew they would probably never meet. He told me there was a Colorado Trail hiker about a couple days ahead of me. At least there was someone up there, I thought. The trail had been getting lonely. Maybe somehow, I hoped, I'd meet that phantom. After we parted ways, I followed his footprints back... sometimes they were erased by mountain bikes, sometimes clear. I noticed a few faint footprints headed my direction - my CT companion? The divide became placid, lost in an ocean of rolling forested hills - the Cochetopa Hills. It almost looked like the divide had disappeared, but I knew it never did. It always had to be somewhere, sometimes it just wore a disguise. The trail followed the divide, through the canopy of trees. Grey Jays played with me all day. Most birds scattered and sounded an alarm at the approach of people, at the very least, they ignored people and went about their business. Grey Jays were different though. They saw people as a curiosity, an opportunity. Whenever I took a break in the trees, one or two hopped through the branches, slowly working their way toward me. They'd pause every few feet to turn their heads, as if asking, "What is that creature?". In some places, in some other mountains, grey jays were so habituated to people that they would land on an empty extended hand, just to see if any food was to be had. In the Cochetopa Hills, their true nature was more evident - they weren't friendly because they'd been tamed by humans, they just had an innate curiosity, one that had helped them thrive long before people ever entered the equation. A truck came by, a retired couple from Kansas - what was it about Kansas? We had a brief conversation that ended with him wishing me luck with the hunting. I didn't bother to correct him, although I really wanted to. I felt like I was on a futile crusade to change every deaf ear - if only they could see what I saw... that "there was such good news!". What was the point? Let people be people, it was probably better that way. The trail rose to a high meadow, a plateau of grass with views back north. I could see the last two days of my travels, neither far nor near, just there. The sun slowly set as I re-entered the trees. There were good campsites everywhere. I walked until it was nearly dark and picked one, good as any other. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The morning light mimicked that of the evening, the day picked up where it had left off, the sun bouncing back across the sky through a mesh of treetops. There was nobody there. I could see only the next 15 seconds of trail, always different, but exactly the same. The ground underfoot consumed all my attention - a quarter mile of horrible loose rocks, a half mile of dirt, the Dutch footprints fading, the CT hiker's taking over... I looked out to the sea of dark green trees that covered everything below me. Clouds, was it? No, smoke! A forest fire was burning... a couple miles away. I knew nothing more about it. Did anyone even know it was there? How did it start? It didn't matter much to me - it was like the TV news, a curiosity that rarely hit home. "Tonight on the CDT evening news, Fire!". A slight breeze was blowing the smoke slowly away from me. The day whipped past, I split it up into little sections, stopping after each one... the endless forest was more palatable that way. I looked at my map and studied the land ahead, even though I didn't need to. It was just something to think about. "Hmmm, I have to climb 400 feet, then a mile of flat, then down 200 feet..." The trail crossed a road, a few cars rolled past. They weren't even people. I noticed something odd just below the trail, it was... something... that was all that really mattered. It was a styrofoam cooler. Some rocks were on top to keep the lid from blowing off. Of course, I had to see what was inside, I didn't care if it was somebody's private stash of something-or-other. I needed to know. A notebook resting on the lid and sealed in ziploc bags, explained things. The cooler was left by "burned foot", a man who'd hiked the Colorado Trail a few years prior. He explained that the Cochetopa Hills were his least favorite part of the CT. He'd stocked the cooler with sodas and other goodies to lift the spirits of fellow hikers. I flipped through the pages, reading a season's worth of "thank you's!" from hikers I'd never know. A lot of people hiked the CT. Most of the entries were happy prose and inside jokes shared with those who passed through behind them. The most recent entry was from my mystery CT hiker. He had a name, John. A few entries stuck out, they were scribbles - insanity created by a million footsteps, brought to life in ink - CDT hikers. They'd all come through there, my whole scattered village. I opened the cooler, eager to partake in the party. It was empty. What a cruelty to be played on a weary soul such as I. I sat in the grass and laughed absurdly, in a way it was fitting, I was forgotten even by those who cared. Burned Foot explained that he didn't re-stock the cooler after mid-September because few people hiked the CT that late in the season - yup, you'd have to be crazy to do that. I cooked dinner there anyway, in the company of an empty styrofoam container and a notebook of names. We had good conversation. I hiked a few more miles in the evening, just enough to rise to the top of a hill - another comfortable quiet night in the duff. It was a warm night, a rare thing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, I headed through more woods, into the edge of a giant plain. The flowing yellow grass spread for miles to the northwest, finally ending at the flanks of mountains dulled by the morning haze. I was on a road. In that kind of area, it was easy to have roads. So, there were many of them, leading people to places they'd rather not walk. The land was owned by people, owned... so it was money, an economic investment. There were cows on the private land, I begged that people would get more original. I passed by an RV, parked in the grass on public land. An older man named George came outside to greet me. He and his wife had been parked there for a week, had another week to go before they moved on. The grass was tall around the RV's sun-bleached grey tires. It looked like they'd been living there for decades. George was happy to have a visitor, happy that I'd stopped. I chuckled inside... of course I had stopped, I couldn't not stop. He told me about hikers he'd met, last week, right there, last year in Mexico... The world was crawling with them it seemed. He looked curiously at my maps, and took a fleeting vacation in my mind. "There's no water up ahead for a while", he advised, "Some hikers came through the other way a few days ago, they were real thirsty... do you have water?" I had enough to get me far enough. "Oh, there are a lot of bees around too, look out for them." A couple bees swayed back and forth near my ankles, hypnotizing my socks. George's wife remained a hidden abstraction, inside somewhere, absorbed in an important story no doubt. A mile later, I crossed a clear stream. It was 4 feet wide, flowing right through the trail. What was wrong with people? There was plenty of water on the trail. How could information have been gotten so wrong so quickly? Maybe there had been no people, only ghosts that George had dreamed into tangible memories. The trail turned back to the mountains, new mountains. The names of places were drifting into Spanish, I had crossed a boundary somewhere, an historical boundary that defied complete erasure. La Garita, San Juan, I repeated the words with a phlegmy Mexican slur, just to hear another person's voice. Slowly, I was rising into those places, but nothing ever happened immediately. Even new borders were usually vague, old ones even more so. A storm came down the valley, I hadn't been watching the sky... I'd barely been watching the trail. As the blanket descended, I took cover in the edge of the forest. I sat under a tree and hugged my pack like a lover might - rocking slowly back and forth, enjoying the hail as it pattered into the branches above me. "I love you", I said silently to whoever might hear it, then strained to feel a reply echo back. The trail crossed a beaver dam - 30 yards of willows and chest-high water. Could it be right? I spied a CT post on the other side, snickering at me while I searched for a good place to cross. I finally decided to walk on the dam itself. Beaver dams were hardly exact architectural creations. The beavers didn't do much planning, they simply piled wood and mud wherever there was the sound of flowing water. They'd even cover an electronic speaker that played a recording of flowing water. The beaver dam I had to cross was old, decaying and crumbling. I inched across, more than once nearly giving up and jumping into the water. I plowed through the willows, brushing them aside like really really thick grass. I finally reached the other bank, solid ground again. My feet were still dry. "Ha!", I said to the CT sign, "How'd you like that?" "Curses! I'll get you next time!", it replied in defeat. The trail intersected another trailhead, the gateway to another designated wilderness area. There was another trail register there. Brian was 6 days ahead, Colorado Trail John, only 1 day... I was gaining on him. Some random person wrote a ridiculous short political essay intended for whatever forest service employee was unlucky enough to read it. "...remember, we're your boss...", it rambled on about how the land was supposed to be free, and how the government only administered it by the good grace of people like him. I had to respond. "There is no freedom without responsibility", I wrote, "and we have laws and governments because of irresponsible idiots like you." Then, I thought, maybe that was a mistake. Nobody ever changed their mind by force. All I had done, if anything, was irritate an open wound. The CDT was routed up a long valley that reached the divide in about 8 miles. I looked at the map. It seemed to make more sense to me to go over the top of San Luis Peak. It would be more scenic and shorter... wouldn't it? I asked myself. I answered yes, and headed up the trail that led to San Luis Peak. While I ate my dinner that night, a few drops of blood dripped from my nose. I'd almost forgotten. I'd hiked there from Montana, from Canada. I couldn't think about it all, it was too much information for one mind to process. I figured I would have to write it all down when I was done, I thought, then I won't mind forgetting. But, when would that be? Would I ever be done? Who would write the ending? I camped a few miles from the trailhead, in the trees, in the wilderness, in a place I'd never forget but rarely remember. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The sky was pale blue, clear. It was a perfect day to climb a mountain. San Luis Peak was 14,014 feet, a 14'er just barely. I had been wanting to climb a 14'er somewhere in Colorado. The trip wouldn't have felt complete otherwise. There were some things one could only know by doing... most things actually. I had to see the mountiantop for myself. The trees faded away, and circular clumps of willow took over, each colored a slightly different shade of yellow and brown. The mountain towered above - a giant grey dome. I couldn't tell how high it was, the empty blue sky offered no perspective. I looked back and saw a few people, headed up behind me. Of course, it was a 14'er, the 14'ers were visited regularly. The trio slowly caught up to me. They were 20-something guys, the x-games variety, the kind that would mountainbike down a ski-slope and snowboard down a sand dune. That day, they were just using their feet. I was delirious and out of practice. I didn't know how loud to talk or what to say. So, I didn't say much, I just nodded. I figured there'd be time to talk later, and if there wasn't, then there wasn't any need to talk. The willows faded into 2-inch grasses and odd succulent creations. The world opened up below. We took a break on flank of the peak. A light steady breeze blew through us, we were entering the machinery of the skies. I regained some composure and met my temporary companions. They'd never been up San Luis Peak, but they'd climbed many other 14'ers, "We were saving it...", one of them said, "...for today, I guess." They had a big dog with them. It had been racing around in the willows below, but up there it was calm, moving in slow-motion, gaining wisdom with every foot climbed. The thin cover of life in the rocks grew thinner, eventually disappearing altogether. It was no longer a place where anything could live, not anything complicated anyway - flakes of lichen clung to the rocks, growing at the same gradual rate the mountain decayed. The desolate summits of 14,000 foot peaks were mostly barren of life, but they were the ideal habitat for the soul to wander and flourish. A path had been stomped upward by a slow steady stream of dizzy travellers. How many people had been blessed with that gift? I wondered. We attained the rounded summit at 10:40am. The wind blew hard, always steady and always loud. I looked to the distance and saw creation, not the creation of some arrogant deity who demanded our praise. But perhaps that of a kinder spirit, one that didn't expect or hope for anything except that we explore and learn - a god that gave us gifts, and was happy when we played. Yes, a god more like Santa Clause. I could hear his jolly laugh bellowing through the wind, "Ho, Ho, Ho... check THIS out!" Somebody had brought a large American flag to the top of the mountain. The x-men planted it in the rocks and it whipped in the wind. I understood the intent of whoever had placed the flag, but it looked so insignificant up there. What country? I thought, there was only land. What madness people could reach for flags and ideas. All of those things seemed so divisive, so backward and trivial. I shook my head and was happy to be away from it all, even though my view was but a temporary illusion held by a population of one. I said good-bye to my companions and headed forward, down the other side of the mountain, back down to the living land below. I looked back at San Luis Peak, it was immense and naked. The terrain just below the mountaintops was raw and volcanic. Towers of pumice crumbled into loose piles, slowly being melted into earth by the forces of biology and geology. The trail continued over fields of grass and under sandpaper cliffs, the views both near and far got ever more interesting and complex. I came to a small stream where a man was resting near a large backpack. He looked up at me, and I knew it instantly - John, my mystery CT hiker. I wanted to jump up and down and point and sneer, "HA! I got you!", but if I had done that, he might have thought me mad, and perhaps run off... I couldn't risk that. I looked the bottom of his shoes and saw a familiar face. "I didn't expect to catch you yet...", I inquired. He said he had only hiked 3 miles the day before. He'd gone up San Luis Peak and decided to call it a day. I didn't care if he wanted to hike with me, I was going to hike with him regardless. I needed to talk to somebody while I walked, only if just to remind myself that I was indeed sane. Without conversation, there was no way to be certain. We were all insane inside our heads, it was only our voices that make our thoughts rational. We talked about the trivialities of hiking - the how's, the why's. There were a lot of questions, and few solid answers. There was little about hiking that was absolutely correct, there was no right way to do it. He was hiking a much slower pace than I, taking his time, taking long breaks, loving it. I was in no rush myself, I just had further to go. We camped in some lumpy grass, protected from the wind by a thicket of 3-foot high willows. The sun lit up the clouds a deep red... they filled the sky. I wished I was on top of a mountain, but then, I already was. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I woke up to a thin layer of frost. The only time I didn't feel like hiking was on cold mornings... just 5 more minutes, I'd tell myself. I needed a snooze button. More often than not, what finally stirred me was an overwhelming urge to pee. There were few things lovelier than that first morning piss in the grass. John left before I did, he was a distant animal on the hillside by the time I started walking. The trail rose to the top of Snow Mesa, a giant plain of grass 12,000 feet above sea level. Some elk saw me from a half mile away and somehow disappeared into the flatness. The mesa had a beauty and majesty that could not be captured with a camera, so I didn't try. John was planning to meet his father up there, then walk to the highway with him. He slowed down, thereby making sure his dad had a chance to hike up to the mesa. I was excited to get to the road... to get to Lake City, another milestone. I had absolutely no idea what Lake City would be like, but it didn't matter. I descended from the mesa and quickly passed John's dad, who was slowly climbing up. I reassured him that John was back there somewhere... All was good, all was happy. Slightly further down I passed a man who was working for the forest service. He was mapping the trail with a GPS system, noting every drainage ditch and switchback. The forest service was trying to get an idea of just how much work it took to maintain the trails, and just how many structures were on them and where. Most of the trails in the area had already been mapped. I wasn't sure if it was a silly idea or a really good one. I reached the road and started making a sign, scribbling the letters: "Lake Ci"... A truck slammed on its brakes. It was the quickest ride I'd ever gotten, and the biggest truck I'd ever ridden in. The driver was delivering tires to garages and mechanic shops all over rural Colorado. It was his regular route. "I've driven this road in a blizzard", he said, "in this truck." It didn't sound safe to me, it wasn't. "It's better than digging wells", he continued, "that's what I used to do. Ever heard the expression 'colder than a well digger's ass'?" I hadn't. He explained, "You dig all year, doesn't matter how cold, the ground is never too frozen." We arrived in Lake City. It was exactly what I'd hoped all the other towns in Colorado would have been - not yet swamped by ski hills and luxury condo complexes... not yet anyway. It was just big enough to have everything I needed. I got a room at a small motel and ate dinner at an empty Mexican restaurant. The waitress was a young woman from Lithuania. "How do like it here?", I asked. She paused, then sighed, "I miss home". That was our entire conversation. She flipped through a fashion magazine at the table next to me, then put it away and worked on some calculus instead - not what I had expected. How did she get there? I wondered. How did any of us get where we were? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I ate a quick breakfast and gathered my belongings. I flipped on the TV just long enough to hear a tidbit of wisdom, "A new study says Viagra makes your body work more efficiently at high altitudes...". Hmmm... Maybe I should go get some, I thought. I just wasn't sure exactly how I would cope with the side effects. I hit the road with a great cardboard sign. On one side it read, "Spring Creek Pass" on the other, "CDT Hiker". I flipped it back and forth at the passing traffic. Nothing. They all seemed to be from Texas. Texas didn't seem like a place that produced many friendly people. Most of them didn't even bother to swerve away from me, it was their road - if I got killed? in their mind, it'd just be one less hippy. I had walked 3 miles up the road when a pickup headed the other way stopped. The man inside leaned out, "Hasn't anyone given you a ride yet?", he looked perplexed. I saw him struggle with it. In his mind he no choice... "Oh, c'mon, get in." Lake City to Pagosa Springs "I didn't want you to get a bad impression about the people of Lake City", he said. He'd driven past me earlier in the morning on his way to work, one of those who had given me a 'good luck salute'. The pass was 20 miles out of his way - a 40 mile round trip - but helping me mattered more to him than his personal convenience. Like so many people that had picked me up, he'd once hitch-hiked himself, and knew what it was like to stand on the side of a road, rejected by car after car. I could only think... I owe him... something, but then figured I'd just have to take his place some day, pass on the kindness when I had the chance. That's how it worked, it was an economy of trust and goodwill, where true riches were earned. He dropped me off at the pass, back on the trail again. I quickly caught up to CT John. He had spent the night in Lake City too, but I hadn't seen him there. I took a break with him for a few minutes, I knew that once I got ahead of him, I stay ahead. I'd be alone again, and then... there would nobody to catch. We started walking together, but within 5 minutes he was gone, somewhere behind me, hiking his own hike. The trail rose to a series of mesas that comprised the divide. They were giant fields of brown grass. I tried to imagine them in the spring - a vibrant green speckled with a rainbow of floral color. It didn't matter to me that I had missed the spring there though. Every season in the mountains was special in its own right, the glory and hope of spring and summer were being replaced by the solemn farewell of autumn, an even briefer season, a rarer view of things. Anyone could appreciate a flower. I realized that I had a gap between two of my maps. Was it 1 mile? 10? I just plodded forward until something matched the topographic lines on the next page. The clouds had thickened, the sky grew dark and the wind picked up. It was a never-ending cycle. I wondered if the weather ever took a break. It started to snow, lightning struck a nearby peak. I sat on a steep slope of bare rocks and ate a snickers bar, I thought about as little as possible... which was still too much. The trail seemed to be getting longer with each step I took. I thought, if I just stop, I'll be done for the day. So, I did stop. Sometimes it was nice to surprise myself with a quick end to a long day. That time, I took myself just below the trail, just far enough downhill to encounter a spring. I ducked into the tall golden grass, huddled in a warm cocoon of nylon and feathers. I was so much an animal. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I didn't wake up the next morning until I'd already walked 5 miles. Nothing looked right. Nothing matched my maps. I wasn't here or there, but there wasn't anywhere else I could be. It made no sense. I finally did wake up though - I had missed a turn a couple miles back... probably. I hated back-tracking, especially when it was uphill. The whole way back up the mountain, all I could think was what a stupid waste it was, I'd already done that bit. I had no one to be mad at but myself though, and no one even to hear me curse. What was the point of being mad alone? Wasn't the point of being mad to be mad at someone? to gain their sympathy or ruin their joy? The mountains didn't care if I was angry. Somewhere, I passed an old mining town - Carson. It was a couple of nearly extinguished buildings, a couple of collapsed holes in the mountain. Somebody had staked their life, their entire dream on that place, only to see the mountain ultimately win. Mining seemed to me more hopeless than a lottery. In a lottery, one just had to buy a ticket. In a mine, someone else bought the ticket, the miner broke his back, and if he was lucky got a pittance for it, all for only slightly better odds. No wonder the history of the west was so replete with scoundrels and outlaws, better to live fast and die fast than to never live and die slow. There was something about the character of the area that suggested human habitation. But there were no people, just a couple forgotten roads and a lot of blank space. The only people I saw all day were a couple leather-clad dirt-bikers. I just didn't feel like talking to them, I wasn't in the right state of mind for it. I was afraid of what might spill out of my mouth... some rambling disconnected speech about the horrors of refined metal or worse. My pursuit of happiness didn't intersect theirs, I just passed by and waved a limp hand. My breaks were getting addictive. I was becoming to good at them. I had refined the most efficient way to take-off my pack: drop my shoulder, lean to one side, spin 90 degrees and catch the strap with my hand. Then, let the pack continue to rotate until it's in the correct position - time for a smooth landing - all in one sweeping move. Then, bend the legs, sit in the dirt and lean back on the pack, knees slightly bent, mouth open and a eyes in a blank stare - too comfortable to even eat. All my breaks started like that, the stare usually lasted for 5 minutes that passed like 1. Then, with as little effort as possible it was time to twist my back so I could unzip the pack and eat whatever my hands grabbed. Ooh! peanut M&M's... that'd work! The food wasn't to fill my stomach, just to dust the walls and prime the engine. Getting up wasn't difficult though. The novelty of the breaks wore off after 20 minutes... it was time to walk again. I kept myself motivated by looking at the maps. "Just get to that ridge", I'd tell myself. Then, when I got to the ridge, I'd break my personal covenant, "Well, I can make it down to the stream over there.". Again, it was just a lie. "It's only 200 feet up to the plateau, probably a nice view up there"... It would continue until I got fed up with myself and broke. It was as if I was two people, urging each other on. We weren't meant to be alone, not built for it. The route continued over brown hills that slowly became more dramatic. I'd almost forgotten that I was in the San Juans... wasn't I? Everybody in Colorado talked about the San Juans like they were the pinnacle of mountain craziness. "Just wait till you get to the San Juans", they'd say, "it'll be killer!". I was looking forward to San Juans, but for different reasons. Sure, it was nice to look at rugged peaks, to be reminded of one's smallness and incapability, but I'd been doing that all summer. The San Juans to me were an obstacle to be overcome. A place to get through before the weather made it impossible. The San Juans were my final concern. I wasn't thinking about getting to the San Juans, I was thinking about getting past them. The route rose to a high ridge. Storm clouds were raining on a horizon of vertical cliffs to the distant south - the San Juans that everyone talked about. The divide didn't go through the heart of the most spectacular rock formations, it stayed just to the north, just far enough and high enough to sneak some really nice views. I was standing near the source of the Rio Grande River. It was a place where the divide took a hairpin turn - from a southwest heading to a southeasterly one. It was a place I'd long thought about. I'd looked at the maps, pictured it all in my head. It didn't look like I'd imagined. Sure, the mountains and rivers were where they were supposed to be, but I hadn't really imagined the setting, the color, the horizon and the details of the ground underfoot. Nothing ever passed for the real thing. I descended along the divide to a small stream. The water was barely enough to wet the rocks, but it was flowing. The Rio Grande. Did other people know it was that same river, that famous river? It was the only time I'd ever seen the Rio Grande. I felt my picture of it would forever be that one. Any time anyone mentioned the river, the trickle would be what I would picture. About 20 yards away from the seeping source, the river picked up some strength and flowed through an abandoned mine, probably catching all sorts of chemical baggage. The Rio Grande was cursed from birth. I didn't make it much further that night. I made camp near some willows, in anticipation of the next day. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Elk bugled their trumpets all night near my tent, a soothing sound in the setting of open high hills. The morning brought a clear direct sun, I could hear it softly sizzle the frosted grass. Perfect. The low angle sun lit up the hills in their true colors, their true contours. Perhaps the miners hadn't cared if they'd only earned broken backs. Perhaps digging empty holes was just their excuse to be there, not unlike my own excuse, just a bigger lie. The jagged peaks to the south got closer with every step. As much as I'd seen irregular lofty peaks, I'd never seen those, and I felt that even if if I had seen them, even if it had been every morning of every day, the vision would not have lost its appeal. I was continuously surprised to find myself alone. Where was everybody? Why did people build cities in such boring places? But, I was glad there were none there... Just one tiny mining-come-tourist town - Silverton - was at the end and bottom of one of the streams, hardly even in the mountains. I sat on a rock, studying every brown and grey ripple along the horizon, not even wondering what was out there, not wondering anything really - just admiring the painting for the paint, not the message behind it. A few tiny puffball clouds had formed, I knew it would be only a short time to thunderstorms. The mountains gave me only a couple hours a day to be blissful and carefree. I looked at the map and asked myself, "how could I keep the fix? where did I have to go?" Hunchback mountain - another chance to go up and over rather than down and back up. (does that make sense?). If for some reason I couldn't make it up Hunchback, I figured, I could always bail... But I knew that wasn't going to happen. Hunchback was a fan of freshly broken cubic rocks. My feet scraped the rocks against the mountain, making a sound that was the polar opposite of fingernails on a chalkboard... more like the dull smooth sound of chalk on a chalkboard…. Ahhh, what sweetness to the ears. The path to the top required me to jump a couple short spans, where a misstep would have meant a free-fall and then a slide down a thousand feet. It made me smile, it made the mountain more mine. At the top, 13,136, the view was ever more grand - a view of more peaks that had been hidden from below. The world looked larger than ever. Possible routes of travel for 2 days in any direction were clear. Somebody had left an old baseball cap on top of Hunchback. Somebody had been to every peak, even those which had no name. I imagined all those mountains in my view with a small group of giddy somebodies on top. I waved to them, then headed back down. The trail crossed over Nebo Pass. Everyone who'd been there, I thought, had a photo of Nebo pass. And, all those photos were prized, framed on walls all over the world. A small lake laid tranquil just below the pass. And for the backdrop, there were two vertical peaks in perfect artistic balance. A dozen elk worked their way across a hill just past the lake, bugling as they went. It was all another dream. I waited for the sun to break through the ever thickening and swirling clouds and blast the scene into vivid life. And I waited. The sun didn't come, it wasn't meant to be. As I descended the other side of Nebo pass, I looked back to see it finally get lit up, I'd just missed the party. It figured. A minute later, it was snowing. At least the weather was never boring. All day, I kept waiting to meet somebody. They must be just around the corner, I'd think. Maybe there was somebody camped at the next lake... nope. It was a weekend and a nice one, one of the last nice weekends of the year. I wondered what global catastrophe was keeping people glued to their homes down below. The trail wound through hills covered in the thickest tangle of willows I'd seen yet. Without the trail, I thought, I'd have gone insane - scraping through the stiff branches. The trail rose again to meet the divide, more majestic stoic peaks, forever in any and every direction. Suddenly, there was a dog, leading his pet man down the trail. The dog stayed quiet and let his man speak. They were out for a week with no particular destination in mind. They hadn't seen anyone in 4 or 5 days. We couldn't talk long though, the day was getting late and we each had more than a few miles left to hike. I finally made camp just below Rio Grande Pyramid, next to a tiny isolated pond. I walked over to the pond and marvelled at the assortment of bizarre tiny creatures living in the chilly water. They looked like aliens from some 1985 computer game - just circles and lines, elegantly drifting through 3 dimensions, unaware there was any world but that in the pond, unaware that there was even any pond at all. They saw only the shadows on the wall. Under the stars, I looked up and cried, for I was stuck in my own pond. How I would have died to know a moment of pure truth even if it led to eternity of nothing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The night brought another clear frozen sky, the morning was only different from the night in that the land was visible to human eyes. It was still frozen, the barely-warm sunlight blocked by mountiantops. I was in the heart of the Weimenuche wilderness, it was one of the largest areas of natural land in the 48 US states. I dropped to Weimenuche Pass 10,600 feet, the lowest I'd been in days. The pass was wide, a wet grassy field that was the divide. I was surprised that it had avoided the highway frenzy that cut through so many similar passes. I was sure that somebody somewhere had gritted their teeth when the area was made a wilderness area, "b.. b.. b.. but we could put a road through there!", they'd probably said, baffled by any other agenda. I walked high above herd after herd of elk. They were down around 11,000 feet at the edge of the forests. I was 2000 feet above them, watching them like an alien might, hidden by the distance. The women picked out men as if they were decorative lamp shades, "ooh, I like that one!". The men hadn't figured out their women, but they had figured out other men - bash them in the head, drive them away, sound your horn as a warning to others, and give the women no other choice but you. So was the society of the elk. It was day in which little happened, nothing and everything the same. My hair grew, my clothes wore, my food dwindled, 25 miles flew past my eyes like snowflakes - each unique and beautiful, yet the same. I finally made camp near Cherokee Lake. The elk bulls were on a 24-hour hormonal high, and as the full moon rose, two of them clashed antlers somewhere just below me, deciding the future of their species one milli-step at a time. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next day was much like the previous - a clear frozen morning, the first clouds by 10:30am, no sun by noon, snow flurries by 2pm. I hadn't seen anybody in a couple days, and that meeting had been so brief, I wondered if it had even happened. The effort of walking was no effort at all anymore. I floated down the trail, up the trail, only eyes riding a motor fueled by chemical food. I was on a 3.5mph roller coaster tour. My mind wandered into uncharted territories. Somewhere along the way, I picked up some company. I hadn't asked for it, they just came to visit. Suddenly, Ravi was talking to me, an unlikely character to meet on the trail, he was hiking as some type of spiritual journey "Oh, this is a very long trail, I do not think there is an end to it.", he said with an east-Indian accent, head rocking back and forth. Cletus answered. Cletus was from Tennessee somewhere, he'd hitched a ride while scouting some hunting territory near his house. Somehow, the ride had dropped him off on the CDT, "yer sayin' this here's tha Cee Dee Tee? We sure don't got moun'ins like this back home. Where'a heck uz 'is trail go anyways?" He wouldn't shut up. Everything was a complaint. Ravi tried futilely to explain things to him, but was interrupted by Mick. Mick was from Australia. He'd just gotten his own TV show, it was all about crazy outdoor adventures - this week? the CDT. "Just look at 'ose moun'ns 'ereh, they're tremendous!", sometimes I could barely understand him, but he was excited about everything. As the miles rolled past, the three of them slowly picked up more companions. There was Kochi from Japan - completely lost - he only spoke a few words of English. Then there was Clint from England, astutely un-phased by any problem, small or large. They all kept me company for a while, but slowly, they got on each other's nerves and argued - each grew sick of listening to the other's speech, and refused to understand any thought process but their own. The people of the world just couldn't get along, even when they were all locked inside my head. At the end of the day, I finally met some fleshy people. At least I hoped they were real, because if they weren't, then I was in some serious trouble. They were two men working for the forest service. I took off my pack, and made them talk to me. They were working on part of the same mapping project the man near Lake City had been working on. "We've only got a couple more miles to do", they said. I didn't want to leave, but didn't feel comfortable staying... like somehow I'd be invading their office space or something. I hiked a couple more miles and camped in a flat spot under some trees. I'd done it. The roughest of the San Juans were behind me, I'd avoided the snow, I might actually make it. I felt like I'd already hiked the CDT, all that remained was a month of waiting while my body caught up. The San Juans had been a goal for so long, I'd almost forgotten about New Mexico. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I only had 8 miles left to the road. They went by like 1. I raced down to Wolf Creek Pass where the trail spit me out onto the pavement. The CDT roller coaster had paused, it was time for a re-supply. I made a sign, "Pagosa Springs", and waited for traffic. Nothing. There was some construction happening a mile down the road. I went over and asked somebody what was going on. "I don't know.". Where was all the traffic? "I don't know" Do you know if anyone is headed down to town? "I don't know". I was pretty sure the man spoke English, but I didn't understand why he bothered speaking at all. I walked back to the pass and waited. Finally, all the cars came at once. I waved. I jumped up and down. I kneeled and prayed at the cars. Nothing. Every one of them passed, I couldn't believe it. I had figured out what was going on though... someone was stopping the cars somewhere. It would be another 45 minutes before any more passed. I walked back over the construction, a little frustrated that the "I don't know" man had been so unhelpful. Surely, he must have known something, why the hell couldn't he have just told me? What was wrong with people? The construction foreman was there, luckily, he was a real person. I helped him win a bet with one of the other workers - I was proof that there really was a trail up at the pass which went all the way to Canada. He was headed down to Pagosa Springs and happy to offer me a lift. The construction was removing a dangerous bend from the road. The workers blasted the rock all night, and cleared the rubble all day. It was an amazing amount of work, and it was being done just because people didn't like to slow down while driving over Wolf Creek Pass. It was more desirable for them to risk a plunge over the side of the mountain than be delayed 20 seconds. So, the highway department was straightening the road. I seemed to be the only person who saw that as absurd. The unemployment rate in Pagosa Springs was around 15%, but the foreman couldn't find any decent help. "Nobody wants to work", he said, "I just don't get it. I hire flag-people, and they don't show up after a couple days." The job paid pretty well, and was incredibly easy... if not a little boring. I didn't get it either... but then, I wasn't working. The foreman was a nice guy, a regular guy with a solid foundation and a good heart. He lived in northern Colorado. The job took him away from his family for a month at a time. It was tough, but it was a sacrifice he seemed proud to make. He showed me some photos of his little boys. I imagined he could have talked about them all day just so that he could hear his own voice talk about how they were doing. My parents met me in Pagosa Springs. They put me up in a hotel room, I planned to take a solid day off. I needed it. The last section of walking had been difficult - it had been a lot of miles on rough tread with lot of up and down at high elevations in cold windy weather. I had hiked it a bit faster than I would have ideally preferred. But, it had all worked out - I'd done it. Pagosa Springs existed because of the hot springs. They were a series of natural pools surrounded by a hotel. Each of the pools was labeled with a name, a temperature, and a list of whatever minerals were present in the water. 150 years ago, the native people had a battle over the ownership of the pools. It was settled when each tribe sent one man to duke it out mano-a-mano. The indians knew how to fight a civilized battle. The winning tribe had borrowed a white man to do their fighting. Their victory was short lived though, a few years later, other white men simply pushed them aside and took the springs. Those white men were still there, running the hotel. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next day, we took a drive to Durango. Not for any special reason, just to go somewhere. To me, Durango was extraordinary only in its proximity to really cool mountains. It had all the regular streets and stores and people that filled every other town. It had some history, a few crazy things had happened there in the past, but they just might as well have happened anywhere else. We asked a waitress at a diner what she did on her days off. She couldn't think of anything - an answer than could have come from a thousand people in a thousand places. She hadn't even taken the train ride to Silverton - probably the most common reason people went out of their way to visit Durango. I was sure that Durango had special charms which weren't evident in a cursory sweep, at least I hoped so. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Early the next morning, my parents drove me up to the trail and we said our good-bye's. I turned into the woods and started climbing. The vacation had been nice, but it was even nicer to be back home. Pagosa Springs to Chama Town had been too good. I'd eaten too much and didn't feel good. My body just wasn't used to dealing with so much grease... The trail started off nice though, it was evident that somebody in the forest service, or in Colorado, or... somewhere, cared about it. It was gently graded, clear, smooth... It stuck close to the divide, weaving in and out of trees, across open mountainsides. At one point I took a break in some soft tall brown grass, heated by the sun and cooled by an occasional cool breeze that swished the trees above me. I was alone in the bliss, but I was starting to lose my edge... how long could a man be happy before it wasn't enough? and what could he do next? I was at an end of sorts, and I still had hundreds of miles to go. The ultimate goal became that "next fix". Yes, walk to Mexico, that's what I'd do. I'd worry about afterwards later. The roller coaster ride continued all day. The wind picked up. By late afternoon, the sky looked like it was up to something. The clouds weren't that regular afternoon puffy grey, they were sheets that stretched across the sky, fueled not by the sun overhead, but by a giant weather system far away. I was sneaking through the last bit of Colorado before the final clampdown, just before it. I spotted some weathered gnarled trees on a sloping mountainside of grass, right on the tree-line, 12,000 feet. I reached the trees and scouted around. I'd found it - the perfect place to pitch my tarp. It was a flat space covered in soft grass, surrounded by 6-foot-high bushy fir trees. The trees were probably 100 years old or more. The wind blew fiercely all around, but not in my little shelter. It had to be the luckiest campsite I'd ever stumbled across. It would be mine only for a night, but a night to remember for a lifetime. I cooked dinner in there, and smiled at the noise of the wind around me, thanking the trees for planning their circle so well. I thought, if I ever had the resources to buy a house, I'd knock it down and plant trees, leaving just enough space to pitch a tent. Or, maybe I'd just keep walking all my life, sleeping where ever the evening found me, always somewhere else. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The sky above me was clear in the morning, but it was just chance that kept the clouds away. I could see for dozens of miles to the north, to where I'd been a few days ago. Those mountains were under a thick blanket of dark clouds. More clouds were rolling in to cover other mountains both east and west. I hurried to the trail - only a couple more days of barren 13,000 foot mountaintops, and then New Mexico. Then, there would be a nice blanket of trees. In the meantime, each day would find me further south. I wished that I'd borrowed my dad's video camera for the section, what a documentary I could have made. I needed something to think about, something to fantasize about, so I thought about that. I imagined myself giving a guided video tour to the CDT, zooming in, panning, editing scenes to scenes. I narrated the trail as I walked. "You see over there?, that's where the trail is routed... right around the base of those mountains. I'm sorry if you have trouble hearing me over the wind". The trail was open to the wind all morning - one slowly changing view from just below the divide. The wind had no obstacles save the ground itself. I spotted a herd of elk below me, standing on the trail, "See the elk below? they've been bugling almost every night, every place I've been for the last week or two... these are all cows though." I made no effort to get close to the elk, but they saw me and ran straight up the mountain, over the divide. I felt pathetically weak in comparison. I came across a perfect spring - about 1 inch deep and 6 inches wide - clear water gushing out a hole in the mountainside. "In case you've never seen a river being born... here it is, these are everywhere, often right on the trail. I don't bother filtering something like this." Around 4pm, the clouds tested their strength. It began to snow. Within a couple minutes, the falling snow was thick enough to obscure any distant view. The snow lulled for just a moment, and I pulled out the video camera again, "I was just on that ridge 15 minutes ago, and as you can see, it's now snowing pretty heavily over there." I hustled again to the cover of trees in the evening. I made camp at Blue Lake. I'd passed a dozen "blue lakes" along the way, but that one was really the first one that looked objectively blue - even under an overcast evening sky. The place I'd chosen to camp had been regularly used. Prior occupants had left batteries and cardboard food containers strewn about. I added them to some plastic bags and an old birthday balloon that I'd picked up along the way. I couldn't leave the stuff there, it would have consumed my thoughts and ruined my memories of the place. And when all is said and done, all we had were memories. I wondered how the memories of the trash-pigs were doing. Were they proud of their mess, or did they even care? All night long, the wind blew through the trees. Light bits of icy snow occasionally pattered against my tarp. Those were all the sounds of my world, the sounds I had become accustomed to, the sounds I loved, the sounds that equalled peace. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The short periods of snow continued the next morning, but I wasn't concerned. I was just happy I'd made it that far. Somewhere over the last couple days, I had crossed below 13,000 feet for the last time, my 12,000 foot milestone was just ahead, I only had a couple more stretches of high open mountaintops to cross. The clouds broke apart and the sun came out - it almost started to get warm. As soon as I removed a layer of clothing though, the clouds returned, angry that they'd ever let the sun though. The wind picked up and it started snowing ice. I just continued along, heated by hiking. I saw a person coming my way. I was excited. I never realized just how lonely I was until I saw people. It was one thing not to see people all day, quite another to see no people for many days, when one's view was vast and one's travel was long. I had begun to accept the fact that I was one of maybe a handful left of people on the planet. The person actually had a backpack. He was the first person I'd seen hiking in over a hundred miles. He was a geologist from Los Alamos. He was out there admiring the glaciated landscape and enjoying the peace. I was jealous. I wanted to see the rocks through his eyes. Why couldn't I have had the foresight to learn more about such things when I was younger? I wondered. He immediately understood my trip. I had the feeling that under another circumstance in another time, we might have become the best of friends. But it was cold, grey and windy. We only had minutes to discuss what should have taken a lifetime. I learned the short version of his entire life story, and he learned mine. We exchanged notions on life, what we'd figured out so far, what was important, what was not. We were both happy. We were happier there, in a setting that would have made most ill at ease, than we would have been in any other. He was my best friend for those two minutes, but I'll likely never see him again. I had another climb to do. Back over 12,000 feet, back on the divide. The clouds came down to cover the mountaintop. There was no trail, only occasional cairns that looked much like all the other rocks - naturally piled on top of one another. I couldn't see more than 50 feet through the clouds, so I navigated by compass. I had picked up a new compass in Pagosa Springs, and was excited to use it. It was a nice compass - adjustable declination, a mirror, an inclinometer... It was like driving a new car, and it drove well. The divide headed due south, but the CDT headed southeast. I wouldn't see the divide again for a couple hundred miles. I was nearing northern New Mexico, where the divide became a mix of private land and indian reservations - neither party eager to allow the passage of persons such as myself. They were even less eager to allow anything "officially designated" as a "national" anything. To them, it just meant the government had its tentacles in their freedom. It was no use trying to argue that the trail was freedom defined. What good is freedom alone, isolated, locked away from whatever lay outside one's boundaries? By that definition, a prisoner was free. Freedom had a new meaning to me, it wasn't freedom for an individual, it was freedom of the land, freedom for all individuals, a freedom that required us to get along and work as a nation. It was a freedom that said, "we all can get along". It was a freedom that required responsibility, and one that life was all about. The other freedom? that was one that separated people, divided them along imaginary lines, and left them apart and alone. It required no responsibility, only defensive posturing and the heavy hand of the law. The trail dipped to a lake, the headwaters of the Rio Chama, then slowly back up toward Flattop Mountain. Flattop was a huge tilted triangle of rocky brown grass, the apex of which was over 12,000 feet high. I slowly worked my way up the triangle, following crumbling cairns which I rebuilt as I went along. The top of the mountain appeared to me as the end of the earth itself. Wind ripped over the top with a force that made standing difficult. I'd felt wind like that before, but not that cold before. I leaned into the wind and looked south, over the edge of the mountain. The land looked tame compared to what was behind me. I slowly nodded my head and smiled. The trail followed a ridge downhill, below 12,000 feet for the last time, below 11,000 feet for a long time. I came to the boundary of the Tierra Amarillo land grant. Bright orange "No Trespassing" signs were nailed to every other tree behind a barbed-wire fence... somebody's prison. The land grant dated back to when the area was all part of Mexico, a payoff for some spanish duke or lord for job well done - a job that likely consisted of sucking up to the king and queen. Yes, it was earned by those people. All of that was forgotten. The land had become a mish-mosh of deeds and trusts, little bickering fiefdoms run by landowners whose only wish was that others stayed away. I knew that some CDT hikers had just gone through anyway, the whole concept of private property seeming absurd to them by that point. But, I couldn't do that. I had a respectful fear of the heavy hand of the law... even more fear of private landholders who might have seen my footsteps as a capital offense - grounds for a bullet to my skull. It was no fun to walk in fear, so I stayed on public lands as much as was possible. The trail followed the fence-line closely, almost taunting it, testing it. The fence was an un-natural thing, the trail bounced off the fence like a fly on a window. The route became a silly series of short zigzags - somebody's idea of a joke or message perhaps. I ended the day at Wolf Creek, a pleasant stream flowing through a tall forest, a perfect place to be. I could tell that I was not the first to discover it - the luxury was too obvious. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I awoke to the sound of a bull elk - bugling in the fog and frost not 10 feet from my tent. Perhaps he didn't realize I was there, perhaps he was so high on hormones that he didn't care. It was an eerie sound to my ears, it sounded of death, or at least of desperate pain. I was glad that human males weren't burdened quite to that extreme. Frost coated the ground under my feet and tall blades of grass along my side. The trees were still and quiet, the clouds were smooth and moist, low and thin, lit a dull grayish blue by the low morning sun. I walked with an easy gait, aware of everything. The road was only a few miles further. I hoped to do another Salida - to town and back before the trail ever knew I was gone. I reached the road, it was as quiet as the trail. One car, I thought, I only needed one car. A few cars did come. They came on every road, as if they were required to do so. They never seemed headed in any particular direction or moving for any particular purpose, they were just an extension of the road itself, like leaves on a tree. None of the cars stopped for me though, it wasn't in their orders. They just screamed past, much faster than seemed necessary - tires barely holding on to the pavement. I walked up to the top of Cumbres Pass. A tourist train made a daily run from Chama - over the pass and back down. It was similar to the Durango-Silverton run... not quite as scenic, but probably more personable and fun. There was a train station at the top of the pass, I figured maybe somebody was there for some reason - buildings attracted people much like roads attracted cars. I got to the station. Yup, there were indeed people there. They were looking for some small object that had been dropped in the gravel between the train tracks. I had no expertise to offer them, in fact nothing to offer them but a question, "Do you know if anybody is headed down to Chama soon? I'm looking for a ride." They barely glanced my direction. Perhaps they didn't speak English, perhaps I wasn't speaking English anymore, just dreaming up words and people and places. A pickup arrived and one of the men got inside. "Are you coming?", he asked. He seemed surprised that I'd missed some telepathic invitation. I got in the truck and we were on our way. The two men continued their silent conversation, occasionally peppering it with isolated words in spanglish. "ya.. si.", then, "que? like this?" I don't even remember if I said anything, or if they simply read my mind. In a way, they seemed more ghost than human. They let me off at the Chama Grocery. I wasted as little time as possible - running up and down the isles, planning in my head... "Hmm, should I get 2 more Twix bars, or a couple Grandma's cookies?" ... "ooh! mixed nuts on sale! those'll last a couple days." For my next stop in town, I found myself hypocritically justifying the consumption and perpetuation of the cow - a greasy 10am burger, gone in 30 seconds. Then, I paid a courtesy stop at the visitor information building. I often felt it necessary to let the 'powers that be' know what I was doing. I wanted to let them know their town wasn't being visited by bums... well, not ordinary bums anyway, but bums that wore nylon and walked all day, every day. I worked my way back through the center of town, past the little tourist shops, past small groups of quiet visitors who seemed too timid to ask where I was going skiing with my poles. I passed the scenic railroad station. The train had left for the Cumbres Pass an hour ago. I reached the edge of town and passed a house, its yard filled with camper shells and camouflaged, beer drinking 40-something men. A couple of them waved back at me. All the while, I held my sign in one hand, "Cumbres Pass" and my thumb in the other. The town gradually ended and I continued walking. There was occasional traffic though, a ride had to be forthcoming. Car after car passed. I grew more desperate, probably jinxing myself - a desperate man could be a dangerous one. I saw another person on the road ahead, no, it was just a broken sign. My poles... click clack click clack. I was nearly crying at the cars, "Stop, please!!!!” A blue mini-van heard me. "Ok, I can't come across too eager", I said to myself as I raced ahead to the stopped vehicle. Chama to Ghost Ranch They were a middle-aged couple, in the process of moving to Chama. Of course, he had hitch-hiked years ago... he had a duty to stop. "I hope I didn't look to desperate out there", I joked to them. "Almost", came the reply. I only felt dirty when I was in enclosed places with clean people, I felt dirty in the van. But, I felt I had an excuse for it. They let me out back at the pass. Mid-afternoon, the trail was mine... New Mexico was soon to be mine as well. I started up the trail, it was nice... freshly graded, nice wooden structures. I was impressed actually... of course I was still in Colorado, only 3 more miles to go. I looked at my map and wondered why I drawn a different route on it. According to the guidebook, the trail I was on ended at the border of New Mexico, in the middle of nowhere. I wouldn't have minded bushwhacking to a road somewhere, but I had no idea where the trail actually ended. So, I followed the guidebook instead. There was no more trail, just roads connected by bits of cross country... or was it cross-country travel connected by bits of roads? Either way, I walked back to the highway, and discovered something else was wrong. My camera was gone! I'd lost my little buddy! Instantly, I knew what had happened. It fell out of my pocket in the van. What in the world could I do about it? Nothing. There was no solution. There was no way I was going back to Chama on some half-baked mission to... to do what? Of all the stupid irresponsible things to do... My camera had relied on me and I let him down, the poor guy, he was with strangers, traveling to who-knew-where? Albuquerque maybe? I waited there on the road, frustrated and holding on to one small hope that they'd see the camera in the back seat and return. It was a hope that faded quickly. There was no hope. I'd just had to walk, I didn't need a camera to do that. One step off the road and there was no trail, just places on the earth where my feet fell. I rose up to follow the train tracks for a while. Occasional bits of coal lay scattered along the side of the tracks. I picked some up, what a strange thing it was - lightweight, dirty... was it rock? It could move trains? I heard something coming down the tracks. It was a small cart, about 10 feet long, and only as wide as the gauge of the track. It was flying down the track at a good clip, I could hear the solid steel wheels rolling - a noise halfway between a squeak and a grind. A couple of middle-aged, plump and unshaven Hispanic men were sitting in the front of the cart. They were some of the same men I'd seen earlier in the day at the Cumbres Pass Train depot. They were dirtier than I was. They were smiling and laughing. It seemed that they'd been trying to get the cart in working order for some time, and finally, they'd done it. It was probably held together with duct tape and solder, but it was crusin'. They sailed past. The cart was rusty, the innards were exposed, buckets and rags hung from various cross-beams and hooks. The cart and everything in it rocked gently side to side with the bump and imperfect buckle of the tracks. The whole thing was like a caricature of a railroad cart, a scene that would have played nicely in a old Popeye cartoon. The tracks intersected a road, it was my new trail. I saw it up ahead - the border, "Entering the Carson National Forest". I walked past the sign and an involuntary "WOOOOO!!!!" spilled out of my mouth, as loud as I could, and as brief as the border itself. I didn't stop walking. I was in New Mexico, and within a few steps I could look back and see that even part of New Mexico was behind me. Every little step... they all added up to something big. There was no official CDT route in the Carson National Forest. That was mostly because of the efforts of one man - the county land commissioner. According to him, the national forest didn't even have a right to exist. According to him, the forest land would have been better-off in the hands of private ranchers, period. According to him, hikers existed only to disturb peaceful cattle. If the CDT were to be designated in the Carson National Forest, it would just create one more obstacle to his ultimate goal. To him, the CDT was just another intrusion of the federal government into the affairs of a local population. To me, it was an amazing example of how one person could ruin what hundreds dared to dream. A few truckloads of hunters passed by, "Hey, you want a ride?". I loved refusing rides, "No Thanks! I'm doing just fine... Thanks for the offer though." They'd look at me, baffled, wondering what kind of idiot would rather walk when he could just as easily ride? Sometimes, I'd pass the same group further up the road, "Where are you going, man?", they'd ask. "Mexico", I'd chuckle. It rarely made sense to them, more detail was required. The conversations usually ended with the driver shaking his head, smiling and saying, "Good luck, man". Who knew what they were thinking inside. Further up the road, I saw a small group of cattle coming straight at me. I stood in the middle of the road, and analyzed the situation. The cows saw me and bolted into the woods. A voice came from behind the cows, "get off the damn road!". He was pissed. I had no way of knowing somebody was actually driving the cattle. I probably would have caused more of a problem if I had indeed stepped off the road. It would've only made the cows panic worse when they eventually passed me. It was a situation in which I could not win. I had a hunch the cowboy's version of events would get re-told and re-told and re-written, "This damn enviramenalist ran up and chased all my cattle off. Them damn people ain't nothin' but trouble, don't know shit 'bout nutin'..." and so on. It was probably how most stories started, without a story at all, just a couple un-notable events. It was probably the kind of story the county land commissioner would cite in his next interview. Maybe I wasn't giving the cowboy any credit though, maybe he'd forget the episode after one or two beers. He rode his horse into the woods and managed to get the cows together after a couple minutes. I rose higher on the trail, over lightly forested grassy hills around 10,500 feet. The wind picked up, and it began to snow. I had a clear view to the north, to where I'd been a couple days earlier. I saw Flattop mountain, covered in white. I was literally just a few steps ahead of winter. I continued walking until dark, each bit of southward progress was helpful. I spied a flat spot under some bushy trees - home for a night. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The wind blew all night, snow pelted my tarp in waves. It was cold. In the morning, the land was covered in a thin white sheet. The trees were crusted with windblown ice. I was in the clouds - a cold windy ominous fog whipped past my head in light and dark patches. I put it out of my mind as best I could. "At least I'm not 2 days slower", I said to myself. Another truckload of hunters passed me in the middle of a snow squall, "Do you need some help?", they asked, assuming that something must have been wrong... even if that something was just wrong with my head. "Naw, I'm doin' all right", I laughed, aware of how silly I must have looked to them. I explained my situation, and that the weather was all part of the equation. I had always expected some nasty weather, in fact I felt rather lucky that it hadn't been much worse. The dirt road slowly angled down, I found myself just below the clouds. The strength of the wind became ever more apparent as I watched the icy grey and white mist whip through the tree tops. It was awesome. It made me feel ever more a part of the mountains, a glimpse of their other side. The summer in the mountains was brief, most of the year, it was cold, windy, snowy... that's what it was really like. The snow I was dealing with was nothing. I passed by a group of hunters camped just off the road. According to my map, it was exactly where I needed to leave the road - along a jeep trail that had long ago disappeared into the grass. Three men were standing under a large blue tarp. A group of RVs and horse trailers were parked as wind-blocks. A fire whipped in the wind next to them. The oldest of them was probably in his mid 60's, "I'm not even hunting", he said, "I just like to be out here and help with things." He was the cook, the fire-tender, and general base-camp organizer. He'd had brain surgery earlier in the year, an event which no doubt had put many things into perspective. His son and his son's friend were doing the hunting. "When's the best time to hunt?", I asked. "A couple hours before sunrise until a couple hours after sunset...", they joked - pretty much anytime a person could see. They had been out hunting through almost every bit of daylight for the previous week. They'd seen a few elk, but hadn't gotten any good shots. Despite the lack of a dead elk, it had been a good week, and today was possibly the best - all the comforts they'd brought with them were now coming into play. Within a couple minutes, I'd finished my first bowl of hot chili. I stayed with them for about an hour, although it seemed I was invited to stay indefinitely. They had a calm and generous demeanor. I wasn't sure if it was a cause or an effect of the previous week, perhaps a little of both. I wondered... if I had met them in some mundane urban setting... say, in line at a movie theater, would we even have said hello? A part of me did want to stay, to sit by the fire, sip hot coffee, eat warm stew, listen and tell stories... but it was easier to just move on, it's what I did. To try and deny it would have been torment. The snow squalls continued the rest of the day. They seemed to follow a pattern I could not easily discern. The sun came out for a bit, followed by a 30 minute thunder-snow. There was nothing quite like the crack of thunder dulled by an atmosphere filled with soft falling snow. It sounded like a version of war. I sat under a tree, not knowing when or if a truce might be called. I matched my map to the land ahead, I was no longer on a trail. Occasionally there were bits of old roads and animal paths. Sometimes, I bumped into a fence - the land grant boundary. Mostly, it was just a mix forest and open grassy fields, all the grass brown, all the flowers now seeds waiting to fall. At one point, I came to a giant open field just as a wall of snow swept sideways across it, unimpeded. I yelled at the snow, or perhaps, I just yelled to clear my head, to focus. I plowed into the stinging wind, finally finding cover behind a small clump of trees, but not before my entire right side was caked in a layer of ice. I laughed at the weather like a maniac, "Do your worst!" I stopped early, near some water that was oozing from a cow-infected mud-hole. I found a nice place for my still-wet tarp under the shelter of large trees. For the first time outside a national park, I built a fire. The warm glow warmed my toes as I ate my evening meal. I understood how fires must have been magical to those first humans. And to tame fire, it must have endowed them with a sense of godliness. Life was easier to understand, suddenly simpler. We hadn't come so far from those days. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Everything was frozen by the morning. I loved the noise my feet made, rolling on top of the pebbles, lodged in the icy soil. It was a dull clomp that resonated up my legs. It was the only sound in the quiet cold morning. The idea of a trail was becoming more and more arbitrary, there was only land. Whenever a road made a bend, I just kept heading south, through the trees. I felt it was impossible to get lost, after all, wherever I was, I was somewhere. I hit the boundary of the land grant again, a barbed wire fence, an unnatural straight line in a world made of curves and gradual change. "Ok, I'll play your game", I thought. I felt silly, following the fence when it would have been so much easier to walk a clearer path just on the other side. I wondered if a day would come when there would be no more need for fences. What kind of a world would that be? It was a pipe dream perhaps, a silly fantasy, but a pleasant one. What if they would all just disappear... all the fences, all the people who cared about them, all the crap that nobody seemed to like, but everyone endured - all the negative emotions that kept people apart. What kind of evil person would not want a world like that? So, why wasn't it so? Rodney King seemed like a genius, "Why can't we all just get along?" Why not indeed. It was clear and cold all day. Despite the sun, I wore three shirts all day, sometimes adding a windbreaker. Water was becoming scarce, I had to plan my day around water, guess where the next water might be. I had been regularly intercepting springs and streams and lakes since Wyoming, but that was all ending. I finally ended the day at a place called fifteen springs. I couldn't find one spring though. I only found a lumpy streambed - a series of stagnant pools flavored by cows. I camped in some grass near the water. Cows galloped over the hills, behind the trees, running directionless. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- During the night, what little heat had built during the day quickly escaped into a clear cold sky. The coldest of the air settled to the floor of the valley, where I was. I had no idea how cold it got, but it was easily the coldest night of the trip. I later heard that Chama had reported the lowest temperature in the 48 states that night. In the morning, my 1-liter bottle of water was a cube of ice. My filter was frozen. The murky ponds nearby were all covered with a layer of solid ice. I managed to crack through the ice with a rock and scoop some cold water into my other bottle. Bits of floating gunk swirled around. I frowned at the water, thinking ahead to the time when I might be forced to drink it. I passed a herd of 12 elk in the early morning. They seemed to know the latest round of hunting had ended as they didn't even bother to run from me. They were celebrating - one more week of survival. I crested another hill, and was surprised to find a piped spring - clear cold water gushing from a pipe tapped into the ground. A little bit of magic was always appreciated. I happily replaced my skunk water, and headed down the hill. The sun slowly warmed the air, the day was pleasant again. My route took me on a trail that had faded into the forest. The only evidence of a trail was carvings on the trees - messages to nobody that had been long forgotten. Did I really need to know "C.G. Rocks"? Why did people do such things? The trees seemed to take it well though, they just stood there quietly wearing an expression that said, "Are you proud of your human brothers?". I looked down and noticed other remnants of the human trail - faded aluminum beer cans strewn here and there. There was nothing I could do to erase the scars on the trees, but there was something I could do about the cans... something I had to do. I had to prove to the trees that people could be better. If I didn't pick up the trash, then we truly were hopeless. I was carrying a plastic garbage bag with me to use as a pack cover... and to use for anything in my pack that got hopelessly wet. I rarely used the bag, I had almost forgotten about it. I picked up the cans as I went and put them in the bag. There was nearly an endless amount of them. Every 10 yards it seemed, somebody had disposed of a can. Some of the cans were probably 20 years old, the paint on the labels was faded, the aluminum long ago crushed. Almost all of the cans were Budweiser cans. Some were brand new, probably discarded the previous weekend. Some even had beer in them. Who were these people? I wondered. What kind of person drank a can of beer and just tossed it aside - out-of-sight and out-of-mind? Didn't those people realize they were a part of the land, that every material fiber of their being was once simply dirt? and to disrespect the land was to disrespect themselves? Within 30 minutes, I had a couple pounds worth. I intersected a forest road, more cans. There were so many cans on the road, I was overwhelmed. It was too much. A couple hours passed and I had a good 7 pounds of cans and no space to put any more. The full bag now flopped from the top of my pack, the cans rattled with every step - a constant reminder of so many things. I cringed helplessly as I passed more cans - dozens, hundreds, thousands... it almost seemed like a purposeful expression, "Hey, lets go spread empty beer cans in the forest." It must have taken years of work to accumulate. Late in the day another truck of hunters passed by - getting ready for the next elk season - a week of rifle hunting... or at least a few days of it. We had the usual conversation - Do you want a ride, No - Where are you headed, Mexico... and so on. Just before they left, one of them scratched his head... "Well", he paused, "here, do you want a beer?" It was a Budweiser. I hoped that they weren't responsible for any small part of the litter covering the side of the roads, but I couldn't think of any tactful way to bring up the subject. "Sure, thanks", I had to accept gifts. I thought of offering them my bag of cans, but a part of me was afraid the bag would just wind up behind a tree somewhere. I couldn't risk that. I needed to dispose of the cans myself. My route took me lower and lower. I finally camped at 8200 feet, my lowest camp since somewhere in Wyoming. The low elevation combined with improving weather to make a relatively warm evening. I drank my beer and added the empty can to the collection. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, I quickly reached the edge of a canyon. The ground ahead was carved by the erosive force of water. I had been walking downhill so long, I'd almost forgotten I was still on top of something... 8000 feet was still quite a way up. The canyons below me all funneled down from my plateau to a deep main channel, spilling into a flat expanse that extended for miles. I followed the course the water had carved - down the bottom of a canyon. The early morning sun lit up bands of red and yellow which comprised the canyon walls. Birds fluttered through the juniper and pinyon pines, talking with soft twittles and twirls. It was a paradise, I didn't realize that so much wealth could be hidden under the mountains. The route became more distinct as I descended. Cairns began to appear, then a footpath under steep rocky walls. A couple signs pointed the way toward where I'd been. The path got wider, I stepped through a gate in a fence. I passed a building. Ghost Ranch. I could feel the positive energy of the place before I even spoke to one person. I found the main office and put my cans in a recycle bin... one at a time. I got a room, and a ticket for 3 meals at the cafeteria. Ghost Ranch was a special place. It was a rare place. People came to ghost ranch to discover whatever had been obscured by the clutter of their everyday lives. They came to concentrate on self-improvement, on self-awareness and self-expression. Yet, it was one of the most self-less communities of strangers I'd ever experienced. Ghost Ranch was a re-affirmation that people were indeed good, that they could "just get along". I had to wonder, why weren't there Ghost Ranches everywhere? Maybe there were, and I just hadn't been let in on the secret. That was fine, it was better those places existed without my knowledge than be spoiled by it. Perhaps, I thought, I should warn everyone: Stay away from Ghost Ranch unless you're ready to let go of yourself - otherwise you'll risk ruining it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just before I left the ranch the next morning, I sent a letter to the Albuquerque newspaper: Dear Editor: Since June 15th, I've been hiking south from the Canadian Border along the Continental Divide Trail. For the last 4 days, the route has taken me through the Carson National Forest. While I have been impressed with the natural beauty of New Mexico thus far, I have been equally disturbed by the abundance of trash along the forest roads. In frustration, I started picking up this trash as I walked along. Within a few hours, I had all I could carry. I began to think that if all the responsible users of the forest picked up just a little trash, it would go a long way toward cleaning things up and changing the attitudes of the thoughtless minority. So, the next time you're out ranching, hunting, fishing, or just admiring a view, won't you take a moment to clean up the mess at your feet? It's our forest, don't let it turn into a dump. I signed the letter and included my e-mail address. I had a vision of people getting together, perhaps for a big organized picnic - trash days! They would pick up a bag at the start of the day, then go clean up an assigned forest road. At the end of the day, everyone would get together for a big picnic and revel in their good deeds. I never got any e-mail about the letter though. If it was ever indeed printed, I only hoped that it had reached somebody out there... some other dreamer, somewhere. Ghost Ranch to Cuba Ghost Ranch left me with a repository of positive energy I felt I could draw on the rest of the trip. I'd needed the recharge. The distracting vistas of Colorado were gone. More than ever I was relying on my dream to motivate me. Ghost Ranch reminded me that following that dream was a wonderful thing, a noble thing. Perhaps, it was the only thing. I didn't need to hike because of any outward pressure, the only pressure I needed was within, that pressure was my fuel and it was far from going dry. A car passed me, "We're headed to Chama, if you need a ride...", they offered. But, I'd already been to Chama, I could never go back, it would have been too distracting. There was only one direction - ahead. I walked past a myriad of desert plants, all labeled and categorized for, and perhaps by, the inquisitive visitors of Ghost Ranch. I tried to remember the names of the plants, but I had no use for names, and they quickly became forgotten, just brief memories. I passed the "Ghost Ranch Living Museum", an operation run by some government agency, not by the Ghost Ranch. The displays outside showed how responsible, managed grazing could be sustained in the desert. The inside of the museum was closed. I walked across the empty parking lot, across the nearby highway, and toward the Rio Chama, the river I'd last crossed as a bit of mud that oozed from a lake near the divide, back in Colorado. I noticed a couple mini-vans ahead on the road. One of them stopped. A woman got out, picked up some trash, then got back in the van. The van soon passed me. "Hi, I didn't know this is where you were headed!", the driver commented. The people in the van were some women that I'd met at Ghost Ranch. I told the one woman that I'd seen her picking up trash, "That absolutely made my day!", I said. She explained that she had heard about me, how I'd picked up cans earlier, and she wanted to help just a little bit. I couldn't believe it. The previous day, I had made some comment to someone in the Ghost Ranch cafeteria about the cans. They'd actually listened? They'd actually repeated the story? Someone actually took an interest in it and acted on it? It was a feeling I had never remembered having - a feeling that I had some small part to play in the human equation, it felt good. I soon passed another group of women returning to their parked vans. They were out looking at the Rio Chama, collecting dried plants as if they were valuable natural sculptures. I had met them at the Ghost Ranch as well, and we had an impromptu reunion of sorts. We hadn't expected to see each other again, and were determined to make the second good-bye a proper one. Their excitement about everything was infectious. I continued following the road above the Rio Chama. The water had cut a deep canyon into the rock, exposing the colorful history that was usually hidden by the topsoil. The river was a cloudy blue stream, 40 yards wide and 5 feet deep. It seemed like so much water, but I knew most of it would never see the ocean, instead it would flow into a reservoir in order to be lapped up by the insatiable humans. Sometimes, it was hard to remember exactly how many people were actually out there, the Rio Chama gave some measure of the multitudes. A few miles later, I crossed the river and headed up a side canyon. I was back on a trail, it was actually marked as the "CDT". I walked through a scrubby forest of Pinyon and Juniper, the earth between the trees was mostly just rocky soil. But, it was rich soil. A close inspection showed that every nook behind every pebble was playing some small part of an elaborate production. There were few places anywhere on the earth completely devoid of life. The only other prints in the sandy soil were that of a small bear. Occasionally, I passed piles of bear scat that were almost pure Juniper berries. I'd never considered the berries edible by anything, they simply seemed too pungent. But everything was a part of something else's niche, everything had a use. I took a break under some of the trees, leaned back on my pack and cooked a meal. Birds softly squawked and flitted among the trees, crickets rubbed their wings, the water trickled nearby as a faucet pouring into a pond, and always, the wind brushed the trees. What a magical symphony it was. I knew so little. The trail followed a small stream up a slender canyon. I crossed over the gentle trickle a dozen times. The water seemed so little, so young and fresh. But, it was an old stream, it had been carving its home for thousands of years, patiently moving the earth to the sea. Its apparent innocence was but a deception. The trail left the stream, and climbed a thousand feet up the canyon, up to the plateau above. The short section of marked "CDT" ended, I followed a quiet forested road instead. I found a place to camp under some tall ponderosa pines. The wind brushed through the tops of the trees, a lullaby more potent than any human melody of notes and pauses. The needles of the ponderosa pine were long and soft. Those underneath me had built up for decades, centuries, possibly. I slunk into my sleeping bag, the most comfortable person on the planet, the fresh air rejuvenated my every fiber with each deep breath. Sleep was a wonderful thing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All morning, the "squeaky wheel" birds (as I called them) sung to me from within the trees as I walked down old roads. The world felt like a clean cartoon, I was the smiling and whistling main character, who had not a care in the world. I crossed another paved road, a couple cars whizzed by. "Let them do what they will", I said to myself. I reached another barbed-wire fence. Jumping barbed wire fences was something of an acquired skill, and I was getting better at it. But, it seemed, I always managed to snag something. The lopsided weight of my pack made things more of a challenge, as did the fact that not all fences were equally built. It seemed like overkill to me, why even put barbs on the wire? It seemed that twine would be enough to fence-in the stupid cows. Some of the fences didn't have barbs on the top and bottom wires... good, I thought, somebody was thinking. I wondered if there was a national organization of barbed-wire fence stringers... there probably was. People had probably written books on barbed wire, people had probably collected all kinds of it, there was probably a barbed-wire museum someplace. What a silly thing to love. I slowly rose higher into the gentle mountains. I got high enough to enter another wilderness area - San Pedro Parks. I passed a couple pot-bellied hunters from Atlanta. They hadn't found anything to shoot. They asked me if I had parked near their car, and if so, "where was it"? When I told them for the second time that I'd walked there from Canada, I saw them try and put their arms around it. "Man, we walked about 5 miles today and I thought that was a lot", one of them said. "Well, it's not as hard as it seems", I told them, and as usual they assumed I was just being kind, not serious. I was being serious though, "I guess it's all a matter of priorities", I explained, "People often forget that they are animals too, and formidable ones at that. Most of us have it within us to a hike like this." They were most surprised that I could do without TV for so long. I didn't know how to answer that one. I came across a hunter's elk bugle, laying on the side of the trail. It was a 2-foot bendable-plastic tube with a mouthpiece at one end, all wrapped with a camouflage cloth. I picked it up and gave it a blow. It sounded nothing like an elk, more like a man blowing through a plastic tube. I was pretty sure I was doing it right... There really was only one way to do it. I took it with me in case I should have met whoever had dropped it. I was fairly certain they weren't going to come back for it. I reached the tops of the mountains again, just over 10,000 feet. The earth touched the sky. Huge parks of brown grass stretched for miles, separated by patches of evergreen forest. Small creeks of clear water snaked down the centers of the parks. I thought of all the people who would see that place in human terms - a place to hunt, a place to ranch, a place to hike. Maybe if they looked long enough, they would see it another way. A golden eagle floated above the grass, unaware that it was free. Unaware even of the concept of freedom. I saw it all in the earth's terms - it wasn't a place to do anything, it was just a place to be. In the larger measure of things, the parks were brief. I followed one of the streams downhill, where it became a steep forested canyon. I finally camped near the rushing stream. I was just holding on to the place, holding on to the idea. Another town was just ahead, another clump of people and filth. I wondered, for how long would they make a mess of the world? When would they all care? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I quickly reached an empty trailhead. I followed a road down the hill and slowly, the humanity took over. First, it was just a couple signs, then some telephone wires, discarded styrofoam cups and bits of metal. Then the homes passed by - chain-link fences with insane barking dogs. There were homes with junk piled about - stacks of old pipes - one whole yard of old water-heaters... somebody's idea of a business? Most homes had at least a couple stripped cars sitting in the front yard. The grass growing through them showed that they had been touched for years. Many of the homes were in poor repair; peeling paint, crumbling decks held together rotting wood and exposed rusty nails, aluminum siding halfway completed... or halfway removed. The one thing new on most of the homes were small satellite TV dishes. I'd never seen better examples of "junkies". Didn't people care? I wondered. Didn't all that crap just drive them nuts? I passed by a yard littered with broken and bleached plastic children's toys, and saw a new SUV parked in the driveway - Sheriff. The person wasn't getting arrested, it was the Sheriff's home. It answered my question. No, they didn't care. Cuba was a depressing place. The people walked with a slow mosey - directionless and fat, with sagging eyes and half-opened mouths. I saw more mullets in Cuba than any person should see in a lifetime. The people didn't care, they'd given up. They'd given up on the land, given up on themselves, and given up on the poor Rio Puerco which ran through the town. The Rio Puerco was filled with every type of junk imaginable. The murky water stank. All of Cuba seemed to be in a collective funk, the people seemed more concerned with the pretty pictures on their television screens than the filth under their feet. There were a couple lights trying to shine through in Cuba. But it seemed just a matter of time before they'd be either driven out or overcome. I gave the elk bugle to the postmaster, who was excited about his hunting prospects the coming weekend and lost in a dream of the grassy mountainsides far above town. "Isn't it beautiful up there?", he asked. On the way out of town, I stopped by the BLM office. A nice man inside knew exactly where I was headed - the desert to the south - and marked all the possible water sources on my maps. "Good luck!", he told me, "I wish I was going out there with you.". He loved it out there, he'd been overcome by the desert, not the town. I wondered where his fate would ultimately take him. Cuba to Grants The pavement of Cuba extended 5 miles out of town. The filth slowly receded. I noticed that nature produced no garbage, every tidbit and morsel was endlessly recycled. It made humanity look pathetically backward in comparison, like a square wheel rolling clumsily through time. The saddest thing was that people had so much free time, so much intelligence, so much potential. But the bulk of them just took the easiest route they could - the lazy route. They did nothing more than what was required to live comfortably. They were uninspired, so many of them had reached a dead-end. If people were ever to progress, I thought, something had to fundamentally change. And we were supposed to be the greatest civilization ever to live? By what measure?, I wondered. I turned off the paved road, onto dirt. There was something I liked about dirt roads, maybe the way they were only temporary - always only a few years from disappearing. There were footprints in the dirt - my distant CDT companions, perhaps? The prints looked 2-3 days old to me. One large set, one small one... There was really no point in trying to figure it out, I was just glad to have something to occupy my mind. The sky was clear and the air was cool. The land around was one of dry arroyos - small canyons with short but steep cliff walls. The arroyos led down from large flat mesas a couple hundred feet above. The sparse trees got thinner and smaller, the soil progressively more sandy, and the simple short plants, simpler and shorter. I walked to the head of one arroyo. The flat sandy bed ended in an overhanging wall of sandstone, 50 feet high. Underneath the overhang was a muddy puddle, fenced-off from cows. It was all the water the animals there needed. There were similar "springs" at the end of many of the arroyos, and the animals knew exactly where that water was. I began to see the desert differently. It wasn't desolate at all, just a trickier puzzle that required a little more ingenuity on the part of its natural residents. I climbed out of the arroyo and onto a mesa. The way south followed another dirt road. It was a more frequently traveled road that led to "ranch homes" hidden among the rocks and trees. A pickup truck pulled-up next to me. The man inside started talking to me... with the engine still running and the window rolled-up. My first thought was, "This guy is not too bright.", I clutched my pepper spray. He rolled down the window, and asked, "Hey. Were you the person who was just at my cabin over there?". I'd seen a cabin, but hadn't really thought much about it. "No", I said, and shrugged my shoulders. "Well, there was someone there", he didn't believe me, "That's private property, you know.", he looked like he was waiting for me to apologize. I didn't know what to say to him. "I haven't seen anybody, but if I do see someone...", I thought about it - there was nothing I could do, "I guess... then... I'll see them...". I laughed. The man scowled at me and drove off. The road began to wind irregularly in every compass direction. It wasn't on the map. I decided to just head due south. The mesa ended somewhere to the south, and there was another spring at the bottom of the mesa. I walked off, thought the short trees and dry sagebrush. Everywhere I stepped, dried wood crumbled under my feet. The smells of pinyon and sage were heavy in the air. It got too dark to walk just as I reached the edge of the mesa. The ground ahead dropped nearly vertical to a wide flat arroyo 150 feet below. I camped on top of the cliff, in the sand, under a sky full of stars. A family of coyotes greeted the night, not 20 feet from my head. "Ok, it's your turn for a while", I mumbled to them as I closed my eyes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My first mission in the morning was to find a way down the cliff. I peeked over the edge, but couldn't see any of the cliff more than 10 feet down. I had no idea if passage was safe below that. I knew there were probably hundreds of safe ways down the cliff, but I didn't know where any of them were. So, I continued along the wall, and looked for something more obvious. I thought I saw something that would work, and descended halfway down. The route ended in a narrow vertical shaft, 20 feet straight down. Hmmm, it looked like I could stem down the shaft, that is, press my feet, hands, and joints against the side of the rock to gain traction. I tossed my poles and started down. After two steps, it became obvious that it was a bad idea. My full pack made me heavy and lopsided. Plus, the sandstone walls were gritty and slippery. I retreated and found another place to descend, another quarter mile out of my way, a messy tangle of uprooted trees and sand - a complete mess. I made it down though, and retrieved my poles. There was another spring at the base of the cliff, under another overhang - Ojo Jarido. I liked that name. It was a rather large pool, kept cool by the shade of the overhanging cliff and the fresh cold water dripping out of the rock. Two layers of fencing kept the cows away from the main pool, somebody had rigged a pipe to a cattle watering tub 100 yards away. Ojo Jarido was another oasis, another secret of the desert. I was sure that ancient inhabitants must have seen it as a holy place - the earth giving water - the earth giving life, allowing life. Surely, the earth was important above all things to them, it must have been respected and loved. I was sorry that so many people had lost that connection - who could love a faucet? I filled my water bottles and walked along the base of the cliff. Like I'd figured, from below I could see a hundred easy ways by which I could have negotiated the cliff. The dirt path faded-out, so I just followed the map, around another mesa. I noticed an unusual creature crawling across my path. A tarantula. I'd never seen one in the wild before. It gracefully glided across the ground with fuzzy delicate legs, its brown abdomen bounced up and down. What was it looking for? I wondered. I wanted to tell somebody, "Look at this thing! It's just crawlin' around out here...". I looked up, but there were only miles of quickly warming sameness in every direction. I watched the tarantula for a while, I didn't want to leave it. I understood why people kept them as pets - it was a fascinating creature, delicate yet dangerous, simple yet somehow smart. I bent down close to get a better look and it stopped. It raised its abdomen, and lifted its front legs as if ready to pounce - trying its best to intimidate me. But I thought the posture just made it look cute. The road quickly became irrelevant. There was no point walking on it unless it headed south. The land was so open that I could make a good footpath anywhere... as long as it didn't get too sandy. I struck out across the desert. Little changed with each step, the distance slowly came into focus. I noticed something vertical, then another one, Hmmm, telephone poles. They lined a road that headed pretty much south. The distant formations of rock - mesas and isolated pointed peaks - slowly turned as I passed them. I searched my maps for anything insignificant that might be interesting. Hmmm, an old dirt road should intersect in 3 miles... It was difficult to plan breaks - I had no occasion to stop, no goal except to stop when the sun set. A grain of sand lodged in my eye - ugh! - and remained there for the next 4 hours. I imagined meeting people, strange people. I imagined that I was the strange person. I practiced a maniacal laugh, louder and louder. My eye was red, it hurt either open or closed. I explored my vocal range and had cordial conversations with passing trees. My mind was wandering, far from the desert beneath my feet. Suddenly, a voice made me jump, "Hey, how ya doing?" It was an actual person. He'd snuck up behind me. He was riding a bicycle, riding the Great Divide Trail (GDT) from Canada to Mexico on bicycle via side roads, dirt roads and mountain biking trails. I was fairly certain he was not a mirage. I had met a couple GDT riders in Butte, and I had seen many of their signatures in the various post-office trail registers along the way (the GDT passed through many of the same towns in which I had stopped). But the path of the CDT rarely intersected that of the GDT. Ken had been riding for almost two months, twice my pace. He slowed down for a couple miles, and we talked about the merits of hiking and biking. He could carry more things and cover more ground, but was limited to roads and navigable paths. We both shared in a secret... a simple life-style made rich by slowly passing the miles. We reached the top of a minor hill. Cabezon peak was visible on the horizon, a bit hazy, 15 miles away. We were both headed there, but we were on different paths. I wished him well. "I feel bad just leaving you here", he said to me as he got on his bike. "Don't worry about it", I smiled. I wasn't really alone. The glorious tedium continued. As I'd said to Ken, "the worst day out here is better than best day in a cubicle." It wasn't just rhetoric either, it was so true it was scary. Ten flat and sandy miles whipped by. A truck pulled up along side. The men inside had skin the color and texture of dirt. They had scraggly faces that maybe got shaved, maybe didn't... I couldn't tell. "Hey, where you headed, man?", the driver asked with a sharp and gritty chicano accent. I told him, and he looked at me cockeyed. "You saya what?", his head shifted quickly back and forth, he squinted like he was trying to get me in better focus, "Oh maan, tha's a long way, geez.". The passenger piped up, "yerunaberliker...?" He seemed to be asking me a question, but it was more of a quick guttural grunt than actual speech, like he was trying to pass some large object through his bowels. He tried again, "Igonagetyabir". The driver translated, "Do 'ya wanna beer?" I had a policy never to refuse gifts, "Sure", I said. And just like that, I made two new friends. "So, aaah, where 'ya goin' from 'eer?", the driver asked. It was too complicated to explain, "I just keep heading south as long as the sun's up...", I said. They seemed to like that answer. "Well, goo' luck, man", the driver said. And then they drove off. I intersected a slightly more "main" road - it was gravel instead of sand. The trees disappeared, nothing grew higher than my knees, and few things grew even that high. Cabezon Peak was now only a couple miles away - a giant haystack of rock that jutted nearly 2000 vertical feet from the surrounding flatness. It nearly dominated the landscape, it was difficult to look at anything else... actually, there wasn't much else to look at. Well, there was one thing, Cabezon's little cousin, 5 miles further down the road. Cerro Cuate was a double crested pyramid not quite as steep as Cabezon, but nearly as high. The two anomalous pedestals looked ancient. Many mountains were old, but the age of these was obvious. How long had they been standing watch? What did they think of the little 2-legged busy creatures that carved straight lines and sucked water out of the ground? We had names for the mountains, but what did they call us? A high pressure water pipeline ran across the desert, and near Cabezon Peak, it was tapped - a concrete cylinder concealed a double spigot. I flipped one of them open and water blasted out. It'll do, I thought, and settled in for an extended break. I had plenty of water and a couple funky mountains nearby to contemplate. I'd already hiked 28 miles for the day, so I had no qualms about stopping. I leaned against the concrete cylinder and pulled out some noodles. A sign behind my head read "For Animals Only". Weren't we all? A car pulled up, and a man got out to fill a large plastic container. We exchanged nods and smiles. His wife looked puzzled at my attire and lack of a car. I explained what I was doing. Just before they left, she insisted I take some donuts, "thanks!", I said. I had to accept the gift. A few minutes passed, and another car pulled up. Two women cautiously approached. I tried to reassure them I was harmless, "I can move if I'm in your way", I offered. "Oh, no, that's all right", one of the women replied. She connected a hose to one of the spigots and began to fill up a huge tank that rested on her trailer. I explained my trip again - I had nearly perfected a quick summary of it. "Oh", she said, "you never know who you're going to meet out here". She'd been living in the desert for about a year. "It's a little more difficult than living in Alberquerque", she smiled, "but it's worth it." She was steadily falling in love with the desert. "Every morning", she gloated and looked upward, "I wake up, and it's my sky". A sky was something anyone and everyone could own. It was sad that so few ever realized its value. A truck pulled up, they were the same two men that had given me a beer earlier. My two new friends got out. It was a small world. The woman introduced us, "Oh, these are my cousins, Mono and Whitey". "Ya, we already met", I explained. Mono and Whitey? They were real names, not names assigned randomly at birth, but names that were earned somehow. Somehow. Whitey was the rambling mumbler, he stepped out with 3 beers. "Erehavanutaber", he grunted, and handed me a Budweiser. I slowly realized that Whitey never stopped talking. He didn't have any shut-off valves, he just continuously sipped beer and rambled incoherently. Most of his comments were questions to me, "yougoinaranz", he asked. I didn't understand, "antz", he repeated a couple times. Still, nothing. "RANTZ!", he was getting frustrated. "oh, Grants! yes, I'm going to Grants." I had made a communication breakthrough. "whayagonagotnogetanwoodenywher", he said. I reassured him that I'd be OK. "ohyagotfederz, yaaaaa, hegafederz", he laughed and pointed at me. With each passing beer, I understood him more. He was worried that I wouldn't be able to stay warm at night because there wasn't enough wood around to make a good fire. Then, he realized that I had a sleeping bag, which he called simply, "feathers". Mono stood quietly by, enjoying some momentary relief as Whitey was focused on me. They were brothers, and they lived near their cousin, out in the desert somewhere. Whitey's endless beers seemed to be his medicine. Eventually they would cause him to pass-out, and bring a little peace to Mono. Another friend of theirs pulled-up, Famous Amos. We chatted about life in the desert. There was another spigot about 40 miles away. I was warned to look out for the reservation indians, "They're all a bunch a crazy drunks", Mono said as he cracked open another beer. Famous Amos filled up his tank just as it started to get dark. "ereavsumorber", Whitey grabbed a couple Budweisers for me from the back of the truck. "It's ok man, we got about 80 beers back there", Mono reassured me. Whitey smashed the empty cans and threw them in the back of the truck. We shook hands and went our separate ways. Thusly tanked up, I headed out into the desert, into the darkness, under a speckled night sky. Every star was out, the stars between the stars formed dull white clouds. There were so many of them, it was beautiful, people needed to see it. Yet, people in the cities lit up the nighttime skies with dull artificial lights, preferring a little bit of extra daylight to the glory of the pure night. I walked on with my eyes pointed upward. I saw it all as a puzzle, a key to a deeper understanding of reality. I thought of how miraculous it would be to truly understand the stars, not in human terms, as pin-pricks of light or even as balls of hot gas, but to understand the ultimate why. It made sense to me that people had placed heaven in the sky, but I was certain the true reality of things was far more fantastic than any old superstitions. I wandered off the road and picked a random sandy spot in the desert. The air was absolutely still. I thought I knew what quiet was, but I quickly discovered true quiet to be far more profound. I concentrated on it. Every noise was removed - no cars, no planes, no wind, no bugs... There was only an occasional distant bark of a frenzied coyote. Then, nothing. No echoes. Cerro Cuate slept over me, a triangular silhouette on the horizon. Two shooting stars simultaneously burned bright with their proper sound of nothing. I felt lucky to be deaf that night. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The sun rose, still without a sound. The peace of the nighttime lingered in long morning shadows. I picked up where I had left off. I was a creature of the sun as much as a lizard or an insect. As I walked down the road, another truck rolled up, "Hey, you want a ride?". I loved saying no, and I said it with as much conviction and pride as one could transmit with one word. I watched Cerro Cuate slowly turn, each step revealed some new feature in the rock. The trail rose to another Mesa. It seemed that I'd reached the other side of something. The top of the mesa was forested with dry trees, tired from a summer of hot sun. I continued to follow the road. There was a designated CDT somewhere in the woods, but I had no idea where it went. It wasn't on any map, I never saw any signs for it. It mattered little though. I had walked on enough trails. The joy was now just in the walking, it didn't really matter what was under my feet. I passed a couple hunters. They were hunched over something next to their truck, absorbed in it. I got closer and realized they were sawing into the severed head of an elk, removing the antlers to prove to the authorities that it had been a bull. Giant slabs of bloody flesh hung from the trees nearby, attracting a swarm of ravenous bees. The hunters were tired and didn't want to talk much. They were sweaty and dirty, dressed in tight jeans and cheap cotton t-shirts that showed-off their bulging beer guts. They'd killed the elk a couple days prior, and had been butchering it ever since. It looked like they hadn't worked so hard since... well, probably since the last time they'd killed an elk. As the antlers popped loose, blood and brains oozed from the hole they'd cut in the elk's skull. "Welp, it's bear food now", one of them said as he gripped the elk head by the ears and swung it into the bushes near the road. I realized I could never be a hunter, not in my lifetime anyway. The episode made me feel bad about eating meat. I decided it would be a good idea for anyone who ate meat to tour a slaughterhouse at least once. Maybe, someday, I thought, that's how I'd kick the habit. A couple hours later, I passed another group of hunters. They were a group of businessmen from Pennsylvania. They'd paid a guide for a week-long elk hunt. They were staying in a huge army tent just off the road, doing their best to avoid "roughing it" too much. I quickly noticed they'd just finished eating, and there was still some food left. I didn't care anymore about who they were, I was just going to be a slut and beg for table scraps. Thankfully, I didn't have to break my "don't ask, don't tell" policy. They asked me where I was headed. I took off my pack as if to stay a while and engaged them in my usual spiel. Then, it came. "Hey we've got some extra ham here if you want any", one of them offered. I did my best to look surprised, but the drool in my eyes probably gave me away. They handed me three huge cuts of the best damn ham I'd ever eaten. I inhaled it like the whore that I was, then finished it off with a liter of purple Gatorade and a couple bananas. I was wasted on food. I'd sold my product and gotten paid. I didn't feel bad about it though, it was just business. I was no worse than them, all of them. I thanked the hunters as sincerely as I could, and hit the road again. I wound down to another spring, another lonely oasis at the head of a small canyon. Fresh clear water flowed out of a pipe and into a large concrete tank, built for cows. Wind swept up the canyon, causing the few remaining yellow aspen leaves to shimmer like wind chimes. A few of them landed in the water, floating for a time like miniature lily pads, but doomed for a slow decay amongst the muck at the bottom of the tank. I filled up my water bottles and headed back to the great plateau. Gnarled pinyons lined the road. I found a spot where the needles had fallen for years and formed a natural soft bed. I wasn't particularly hungry, but I made a dinner anyway. I could never eat enough. I slept absolutely content. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The road continued up the mesa. The rise was so gradual it was almost imperceptible. Huge plains of grass and volcanic rock stretched to the edge of the mesa. Behind me, Cabezon Peak and Cerro Cuate were barely visible through the haze. The mesa ended in a point, Mt. Taylor, hidden by the trees in front of me. I kept looking for Mt. Taylor, it was supposed to be huge... where was it? Eventually I realized I couldn't see it because I was standing on it. I got tired of walking on the road, and decided to head into the forest. The work of following a compass needle would at least occupy my mind. I needed that. Additionally, the road followed a circuitous path to the top of Mt. Taylor, I just wanted to get there. My first destination was a notch between small hills - due south. I reached the notch then headed for the next spring, American Canyon Spring. The area before the spring had been recently logged, or at least thinned to reduce fire danger. Small piles of pruned branches were placed alongside a maze of improvised roads... one of the roads was my "trail", but I didn't know which. I picked one that headed in the correct general direction, then when it dead-ended, I just kept going. I eventually funneled into American Canyon, and walked up to the head of it. The spring was another pipe, "improved" so the cows couldn't wreck it. A network of barbed-wire fences kept the cows out. I rested in some shade near the spring and cooked a meal... the day was passing too quickly by. Back on the road, I spotted a cowboy up ahead, slowly driving a group of ten cows. I hung back and spied on him. My guidebook mentioned there was a corral in a quarter mile, I figured that was where he was headed... no need to rush him. The cows were fairly obedient, obviously unaware of the fate that ultimately awaited them. Occasionally, one made a half-hearted attempt to wander off, but was quickly reigned-in. The cowboy spoke to the cows, "Hiyaaaa!... hip, hip, hip...", and swatted at them with a coiled lasso. He rode his horse like a pro, it almost seemed like he was the horse. He reached the corral and guided the cows inside. One wandered off, but it had no place to go. It just sat in the trees until the rest of the herd was in the corral, then the cowboy went to go get it. I walked up to the cowboy and congratulated him on a job well done, artistically done. He smiled at me. Half his teeth were missing. "Man, I a been drivin' dem cow all da way up from down in willa canyon", he shook his head in relief. I had no idea where Willow Canyon was, but it seemed like a long way. "Well, the hard part of your day is done.", I said. "Ya..", he sighed. I had the feeling that he liked the hard part of his day the best. He did something he loved, it could never be too hard. The terrain gradually steepened. It had been while since I'd climbed anything. Mt. Taylor was starting to feel more like a mountain, although I still couldn't see the top. I could see that the terrain was changing, the trees were older and statelier, the meadows were more alpine, though still brown. The wind was picking up. I finally came to a ridge that extended into a semicircle of summits, the highest was the top of Mt. Taylor, still 1000 feet above. Below, was what looked like an ancient volcanic caldera, complete with a cinder cone, all covered in forest. The southeast side of the caldera was missing, allowing the water to drain into a canyon below. I walked along the ridge, up to the first summit, La Mosca. It was covered with radio antennas of all shapes and sizes. I walked up to a square concrete and metal lookout tower, which rested on the very top. It seemed that most of New Mexico was visible. To the west, a giant flat expanse gave way to rolling mountains on the horizon - it was the divide, which I hadn't walked on since Colorado. To the east, was the valley of the Rio Grande, the trickle of water I'd stepped across 500 miles back. To the south, partially hidden behind the top of Mt. Taylor, was more dark flatness... The lava fields of El Malpias, my next destination. But first, I had one final peak to climb. The trail to the top of Mt. Taylor was well maintained. It wound across a steep open hillside, then through an old forest. The elevation created another world. There were big trees which would have seemed more at home in northern Montana than central New Mexico. They existed on an island, surrounded by hundreds of miles of inhospitable hot dry and flat sandy soil. They were a testament to the dogged determination of their species. I reached the top of Mt. Taylor, 11,301 feet, at 6:15pm. The sun was just setting. The lights of Grants to the south, and Albuquerque to the east were just beginning to shine, like fragile glimmering nets. A mailbox was stashed under some rocks near the top. Inside the mailbox was a fat notebook, the summit register. I found a place to camp, sheltered from the wind by thick trees. I snuggled into my sleeping bag, flipped-on my headlamp, and read the summit register - cover to cover. It was a different kind of summit register. Most mountains were climbed with quite a deal of effort by a small number of people who'd climbed many mountains. Mt. Taylor was an easy mountain to climb, and it was climbed by all kinds of people who had never climbed any other mountain. Everyone went up Mt. Taylor it seemed. The entries in the register spoke for them. There were some who simply listed the facts - names, times, and dates. Some added descriptions of the weather. Many of the entries lamented "I am SOOOO tired, I can't believe I made it!". A lot of the people attempted to describe the view and the natural beauty around them. Some people saw the view as proof there must have been a God. Some were just excited to be there, "My first time on top of a mountain, yipee!!!!". A few entries were from native americans who saw Mt. Taylor as a sacred mountain, and had climbed it as a spiritual journey. A couple people thought that an old mining prospect - a 6-foot hole dug into the summit - was a volcanic crater. A lot of people used the occasion to get even higher, "4:20 man, I'm so stoned!" Then there were a group of entries from people in drug re-hab, "It feels so good to be this high without drugs." A lot of people made doodles and drawings - most of them poor interpretations of a nearby broken tree... There was a great entry from a 78-year-old man, "I'll be back in 22 years", he wrote. There were a bunch of poems, a few famous quotes repeated, a couple page-long philosophical ramblings, and a couple completely nonsensical prose. I was excited to find one page filled with entries from Drew, John and Mario. They'd climbed Mt. Taylor the previous May. It seemed they'd gotten separated on the way to the top. Drew and John had chided each other about it in the register. Mario's entry was in Dutch. When I finished reading everything, I made my entry, "Climb one mountain and you'll swear there's a God, climb hundreds and you'll swear there's something even greater." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The trail continued down the other side of the mountain - the side that most people climbed up. In the early morning, I passed a man who was scouting the territory for an upcoming elk hunt. He planned to meet his daughter, who was also scouting, on top of the mountain. He was from California, but had hunted all over the world. He told me that he had just cancelled a trip to Russia to shoot a bear. "Those Russians didn't want my wife to come along, so I told them to just forget it. She's probably a better shot than any of those guys too...", he boasted. It seemed he was on a mission to shoot a couple of each species of large hoofed mammal on the planet - kind of like Noah in reverse. I wondered if he'd ever shot a cow. The trail ended in a trailhead parking area about 1500 feet below the summit. I had no idea where to go next. My map and guidebook showed an old road leading south from the trailhead. I couldn't find it. Frustrated, I just headed south into the woods. I almost wanted to get lost, just so I could have the thrill of discovering where I was. I decided to make up my own alternate route - the fastest way I could get to Grants. I headed down Lobo Canyon, which seemed like an obvious way to go... I wondered why the trail wasn't routed there. A very old forest road, covered with fallen trees, led the way down. I was just about to congratulate myself when I came to a barbed wire fence with a glaring sign, "NO TRESSPASSING - PRIVATE PROPERTY". The sign appeared to really mean it. There were all kinds of warnings about prosecution and fines... I wasn't about to go back up the canyon though. Screw those people, I thought, why hadn't they put the sign further up the canyon? I hopped over the fence and continued down the road, ready to jump into the bushes and hide at any moment. I was just beginning to think I was in the clear when the forest gave way to large open area. A dumpy house, the yard littered with junk, was just ahead. The road was elevated, visible from almost anywhere. I just figured I'd be sneaky, and hope for the best. I felt naked on the road as I tip-toed past the house. All of a sudden, some dogs inside the house exploded like crazed canine lunatics. My only hope was that they were locked inside. I heard a couple voices from the other side of a small hill. I figured I was screwed for sure, that they were going to feed me to the dogs, and no one would ever know. I just kept walking. By some miracle, the people never came to check on the dogs... perhaps the dogs cried wolf too often. I wound around a corner, out of sight of the house. The private property contained an area enclosed by a 10-foot high fence. It was a private elk-hunting ranch. It seemed odd to me that people would pay top dollar to shoot a caged elk, but apparently they did. I saw a couple of the elk - bulls with giant racks. I wondered how anyone could ever proudly display the mounted heads over their fireplace, "Yup, I shot that bull in a cage in New Mexico, back in 2001". I thought maybe I should pick up a mount of a cow head someday, "Yup, I ate that cow at McDonalds back in 1993." I crossed out of the private property by jumping over a large padlocked metal road-gate. A hundred yards later, I hit pavement. Oh well, pavement and traffic it was, the rest of the way to Grants. Cars flew by every few minutes, most of them filled with camouflaged hunters, headed to and from the Mt. Taylor area. I passed a group of hunters parked near the road. They were shooting at targets, tweaking their scopes. I passed a prison, just outside the town. A couple extremely bored-looking prisoners stared at me through 3 layers of chain-link and razor-wire fencing. I wondered what they thinking... What would they do when they got out? if they ever got out? Would anyone who had not been in prison really understand what they'd gone through? I stopped by the Forest Service office, just outside of town. There were brochures about the CDT inside, but nobody there knew much about it. I found a cheap hotel room - there were plenty in Grants, $19 for a single room. I took a shower, laid on the bed, and tried to process everything that was swirling through my head. Grants was spread-out. A mile to the post office, a mile the other direction to the Walmart... I quickly started to hate it. I questioned if anyone ever implemented urban planning, or if it was only studied in school as an academic concept. I visited the post office and met a nice woman behind the counter who knew all about the CDT. Postal employees were almost always excited about the CDT, they met all the hikers and often became infected with the groove. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, I was at the laundromat dressed only in nylon pants, temporarily washing the stink and dirt from my other articles of clothing, when a man approached me. He was curious about my backpack. I told him what I was doing, and he told me he was reporter for the local paper. He asked if he could write a short story about me. I was glad to help. He later offered to drive me to the Walmart so I could buy more food. He had a new puppy, which sat nervously in my lap while we drove off. I asked him how he wound up in Grants, "well, it's just temporary...", he explained. It wasn't a very pleasant story - something about an ex-wife and telling his old boss to shove it. He told me his new philosophy, "If you want a friend, get a dog... if you want sex, get a video.", or was it the other way around... In a place like Grants, one could never be sure. In order to continue down the trail, I had to cross all the way back across town, 2 miles to the post office, then a couple more to a dirt road. Along the way, I slipped and fell on some loose asphalt. My top-heavy pack twisted me so that I landed in the middle of the road. Luckily, I had timed my fall with a lull in the traffic. If a car had been coming, I'd have been run over. It was the closest I'd come to death on the entire trip. Grants to Pie Town I had no more guidebooks and only crude maps. I had no idea where the next water was. I had only heard, "There isn't any". So, I brought a heavy 4.5 liters - my maximum. I crossed a bridge over I-15, over cars that barely knew where they really were, and headed back into the desert. I walked up zuni-canyon, a winding canyon with a floor 150 yards wide and flat. The wrinkled canyon walls shot straight up a few hundred feet to a mesa above. There was no stream in the canyon. In fact, there was little evidence that there had ever been a stream... other than the existence canyon itself, which was evidently carved by water some time long ago. The road was gravel and extremely dusty. Cars rolled past every now and then, stirring up immense clouds of choking dust. None of them slowed down, they didn't care. I made motions with my hands - pushing toward the ground. I figured it was the international hand signal for "slow down", but it was a language the cars didn't speak. People had to get where they were going, and it was too much of an inconvenience for them to reduce their speed even for 50 yards. I tried another approach and preceded my "slow down" signal with a "choking" signal - hands around my throat. Most of the cars slowed-down when they saw that. It made me think, maybe I had it wrong, maybe they did care. Maybe they just had no concept of what it was like to walk along a road, to breathe a cloud of dust. They'd probably driven that road a hundred times, but walked it? Never. As it got dark, I pulled off the road. I walked into the trees, as far from the choking dust as I could. But it was difficult to escape. Everything in the bottom of the canyon was covered in dust. The plants were hardly green, more of a pale brown. I hit a few of them with my poles, and they sprung to life, released at least temporarily from their choking shroud. They coughed a simple, "thank you", but I knew their relief wouldn't last long, what they really needed was rain. I finally settled on a spot beneath some Pinyons, more pine needles - the softest of beds. Cars rolled by all night. It was Saturday, the opening of another short hunting season. With all the guns and camouflage, it almost seemed like a war was brewing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I got off the dusty road, and onto a dirt one, down another canyon - Bonita Canyon. It was a primitive road, filled with trenches and rocks. I passed by an old windmill. I'd heard a lot about windmills from CDT hikers of years past. They had described hiking from "windmill to windmill" in a continuous search for water. The windmill I'd found wasn't turning in the steady breeze. I walked up to a large metal tank next to the windmill. I knocked on the tank, and the hollow reply told me it was empty. A couple hours and 6 miles later, I spied another windmill. It was turning in the breeze. I felt lucky, and raced through thick thigh-high dried weeds toward the structure. My legs were scratched white, and my socks were covered in sticky burrs by the time I reached the windmill. A shallow metal holding tank was built into the ground next to it. I looked over the edge and saw nothing but sand and weeds. I looked up at the windmill. It was still spinning, but connected to nothing. What a cruel hoax to play. I began to wonder if there were any working windmills in New Mexico, or were they all just relics, tapped out long ago? I got back on the road, and soon passed by an RV, parked in the shade. A man and a woman were sitting just outside. He had been hunting, although only halfheartedly. There were a couple days left in the drawing, but he'd pretty much given up. He hadn't even seen any sign of elk. The woman was his girlfriend, out there just to be "with him", I figured. I not-so-subtly asked him, "Do you know if there's any water up ahead?". He replied, "Oh, I've got plenty extra here, if you want some", It was just the answer I was hoping for. He offered me food as well, but I just couldn't take any. I needed to eat my own heavy food, my pack was so full, it was starting to dig into my shoulders. I filled a couple liters and wished him well. His girlfriend never even looked at me. At the end of the canyon, I entered El Malpais - the badland. El Malpais was a giant lava flow, actually a series of lava flows that inundated the land 2000-3000 years prior. The thick black lava had hardened into a shape much like the surface of an ocean, frozen in a still-frame. Long ago, two indian tribes had lived on opposite sides of the lava (actually, I was fairly certain they still lived there), they established a trading route across the rugged rock - the Zuni-Acoma trail, named for the tribes. The original cairns that had marked the trail were still there, still marking the trail. It was a special trail to walk, not so much because of the indian history, but because of the human history, the history of walking. Walking was the way we had evolved to travel, for so much of our history, it had been the only way. The Zuni-Acoma trail was a monument to those times. The trail started out rather nice, a dirt path through fields of dry brown grass. But soon the lava took over, and there were only the ancient cairns to guide the way. The surface of the lava was never level, the path never straight. Every 5 feet, I had to change direction to follow the undulations of the rock. Every miniature ripple of the lava was visible, as if it had hardened just the day before. In many places, the bed of the lava had collapsed into hollow chambers below, revealing entrances to a network of lava-tube caves that snaked under the crust. The cracked surface had the texture of a bed of nail-tips, it ripped into my rubber shoes with every step. There were few places in which I could take a comfortable break - everything was sharp or slanted. Trees and other plants had colonized every crack in which they could take root. The tenacity of the plants was impressive, I couldn't understand how they'd managed to thrive in such an environment, or why they even bothered. My back was getting sore, the burden of so much heavy water was wearing on me. The trail seemed never to end. Every now and then, I reached the crest of frozen wave, only to see that I'd made imperceptible progress. The sandstone cliffs at the other end of the lava appeared forever distant. I took a break on the lava. I tried hard not to adjust my position so the lava wouldn't shred my clothing and pack. A sign at the trailhead had said the Zuni-Acoma trail was 7 miles, but I felt like I had already walked 10, and had 5 more to go. I wearily picked myself up, and continued to follow the cairns... now supplemented by modern concrete pillars engraved with the words "Escalante Trail". Escalante Trail? The lava eventually ended, but the trail must have heard me complaining, for it turned to sand - perhaps worse than the lava. At least on the lava, I was able to gain a foothold. On sand, my feet just sank, my pack felt even heavier. By the time I reached the other side, I'd had about enough walking for the day. I sat near the road, and cooked a meal. A full stomach always gave me energy, and I was soon on my feet again. I noticed a small cattle trough on the side of the road. It was full of clear water... but the bottom was covered with 2 solid inches of saturated bird droppings. A few fresher droppings floated on the surface. I looked up to see a dozen swallows, racing back and forth across the sky, angrily chirping at me. "Nice!", I sarcastically thanked the birds for enriching the water. I filtered a couple liters, but hoped never to taste them. I walked down the paved road, which was wedged between El Malpais to the west, and a long sandstone cliff to the east. Just before dark, I hopped a barbed-wire fence and snuck a campsite on indian land that was just a small overgrazed pasture. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A couple more miles down the road, I reached La Ventana Natural Arch. The arch was a piece of a sandstone cliff that had failed to erode. It was billed as the largest natural arch in New Mexico accessible by car. I was the only person there. I took a break and read a sign that described how the arch was formed, how old it was, how big it was, etc... A car pulled in the parking lot and a elderly man with a new baseball cap got out. He paced back and forth in front of his car, occasionally glancing my way. After I left, he walked over to the sign. I wondered if I really looked that scary? I headed off the little paved pathway, and up a steep slope opposite the arch. The slope was covered in broken rocks, stunted trees and prickly plants. I climbed my way through them, proudly forging a little alternate route that kept me off the road. At the top of the cliff, there was a trail which paralleled the road, high above El Malpais. The trail stayed close to the edge of the cliff. The top of the cliff was mostly smooth rock covered with a thin layer of light tan sand. Beautiful old trees grew from impossibly small cracks. El Malpais stretched to the western horizon. It was immense, I'd walked over but a small section of it. From my new perspective I could see grander textures in the lava, great sheets of frozen black ooze that had funneled down a once fertile valley, smothering any history that had lain beneath. The trail followed the rim of the cliff for about 6 miles, then gradually eased down to the road. From there on, the road was the only sensible choice. I only had a little bit of water left... well, I did have the birdstink water, but that was only a survival stash. I decided to fish for a fresh supply along the asphalt river. I waved my lure - a empty upside-down water bottle, and before too long, I hooked one. The first car gave me one liter of bottled water - unopened even! They didn't know if there were any windmills up ahead. Another car approached, I noticed an orange plastic water cooler hanging off one side, I re-baited my hook and got another liter. It was almost too easy. The dryness of the desert was not a problem as long as there was a fresh supply of traffic. I spotted a spinning windmill off the side of the road. "OK", I said to nobody, "This one's gotta be working". And it was. A steady wind blew the giant circular fan into a blur. The fan drove a shaft up and down, pumping water out of the ground and into a holding tank that was just low enough so cows could take a drink. The overflow of the first tank flowed into another tank, then into a puddle of mud. It was a great thing, I decided to take a break and cook a meal. The clouds had been thickening all morning, and it looked like only a matter of time before they'd break. I set up my poncho as a small lean-to and huddled inside. The rain fell in slanted waves, smacking against the back of my poncho. The pump churned continuously, playing a tired rhythm of clanks and shudders to the ever-changing tempo of the wind. When the rain stopped, I gathered my things and headed up another canyon, happy to get a break from the main road. I passed a couple men who were repairing a fence. The bed of their pickup truck was piled high with freshly cut juniper branches, soon to be converted into twisted but reliable fence posts - Martha Stewart would have approved. The men appeared to be father and son. They looked at me, apparently curious why anybody would want to walk anywhere now that the combustion engine had been invented. One of them asked me where I was headed. "Mexico", I replied cheerfully. "What are you going to do at the border?", the younger one asked. "It's all about the journey", I told him, "not the destination" He replied with a perplexed grin, like the concept was so far out of his experience that he didn't know how to respond. But it wasn't out of his experience, he was on a journey too - the same one we were all on. I wondered if he was eager to reach that destination. The new canyon was wonderful. The rain had cleared and cooled the air, the sun lit up the soft canyon walls and freshly cleaned bushy trees. The plants along the ground were mostly brittle networks of dry twigs, decorated with pointy seeds. Many of them disintegrated with a gentle touch. Others, shaped into balls, were easily sent adrift by the wind. They rolled to and fro as if they were searching the ground for the best place to proceed. Like most people, I had always believed that plants couldn't walk. But watching those little tumbleweeds changed my mind. As I walked along, I startled a golden eagle. It had been perched in a tree, about 10 feet above my head. I'd seen many eagles along the way, but those were usually soaring in circles high above. I seldom had a chance to view an eagle from so close a perspective. The one I had surprised was huge, with proportionally gigantic wings that flapped slowly, barely fast enough to keep it in the air. It glided smoothly just above the treetops, down the valley toward where I'd come. By evening, I was headed down another canyon, back toward the main road. The sun lowered behind distant thunderheads, giving them a deep red glow and an intricate silvery outline. Beneath the clouds, extinct volcanic cones provided a geometric contrast of angles versus chaos. As the sun went down, I listened to coyotes, who howled wildly as lightning silently flashed in the distance. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I woke up covered in ice. The storm had moved overhead during the night, and the fallen moisture had later frozen. The sky was clear though, and by 9am, everything I owned was dried by the sun. I quickly reached the main road. It headed almost due south, the fastest way to Pie Town was to follow the road. Vast empty fields of brown grass stretched as far as I could perceive. After a couple hours I felt like I'd made no progress at all - everything still looked the same. I just kept walking, trusting the knowledge that my tiny footsteps did indeed amount to something. The road was easy on my feet, but hard on my mind. The never-ending sameness dug into my psyche where it festered into mental chaos that erupted through my eyes and mouth. I let loose the lunacy inside. I was that guy on the corner, the one that made people shiver because he was yelling at nothing... which was far worse than yelling at something. How long could a person act insane, I wondered, before he was considered so? Were we all nothing more than actors? If so, I didn't have a part to play on the road, I had no reason to pretend anymore. I felt almost as if the layers of my identity, those thoughts and words that made me who I was were being peeled away. What would remain when they were all gone? I needed to find out. Was I nothing more than the sum of my parts? In the end, I realized that I was simple... just an animal cursed with an intellect, but still programmed to survive. I camped on the divide. It was the first time I'd crossed it since Colorado. I survived the road, I survived the emptiness and I survived that night. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3 more miles to Pie Town. I wore a grin every step of the way. It kept going through my head - "I'm gonna be in Pie Town... I'm gonna be in Pie Town...". 2 more miles... 1 more mile... I was there. Pie Town was one of those places I'd been dreaming of, thinking about and visualizing since the start of the trip. I raced past the post office, and saw a dream take form - the Pie-o-neer Cafe - it really existed. There wasn't much in Pie Town, and if not for the Cafe, there was nothing. A number of years ago, a woman from Texas had driven through Pie Town. There had been no pies in Pie Town at the time, and it had troubled her deeply. She quit her job, divorced her husband, moved to Pie Town, and set up shop. My timing was off though. The cafe was there, but its soul had moved on. The woman had a new dream, and was pursuing it in another place. The cafe still had wonderful pie and friendly people. But it had been another person's dream, and without her, it was just someone else's job. I picked up the trail register from the post office. My only real companions were the paragraphs left in its pages by other slow travelers. A couple, biking from Banff to Baja, had passed me somewhere between Cuba and Pie Town. I never did meet them, but on some level, felt that we'd talked about all sorts of things. I spent the rest of the day sitting on the breezy porch of the Pie-o-neer Cafe, watching nothing happen slowly. And nothing happened all day in Pie Town. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Early the next morning, I stopped back in the Cafe for breakfast. The people inside greeted me with friendly faces and warm wishes. As I ate my french toast, and watched the Cafe stir to life, I started to feel differently about it. I started to see it in a new light. Perhaps it was not the end of an old dream, but the birth of a new one, persistently struggling to find it's own identity. No story was ever over, they were all just beginning. Pie Town to Gila Cliff Dwellings The plots of private land grew progressively larger as I distanced myself from Pie Town. After a few miles I was again walking past ranches the size of small kingdoms. Somebody had told me that it was legal to shoot trespassers in the state of New Mexico. While I doubted that, it was enough to keep me on the road. Even if it wasn't actually the law, some locals might have thought it was the law, and that was all that really mattered. I imagined some crazed landowner was peeking at me through the dusty windows of his castle, clutching a rifle, just praying that I'd step on his land so he could "get one". That kind of scenario would make any legal argument moot. I'd only been walking though the area for a few days, and it was nearly enough to drive me crazy... what of those who'd lived there for 5 generations? What degree of mental drift had they reached? The landscape continued much the same as it had been north of Pie Town - scrubby trees and dried fields of grass. The only thing that kept my spirits up was the knowledge that the road would end... eventually. The land never stayed the same for too long on the CDT. I just had to be patient. I wandered off the road to a windmill, about 15 miles south of Pie Town. The wind wasn't blowing, so I had to make do with water stored in an open tank. I did my best to filter from below the layer of dead bugs floating on top, and above the layer of decaying bugs on the bottom. While I sat nearby cooking a meal, a herd cows arrived. The only drive more powerful than a cow's fear of humans was its thirst. Cows were not a desert animal, and needed regular drinks to survive. I got a close-up look at them. They were disgusting creatures. Many had open sores on their necks that leaked puss and attracted swarms of flies. Their eyes were mostly bloodshot or glazed-over. I figured they were fairly blind. Their faces were covered in a mixture of snot, drool and dirt. Some of the cows sported grotesque mutations and growths around their facial features. Worst of all was the stench, a wretched mix of manure and bad breath. The cows spilled their drool into the water, and then clumsily lapped it up with their tongues. Occasionally they paused to let out a pathetic "moo", or spill diarrhea from their backsides. Most of the cows had only to live long enough to gain valuable weight, their long term health was not important. Some were lucky enough to breed for a few years. Those fared slightly better and received regular doses of antibiotics. Although, I thought the luckiest of all were those culled for veal, spared the prolonged misery of their peers. A few cars rolled slowly past as the day wore on. The mountains were gradually returning - rippled mounds, covered with trees. I passed through the northern boundary of the Gila National Forest. The Gila was an area larger than some eastern states, and one that I'd call home for the next week or two. I gradually rose up the flanks of Mangas Mountain a small but prominent peak covered in Ponderosa Pines. I quickly grew to love the ponderosas, their bark was a smooth rusty brown, assembled in plates with black borders. The long ponderosa needles sung in the wind, making even the slightest breeze majestic. Beds of soft brown fallen needles, dropped slowly over decades, formed perfect beds below the older groves. I found a place to camp among one of them. It was far more soothing and medicinal than any mattress of springs and foam. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I continued over Mangas Mountain early the next morning, then began a long descent along little-used and nearly-forgotten forest roads. I began to hear the forest humming... or was it just my head? I realized the humming was from bees. The bees were everywhere, one every few feet. They hovered and swayed above the mat of pine needles, in a never-ending opportunistic search for anything different. I was often a target of their curiosity - brightly colored and covered with water and sweat, I was an oasis for the bees. I could never remain in spot too long without attracting at least a couple persistent buzzing companions - mesmerized by my face. I reached a paved road by noon. I waited a while for traffic, then started walking west, toward Reserve, 40 miles or so down the lonely road. The first few cars passed by, one every 10 minutes or so... Then a pickup stopped, the bed was loaded with freshly cut wood. Before I had a chance to get inside, the driver told me to grab myself a coke from the cooler in back. He was probably 55 years old, and owned a nearby ranch that had been in the family for over 150 years, back in the era when the area had been considered part of Old Mexico. "You know", He told me, "most people around here won't pick up hitchhikers, they still think everyone's a hippy." It seemed that things there changed not with months and years but with decades and centuries. He pointed out small plots of green land along a nearby river, "Those all used to be subsistence farms, but now they all just ranch cattle." He seemed sad about that. Ranching was easier than farming, and people had naturally drifted toward it. They now hired ranch hands, bought their food at the grocery, sat at home and watched televisions. Progress. We passed a few groups of mobile homes. "Those used to be ranches", he lamented further, "but the parents died, and the kids just split it up and sold it." His ranch seemed destined for the same fate, his kids had gone to college and now lived in Albuquerque. He seemed sad about the way things were going, but resigned to it all the same. Who could define a good life anyway? Who was to say things weren't getting better instead of worse? He twisted open a bottle of budweiser and flicked the cap out the window. Reserve was an island surrounded by massive ranches and national forests. It was over 100 miles in any direction to a larger town, and I estimated less than a thousand people lived in or close to Reserve. Many of the locals guessed there were about 600. I picked up some groceries, then got a pizza and a room at the pizza/motel place near the end of town. I met a couple young men who worked for the fish and game department, they gave me an old map of the Gila National Forest. That evening, the Saddle Mountain Band played in the pizza parlor - 100% country, the only band in town. I was tired of it all. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, I hit the grocery store again to pick up a few things I'd forgotten. I packed my things together outside the store, both apprehensive and excited to leave Reserve. It was so easy to stay in a town, I didn't have to carry anything, didn't have to walk anywhere, and had plenty of opportunities to meet people. But, those were the same things that made me want to leave. Easy living had few special rewards and quickly lost its appeal. An older gentleman noticed my backpack, and after a brief friendly conversation, offered me a ride back to the trail. He'd spent some time in the Navy, and was a former sheriff. Now, he spent part of the year working at the fire lookouts in the national forest. "It's a pretty easy job", he joked, "you just have to look out the window". We shared a love of mountaintops. "People just don't realize how special it is on top of a mountain.", he told me, "I thought about retiring full-time, but what for? I'd rather sit in a fire lookout than in front of a TV." We reached the 'trail', an old two-track road about a mile from the divide. I hoisted my water-laden pack and headed south. The two-track quickly became a mere suggestion. I headed through waist-high grasses, made brittle by a summer of blazing sunlight. It was mild now though. In fact, it seemed that I'd picked most agreeable season to hike through New Mexico, halfway between the intolerable heat of summer and the cold dreariness of winter. I noticed a dark form running at me from under a bush. I was shocked, but recognized it immediately - a havelina. The havelina was a small wild pig, about 1.5 feet tall and 2 feet long, with dull brown horizontal stripes. Like every small animal, I'd heard it was "pound for pound the fiercest critter alive". It seemed to be living up to that reputation. It snorted as it ran toward me, then took a 90 degree turn and bounced up and down, visibly upset, jumping full body lengths into the air as if it were on a trampoline. I couldn't help but laugh. Then, I realized what had brought on the display of bravado. A whole family of little piglets scampered out from under the bush and ran in nervous circles. They were accompanied by a few slightly larger havelina which tried their best to reign-in the confused youngsters. The whole extended family slowly bounded away, snorting in protest through the bushes. I crossed a couple miles of private property. Every large ponderosa was only a stump, they'd all been turned into cash by some rancher - "working" the land as if it were broken. I then crossed a barbed-wire fence that designated the boundary of the national forest. While I took a break under some still-standing ponderosas, a white pickup drove along a ranch road that bordered the fence. The people inside stared at me, as if they were sorry they'd missed my little trespassing episode. They spoke with their eyes, "We'll get you next time..." I walked through the woods, following only my compass, and the upward grade of the ground which led to the divide. A logging road was routed along the divide. It wasn't on the map, but it headed the general direction I wanted to go. The road slowly drifted off the divide, then forked, then forked again, then bisected another road. There were roads everywhere. I did my best to keep heading south, but was continuously led in other directions by the roads. The roads didn't head to any particular destination, they were only designed to provide access for logging vehicles. The windier the road, the more trees it passed, and the more money the national forest got. After a couple hours, it seemed like I was going in one big circle. "Enough of these damn roads", I thought. I headed into the trees, back up a hill toward the divide. On the way, I passed more roads. At one intersection, I passed a large metal sign. Once a detailed map of the area, it was now bleached a solid dull grey by the sun. The only thing legible on the sign was a small label in the middle that indicated "you are here". Just as I had figured... I was in the middle of nowhere. I reached the divide again. There was no more road along the top, but somebody had cut blazes into the trees every 50 yards or so. It was the officially designated CDT. It seemed to be a joke. There was no trail, just loose pumice that twisted my ankles with every step. The blazes marked the divide, but the divide didn't need any marking as it was the top of an obvious ridge. I thought about all the miles and miles of roads below... How much work had it taken to build them all? How many millions of dollars had been spent? And all of it just so a few people could cut down the trees and make a profit. Then there was the trail, not even a trail. There was no money to be made by building a CDT. And to those who made such decisions, there was no value other than money. The divide dipped down to another road, one that was actually on the map. I was just below John Kerr Peak. About halfway to the top of the peak, I realized it was not where I needed to go. But, I was always a sucker for another mountaintop, and it was only a 30 minute detour. From the top of the peak I had a view south to miles of rolling forested hills and mountains that grew progressively higher and steeper toward the horizon. I was looking into the heart of the Gila, hundreds of miles of rugged land that once harbored the Apaches - some of the last American indians to be conquered by the white man. I came down from the mountain, and followed the road to intersect another trail on the divide. It was a little better than the previous trail - there was an actual path - but it was in a state of prolonged neglect. Without either more foot traffic or more maintenance, it would soon be gone. I found a flat spot under the ever-present ponderosas and set up my tarp. As I slunk into my bed of 'feathers', a late evening thunderstorm opened overhead. But even the loudest racquet of raindrops and thunder was a melody that soon had me dreaming. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The trail gradually deteriorated after a couple more miles. After a while, it was nothing more than old blazes and a tangle of prickly dried plants. I decided to walk a road instead. The road also passed a couple water sources, which were something I needed to pass. The first of them, Dutchman Spring, was nothing more than mud, stomped by cows. A few miles down the road, I came to another 'spring'. A pipe carried a steady stream of water from an unknown source to an open-topped holding tank - more water for the cows. I sat by the spring and cooked a meal, while a steady stream of hunters drove down the road on ATVs. It didn't look like they were really serious about the hunting... though they appeared to be serious about drinking beer, riding ATVs, shooting guns, and dressing up in camouflage. The road passed under some of the largest ponderosas I'd seen. The trunks had a diameter of 4 or 5 feet. The tops towered 60 or 70 feet into the air, gently swaying against a rich blue sky. The trees gave way to a large open plain of short grass which I cut across in order to save a few miles. I then followed a road back up to the divide. Along the way, a truck carrying 3 old hunters passed by me. "Need a ride?", they asked. I politely turned down their offer. A few miles later I reached the divide and passed the hunters again, they were parked off the side of the road. "Geez, I didn't think you'd make it up this far till after dark", one of them commented. "Well, I've done a lot of walking", I explained, "I've worked up to a pretty good pace." I explained where I was heading. The man knew the entire Gila National Forest by heart it seemed. He mentioned that he'd hiked down the Gila River canyon "about 30 years ago, I think... Boy, it's a beautiful country down there". He shook his head and pursed his lips, then let slip a great secret, "You're gonna live a long time", he told me. I felt I already had. Further up the road, I passed a section of forest that was undergoing a controlled burn. The bed of needles under the ponderosas was black and smoldering in places. The big trees were charred at the base, but generally un-phased. The forest looked empty, like it'd just been cleaned and swept. At sunset, I left the road and came to another giant plain, soft rolls of grass extended for miles ahead. The sky ignited into a deep blue canvas painted with huge splotches of red and purple. A few pronghorn floated over the grass in the horizon. As darkness took over, an owl skirted past my head without a sound. For a moment I forgot where I was... I wasn't hiking, I was just watching a movie and it was time for another intermission. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The frozen void of space clamped down that night, and I awoke to an icy landscape. We were so dependant on the sun for everything, always one rotation away from an inexorable deep freeze. If anything did deserve our worship and praise, it was the sun - the giver of heat and sustainer of life. I said "thank you" to the sun as it came over the horizon and melted the cold away. I continued walking over the giant rolls of grass until they gave way to a series of snake-like canyons that grew fatter as they wound downhill. I reached one canyon's bottom and observed a trickle of water steadily flowing from pool to pool. I'd be following that water for the next 4 days as it carved a path through the rock toward an ocean far away. It was an unofficial and inauspicious start of the Gila River. First though, the water got trapped by a man made lake, Snow Lake, born in 1967. A nearby sign boasted how construction of the lake was financed by revenues from fishing licenses. I was almost surprised some corporation hadn't bought the naming rights. A car-campground near the lake sported a population of outdoor motorsportsmen newly roused and stoking morning fires. I laid out my frosted belongings on a picnic table and munched on some nuts as a giant RV drove past. One man drove the RV, which towed a pickup truck that held an ATV in its bed - a progression of motorized distractions that helped keep his physical activity to a minimum. A woman drove up. She worked for the forest service and managed the campground. She lived in a cabin somewhere out in the nearby woods. She got paid almost nothing but had no expenses. She seemed to be one of the happiest people I'd ever met, she'd found her nirvana, a route to happiness that didn't require a bank. She'd met a couple CDT hikers in the springtime, headed north. From her description, I deduced they were the two I'd met up in Glacier, the two that had quit. I now viewed them in a new perspective, having seen what they'd missed. I felt sorry for them, I regretted not trying harder to encourage them to continue. I hoped the path they'd chosen had been the right one for them. I knew the path ahead was the right one for me. I walked around Snow Lake, over the earthen dam at the end, and down to the water flowing below. A mile later, I hopped over the Gila River for the first time. I'd been looking forward to the Gila River since I'd crossed out of Colorado. It had been described to me as the highlight of New Mexico. And there it was, in front of me. The trail continued along the side of the river through a wide canyon of grassy meadows and ponderosa pine. It seemed so improbable that the river was even there... all that flowing water surrounded by so much dryness. Where was it all coming from? The trail crossed the river periodically, and for the first 11 crossings, I was able to avoid getting my feet wet. After that, I splashed through cool ankle-deep water. The canyon was wide enough that I wasn't always able to see the water. I began to look forward to the crossings, "Ah, there you are again...", I'd say to the river. It just kept marching downstream. "Where are you going?", I'd ask. It just disappeared around a corner, ignoring me. I didn't mind being ignored though. I was like the little kid who loved his grandpa unconditionally, for no reason other than who he was. On crossing #25, I slipped on some slimy rocks and fell into the water. I cursed myself for being so careless. The canyon was slowly changing, the walls were closing in and growing taller. The river was becoming more intimate. I was no longer ever removed from its soothing trickles and splashes. I stopped to eat at crossing #33 and noticed a bug crawling on me. It looked exactly like a seed of grass, complete with a frayed edge and leafy texture. What an amazing thing, I thought. How many generations of trial and error had it taken to get that way? Everything was so amazing, our little human history of wars and gadgets seemed so small. By crossing #40, the canyon was so steep, it was past vertical. It was so tall I couldn't pinpoint the top. I was walking down a slot in the earth, a sculpture in progress, made by nature with tools of water and gravity. Every crack in the rock was worth an extended observation. I finally camped just after crossing #57, under an overhanging cliff of volcanic rock that ended in pointed spires reaching to the sky. I made a campfire for the sheer pleasure of it. It was the proper place to have a campfire, a place that was like a home with two walls, running water and no roof... a secret passageway that was all mine. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I awoke to a martian landscape. The only light that filtered into the canyon was that reflected from the clouds above. The low rising sun lit up those clouds a bright red. It felt as if I was wearing tinted glasses, nothing escaped the red glow - the rock, the trees, the water... even my skin looked alien. The volcanic structures above grew more elaborate and bizarre each time I crossed the river. I shook my head in disbelief that they were actually there, that it was actually possible. The sharply pointed pillars were a field of colossal inverted spikes, towering hundreds of feet, one next to the other. Each step revealed more columns and cracks and structures, more detailed topography than my overcharged brain could process. It was as beautiful as one could imagine hell without the fire and demons. Around crossing #68, I heard a scream from above. A giant bird swerved through the canyon, just overhead. It was a bald eagle, and it appeared to be on a purposeful mission, flying faster than just to move from place to place. Seconds later another eagle followed, it had a large trout writhing in its grasp. Another eagle, perhaps the same as the first, came from nowhere, and made a daring grab for the fish. The two birds shrieked wildly and locked talons, spiraling out of control and out of sight behind some trees. It was a spectacular display of grace and power that befit the dramatic setting. It became another memory which reminded me why I was hiking the trail. After crossing #89, I reached an area called "the meadows". It seemed a rather kind moniker, as the trail disappeared into a mess of tall prickly grasses, muddy swamps and fallen trees. I wasn't concerned though, the trail followed the river, and the river followed the canyon. All I had to do was keep heading downstream. A couple crossings later, I regained the trail and took a break. I had rarely felt so alone on the trail, and yet so at peace. I felt more at home, in the bottom of that canyon, than I had at any other place on the trail. Mountaintops were wonderful no doubt, but their attraction was stark and foreboding, they were no place to linger. Down in that deep canyon, next to that endless happy stream, I felt time slow down, and only felt a momentary sadness when some small element of my mortality betrayed the pacific illusion. At crossing #124, I found a place where the illusion was real. A torrent of water, warmed by the weight of the earth, gushed out the side of the canyon. Someone had built a wall of rock and soil that trapped the flowing water into a pool colored as the sky. It was Jordan hot spring, and it was all mine. I trembled, and nearly cried for delight. I had seen hot springs before, but Jordan was so glorious and so unexpected, it caught my expectations off guard. I set down my pack and surveyed the scene. The pool was about 15 feet in diameter and 4 feet deep at the center. The water was like a warm bath, not too hot, but enough to arouse my sensations. The spring was shaded by a giant ash-leaf maple, a striking tree with smooth white paper bark and pointed leaves painted red, green and yellow. A great stem of the tree shot out of the canyon wall, horizontal, a few feet above the water. A few of its leaves floated on the surface in a lily pad decor. A team of giant red dragonflies rested on a twig that hung over one corner of the pool, a perfect final touch to an already idyllic paradise. I stripped off my clothes and sunk in the water, my toes dug into the clean sandy bottom and I let out a sigh that lasted 10 minutes. I floated there, naked, and felt the reversal of an old slogan, "feel comfortable to make yourself free". I spent the next three hours at the pool, allowing its presence to guide my every action. I rinsed all my clothes, I took another dip, I cooked a meal, I took another dip... I wished only that I'd planned things better. It was 2pm, and although I was tempted to stay the remainder of the day... if not the remainder of my life... I still had a trail to hike, and an unknown number of miles to my next destination. A few crossings later, I passed a young couple. They were headed the other direction, headed for the hot spring. I was still delirious from its charm, and from the charm of the canyon, and the trail, and the sun, and the eagles... My overtones of joy likely made my speech incomprehensible, I think I told them it was 7 more crossings to the pool, and that if they weren't already in love, they would be soon. The canyon continued to grow in scale: bigger walls, deeper crevasses, and a height I could not properly perceive. After a couple more hours though, it slowly began to change. The volcanic rock gave way to a more familiar sedimentary structure - horizontal bands that told the slow story of time. The tightness of the canyon eased into a large hyperbolic curve. I walked forward, accepting each turn of the trail and each crossing of the river as perfect. I spotted a cave, high up the canyon wall. As soon as I'd spotted it, I wondered what it was like, and as soon as that happened, I wondered if I could get to it, and then I found myself walking toward the cave thinking, "this is stupid". I pulled myself up through steep loose gravel and stiff guardian bushes, I rammed my knee into a cactus. I didn't care though, I was still on a high, and only a serious catastrophe would have brought me back down. The cave was nothing special, no broken indian pots or mystical writings on the wall, only some twigs, laid out in a pattern that spelled 7-11-01. Somebody else had been lured to the place, I had a good private laugh. I finally called it a day after crossing #157. The day ended as it began - the world turning to red as the setting sun lit the sky. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The river was cold in the morning. My feet numbed with each crossing, then slowly came to life just in time for the next. The canyon grew broader, I wondered if it would disappear altogether. I heard a loud rustle in some bushes nearby, then saw a black bear running away from me, terrified, up the base of the canyon wall. I hadn't seen a bear in hundreds of miles, in fact I'd almost forgotten they were even out there. I was happy to be reminded. At crossing #166, I passed another hot spring. The water was very hot, but there were only a series of small ankle-deep catch-pools. I soaked my shoes in the water to revive my feet, then walked through the chilly Gila again, now almost 2 feet deep and 20 feet wide. Two more miles and two more crossings brought me to the Gila Cliff Dwellings National Monument. I went to the visitor's center to pick up a package I had mailed c/o general delivery. The woman behind the counter was exceedingly nice, and in the kindest of terms explained they were no longer allowed to hold packages for hikers. It seemed that someone somewhere had mailed some anthrax to somebody, and the whole country was having paranoid delusions. I made some offhand remark about how people had gone more insane than I had, and one of the employees joked, "Well, you could always just keep hiking into Mexico..." "The thought has crossed my mind", I quickly replied. Luckily, the visitor's center was run by "real people", and they had held my package. "Just don't do it again", they suggested. I promised to comply. I spent an hour looking at every display in the visitor's center. I watched a video presentation about the nearby cliff dwellings, it was nicely done. I bought a book about the Gila River. I sat outside and met a nice family from back east. "What's your base weight?", the father asked. He had obviously spent a lot of time hiking bits of the AT in order to come up with that bit of lingo. I walked down the road to the cliff dwelling site. I stopped at one point to guide a tarantula off the asphalt. I lightly pushed the slow spider with my pole, and he reacted like a proud old new yorker, "I'm doin' the best I can, now back off!!!". I arrived at the entrance to the cliff dwelling site, and explained to a very understanding man working at the entrance, that I had no cash to pay the $2 entry fee... only a credit card. "That's OK...", he smiled. He seemed to simply want everyone to have a good time. In fact, all the workers I met at the Gila Cliff Dwellings were incredible. They were the most genuinely happy and helpful people I'd met in a long time. I had to think that if I were working in such a place, I'd be happy too. The actual cliff dwellings were striking and unique. They were the only cliff dwellings thought to have been built by the Mogollon indians. The Mogollon usually lived in adobe huts, but they did trade with the Anasazi - the tribe that had built the more famous cliff dwellings far to the north. It was estimated that about two dozen individuals had lived at the Gila site for a period of 20 years in the late 11th century - a short tenure by any standard. The caves themselves were shaded and cool, they faced south above a small reliable stream. In the caves were a number of chambers, subdivided by brick and mortar walls. I could almost see the simply-dressed inhabitants, happily going about their daily routines - mothers caring for babies, grandfathers sitting cross-legged, telling stories to children... a hunter returning from the mountains with a butchered havelina... What could have brought that community to so sudden a collapse? All of the cliff dwellings in the southwest had been abandoned around the same time. The going theory was that a horrible prolonged drought made their agricultural lifestyle impossible... but had it dried up the Gila River? Of one thing I was certain. The Mogollon indians hadn't left voluntarily. The place was far too perfect a home for anyone to have left it without a struggle. While touring the cliff dwellings, I met a retired couple from California. They invited me to lunch at a nearby picnic area. They were nearing the end of 2 month road trip, one that had taken them to many of the places I'd walked through. For a short while, I almost felt like I'd met a second set of parents. They wouldn't let me stop eating, which was not really a problem. After lunch, we said our good-byes and I hit the road. I walked past a nondescript wall of rock about 15 feet high. Something caught my eye. It was a simple petroglyph, an outline of a human hand. It wasn't left by the Mogollon, it was older, left by people simply called "the ancient ones". There were other similar petroglyphs in the area, but this one had no parking lot and no guidebook description, I felt it was a message directed solely at me, "I was here", it said, "don't forget me". And they say that America has no history. Gila Cliff Dwellings to Silver City The river had been so fun, I was determined to keep following it as long as possible. The road followed the river a few miles. I passed another hot springs area that was along-side the road and privately owned. Hand-painted signs advertised "hot springs". A bunch of rusty trailer-homes were parked nearby, the ground had that packed and worn look that came from too many footsteps. The place held no appeal to me. The point of hot springs wasn't just to soak in hot water, I could do that in a bathtub. The point was that they were out there, natural and free. By making them commercial, people had removed that essential element. The road headed away from the river, up the side of the canyon. I got off the pavement and continued following the river via the trail. The three forks of the upper Gila had merged together, nearly tripling the flow of water I had to cross. The river was now about 40 feet wide and reached to my knees. The flow wasn't dangerously swift though, it just made my pace sluggish every now and then. By crossing #175, I reached an area where there was reported to be another hot spring. I searched up and down the cliff-face, eventually spotting a slope of neon green slime on the rocks - there it was. A strong flow of hot water poured out of the rocks and into a catch-pool below. Melanie Hot Spring. The pool was only a couple feet deep, and just large enough for one person to lie down. I set down my things, and tested it out. The water was quite hot, but the bottom of the pool was covered in a layer of black muck that I couldn't help but stir up. In less than a minute, the water was so cloudy, I couldn't see an inch through it. I decided to donate a little of my time and energy toward cleaning and "improving" the pool. I figured if people like me didn't do it, then who would? I set up a quick camp and returned to the spring. I went to work. I scooped out the slimy muck from the bottom, mixed it with sand, and used it as a mortar to hold rocks in place. I used the same strategy as the beaver, adding a little more goop wherever I saw water flowing over the side. After spending an hour bending my back and moving heavy rocks, I had raised the depth of the pool a few inches, thickened and strengthened the wall, and cleaned up a good portion of the muck. "Somebody will appreciate it...", I told myself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the morning, I took another look at the pool. The clear hot water had cycled through, and the remaining muck had settled to the bottom again. It was not perfect, but it was better. Hopefully, I thought, somebody else would be inspired to finish the job. I couldn't spend anymore time on it, I had a river to follow. The canyon had grown huge, grown in proportion to the flow of the water. The grassy banks of the river extended an average of 150 yards on either side, then rose to thick forests just below the steep canyon walls. The trail was generally routed in the forested area, but the whenever the river took a bend, it buffeted the canyon wall, and the trail crossed to the other side. Finding the trail again after a crossing proved to be quite a challenge. I often found myself zigzagging through chest-high grasses, interspersed with thorny bushes and broken trees... only to realize the trail had once again flipped back to the other side of the river. The tall brittle stalks of dead grasses crunched as I pushed through them. After a while I didn't even hear the continuous crunching sound. Possibly the most annoying aspect of the grasses was the abundant variety of burrs that seemed to gravitate toward my socks and shirt. I often had to stop and pick out the sticky seeds one by one - they were so thick that they made walking through the grass a nearly unbearable chore. I started to categorize the burrs, and curse them by name. First, there were the "big fuzzies" - mostly found at the water's edge, they were the size of almonds and covered in the kind of hooks that had inspired somebody to invent velcro. The worst burrs were what I called the "sputniks", they were the size of peas, and their sharp sticky spines pointed out in every direction, making them painful to remove with bare fingers. Then there were the "fat blacks" and "skinny blacks", solid black seeds with a set of gripping pinchers on one end. They were both abundant, but easy to remove. The "spikes" were really annoying. They were pointed tiny toothpicks covered with gripping hairs. They worked their way into my shoes and socks, digging deeper with each of my steps. Finally, there were multitudes of minuscule burrs, grass seeds, and sticky green leaves which I never bothered to remove. At crossing #218, I found another unexpected gift - another hot spring. It one wasn't on any map, and it wasn't mentioned in any "guide to the hot springs of New Mexico". In a way, it felt like I was the first person to stumble upon it. The water gushed out the of the canyon wall into a series of natural pools filled with peeling sheets of green algae. Just before the water dumped into the Gila River, it was caught in a riverside pool about 2 feet deep and 8 feet long. The water was nearly scalding and absolutely clear. I had to ease into the pool an inch at a time. I stared at the clouds riding the sky while a billion excited molecules massaged my every cell. I got out of the pool, and laid down on a rare patch of soft green grass by the river's edge. The wind and sun quickly dried my skin. A kingfisher - a small blue bird with a big head and long fish-piercing bill - hovered nearby, scanning the water for an easy meal. The canyon extended all around, like a giant pair of giving hands. I shook my head and marveled at the perfection that was the world untamed. At Sapillo Creek, I crossed the Gila river for the last time, #225. A part of me wanted to follow the Gila to the ocean and beyond if it was at all possible. The Gila once supported a long swath of green through an otherwise parched land, an oasis that extended all the way to the river's junction with Colorado near Yuma, Arizona. The Gila River was THE river of the American southwest. It was a living metaphor that reflected the times through which it flowed. Soon after it left the national forest it was dammed and drained by the insatiable appetite of an ever-growing human population. Once, the entire Gila flowed as a gift from that Santa Clause god... but we'd played it to death. It was broken, patiently waiting for our time to pass so it could resume its original course. I climbed out of the canyon along newly re-graded tread. It was nice to be climbing again, I slowly got a view back over the land of canyons I'd just walked through, there was so much of it. The land was always so difficult grasp, so difficult to put in human terms of thoughts and words. I often felt cheated by my limited human scope. I made camp on top of the ridge, under a grove of enormous ponderosas. A steady breeze that blew through the pines made a soft sound that matched that of the crickets. The clouds dissipated and a low full moon lit up the tops of the trees, I looked up to a small circle of stars and made a private wish. And although I knew it would never come to pass, the false hope at least temporarily eased my fears. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the early morning, the path entered an area that had been logged a few years prior. The loggers had spared a few trees on the otherwise mulched mountainside. Those trees were left standing in the hope that they might naturally re-seed the land... eventually. They looked naked and lonely, hardly up to the task of which they'd been burdened. I wondered where all the wood had gone. How much of had found a useful purpose equal to the longevity of the trees? The trail I was hiking was still in decent shape though, and I gradually rose to a prominent height, Tadpole Ridge, where I got my first unobstructed view south since John Kerr Peak. The horizon looked hot, dry, dusty and flat. The plant life south of the ridge changed abruptly. Century plants, cactus, yuccas... all suggested a story of blazing heat and little water. I descended along a trail that was slowly being covered by branches from overhanging bushes. The trail leveled-off in a small patch of forest, then became a series of small cairns that rested on a bed of pine needles. It was only somebody's "best guess" of where the trail was supposed to be. I reached a relatively large cairn on the border of an area that had burned a number of years back. A thick network of thorny bushes blocked any possible advance. My luck had run out, any hint of a trail had been consumed by the fire and resulting re-growth of thorns. I walked back and forth along the edge of the thorn-wall, looking for an easement. After a good half hour of no progress, I just said "fuck it", and plowed ahead into the den of pain. I did my best to stomp on the brambly madness with my size 13's, but it continuously popped-up and took stinging swings at me, scraping my flesh and clothing until they were raw and ruined. The piles of fallen scorched trees made things worse, breaking when tried to rely on their strength and remaining intact when I tried to bust through. Gladly, the worst of it only lasted around a mile. After that I was just winging it, as my map showed little topographic detail... I heard Obi-Wan whisper in my ear, "Use the force", and just hoped I'd cross something "trail-like" somewhere ahead. I started following a dry forested streambed. Some of the trees were actually blazed, but it looked like the cuts had been made around 1930. Only the oldest trees had blazes, and those were now just hardly discernible scars. Still, as best as I could tell, it was where the trail was supposed to be. Then, I got my big break. A cairn pointed the way uphill to my left, exactly where I thought it should have been. A trail re-emerged, the force had paid off. The land was one of giant boulders worn round by the harsh forces of heat, wind and infrequent deluges of rain. Between the bare rock grew scrubby trees and cacti - prickly pear, cholla, and dozen small varieties that surely were no strangers to the well-informed. The colors were dominated by brown, grey and a dull shade of green. Occasionally, a bright yellow cholla fruit or purple prickly pear advertised their juicy flesh. I didn't know exactly what was edible though, and decided not to risk a random taste. The rudimentary trail led to a corral - cows? here? And from there it became a well-worn ATV track that endlessly wound through the boulders. The trail crossed an intermittent stream, Bear Creek, timed perfectly to coincide with my need of water. I then rose back up, on gradually widening roads toward the divide. Nearly without warning, a man on a motorized dirt-bike flew by at full speed. I had the thought that if was not a nimble man, but rather two horses side-by-side (as tracks in the dirt suggested had recently passed), there would have been a gruesome accident. A few moments later, his friend puttered past under reasonable control, and tipped his head hello. I rose to what I thought was the divide, and wandered off the now truck-navigable road into a forest that had recently been thinned to prevent fires. I was amazed to find the swept forest floor littered with aluminum and broken glass - every couple feet. I took care to remove the sharpened shards, and laid down to rest. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the darkness, around 12am, a truck filled with rowdy weekend revelers pulled off the road nearby - unaware of my presence. They blasted their stereo, and laughed and drank until 3 in the morning - all one pathetic cry of social immaturity. When I passed them in the early morning, a part of me wanted to rouse them from their slumber... but, they didn't deserve my help. As I neared Silver City, the crap slowly took over - pavement, litter, piles of old pipes, barking dogs, dead cars, old bits of plastic... It was Sunday morning. I passed a garage sale, and saw a man carrying away a big metal tube. He was grinning. "That's a nice metal tube you got there", I said with unabashed sarcasm. I didn't think that he heard me though. For the fun of it, I asked a woman, "So... is that Silver City down there?". I pointed toward a grid of buildings that extended below. She looked at me like I was deranged... it was exactly the cheap thrill I'd been looking for. Silver City sprawled out in the shadow of the Gila. It had one major thing going for it - there was a university - and that meant there were good cafes, book stores, and little trendy shops that specialized in coffee and incense. I spent the rest of the day stinking up the town with my dirty hat, unkempt beard, and ripped shirt. I had ceased caring too much about the way I looked - It had become so irrelevant to the rest of my routine - I hadn't even laundered my clothes since Grants. I found a motel room, and flipped through the TV stations - still nothing on. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning, I hoisted my pack and simply walked down the highway, south, determined to give the speeding cars a good show. Silver City to Antelope Wells I had 4.5 liters of water, 6 days of food and 1 thought on my mind - Antelope Wells. The way ahead was mostly flat, and the fastest route was paved, but at the end was the actual end, and to get there I would have walked barefoot on lava. My poles bounced off the hard asphalt, I had no companions but the speeding cars... and what did they know? None of anything mattered, just the automatic pilot in my head. Most highways were un-inspiring to the pedestrian, the highway south of Silver City was no different. I looked for little details on the map for which to shoot - baby steps. There was a mining operation ahead, and a railroad track that crossed the road... not much more than that until the next intersection. I started timing my mile-per-mile pace with my digital watch. I calculated that I was walking about 3.95 miles per hour, approximately. At that pace, I could afford to take a lot of breaks. I sat on the gravel shoulder of the road, one break every mile... no, every two miles... I was ignored by the speeding vehicles, and ignoring them just the same. I wondered it they realized they were driving the CDT. I reached the mining operation. It was consuming the mountains along the divide to my right - eating the mountains to fund the human cause. "Brilliant", I said, just like the Brits said it, when something wasn't really brilliant at all. Five more miles to the turn! I let out occasional vocal bursts - it was cheap entertainment, I never knew what was going to come out of my mouth next. Sometimes I yelled like an ogre, other times I laughed or howled. What was the difference? No matter what I said, my feet still took me forward, on the road, at 3.95 miles per hour. I reached my turn and raised my fist in the air, "Woohoo!". There was one less thing ahead, one more behind. The trail was becoming "graspable". My new path was another road, Separ Road, but it was dirt and there was little traffic… It was 30 more miles to Separ, another "noplace" where two roads intersected… probably named by some cartographer who didn't like the look of so much empty space on a map. I walked a few miles down the road. The surrounding land was a patchwork of private and public land. I wasn't sure where any of the boundaries had been drawn, it all looked the same to me. I pulled off the road, under some big trees, in what I thought was probably public property... maybe. It didn't matter, there was no traffic, and nobody could see me. It was nearly dark. One truck passed on the road - the only truck I'd even seen on the road. I crouched down, hoping to avoid any detection or confrontation. The truck slowed down, stopped, and then backed up. I couldn't believe it. How in the world had they seen me? Hundreds of cars had passed me earlier in the day, and not one of them had noticed me. Then, in the only place it somewhat mattered, I had to "deal" with somebody. I put forward my best to smile and wave as two men got out and slammed their doors. "How ya doin' here?", one of them asked, not really interested in "how" I was doing, but rather in "what" I was doing. "I'm walking... on my way to the border, I just needed to sleep somewhere." It was about as succinct as I could make it. "I plan to move-on at first light", I continued immediately, "uh, this isn't private property is it?" The man owned all the surrounding land, but I'd said a magic word and piqued his interest, "you're walking where?", he asked. After I explained my story, everything was ok. He told me there was a better place to camp about 200 yards away, but I'd already stopped hiking, and I wasn't going anywhere unless forced. Among other things, they told me, "be careful what water you drink, cause some of it's poisoned for the coyotes". I wondered how people knew that only coyotes would drink the poisoned water, but I was certain they'd figured something out... or, more likely, that they just didn't really care. People treated coyotes like spiders - killed them on sight whether they really posed a threat or not. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At 3AM, I heard a rustle in the bushes behind my head. I was in a tired state of mind where any activity was too much. I forced myself to flip a light on the bushes. "Come on...", I whispered, "let's get this over with so I can go back to sleep...". A few seconds later, I saw the culprit. An unmistakable fuzzy white stripe swayed in the moonlight - a skunk was headed right for me. I sat up and involuntarily made a panic sound like "WhoooaaaA!". I would have rather been woken by a bear. The skunk was one animal that had my pepper spray beat. I had a brief vision of walking to the border, covered in skunk spray... a much more revolting odor than the human stench I already wore. Luckily, the skunk saw me before it got too close, before it felt threatened. It turned around and scampered off. I thought about it... I'd seen plenty of skunks in my life, but they'd all been flattened on country roads. It was the first skunk I'd ever seen alive in the wild... going about its business. I reached another windmill early in the morning. It seemed that every windmill had a unique setup. That one had one large holding tank with walls about 6 feet high. A pipe led from the tank to a rectangular metal watering trough a few yard away. The trough had an "outlet pipe" that led a few more yards to some mud. The only standard things were the windmills themselves, all stamped with the same logo - Aeromotor Chicago. The sky was cloudy and the wind was blowing - perfect conditions as far as I was concerned. I filled a few liters and hit the road again. A large vehicle was slowly following me, about a mile behind, matching my pace. I took a break and let it catch up. It seemed like a good excuse for a break. It was a road grader - a behemoth truck with a blade angled to scrape the surface of the road. It was all covered with peeling yellow paint. The man inside was as interested to see me as I was to see him. It seemed that people were always interested to meet other people when they were in odd places. The man told me that he'd seen others walking the road in years past, my presence seemed to confirm to him that it hadn't been a fluke or a dreamt-up memory. Yup, I was indeed walking to Mexico... it didn't seem too far anymore. We were actually on the divide at that very moment - barely even a hill. To the man, that's all it probably was - a hill, not much unlike any other. But to me, it was all one hill, one long uninterrupted ridge. I'd seen almost 3000 miles of it, I knew. The road continued its slow wind the rest of the day. There were few trees anymore, just yuccas, century plants, a few cactus, and a lot of un-nameable bushes. The flatness was only interrupted by stark island peaks scattered on the horizon. The divide quietly drifted to the east, I knew I would still have one more chance to say good-bye up ahead. Late in the day, I took a break on another random spot of rock and sand. I was popping crackers into my mouth, staring at nothing, dead ahead, when I was startled by another rustle in the bushes. A dog was crouching toward me. He was a mid-sized brown and white mutt, belly low to the ground and tail between the legs, "I'm not going to hurt you", his demeanor said. I didn't stand up, I just turned my tired stare toward the dog. He approached very close, and pushed his head under my arm... no doubt getting a cheap high off my stink. He started rubbing against me, as if to prove to himself that I wasn't a ghost. I tried my best to guess his intentions. "Are you lost?", I asked. He just looked at me. "Are you hungry?... thirsty?". He started to wag his tail, only in recognition of a friendly voice. I offered him a cracker and he timidly accepted. I wanted to bring him with me... every long hike needed at least one "dog story". I gave him a couple more crackers, then I stood up and shouldered my pack. All of a sudden, the dog freaked out. He started barking and slowly backed off, reacting as if I'd just transformed into an alien beast. No manner of coaxing changed his temperament, and I gave up and continued down the road. The dog disappeared back to his old life, unable to tell anyone about his strange desert encounter - about the alien who'd given him crackers. I made camp in a tiny arroyo - a little trough of sand flattened by some torrential rainstorm long forgotten. I looked up at the stars, "I'm gonna miss you", I told them. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The clouds thickened overnight. The morning brought no sun, only an indirect grey. The road straightened, and a highway came into view ahead. It was a progression of white semi's - small rectangles rolling over the flatness from horizon to horizon. Separ. A steady rain began to fall just before I reached the highway. I spotted a truck-stop on the other side under a big sign that read, "Continental Divide". Perfect. I reached the shelter of a dripping wet roof. I set down my pack and went inside. The truck stop was filled with a thousand types of useless kitsch. Indian dolls, painted paperweights, plastic cowboy boot ornaments... all of it made by automatons in some factory in Taiwan. Who bought this stuff? I wondered. I bought a bag of potato chips and a coca cola and waited for the rain to pass. An hour later I gave up. The people in the store were only conversing in one-word sentences - they might as well have been computer terminals, "place money here". The truck stop was surrounded by boarded-up failed businesses, and nondescript junk that was being "stored" by people who'd never again touch it. "Do you know where the dirt road heads south from here?", I asked. The people behind the counter looked at me blankly - "does not compute." They knew only the highway and the prices of the trinkets - next gas? 40 miles. South of Separ was a wasteland. Acres of barren hard-packed dirt and rusted barbed-wire told of a place that had either been over-grazed or used as a giant corral. Every plant had either been chewed or stomped. It wasn't a total ecological disaster, there was still a lot of healthy land in the surrounding flatness, it was mostly a monument to the cow, and if not the cow, then what? the sheep? We were so predictable. A white SUV sped toward me over the mud. The vehicle was crowned with a rack of flashing lights and painted on the side, "Border Patrol". A uniformed man leaned out the window, "Where do you live?", he asked. I didn't know what to answer... I figured that my usual joke, "right here" might get me into trouble. I thought about my driver's license, "Uh, Seattle?". My American accent was all he really needed to hear. "You look out, a smuggler has been sighted in the area.", he warned. I wasn't sure why that might concern me, but agreed it was a serious matter, "Ok...", I told him. He drove off. I walked a few miles south along the old dirt road, then turned southeast through the yucca and brown grass. Lightning lit up the horizon to the southwest, it looked like I would miss the heart of the storm though, it was just a light show for me. I spotted a badger, running through the bushes. My natural dog-instinct to 'chase it' took over. The badger wasn't very fast, and I was soon nearly on top of him. He ducked into a hole, but it wasn't his hole, and he didn't quite fit. His little grey butt stuck out the back of the hole, while his front claws did their best to scoop out more dirt. I lightly poked him in the backside, "busted", I said. The poor thing was probably terrified, but I figured a bit wiser for the experience. A few minutes later, I passed a desert tortoise... slowly crawling across a stretch of over-grazed mud. I had heard there were indeed tortoises in the area, but it was a hard thing to believe. It seemed such an unlikely match to the landscape. The tortoise was about 10 inches long and 6 inches wide. I picked him up, and he quickly retracted his limbs into his shell. He only hid for a moment though, then tried to crawl away. His wrinkled head slowly shook and vibrated, while his claws paddled at the air. He seemed puzzled by his lack of forward progress. He looked like something out of Jim Henson's creature shop - a design far more bizarre than required for survival. I set him down and he went on his way. He'd grown to a decent size, I guessed he'd be all-right. I reached another asphalt road. It was the last road. It headed due south, all the way to the border. A mile post sign read 8. I started walking. In a few miles I crossed the divide for the last time. It didn't even look like a hill there... just the top of a long slope. The divide still had a long way to go, it still had whole ranges of mountains to traverse. Mountains even more wild and spectacular than those I'd discovered on my little trip. I gave a salute and continued down the road. As it got dark, I pulled into the bushes. It was time to rest for a spell. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In a couple hours, I reached Hachita - around 200 people living at a crossroad in the middle of nowhere. As near as I could tell, Hachita consisted of a cafe, a bar, a post office, a church and a couple blocks of homes. I got a couple breakfast burritos in the Cafe then kept going... 50 more miles of nothing to the border. I was still on the road. I didn't enjoy walking on asphalt, but at least it was quick... still going 3.95mph. The sky had cleared up, and the sun made a warm day... probably the warmest it had been since Wyoming. I took breaks under the poor shade of tall yucca plants. The yuccas were big balls of palm-like spikes growing on stiff stalks covered with a grassy fur. The yuccas tended to grow about 12 feet high, then fell over - victims of their own success. I looked up at one yucca and noticed a grasshopper, impaled on the tip of one of the spikes. It was a funeral on a spit, courtesy of shrike no doubt. The grasshoppers were everywhere. Their bodies were colored brown and grey, but decorated with striking red, blue and yellow neon racing stripes. They looked almost like plastic robotic toys. The larger ones were a good 4-5 inches long, and as wide as a swollen thumb. They couldn't jump, much less fly, they crawled moving one leg at a time as if burdened by their own hulking bodies. The smaller ones, however, hopped and flew all across the land 10 feet at a time, their wings clacked and buzzed as they went. I guessed the smaller ones were males, engaged in stiff competition for the larger females... but I had no way to be sure. At least they were something to admire as I continued down the road The road was routed along a flat valley in-between two parallel ridges of stark peaks to either side. To the west was the divide and the Animas Mountains, to the east and ahead were the Hatchets. Big Hatchet Peak loomed directly ahead. It was a giant ruffled pyramid that grew a little bigger with each step. And with each step, I became more determined to climb it. It would be my one last prize. I stopped for a water refill and a meal at a windmill, then headed off the road, toward the peak. I had picked up a couple detailed maps of Big Hatchet Peak back in Silver City. According to the maps, the peak was riddled with a maze of cliffs that made any approach difficult. I'd decided on an approach that took me up a canyon to the northwest of the peak - Chaney Canyon. It appeared steep, but not impassable. As evening approached, I reached the flank of Big Hatchet Peak - a skirt of land that slowly rose over the surrounding landscape. The setting sun lit up a couple minor peaks to the west. The only trees were a couple clumps of cottonwoods in the distance, supported by over-flowing windmills. It was still and quiet out there... except for the fighter jets. The area was used by some distant military base for combat training. Every now and then, the silence was crushed by pair of military jets that roared between the mountains. The flights went into the late evening, when the planes were only visible from their red-hot exhausts. I figured that if there ever was world peace, it wouldn't spell the end of fighter jets... the people that flew them would find some excuse to keep them, because they appeared to be too much fun to just quit. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the morning, I continued my traverse around Big Hatchet Peak. The cacti and yucca were getting thicker, but I managed to find a clear winding path that kept me just out of their reaches. A bigger problem was crossing the small but steep-walled arroyos that emanated from the top of the peak. The walls of the arroyos were made of loose rocky soil just waiting to get washed away. I managed to execute controlled falls into the arroyos and then clamored wildly up the rocks on the other side - the large rocks rolled down as fast as I could step over them. As the canyon got steeper, the sharp plants got thicker still. Additionally, the mountainside supported a forest of scrappy evergreen trees that grew low and thick. Pretty soon, I was stepping through clumps of thorny bushes in order to get to small clear paths which ended abruptly. As the wall got steeper and narrower, my options became limited. To make things worse, I couldn't even see the way ahead because it led directly to the sun. All I could make out were steep shaded cliffs on either side of me. I wasn't sure if there was there another wall in front. I looked at my map again... it had to be the right spot... I looked back and thought of turning around. There was no way, I was already too far up the mountain, I had too much invested. It was an exercise in determination, in a way it was almost refreshing to have the challenge. I just shook my head kept my focus. "Just one more peak", I kept telling myself. The trees got thicker. On more than one occasion, I ducked around a low-hanging branch only to impale myself on a stiff yucca. Someone had told me they were of a variety called "Spanish bayonets", and I found out why. The stiff leaves shot straight out like a bouquet of sharpened knifes, there was no way to push them aside. The tips of the plants penetrated 1/2 an inch into my legs or hands before I was even able to notice I'd been stabbed. Sometimes, the only way forward was over the top of prickly pears. The sharp spikes went right through the fabric of my shoes, then lodged and broke off in the flesh of my feet. The terrain was so steep and the vegetation so thick and thorny that I had trouble finding places to rest and lick my wounds. I was making such slow progress that I didn't want to stop anyway. There seemed to be no top to the peak. Then I ran into a wall. By then, the sun had moved enough to reveal the terrain ahead. I was only a hundred feet from the top of the canyon. The way ahead was a series of 10-foot high vertical walls, separated by steep narrow ledges covered in cactus. Once again, I looked back... it was a long way, straight down. I pulled myself over the first cliff, then walked over and through the cover of cactus along the top. The soil crumbled underfoot and careened down the wall. I had the feeling nobody had ever walked there, and if had fallen, I would have been seriously screwed. I concentrated on every step, always keeping as many solid points of contact as possible. The ledge led to another wall, then another ledge and another wall. I just didn't think about any other option - I HAD to go forward. Finally, I crawled over the last wall, over the top of the canyon. I had hoped the ridge would be less vegetated as it was exposed to more harsh direct sunlight. There were fewer trees, but they'd been replaced by spindly bushes whose branches ended in stiff sharp thorns. The rocks between them were mostly loose and difficult to maneuver around. It just wasn't getting any easier. I slowly picked my way through the rocks, through the thorns, up the still-steep hill, and finally reached the summit just after noon. It had taken me about 5 hours to go 4 miles. There was a small clearing at the top, and of course, a small man-made pile of rocks. Under the rocks, somebody had stashed a glass jar that held a bunch of papers. The summit register, it was old and fairly empty. The last entry had been dated August 8. It seemed that only about a half-dozen people bothered to climb the mountain each year. The top of Big Hatchet Peak was 8356ft, 4000 feet above the road. The view was rather impressive... immediately to the west of the summit, a sheer wall dropped almost 1500 vertical feet. To the distance, a series of similarly cactus-covered peaks, many of them not even named, popped out of the plain like islands from a sea. I sat down in the clearing, it was my first break of the day. At least, I kept reminding myself, it was all down-hill from there. I looked over at a century plant near the top and saw that it was covered in ladybugs. Hundreds of them crawled on top of each other. Mountaintops were perfect meeting places for such wandering loner insects. It was one of those bizarre displays that reminded me I was indeed somewhere special. I couldn't afford to stop for very long though. It was a long way down the mountain, and I had no idea where the next water was. I picked my way through more rocks, the trail of thorns continued. About a half-mile south of the summit, I encountered a faded footpath - It was the the route that the "better-informed" took to the top of the mountain. Unfortunately, the footpath headed down a canyon to the northeast, which was not where I needed to go. Still, I was able to follow it for about a mile before I had to turn off. I realized that the descent from the top of Big Hatchet wasn't all down-hill... in order to avoid cliffs, I had to climb up and over a series of ridges. The thorns got even thicker. I crested the top of one ridge and saw two solid miles of interlacing thorny branches, and steep loose rocks. There was no escape from them, no way around. I let out a sigh and gave myself to the land. I'd have time to heal later. I didn't know what the bushes were called, so I made up names for them - the "Spiny thornbush", "Jonathan's flesh-ripper" and the "impailer-plant". I found there were many more small cliffs than those shown on the map. The map only had a contour resolution of 10 feet, and many of the cliffs were slightly smaller. They were negotiable, but they slowed me down. After wading though 5 miles of brambles, and up and down countless rocky walls and ridges, I finally reached an old dirt road. I was happy to be free of the thorns, but I had another problem - I was out of water and thirsty. A mile down the road I passed next to something called "Big Tank", which as I suspected, was nothing more than warm muddy water laced with cowshit. It was absolutely putrid, I decided I'd rather go thirsty than have any part of it. There was a windmill marked on my map a couple miles ahead... I knew my map had last been edited in 1982, but I had some hope the windmill was still there. I reached the windmill at dusk. All that remained of it was a broken tower and an an abandoned ranch-house - somebody's failed dream, consumed by the harsh desert. I was just able to make out another tower in the twilight, about a half-mile south. It was my only hope for water, it would soon be too dark to see anything. The tower had no windmill, but it did have an electric pump. There was water stored in a high-walled tank. A low-walled concrete cattle trough was nearby. Water was spilling over the edge of the trough, and the trough had turned into an island, surrounded on all sides by a thick pool of mud. Still, there seemed to be fresh water coming out the trough. It seemed worth a closer look. I took one tentative step into the mud and sank up to my knee. I made a hasty decision and just said screw it. I walked through the thick mud to trough. There was a float mechanism in the trough, intended to shut the pump off when the water reached a certain level. It appeared to broken. Water was gushing out a hole in the pipe that ran along the bottom of the trough. It was impossible to get any fresh water from the thing. Great. I walked back through the mud and filtered water from the high-walled holding tank. By then, it was dark, my legs were caked in a half-inch of thick grey clayish mud, and the wind was picking up. I did my best to clean my legs, and crawled under a bush in a futile attempt to avoid the wind. As the evening wore on, the wind intensified. Before long, it developed into a full-fledged wind-storm. I huddled in my sleeping bag as the sandy soil whipped into my face. It was miserable. I managed to get a couple hours of what might have been called sleep. By 3am, I'd had enough. I packed my things together and started walking. It was time to get the thing over with. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I walked through the darkness, down the dirt road, back to the paved road and turned south. Mile 17, the post read. I watched the miles count down, one by one. The wind stopped. The sun rose. Mile 3,2,1... There it was, Antelope Wells- a couple lonely buildings next to a barbed-wire fence that was the border. I got to the little bench outside the building and set down my pack... for the last time. I didn't scream or cry, or shout. I just sat down on the bench and looked forward. I hadn't really prepared for the end. I was sorry the trip was over, but happy about it all the same. The CDT had been a home no doubt, but like so many homes, after a while it had become too comfortable, there were other homes to discover, other trails to hike, other people to be. Time pushed me like a relentless coach, "Come'on, let's keep it moving now!" And whichever direction it pushed, it was the same direction - forward. I looked at the sign just on the other side of the border - Janos Mexico 55km. I had enough food to get there... maybe someday, I thought, I would. Afterthoughts Antelope Wells to ??? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- While I was walking the road south of Hachita toward Antelope Wells, a border patrol agent pulled up next to me. He rolled down his window "You know, I've seen other people doing this walk. I just don't get it... I mean, what do you get out of it?", he asked. There I was, only a day from the border, and for the first time someone had asked me the direct question, "why?". I couldn't articulate a proper response. "It's just a great experience...", I told him, "It's a wonderful feeling of freedom." He squinted at me, like that made no sense to him. What he really wanted was reassurance that he wasn't missing some great truth, and that's what he seemed to get. He drove off shaking his head. Further down the road, I posed the question again to myself. "Why?" There were an infinate number of choices to take in life, a million routes to happiness, why had I picked this one? I suppose, I always knew the answer, but like so many things, that answer was complicated. I thought of all the things I could have told the man: I hiked the trail because life was made of experiences, and I hoped to have as many as possible. I hiked the trail because unfulfilled dreams became regrets, and I intended to have as few as possible. I hiked the trail to share in something unique that few have known, or will ever know. I hiked the trail to experience beauty, to be immersed in it. I hiked the trail to see and to better understand the country I lived in. I hiked the trail to learn about my own limitations. I hiked the trail to learn about how the world worked, and to better understand my place in the natural order of things. I hiked the trail to avoid living a life that had already been played-out by countless others. I hiked the trail to think, to dream, to imagine and to reflect, unencumbered by the distractions of modern life. I hiked the trail to endure mental and physical hardships, and perhaps become stronger as a result. I hiked the trail to learn what was truly important in my life, in any life. I hiked the trail to separate my wants from my needs. I hiked the trail to meet people, and learn from them. I hiked the trail to live an active life rather than a passive one. I hiked the trail to gain perspective, not only to think, but to live "outside the box" I hiked the trail to be able to share the experience with others who either could not or did not care to do it themselves. I hiked the trail to achieve a level of physical conditioning I'd never though possible. I hiked the trail to experience things that could not be described with words or pictures. I hiked the trail to live not in fear, but in wonder. But I was fairly certain that even if I had told him all those things, he still would not have understood. And frankly, I would not have fully explained anything. What I really should have told him was that if he had to ask, I could never provide a sufficient answer. It was a question that could only be answered within. Finally, I thought that maybe all those things were just details, that hiking the trail wasn't a thing to be thought of that way. Maybe it wasn't what we did, rather who we were that was important. I hiked the trail not to "do something", but to "become something"... to become someone. I didn't know if that person I'd become was good or bad, but there it was, I was someone else. I thought about all those people that had been ruined by trails... The trails hadn't really ruined them at all, the trails had created them. 126